Full Circle- my overnight success
By Tony DeLorger © 2011
It was many years ago I realised I was different. Even as a child I struggle with place, feeling between two different paradigms: one a child wanting to please, to conform and the other wanting the freedom of self-expression and to be unencumbered by the limits of convention. That feeling of displacement has always followed my life and it is only now in my fifties, that I have accepted my uniqueness as a positive.
I realised after much pain and self-denial, that what I first saw as failure was more about being in the wrong place at the wrong time and not understanding a purposeful direction. Being true to oneself is probably the most important aspect of life, given that most people don’t know what they are supposed to be doing with their life. I’m not talking about getting married, having children and life in a broader sense, but individually what is the source of your drive and what gives you personal fulfilment.
For me it has always been creative expression and although throughout my career I have engaged the arts directly and indirectly I had never qualified why and been honest about what I am and wanted out of life. My journey of self-realisation has been fraught with disasters and harsh lessons from denying the truth. Life can often be a struggle between what we are conditioned to believe and we what presents itself. This inner contention has been a merciless mistress and caused me much strife. It is the reason I have spent so much time and energy in undoing outmoded conditioning, thoughts and assumptions that have caused limits and unnecessary burdens.
In the end, and after years of uncovering the many layers of denial and conditioned beliefs, I have come to terms with whom I am and what I should be doing regardless of any other considerations. Exposing oneself in such a way is frightening and with less consideration to the fundamental necessities of living it is not easy. But accepting one’s essence and ultimate purpose is far more rewarding than any other form of living, including all the aspirations that most people deem important. When money, acquisition and the mundane and superficial aspects of life become minor, the connection to creativity and attainment become threefold, allowing unencumbered movement.
Because of my determinations I have opened doors to many new ventures in love and life, with which I am confident will manifest in positive ways. Regardless of that I remain entwined in my understanding of me and allowing myself to realise my potential by clearing away the ineptitudes of my past. This I know will be fruitful in all the right areas.
Self-realisation is an important step to attainment and contentment, a path uninhibited by the deadwood of one’s life. Freedom can only be gained by dealing with those pieces of refuse that clutter our thoughts and pathways. It is a long and arduous task but a necessary one to find fulfilment and contentment in life.