- Education and Science
Getting Off Probation Early
THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE Also if you have committed and been convicted of a heinous felony, please leave this article and have a good day. This has been created for the employed, good guy who ended up in custody for something that didn't harm anyone (but maybe his own liver) and really doesn't need court supervision holding not only him and his family back, but the average tax payer's dollar. Everyone makes stupid mistakes and with that I'm including in my "disclaimer" that in order for my advice to work, it is imperative you realize you are an idiot and have broke the law on your own behalf. Maybe you forgot to take the home rolled "cigarette" out of your car ashtray from when you told your spouse you were going to "step outside and check the trucks oil" last night. The next morning in a confused hunger to go smash on some fresh donuts you are speeding. Before you know it the cops shaking this "cigarette" butt in your face with a pack of snarling canines ready to gobble up your manhood. I think the lesson has been learned by that alone, but no- another year of probation will most likely follow. For those who fall into a type of scenario listed above; this help is for you. One more final note before I proceed with the goods: Throughout this piece of advice I will most likely refer to an alcohol/driving crime...this does NOT mean the writer finds this action funny or takes it lightly! It is a violation of law and a law that does in fact save lives. If you do choose to take in some adult beverages, or even other unhealthy substances, be a man and stay the hell off the roads! You can go get your vehicle in the morning but you can never bring back a life. With all that said, I think this piece will lead you to the results you desire as the writer has, unfortunately, used this a few times with great success.
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The First Steps To An Early Release From Court Probation
It's 2:59 a.m. and the 76 year old whiskey soaked grizzly bear sitting next to you at your local watering hole buys you yet another libation. You cringe but at this point everything just tastes the same and you even think to yourself "Man this has been a great Tuesday evening!" You forget to pay, relieve your bladder on the taverns front door (mainly because they told you "sir it's last call- that means no more") and crank over the engine to your vehicle. You're attempting to cross the street and grab some cheap tacos when next thing you know you see those beautiful flashing lights.
This is where step #1 begins
Always remember your rights and don't give the officer a reason to snoop around but if your night is unfolding anything like the above it wont take long before they have a thing called "probable cause". ALWAYS BE POLITE This is crucial in getting off probation early! You may be thinking "But how does this effect probation now? I should tell that pig and those jailers where to stick it!" Everything is documented and if you make an ass of yourself in the slammer or in the back of the county "limo" later on your probation officer will probably see that. Also don't forget, you're the idiot here- you did the crime.
Try to retain a good lawyer and they will point you in the direction of reducing penalties, changing infractions to smaller crimes, etc Always follow their advice. Once court is concluded you've been handed a nice sentence it'll be off to probation you go! There's no better way to spend a Monday afternoon other than taking unpaid time off work to go urinate in a cup with a room full of 75 really unfriendly looking people. Lets talk about the next step(s):
PAY ALL FEES, FINES, COSTS ETC (don't even think about asking for early release until this is done)
ESTABLISH A 100% DRUG/ALCOHOL FREE URINE SCREENING (in case you don't know what that means- Stop Using!!)
Now that you won't be visiting the bar for at least the next few months I would advise you to begin what I'm going to refer to as the "evidence collection" phase. If you have a job, good for you! If not, get your lazy butt off the sofa and start filling out applications . Make copies of the apps, find a way to show some proof of job interviews, anything to show you are at least making an attempt. The economy sucks and everyone knows that so just show you at least care, ok? If you have a job have some of your work buddies write up a couple of legitimate letters of recommendation, and if you attend college and have decent grade- it wouldn't hurt to make a copy of your transcript. A great thing to do if job hunting is not your forte, or to boost your chances of a successful early release, is some volunteer community service. I say "volunteer community service" because this oxymoron describes the act of doing your own volunteer work even after a you have completed whatever wonderful pay-less job the court handed down to you as punishment. Not only does a little extra volunteer work look great it brings me to the next step:
FINISH ALL MANDATED COURT "CLASSES" (drug/alcohol/driving) AND ANY OTHER STIPULATIONS TO SENTENCE LIKE COMMUNITY SERVICE.
Drug Test Coming up?
Lets Talk Freedom: The Final Steps To The Early Release
As we enter the final phase, I would advise you to brush up on your grammar, spelling, general English skills...it's going to come in handy. Another obvious but important step is to remember to be on time for all appointments. These probation/court situations move pretty quickly so if you're still putting your makeup on 10 minutes after your probation check in, say goodbye to early freedom and hello to the county hotel. Once all above steps are completed and you have completed at minimum 1/3 of sentenced probation time you can walk into the final phase with pride. I say minimum 1/3 because you want to build a good report with the court appointed supervisor before you ask him to cut you free. How many times a day do you think they hear "If you let me off early I promise I wont come back."? Build a little trust and show him/her that you're a decent individual. Once the above is done, it will probably already be about 1/3 into your penalty. Now I'll show you the fun stuff; get your 3 year old daughter's Dr. Seuss books and brush up on a little English 101 because your going into a war of wits with the courts!
Remember the "evidence phase"? Begin compiling everything you got into your own nice neat little criminal portfolio. Here's the hard part:
WRITE A LETTER TO THE COURTS/YOUR PROBATION OFFICER ASKING FOR "EARLY RELEASE FROM SUPERVISION"
You will have to compose your own professional, 2 page minimum, letter requesting early release and the reasons why you are not a villain. Remember to be professional, grammatical, and polite in your document. Make 2 copies of the letter- one addressed to "The Honorable Judges of the ____________ Courts" and another to "Mr_____ Probationofficer, ___ Court System" It's now go time!
CALL/EMAIL/WRITE YOUR PROBATION OFFICER POLITELY ASKING TO SET UP A MEETING
Simply shoot your government appointed shadow a friendly message asking if you could bother him/her for a quick meeting. If they ask why try to be vague but DO NOT lie or say you'd rather talk in person. Simply reply with something like "I'd like to discuss time frames for release and other things of that nature. Is there a good time we can talk in your office?" They will almost always accept so show up to the meeting dressed like your entering an interview for your dream job. The worst that can happen here is they say "No" and then you're back to square one but if you have followed all the steps correctly you should almost be a free man (or woman). Always thank your probation personnel and follow up with a thank-you-for-taking-the-time-out-of-watching-people-pee-in-cups-to-listen-to-me-blab-on-for-20-minutes type letter. By this point he/she will most likely say "It's not up to me, its up to the judge." That's when you hit em with the final attack, the letter to the almighty, wonderful, god-like judges of your supervising court district. Your probation officer will most likely review it and tell you to send it into the courts. It will most likely be around this time you can "feel him out" and get a vibe of what he's going to tell judge judy about you and your case.
IF REQUIRED: SEND "EARLY RELEASE REQUEST" LETTER TO COURT
The Afterlife: Freedom From Probation
The courts are slow, the mail is slow, and the government isn't too concerned about being on your side. That said, it may take over a month to get a reply back. In the meantime, keep your nose clean mister! Not even a quick "pit stop" at the corner carryout liquor establishment for the game at home later on. If you have my luck (which you do if you are reading this article) your probation officer will be leaving a meeting early and see you carrying that golden 6 pack under your arms as you glance around like you're a freakin' russian spy. Just stay out of trouble until you receive the either good or bad news. If you can't take it any longer and its been well over 30 days drop you P.O. an email and politely ask if he's heard anything back from your case. More than likely a judge will glance over your letter, laugh at your recommendations/credentials, determine you're not some menace to society and you'll get called in to sign some paperwork and give a final specimen of your finest piss. Just keep in mind legally you're not "off" until either you receive a signed letter from the courts/your probation department or your probation officer tells you "you're done, don't come back". Only after one of the previous events happens, then you may begin the last and final step to an easy early release from court supervision.
**ONLY PROCEED AFTER RECEIVING SIGNED DOCUMENT STATING YOU ARE FREE FROM PROBATION*************************************************************************:::::
CALL A LIMO. HAVE THE CHAUFFEUR DRIVE YOU, SOME BUDDIES, SOME GOOD LOOKING LADIES (or your wives/husbands/girlfriends/boyfriends whichever you prefer) UP TO HIP CLUB.
FINAL STEP: PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR*!