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Fokk University

Updated on February 6, 2013

Fokk University

Fokk University is often referred to by its graduates as "Fokk U." Now I am aware that a similar-sounding statement is often made by longshoremen, desperate housewives, and our Congressional representatives.

In fact, it may be one of the most widely known epithets some folks use from time to time. But are you aware of the real Fokk U? Do you know the story of its inception?

Prospective Student - No, I don’t believe this. Are you putting me on?

Putting you on? Why? Are you a garment? Sorry. Just read the following and judge for yourself. Once upon a time in rural Fokksburg, Germany lived the Fokk family who were the founders of that bucolic village. Herr Manfred (Manny) Fokk and his charming wife, Lotta, created a fortune growing hops for the famous German bock beer.

Soon they began manufacturing their own brand, Fokk Bock Beer. You may have heard of their most well-known competitor – Buttweiser. Fokk Bock became so successful that the Fokks established the Fokk Foundation, the fortuitous fiduciary for Fokk University. There are now satellites of that renowned institution on six continents.

Prospective Student - Right! Six continents. Which continent lacks a Fokk U?

Antarctica, of course. Those penguins were so busy marching they never had time to attend classes.

Prospective Student - So where is the main campus?

Fokk U’s main campus is located in a large four-story, recently renovated warehouse in beautiful downtown Detroit, Michigan. The extensive campus is located on the fire escape.

Prospective Student - I’ll probably be sorry I asked, but is there a mission statement for this institution of higher learning?

Of course. To provide an accredited institution of higher yearning - that is not a typo - for every single student who matriculates at Fokk U.

Meet the Fockers films

Prospective Student - Don’t tell me there’s a school song.

Yes, we chant it at nerdball games: “Two, Four, Six, Eight. We can’t wait to graduate! Eight, Six, Four, Two. Fokk U … Fokk U … Fokk U!”

Prospective Student - I’m becoming intrigued. What types of courses are offered?

Fokk U offers courses impossible to find in any other institution. Here are just a few from the current curriculum:

• The most popular course which is always oversubscribed because so many students sign up for it is "Communication Skills" offered by the Department of Redundancy Department.

• The Mathematics Department offers three separate levels of math classes;

a – "Math for the Neurotic Student" – 2+2=4 – and they just can’t stand it

b – "Math for the Psychotic Student" – 2+2=5 – because they demand it

c – "Math for the Superior Student" – 2+2=22 - that's how they planned it.

Prospective Student - Are there any other unique courses?

Of course.

• The Oxymoron Division of the English Department offers coursework in "Military Intelligence."

• The Psychology Department offers "Personality Theories of Freud, Jung, Adler, and Dear Abby."

• The Geology Department offers "Oil Spills and Resolution." There is currently a vacancy in that department; resumes of candidates are being accepted.

• College of Law offers "You Can Fool All of the People All of the Time" taught by Professor (former Illinois Governor) Rod Blagojevich

• College of Medicine will soon offer "Universal Healthcare Rules and Regulations for Medical Students." You can purchase the books, workbooks and documents for the class at the college bookstore for only $17,345.

Prospective Student - Does Fokk University use guest lecturers?

Absolutely. Since Fokk University has such a prestigious reputation, visiting professors who supplement the Fokk U faculty have included such esteemed luminaries as Tiger Woods and Jesse James who alternate in teaching "Sexual Repression".

Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan conduct team teaching classes in "Benefits of Alcohol" and "Encouraging the Paparazzi".


Prospective Student - Are Fokks still involved in the administration of Fokk University?

Of course. There will always be a Fokk at Fokk. The current president is Gottfried (Gotta) Fokk and the Dean of Students is Bitta Fokk who also chairs the Human Sexuality Department.

Prospective Student - Has anyone famous ever attended Fokk University?

Oh, yes, we have many graduates of distinction who have made names for themselves. To name just a very few: John Wilkes Booth, Roman Polanski, O. J., Charles Manson. Oswald and Sirhan Sirhan.

Prospective Student - Is it expensive to attend Fokk University?

Not at all. Tuition is practically non-existent and consists of merely a pledge to consign your first-born. Extra credit for first-born twins.

If you have any other questions, see me after lunch at 5:00 pm.

P.S. - But it's only 12 noon; you're taking a five-hour lunch break?

Of course.

Psssssst! Is Prospective Student gone? Did he leave the building? Good! He's not suitable Fokk material - poor attitude!

© Copyright BJ Rakow Ph.D. 2011, 2013 Rev. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."

Learn to write a dynamic resume and cover letter, network effectively, interview confidently, and negotiate salary successfully. Includes chapter for older workers.

Comments for Fokk U are appreciated, desired, and welcome

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    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Ah, Jim, you are a true Hubbuddy. Thanks for the up re-rating and the revisit as well. We share the same mindset, you know. I just reread this, too, and found it was funnier than I remembered when I wrote it.

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 5 years ago from Wisconsin

      Rereading this, it's just as funny as the first time I read it. Rated up (again), and likewise shared again. Keep on hubbing.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Valdosta, Holle? Isn't that where the Scandinavian gods reside? Oh, wait a minute, I think I mean Valhalla. But if you attend Fokk U. you could quality for that, too.

      Yes, you would fit in perfectly at our esteemed institution and I use the word loosely. Anyone who can dance on buttons is a winner to me. Looking forward to seeing you, Fokk U.

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 5 years ago from Georgia

      Will my credits from Valdosta State University transfer? I'm thinking of getting a post-grad degree, and it sounds like I'd fit in well at Fokk. I could be a Fokker! Really enjoyed this - danced on your buttons!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      T.I. - We are pleased to have you aboard at Fock U. You may want to use your superior I.Q. - both kinds - to take our entrance exam. See our hub, "Fock University Entrance Exam." In the meantime, 'Illegitimi non Carborundum' - our official motto. Signed, Fock U

    • profile image

      Textured Ideas 6 years ago

      hahaha that's so funny! I only wish I had that degree written on my CV. How hilarious that would be! =) Apparently my IQ (Insanity Quotient) was at a high level so I'm pleased to say I got in. I can't wait to start at Fokk University! teehee

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Textured Ideas. Welcome to the Admissions Department of Fokk U. It's never too late to matriculate at our looniversiy as you so quaintly put it.

      Let's see, you mentioned interest in a joint degree in Archery and Time Travel. You're in luck. This semester we are offering for the very first time: "Ye Olde Archery as Practiced in Camelot." So you can spear two birds with one arrow. We anticipate your application. And thanks for the giggles. We live for them. :)

    • profile image

      Textured Ideas 6 years ago

      Oh dear what a hilarious hub! Makes me wish I'd have gone to looniversity now ;-) I always wanted a joint degree in Archery and Time Travel, maybe they will do a course at Fokk University hehe where do I apply? Great hub, I'm giggling.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, marwan, thank you for the kind words. Would you be interested in a faculty appointment?

    • marwan asmar profile image

      Marwan Asmar 6 years ago from Amman, Jordan

      That was an excellent Fokk U read

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Dear Christopher,

      How fortunate for us that you contacted us after receiving your very relevant degree at our satellite institution, Fokk, Me.

      A position in the Communications Department has just presented itself. We are seeking suitable candidates to present seminars in "Translation of Obfuscation in the Procreation and Propagation of Communication by Political Representation," or as it is commonly referred to: "WTF Are They Proposing Now"?

      It is also to your credit that you possess dedicated experience in both Foreign and Domestic Affairs. As you might suspect, there is constant turnover and brisk activity in those areas.

      We will follow your instructions re contact and look forward with the greatest pleasure to further relations.

      With anticipation, Fokk U.

    • Christopher Price profile image

      Christopher Price 6 years ago from Vermont, USA

      drbj-This was a joy to read, and quite fortuitous.

      I recieved my advanced degree in Non-Communicative Obfuscation from Fokk U, having attended the satellite campus in Maine, fondly referred to as Fokk ME. I'm sure you're familiar with the school song "What Was I Thinking?"

      I was recently alerted by Petra to a Foreign Affairs teaching vacancy at Fokk U and would like to offer my services. I have acquired quite a reputation in the area of Foreign Affairs, and I would love to share my knowledge while fighting extradition.

      I am also cerified and current in Domestic Affairs, my dedication such that I've been known to bring my work home with me...after circling the block twice and keeping an eye out for her husband's pick up truck.

      I'll be anxiously awaiting your call. Let it ring twice, hang up and call back.

      Thanks.

      CP

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Your timing is perfect, Neil. We at Fokk U are always on the lookout for masterdebaters. If you have credentials as well, we would be delighted to examine your aberration, er, application for not just a teaching assignment but an adjunct professorship.

      Yes, Monica did spend a short time with us a few years ago, but went on to bigger things!

      Thank you for your interest. Sincerely, Fokk U.

    • Neil Sperling profile image

      Neil Sperling 6 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

      Drbj - Great Hub - I wonder..... I have been actively engaged in a home study course for over 7 years. The course has been intense. The topic I've studied is "the art of debate."

      I recently graduated and am now a full fledged "Master Debater". Will Fokk U have an opening for me to fill? As a high paid teacher of course! I do hope to be able to display my talents to many female students and witness their progress! Is Monica a student at Fokk U niversity?

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      A cucumber, Stan? Naughty boy . . . I think!

      But I adore the idea of a ferret. Perfect! Fits in so well with our modus operandi. Thank you!

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

      I would consider a vegetable for your mascot. Maybe a cucumber. Or if you want to use an animal, I don't think anyone is using a ferret yet. The Fokk U Ferrets. Has a nice ring to it.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      I didn't know you were a graduate, Stan, of Skroo U. What a coincidence. Skroo U is our sister institution.

      We are working on the Fokk U cap to match our already available tee shirts available at Zazzle.com/drbjtees. Sales are picking up now that Christmas is approaching.

      Thank you for your "hysterical" comment - it's the way I usually feel when reading YOUR hubs.

      Yes, the kangaroo is very appropriate for your institution - your graduates are always jumping from one job to another.

      We're thinking of changing our mascot, too. The dung beetle is just not a class act.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

      I'm with Wayne, I want a Fokk U ball cap.

      DR, you've outdone yourself on this one. Hysterical. REALLY well done. I've been looking for a good psychology school, and have often thought that Dear Abby didn't get the recognition that she deserved. I'm having my transcript sent over from SKROO U. (Their masket is a kangaroo, probably because it rhymes.)

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Yes, vox, the story began in Germany, home of the Fokks. I too, had difficult finding my way the last time I visited Germany. Was driving on the freeway/highway and couldn't find an exit. Lots of "eingangs" and "aufgangs" but no exits. Be patient, it takes time.

      Happy you found us though. Don't forget to take the "F.U. Entrance Exam." Thanks for stopping by.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      So good to hear from you, winsome, and it would be an honor to have you join us at Fokk U. We have long considered a consortium arrangement with your almost alma mater, Procrastination U, but have yet to hear from them since we contacted them two years ago. P.U. is certainly living up to its name.

      We have been trying to lure your eminent professor, Steven Wright, to join our esteemed faculty at Fokk but he also seems to be imbued with the P.U. philosophy so that may take some time to finalize.

      In the meantime, do take the entrance exam which you will find at "Fokk University Entrance Exam". Loved your comment - the putting on of a put off - you have made our day. Sincerely, Fokk U.

    • vox vocis profile image

      Jasmine 7 years ago

      Strange that the story begins in Germany! I moved to Germany a year ago and I am still trying to find my way...

    • Winsome profile image

      Winsome 7 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

      Hey Doc, I started my transfer--well was going to start my transfer process from my proud Almost Mater of Procrastinational University--affectionately known as PU. That was a few years ago and occasionally I get a rebellious urge to actually start again but the fine training here at PU has effectively squelched any action. As our founder Mark Twain said: "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow." or as my favorite PU professor, Steven Wright says: "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up."

      I will start my application as soon as my professors get around to grading my almost completed papers from my Freshman and Sophmore years. I have a few more things to add and should be back to do so by Leap Year since that seems to be the only time I get things done.

      Since it is rare to have any student at PU become excited about anything, you have accomplished that rarity, the putting on of a put off. I would say I can hardly wait, but we all know no true PU'er could ever say that with a straight face. =:)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      The word does get around quickly, Ken, there is an opportunity for a Fokkerball Coach at Fokk U. We did have a winning season last year until the last game. Our coach was hit in the head by a Fokking ball and hasn't been released yet from the sanitarium. The cheerleader responsible for that misdemeanor has been absolved of all guilt. She was merely protecting her honor.

      So submit your resume and qualifications forthwith within the fortnight.

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 7 years ago

      I understand there may be an opening in the FOKKING PhysEd department of FOKK U. I have amazing credentials of FOKKing being the best Fokkerball player in all the FOKKerball world.

      Fokkerball is essential for all students dexterity and FOKKING balance in their fragile lives. S I beg of you to give me serious consideration, I promise not to Fokkin disappoint you Dean.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Alexandra - For you, we will always have room. There is even a double major you might be interested in: Communications for the People (2 and 3-syllable words) and Communications for Politicians (1-syllable).

      Yes, indeedy, former Fokkers are making their mark.

    • profile image

      SilverGenes 7 years ago

      Oh, FOKK me! I missed this first time around and now hope there's room next semester! I have my eye on that communications course but Military Intelligence is hard to pass up. Wow - all these little FOKKers doing so well is heartwarming.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Very sharp of you, izettl. That's one of the advantages we advertise in our PR material. The ability to say truthfully, "Fokk U," to anyone who asks about your educational background.

      And it's never too late. We still have a few openings in our Master's program.

    • izettl profile image

      Lizett 7 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Had I known about Fokk U I woul have gone there instead. I'd love to tell an employer who asks me where I went to school and I can say "Fokk U"- lol.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      I know what you mean, Petra. Fokk U seems to have this insidious pull on our emotions. Don't fight it. You are always welcome to return - any time. Remember the Fokking slogan: "Universitas optimum in mundo." That's Latin, you know. No one can say we don't have class.

      And thanks for the Fokking plug in one of your hubs. You and it are much appreciated.

    • Petra Vlah profile image

      Petra Vlah 7 years ago from Los Angeles

      Can you believe I came back again (for the 3 time?!) I just can't get enough of it - comments included. Too Fokking funny

    • frogdropping profile image

      Andria 7 years ago

      Dear Fokk U,

      I thankyou you for your Fokkish appreciation of my presence. I would love nothing better than to revisit and yet again plow my way through another Fokking experience. I would like to think, as it stands - that I'm on the Fokking Unforgetable Wall Of Shame.

      Yours - FD

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Welcome back to Fokk U, fd, you made an indelible impression here with your indefatigable intellect and incendiary impropriety. Who will ever forget the insightful, incendiary insignia you implemented for the Fokk Wit unit?

      Thank you for those incredible comments - may we expect you back for another semester soon? Everlastingly yours, Fokk U.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Note: The below comment was made by frogdropping and inadvertently deleted by me.

      "drbj - I'm delightedly enlightened as to my attendance to Fokk U. Or maybe I'm less enlightened and a lot more informed. Uniformed. On form.

      I always wondered what Fokking U was all about.

      I believe, on reflection, that I spent one semester (or mayhap there were two) on the Fokk Wit unit. I remember an awful lot of Fokk Wit moments - most involved imbibing and a liberal dose of wild abandon.

      Actually, I remember very little. I definitely acquired a Fokking 'A' certification of attendance though.

      Fantastic - an intelligent and incredibly original hub minha amiga. Impressive, expressive and utterly brilliant :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      You earned high distinction in FAI, Jane? Wunderbar. You would now be the perfect person to teach our advanced courses Units 4 through 500. We try to keep out students aboard as long as possible. We believe once you are Fokked, you become a Fokker forever.

    • Jane Bovary profile image

      Jane Bovary 7 years ago from The Fatal Shore

      What I love about Fokk U is that you come out feeling well and truly Fokked. Fokking great. I did my Arts major there...Fokking Around on the Internet,Units 1, 2 and 3...and may I say I came out with a high distinction in this subject!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      For you, Jim, nothing but the real thing. Accept the adjunk, I mean adjunct position and you become a bona fide, card-carrying member of the elite - a genuine Fokker.

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 7 years ago from Wisconsin

      lol. I'd be an honorary fokker then? Or a bonafide Fokker?

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Maita, so good to see you here. Those were two really funny movies with Ben Stiller and I believe there is a third one to be released soon.

      Thank you for the visit. And in case you didn't know, foreign students are welcome at Fokk U. Student housing is available on the outskirts - in a newly erected tent city. :)

    • prettydarkhorse profile image

      prettydarkhorse 7 years ago from US

      Nice one drbj. I remember well the movie "meet the Fokker" and of course this Fokker U is Fokk U, hehe, Maita

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Rod. You might have attended our sister-in-law college.

      That's a label for an institution that doesn't quite measure up to the level of sister college.

      Thanks for the (?) accolade!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Dear Gypsy, you have come to the right place. Fokk U is an equal opportunity university. If for any reason your application is not accepted by our Admissions Department, simply send $1,500 cash to me and I will see that you are enrolled. Post haste. We need more perceptive students like yourself who recognize funny and clever when they read it. Thanks, m'dear.

    • Rod Marsden profile image

      Rod Marsden 7 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

      Reminds me a little of the college I attended at Bathurst, NSW in the '80s.

      Not bad hub.

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 7 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Sadly I was unable to get accepted at F. U. Maybe they might make the entry system easy I would so like to attend Fokk U. Funny and clever hub!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      "Comedic genius"? Now you know you have just become my bestest best friend. Thank you for the lovable comments and it is my pleasure. Especially for a fellow Fokker. :)

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 7 years ago from Chicago

      I had no idea you were a comedic genius. This is wonderfully witty. Very funny. Very good. Thank you for this pleasure.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Putz. Delighted you finally discovered Fokk U. We are graced by your presence and your awesome comments.

    • Putz Ballard profile image

      Putz Ballard 7 years ago

      How did I miss this one, Fokking Good Hub

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Your friends, Petra, are obviously individuals of class and perspicacity who recognize a superior higher institution of learning when they see it. Yes, greatness as you so accurately put it, should be shared.

      We are pleased that you have chosen to spread the word, Fokk U, around.

    • Petra Vlah profile image

      Petra Vlah 7 years ago from Los Angeles

      I just had to come back and read it one more time after getting so many "thank you" e-mails from the friends I sent the link to. What the Fokk; greatness is meant to be shared, right?

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Well, it's about time, Jim. I expected you three Fokk beers ago. How did you know? We are thinking of establishing a second campus in Norfokk, VA. Fokk U Two is the perfect name. Would you be interested in an adjunk, I mean adjunct position there?

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 7 years ago from Wisconsin

      What? THE Fokk? lol. Perhaps Fokk U was as a result of too many of those Fokk'n beers? Don't tell me, the secondary campus is called Fokk U 2? Hmph. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Ah, Sally, you are a woman after my own heart. "Show me the money," comes first!

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 7 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      Been there, done that, doing that...but a Fokk U salary offer might be of interest. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      I know it must be sad to lose your graduate school to the vagaries of online communication, Sally, but take heart. There will always be a place for you at Fokk U.

      With your eminent background, would you consider a position in our Englitch for Furrin Lurners Department?

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 7 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      This marvelous telling reminds me of an esteemed institution of higher learning right here in the US, where I did my graduate work in English. Although it has a tradition of excellence going back to the early 1900s, we cannot shout its name with the same vigor or hear it shouted with such expectation of reaction as Fokk U-ers can, because it changed its name about 10 or so years ago...from Beaver to Arcadia. A victim of the Internet and its attending screening of suggestive terms, the college was unable to communicate with potential young applicants who simply couldn't access "Beaver College" on the Internet. *sigh*

      (You might have to delete this comment, drbj, as Google may flag it for obscene content.)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      The pleasure is all mine, Mike. Delighted the laugh came in time!

      Yes, you are spot on - Fokk U is uppermost in the minds of Fokkers and non-Fokkers alike. And as you so perceptively state, the mere utterance of its acclaimed name appears to provide an oasis of transcendent calm in an otherwise stressful world. May it ever be so. Cheers, Fokk U.

    • Mike Lickteig profile image

      Mike Lickteig 7 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

      It is interesting how this University is so in the minds and hearts of alumni and even strangers, they spontaneously shout the name of this esteemed institute of higher learning--particularly in moments of stress. It is almost as if Fokk U invokes a state of peace and tranquility...... Someone even greeted me by shouting the name of this place when they perceived me as having taken a parking spot they wanted.

      (Thanks for the laugh, drbj--it was just what I needed today!)

      Mike

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Just goes to show, Christoph, how foremost Fokk U is in the minds of most folks even if they don't know its acclaimed history.

      If you're accosted just mention my name. Then again ... maybe not. Thanks so much for the visit; I'm delighted to meet you.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      You think I went to Fokk U as often as I proclaim it, but no one ever thought I was simply saying the name of my alma mater. Now I know what to claim if I am accosted because of my turrets-like utterances!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Pam, I'm tickled that you enjoyed this read and yes, I think the comments are even funnier than my original post - almost.

      With Hubbuddies like those who have commented, how can I fail? Really appreciate your distributing this hub to whomever wherever.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Shari - you are exactly the outstanding type of applicant Fokk U is searching for. Beautiful, clever, creative, and in possession of spending money.

      Yes, tee shirts and caps are available in many colors with the appropriate messages thereon.

      Go to http://zazzle.com/drbjtees or click on the Zazzle link above.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Shades - you're at the top of the enrollment list for the Lohan/Hilton classes. Fokk U will supply the futons; you only need to bring your equipment!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Dear Epi - Important correction. The pink bunny that keeps going and going 'ad infinitum' is the Energizer bunny. How could I forget? I find there are three variables that remind me of advancing age. The first is loss of memory . . . . . . . and I can't remember the other two.

    • Pam Roberson profile image

      Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

      That's it! I'm going back to school! How can I resist an opportunity to be a Fokker and get a diploma that says I'm a Fokker? It's too sweet of a deal! ;)

      Thank you for such a huge laugh! This is too funny, and I'm passing it on. I should have scrolled through your comments though. De Greek's comment along with Saddlerider's and some others got me so tickled that I can't remember everything that I wanted to say in my comment. Thanks a lot you guys! ;)

    • wavegirl22 profile image

      Shari 7 years ago from New York, NY

      drbj - oh how I needed this moment to unwind. Something you are a pro at helping me do. I am ready to sign up for Fokk U. While I am filling out my application, is there any way I can order a FOKK U sweatshirt, or any other Fokking Gear to show off to my friends. Please forward any and all info ASAP!

      Like Shades I Fokked it up and around and every which way possible!

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Sign me up for the Lohan/Hilton courses. Their students can get Fokked, Fokked up and Fokked out of a good education all at once!

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      We are delighted to meet you, too, Feline Prophet. Seems De Greek has been actively proselytizing again. Happy that you find the information about Fokk U enlightening and it would be a pleasure to welcome you into the world of Fokkers.

      Yes, we bear an old and revered name which goes all the way back to the original Fokker, A.Damn.

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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Martie - so good to meet you. We can always use an accomplished sexophonist in our Music Department, and you appear to also have the qualifications for Guest Lecturer in our Human Sexuality division.

      By all means, sumbit your remuse. Any friend of De Greeks is a person to be reckoned with ... and investigated. :)

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 7 years ago

      And here I was, thinking Fokker was a legitimate name, one that inspired silly movies! Turns out to be a much coveted title! Oh the world of academia! :D

      Thank you De Greek for directing me here. Most enlightening hub! :)

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Dear chair of the rescuing cumintea of the Fokk U Detroit, I was recumanended by one of your gratifications, De Greek, to present myself as able to extend your cumriculum with music, in particular a sexion for sexephone tuition. I am, everhow, a tib dislectic, but who cares, nobody is perfetc.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, ek, thanks for the "original" comment. It ain't easy being creative! :)

    • profile image

      ek 7 years ago

      Great hub. Very original.

    • ACSutliff profile image

      ACSutliff 7 years ago

      drbj,

      I will gladly accept that offer. Of course, as a young girl I dreamed fondly of ludicrousness, and so this is far and away my ultimate dream job. I imagine part of my duties will be to get people to say "That's ludicrous" multiple times daily. Luckily, I have some experience with that. I work with kids. We will be learning a new vocab word on Monday....

      I will definitely check out those hubs you mention. The Pig Personality sounds especially ludicrous.

      As a dean, am I aloud to invent new words? I believe things are not adequately ludicrous unless they are absoludicrous.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Dear AC - Since you are obviously more discriminating than most and more appreciative than many, we at Fokk U hereby offer you a post as Dean of the School of Ludicrousness.

      Anyone who can pick up on and pick out samples of our humor and ridicule without assistance is a person we want on our estimable staff.

      Delighted to have provided titillation at no cost. Please feel free to visit said hubs any time. Start with the 5 Crazy Laws - then Popular Proverbs Interpreted - and don't forget to take the Pig Personality Test.

      Thanks for the visit and the "wunnerful" comments.

    • ACSutliff profile image

      ACSutliff 7 years ago

      drbj,

      Great intro! I enjoyed the joke about putting me on as if I was a garment. Manfred and Lotta Fokk! I was rolling after that one! Buttweiser! That is just too funny. I had to say "WHAT?!" at the campus being located in the fire escape, and that school song will be stuck in my head for days!

      The Oxymoron Department! The Redundancy Department! Gotta and Bitta!

      Nice wrap up of the end as well! I totally agree, that prospective student asked way too many questions! He wouldn't have fit in at Fokk at all.

      Thanks for the laughs drbj! I really needed it right now, and I now have a feeling I can come read one of your hubs whenever I'm feeling down, and you will always put a smile on my face.

      ~AC

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      mystery lady - you would be perfect in any position in our Music Department. A background like yours is hard to find. Imagine that at the tender age of eight, you realized that your piano lessons could one day lead you to us.

      Apply today. Sincerely, Fokk U

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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Bohemian rhapsody - your name is music to my ears. Bet you hardly ever hear that. NOT!

      I will do more of the same if inspiration strikes. That's the hard part. Thanks for laughing and commenting. I always did love a beautiful rhapsody.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Golly, gee, kal - I'm glad you didn't swear repetitively out loud, too, or we might have lost our college accreditation. Wait a minute, not to worry, we don't have one.

      Thanks for visiting AND laughing. You make my day.

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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Well, de Greek, I always say, "Hair standing on end is better than no hair at all!" I'll bet you were a B.M.O.C. at Fokk U.

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 7 years ago from Florida

      I plan to apply for the position of teaching piano. Since I said "fokk U" to playing that instrument at age 8, I think I am a perfect candidate.

      LOL - great hub!

    • Bohemian rhapsody profile image

      Bohemian rhapsody 7 years ago from New york

      Couldn't stop laughing drbj. Please do more do more hubs in the same vein. Excellent.

    • kaltopsyd profile image

      kaltopsyd 7 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

      Gee, thanks for making me swear repetitively, Dr. BJ. Thank goodness I didn't read this aloud - especially since I'm sitting here in the computer lab. I really don't know what else to say... I'm still laughing. :D

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      DRBJ my hair is standing on end! LadyJane was at our U and I did not know it! Of course I should have known that it was inevitable, since I used to share a room with her dad, so she was boud to follow in the old footsteps.

      Fokk U Forever!

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      You're a Fokker, too, ladyjane? What a coincidence. I believe I remember your dad. Wasn't he the guy who .... No, on second thought, that was your grandpa. He was the cat's pajamas.

      Yes, we modified the school song since our brochures are often read by youngsters. And very, very old people. Delighted you had a laugh today. Only one?

    • ladyjane1 profile image

      ladyjane1 7 years ago from Texas

      Oh My Drbj I had no idea that DeGreek went to Fokk U as it is my alumni as well, he must have gone YEARS!! before me though, maybe he was in the same class as my father but my dad didnt graduate he actually said FU to Fokk U so there you have it. And I seem to recall that our school song actually went two, four, six, eight, we cant wait to fornicate! At least thats what I remember..lol. THanks for making me laugh today, cheers.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      It must be Kismet, Petra, that we at Fokk U have heard from you at this point in time. Our Search Committee, Winkin (Obanana), Blinkin (Joe what's-his-name), and Nod (I'll have what they're having) could not find a suitable candidate, so we would like to offer you the position of Chair for the Media, Marketing and Mixed Drinks Department at Fokk U.

      Since you indicated an interest, as recompense for this responsible position, we will waive any and all tuition and fees for you to take our new Foreign Affairs course which will be taught by Monsieur Sarkozy. Welcome,

      Fokk U

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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      I knew we made no mistake, katie, in selecting you for the Fokk U task force. You are herewith appointed as Head of this august body. Go forth and apprehend appropriate applicants. Here's to your success, Fokk U.

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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Chris - thanks for re-visiting Fokk U - it is always heart-warming to hear from former Fokk U fraternity leaders. Your fraternity members from Ima Alpha Male salute you!

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Dear Dimi, Divinity of Diversion, we at Fokk U are also sensitive to the needs of the little people which is why we did not renew the contract for the BP Chairman as head of the Geology Department.

      We are aware of your feats of derring-do at the Hungarian fencing competition and will refrain from mentioning that you won your last match, not with an epee, but a derringer!

      I missed your "contended" remark in your original comment because your spell check changed it to "contented" and contented is what we strive for at Fokk U. Sincerely, Fokk U

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      chirls - it would be a pleasure to have you join the Fokk U staff. Now that you have been enlightened we can forgive your lapse at McGill. You can put all that behind you, so to speak.

      Our career counseling department is located a short distance away - in beautiful downtown Burbank, CA. You will be given a map and clues as to its location. Our reasoning: If you can find our secluded western U.S. campus, then you can find jobs for our graduates.

    • Petra Vlah profile image

      Petra Vlah 7 years ago from Los Angeles

      It seems that ALL of our politicians graduated from the prestigious Fokk University and attended an intensive course on “how to master the Teflon technique”, proudly thought by Rod and masterfully implemented by his legal advisers.

      No doubt the financial committee firmly believes in the proven theory that 2+2=5, while blaming our deficit of 2+2=22 in the fact that we do not understand simple mathematics, so it is time for “back to school” for us, ignorant people.

      I would be very interested in attending a course in Foreign Affairs as soon as a reputable teacher becomes available to share invaluable knowledge, personal experience and supreme wisdom. In the meantime I will check Fokk’s University journalism courses and apply for a position with the trustworthy Media department who definitely needs some help on reporting the overwhelming accomplishments we can all see without magnifying glasses.

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 7 years ago from I'm outta here

      Put me on the fokking call taskforce, we'll fokking tackle the world! Go Fokk U!

    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 7 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Raah raah cis boom baah ... LOL!!! Funny post!!!

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      As the Chairman of BP said on National TV (another failed applicant to Fokk U), he was sensitive to the needs of the “Little People of the American Public”, so do we, the Original Graduates of Fokk U are sensitive of our responsibilities to the those who came after us. Something like the Mayflower passengers feel towards their offspring, and as a descendent of Oceanus Hopkins De Greek, I think I know my duty when it comes to honoring traditions.

      And may I take this opportunity of giving the lie to the spurious rumor about my epee being loaded? I won that match fair and square through sheer fencing ability and proof of this is the fact that three months later I came 321st at the annual Hungarian fencing competition. So there.

      May I also say that you have surprised me by your apparent inability to comprehend my reference to Fokk U being essential for a contended mind? This is not a Fokk U grduate's performance.

      In conclusion, may I just thank you warmly for closing your comments to me with the traditional Fokk U cry, and in response I say FOKK U TOO!!!

    • chirls profile image

      chirls 7 years ago from Indiana (for now)

      I would like to submit my resume for the position of Fokking career advice. Like Saddlerider, I made the mistake of going to McGill, a shadow of a school in comparison to Fokk U. Despite this flaw, I think I have a lot to offer Fokkers in their Fokking future. Thank you for enlightening us about this wonderful school!

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Funny you should say that, dear Audrea, I always get institution and institutionalized mixed up, too.

      You have made my day by mentioning that you were laughing out loud while reading this fertile, frivolous bit of fluff. I approached this hub with trepidation not wanting to create onerous waves and trying to stay within the limits of good taste.

      But then I said to myself, probably out loud as well, what the Fokk, I've transcended those bounds before. Do you know what is really most appealing to me about all these terrifically humorous comments that those I like to think of as Hubbuddies have made?

      I'm thinking how wonderful it is to have a platform like this (unabashed recognition of Hubpages), and how fantastic to know that we all can rise above the pettiness and almost constant bad news that surrounds us.

      So here's to Fokk U and all us happy, madcap Fokkers.

      Thank you for your most gracious as well as funny comments, ak, and check out the tees by all means. There I may have gone over the top!

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Dearest katie - As a Fokking graduate, I know you would be the perfect candidate to help us promote out illustrious school worldwide.

      We are searching for volunteers who can spare just 3 or 4 hours a day to make Fokk U calls to our tepid call list. People on this list have indicated some interest and been solicited only a few times before (maybe 8 or 9 times) so they are no longer cold calls. This is a rare opportunity to improve your pleading skills.

      And you are so right - spelling adjustments are good!

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Welcome, MPG. Had you at the title, eh? Then you are perceptive, wise, insightful and exactly the type of illustrious person that Fokk U welcomes. One with a sense of humor and money in your pocket???

      Can we put you down for a donation to the Fokking Founders' Fund?

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      saddlerider - so good of you to spend some time with the illustrious graduates of Fokk U. You are forgiven for attending that other school, McGill, since we know you would have chosen to be surrounded with fellow Fokkers if only you had known we existed. You might be interested in some of our illustrious graduate programs - you will be receiving emails four times daily in the future so you will always be up to date re Fokk U.

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 7 years ago from Central Oregon

      BJ - I think I've learned at this institution (or was that I should be institutionalized)? I never can remember.

      That is one bit of hilarity and you had me reading every word and laughing merrily along out loud. I think this gives new meaning to the term 'what the Fokk', etc.

      I love that the..... College of Medicine will soon offer "Universal Healthcare Rules and Regulations for Medical Students." You can purchase the books, workbooks and documents for the class at the college bookstore for only $17,345 - aren't we just 'fokking' lucky?

      Your wit and humor are treasures - thanks for all the witty putdowns on our system such as it is. I need to print this off for all my friends and family - and I gotta check out those tees!