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Ever Changing Me
Ever Changing Me
By Tony DeLorger © 2011
Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognised yourself? As we get older, at least for me, it is a common event. Time doesn’t fly, it dissipates in a blink and often we wonder what happened. My image is an enigma, a puzzle I have always tried to solve. My perceptions of myself are no doubt in flux, so I therefore recognise differences and therefore question what has happened.
I believe we are born with a soul or essence that is sound and cannot be destroyed. But in life we gather layers, born of experience and learning from our role models, creating a moral compass and eventually a paradigm on which to base our lives. Sometimes changes are not obvious and are often seen in moments of clarity, looking in a mirror or realising something we have done.
We change sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly and to the point of being overwhelmed and needing rest to re-establish balance. I have always embraced change as I know it offers by nature new horizons with unexpected opportunities. Often there is pain as a consequence, but I believe the result is always worth the effort.
You’ve no doubt heard the expression ‘finding yourself’, and in a way I believe that we never stop finding ourselves, because in truth we keep creating ourselves. We are a work in progress. We take aspects of our essence and add layer on layer, either expanding or suppressing as we set up the boundaries of our life model. We are always the same person, but how we express ourselves and present can evolve often dramatically. When we run into people we haven’t seen for some time, they can appear different, not the people we once knew. That is often the case, as are we, constantly growing, learning and changing.
My image can be unrecognisable because I choose to flow with life’s opportunities and change as I see appropriate. In that quest, I often find it difficult to see who I am from what I see. Age creeps up on you and one disadvantage is the mind is willing but the body is not. I still think I can do physical activities that I was doing in my twenties; I quickly discover I cannot. Bummer! But age also offers experience that can afford wisdom and perhaps avoiding much of the calamity of youthful ignorance.
I guess I must embrace the me that is my fundamental core, my essence. I think I still retain my exuberance for life, if not a little more sedentary in execution, and I feel the same, with just a bit more understanding. In the end I’m happy with that, but there are times when that person who looks back at me in the mirror, seems unrelated, disconnected in some way. I stand there looking for that clarity of recognition and after awhile I’ll find it. I’ll look at my features and realise that my youthful, clear-skinned glow has been replaced with wrinkles, puffy eyes and a general dulling of vitality.
But I still have a twinkle in my eye, and a cheek to match. Perhaps that is my saving grace.