- Education and Science
Dumb and Dumber-You can't take road-kill home for supper and more dumb laws in the U.S. part 7
We have come, finally, to our final Dumb Laws hub. All I can say is, God Bless ….
It’s illegal to sell one’s eye.
What happened? In Texas they follow the rule, “an eye for an eye”. Buster Johnston took it a step too far when he popped out his eye and asked Stud Muffin if he would be willing to buy it for offenses he was sure Stud was about to commit.
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. (oddly enough, several states have this same, exact law)
What happened? The North going Zax and the South going Zax climbed aboard, they were tired of standing.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story window of a hotel.
What happened? It was too late to pass the “don’t shoot a president” law, so the befuddled lawmakers did the best they could.
Criminals must give their victims 24 hours notice, either verbally or in writing, explaining the nature of the crime to be committed.
What happened? Brilliant stuff, brilliant stuff. The lawmaker’s found out about South Carolina’s Missile permit” law. “That’s stupid!” declared Dufus Buttzinger. “That law won’t stop anything at all!”. Zelda Knownothing agreed, and together they decided to write a bill that would take care of any and all loopholes. The crime rate in Texas is, of course, non-existent, due to the efforts of Knownothing and Buttzinger. Our hats are off to two fine, fine lawmakers!
And finally, before we leave the great state of Texas, we have just one more…..
The Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
What happened? Encyclopedia salesmen didn't have as much pull as the bootleggers.
It is against the law to fish from horseback.
What happened? The guys on horseback started catching all the fish leaving the guys fishing from their trucks hungry and just a little jealous.
It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
What happened? Oops, I believe there was a little typo here. The lawmakers meant to say, “It is illegal to DONATE any nuclear weapon.” Donation of nuclear weapons cuts down on job stimulation.
Women may not swear.
What happened? Hell if I know.
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
What happened? Bucky Longtooth liked the fact his wife was toothless, for reasons I will not go into at this time. Bucky had some pull with the local lawmakers as his wife was not very faithful, and they, too, enjoyed her toothlessness.
No animal may be hunted for on Sunday with the exception of raccoons, which may be hunted until 2:00 AM.
What happened? If only Jimmy the Raccoon hadn’t crashed that church service… and if only when he did, he’d had the intelligence NOT to run up the leg of the preacher’s wife…. Tsk, tsk, look at ya now!
Destroying a beer cask or bottle of another is illegal.
What happened? They take their drinking seriously in Washington!
It is mandatory for a motorist who plans to commit a crime to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police before he enters the town.
What happened? All these brilliant crime-reduction bills just make me so proud to be an American! This came about because someone broke a lawmaker’s bottle of beer… but not soon enough, it seems.
It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window.
What happened? I knew it was cold and a little depressing up in Washington, but really? Maybe we should just give them their beer back.
So many, many…. Many to choose from in Washington, here’s one last law….
You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
What happened? Sarah Bigbutticuss proved she had assets that were useful to criminals wanting to rocket launchers. She smuggled one too many. Her last attempt ended tragically as the bean burrito she’d had for lunch came back to haunt her.
Road kill may be taken home for supper.
What happened? As you can imagine, Bucktooth Bobby and his sister became tired of being arrested for bringing home good meals to their children.
Any person who commits adultery shall be fined at least twenty dollars.
What happened? The lawmaker’s didn’t have a lot of extra spending money. As a matter of fact, I believe it was just after this law passed that the idea of “lobbyist” came in to play.
(I think it’s important to note that, while I will not be commenting on them, there are a vast amount of laws in Wisconsin relating to the substitution of margarine for butter, and the necessity for cheese with pie along with certain licenses necessary for the making of various cheeses. I mention this only because it is important to note that should you visit Wisconsin you should leave your butter-substitutes behind, and be prepared to bow down to any and all cheese products)
It is illegal to wave a burning torch around in the air.
What happened? When running strangers with fat-free butter out of town, the townsfolk like to be coordinated. The pitchfork people are supposed to wave their pitchforks, the burning torch people are supposed to stand still and look menacing.
In Milwaukee, It is illegal for offensive looking people to be in public during the day.
What happened? The Milwaukee lawmakers were tired of having to answer for their actions. After the passing of this law, all their meetings could only lawfully be held late at night.
Finally, we come to the end of our journey. We are in Wyoming, where, oddly enough, there are no interesting laws concerning buffalos or cowboys. I’m incredibly disappointed. As a matter of fact, Wyoming has very few “dumb laws”. They’re probably too busy ropin’ cattle to be bothered with whether or not a person has an ice-cream cone in their back pocket on Sunday.
Regardless, I did find a couple worth mentioning. Here they are.
It’s illegal to use a firearm to kill a fish.
What Happened? They used to lasso the fish. Once that became illegal they tried using a fishing pole. Fed up with the amount of time wasted for one little fish, Cowboy Charlie bought a machine gun and stocked fish for the winter.
You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without a permit.
What Happened? Rabbits lose a lot of their fur during this time, causing the pictures to fall under the “animal pornography” laws.
And with that, I breathe a sigh of relief, as I have never taken a picture of a rabbit during the winter or other times. Thank you for traveling this great country of ours with me. I look forward to new politicians who will get elected on the basis of getting rid of laws instead of making them!
It’s been real. It’s been fun. It’s just been weird. I’ve got to go get my donkey out of the bathtub now. See you soon!
Check out my other dumb law links, starting with number 1...
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