- Education and Science»
- Psychology & Psychiatry
Flattery And Appreciation
Two different Expressions
We are happy when somebody praises us. More they praise us, more good we feel of them and we will be ready to giv e them anything we have, to the flatter. That's what King Lear did- when he allotted his whole kingdom to his two elder dughters for they praised him with exaggerated love, and sent third daughter Cardelia with empty hands as she expressed her love in modest terms.And we know what happened later.That's what going to happen to everyone , if they succumd to flattery.
Beware of flattery
We must be extremely vigilent about the flattery and flatterer.It should be more so when it comes on an uncalled for situation.
'Flattery is the honeyed poison'-ays one famous quote.
Basavanna, a famous reformer of 12th century exclaims-"my people , by their flattery, put me on the golden cross and crusified." (He lived in Karnataka,India)
However strong may be the man, mentally,if he succumbs to flattery, it means he is caught in a net.
Mahathma Gandhiji once said-'When eligebility is there, flattery is only a talk.If I loose my sence, I may be a victim for that .' He never listened to flattery. He ws praised behind him even by his followers .
Flattery intends something. It usually keeps a hidden agenda.La Rotche Facauld, another thinker has cautioned us in his book-'Reflectins' by saying-'We usually flatter others inorder to get the same in return'. If the ambition is only that much, it is not so much harmful.
praising should come where it fits. Some peple praise everybody , just to please others, eventhough they do not have that feeling towords him who they praise.
That's why James Boswell In his famous book 'Life of Johnson' says-'One who praisesd everybody won't really praise anybody'. Because, his aim is to keep everybody pleased.His words are loose.They are not valued by anybody who know such persons.
Flattery may be converted into abuse when flatterer doesn't gets his expectation. A Japan proverb says-'flattery is the begining of abuse'.
Flattery is necessery at the time of 'selling ' something. A russian proverb says-"Ican't sell without praising;I can't buy without abusing.'That again is apractical intelligence.,that hides truth.
In a nutshell, flattery is not our real worth.It rarely speaks the heart of the spaker. It usually aims at getting something in return.
It is the real statement of positive type, spoken by the person who identifies the worth in a person or thing, or act, and expreeses his good opinion on that.Appreciation is the real evaluation of the person/act/ or, quality.We will appreciate even our enemies, for their good qualities. In 'Mahabharatha' the famous Indian epic, Duryodhana, the viianic anti hero,moves around the dead body of Abhimanyu, son of his enemy, kneels before it and paying homage, says-'let us get your chivulrousness, your war-talent'.A person who wants to become mlore and more matured, never fails to identify the qualitiers in others , and frankly appreciates them.
Appreciation is the needed quality. We should not be stingy on words when we have selfless occassion to use them. Appreciation expreeses our goodness. It positively reinforces the receiver.If good works are appreciated, there will be more people coming forword to do such things.There is one saying in samskrit-Na Dharmo, Dharmikair vina '.It means-' goodthings will not be there unless there are people doing good are there'. So, in order to develop faith in ordinary people and give them confidence that good people are still there,we have to highlight such people by appreciating their good things.