Hang Onto Your Dreams And They Won't Let You Down!
HANG ONTO YOUR DREAMS, THEY WON'T LET YOU DOWN!
Sometimes our dreams have a way of hanging onto us even when we let go of them. In October of 2002 I was working the Universal Light Psychic Expo in Columbus, OH as psychics. During a non-busy time I walked around and looked at the various vendor and psychic booths. As I was admiring the beautiful decor of a particular booth, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked behind and there stood my friend and fellow psychic, Blanchard Nash.
"Michael, I have something to tell you," Blanchard said with a serious look on his face. This was unusual because he's the jolly type who always has a big twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his face. Blanchard is known for his laughter and bringing out the light silly side of people.
I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and said, "Blanchard, what is on your mind?"
"Michael, please allow me to be forthright with you. I am picking up that you are not in good shape. You laugh and play the buffoon and clown with all your jest and tomfoolery, but you do not fool me. You are undergoing a major depression."
"How do you know that?"
He snickered. "Because I am psychic, like you, Michael. My little psychic birdie tells me things and I can see it in your aura as I read your energy field. Now, as to why you are depressed. You need to get back to your writing. You start and then you stop. This has been an ongoing thing with you for way too many years. What you need to realize is that you have a lot of useful, beneficial wisdom and knowledge to share. You are meant to write books and get them out there. Get back to your writing and your depression will abate. I promise you. That is all I have to say."
"Thank you, Blanchard. I guess I did need to hear that. And yes, I will try to make more efforts with my writing."
"I believe you will, Michael, and by the way, I expect to be acknowledged in your book," Blanchard said, giving me a cavalier bow and then he walked away.
I thought long and hard about Blanchard's message to me. I knew in my soul and heart that he was right. I had not spoken to him in several months. There was no way he could know without psychic perception about my current condition. I am too good at hiding behind masks when I don't want people to see how I am really doing. My guides also knew that I was in bad shape and they decided to use Blanchard as a mouthpiece to tell me what I needed to do to get my life back on track. Getting back to my writing is what would offer some relief from the dark depressions that were making my life miserable and nearly immobilizing me at times. Plus, in 1997 I contracted carpel tunnel in both wrists.
When I asked my guides about it I was told that the carpel tunnel damaged meridian nerve issue is related to me not having 'the nerve' to follow my writing dream with full steam roller full throttle passion and gusto. They informed me that if I kept avoiding my writing dream that my body would react adversely to the point that I could no longer write. My gift could become useless if I no longer had the strength and muscle tone in my wrists to write. The carpal tunnel syndrome was a wake-up call. I was reminded that there are many writers, chiropractors, pianists, massage therapists and others who use their wrists a lot, but who do not contractcarpel tunnel. My youngest brother also died in 1997 and needless to say I was devastated. That death was so close to home that I was brutally reminded that anyone can be 'taken out' at any given moment. Needless to say, the death of my brother and the carpel tunnel shook me up, along with Blanchard's messages.
If we are smart we will listen to our guides who can speak through any means or person. In spite of my old fears, unresolved art karma from several past lives, childhood trauma and abuse and various other assorted piles of baggage, I dragged myself out of bed the following Monday after the Columbus Expo, thinking about what Blanchard had told me. I was still depressed but I forced myself to sit at my computer. I have learned that sometimes all it takes is for us just to get off our booty and do something for our dream no matter how much we may resist or struggle with the 'doing.' So, in spite of old fears, doubts and hesitation I sat at the computer and began writing. I was surprised at the ease in which I typed and how the words just popped in. It was like the book wanted to write itself through me, almost via a sort of automatic writing. Grateful for the ease at writing, I spent four hours on the computer that Monday. I did the same thing the next day. And the next and so forth.
My first book, Halfway To Heaven, a self-help spiritual book was given birth four months later and I landed a publisher in March 2003. Then, I was distracted by the death of my father, older brother, and grand mother and my writing got put on the back burner again. I did write a lot of poetry and a new age book Morning Coffee With God in 2005. After sending it out to several publishers I received some encouraging comments and one publisher did ask to read the manuscript. He decided not to publish it. In March 2009, I finally landed a publisher for Morning Coffee With God, Ozark Mountain Publishing, in Huntsville, Arkansas, and the book came out in March 2010. My book of love poetry, Dawn's Kiss was published in May 2009. My new age book, the sequel to Morning Coffee With God, is entitled God's Many Mansions and is being published in 2011. I am working on a trilogy: Memories From Atlantis and I have ideas for many more books.
One of my favorite new age writers, Dolores Cannon, says "if you are a real writer you cannot 'not' write. Writing has to become such a compulsion that you would rather write than eat. Once the commitment is made, there is no turning back or the person will never find happiness."
Truer words have never been spoken. Her personal writing story is very encouraging for aspiring writers as it took her nine years to land her first publisher. And it was not her first book that was published or her second. It was her fourth book that was the first to be published. How is that for dedication and love to one's writing dream? Dolores' commitment paid off and currently her fourteen books are published in some twenty languages and she is still writing books.
I see now that all my stopping and starting of my writing was me playing small and settling when my soul knew I was meant to be a real writer. Now, I know one reason why I was chronically depressed and constantly fighting and struggling with suicidal thoughts for so many years. Yes, there were other reasons as is pointed out in Morning Coffee With God. Some of us struggle with depression and anger because we know in our soul that we are star borne. We ache for our true home beyond the stars. Other reasons are past life unresolved conflicts and an abusive or difficult childhood environment and upbringing in the current lifetime.
All of the above listed reasons apply to me. A major reason for my dark depressions was that my soul and muse were yearning and starving for creative expression. My sensitive artistic spirit was blocked and stifled. It truly felt like I was dying inside, and in a sense I was. Due to so much childhood trauma, the lonely and difficult teen-age foster home years and past life artistic frustrations and disappointments, I just couldn't seem to get out of the deep pit I was in. I knew about my creativity at a young age and I did dabble in writing some songs and poems. But it never went very far. I have since come to learn that anytime we deny, block or repress our true self and basic human nature, we are murdering part of our soul. This is a crime against the self for which we will pay dearly. Boy, have I paid dearly, as the saying goes.
I often think about the book and 1965 film, The Agony and the Ecstasy, about the life of Michelangelo. Agony and ecstasy are often the destiny and fate of many an artist. I have heard that it's a blessing and a curse to be an artist in a time and era where the general populace do not value the poets, artists, such as they were honored, cherished and valued in other times. Ball games, wrestling, racing, and other sports activities are more valued by the general masses than those more attracted and interested in more artistic, intellectual, philosophical and spiritual pursuits. Be that as it may we poets, musicians, writers and artists need to accept, love and value our creative gifts and talents. The more we come to value them, the more others will.
Shakespeare said to thine own self be true and thou wilt be false to no man. This can be a difficult task for sensitive artists (poets, musicians, painters, sculptors, etc.) who are not only driven to create, but who must also keep body and soul together until their art begins to pay off literally and financially. Sadly, for many this never happens. Far too many artists, who have so many gifts to offer the world, shut down partially or completely and take on mundane jobs for financial security and materialistic comforts. I have also done this. There is nothing wrong with holding an ordinary job to pay our bills and keep a roof on our head; actually it's most often necessary unless we have the good fortune and karma, I might add, to be born into a rich family, receive a substantial inheritance or meet or fall in love with someone who is willing and has the financial means to help us out. I've read several accounts where the spouse of an artist or writer supported them for a certain time until their ship finally came in. Some even had the good fortune to earn far more money than their spouse.
For those of us who do not fit into those categories, we must be careful and somehow find the means to maintain balance with our creative artistic and our mundane life. If we are so tired after work that we have no time for our art, our soul will become sad and we will pay for it. I am not saying that it is easy for artists to balance the mundane obligations with the needs and creative demands of our muse. I am saying that I believe it can be done, and this is where destiny, our guides and good fortune can come in. I've seen it happen too many times to let sorrow and discouragement keep me down for long.
I am very familiar with the expression that most exceptionally talented artists only receive deserved fame and fortune after they die. I think of Vincent Van Gogh and Wolfgang A. Mozart who died and was buried in a pauper's grave, before he turned forty. I am not certain as to the degree of my artistic writing talents. I'm not sure I could remotely be compared to a Van Gogh or a Mozart. Nonetheless, there are deep creative fires that burn in my soul. When I am not being creative, in my case writing, performing, etc. I'm as good as dead.
After many years of struggle I have vowed and promised myself to do all that I can do to support my muse and art. Now, I am very active in promoting and marketing my writing as well. After years of struggle, I am finally finding my way. I now jokingly say I am an artist becoming untortured. Although I say it humorously, it is nonetheless true. Finally finding my way does not mean that everyday is coming up roses and is a day in the park as the saying goes. As recently as March 2010 I was down to $22.00 in my checking account after I made my car payment and paid my rent. So I'm no stranger to struggle and financial obstacles. And yet, I am totally convinced that things happen for a reason. It may take some time and soul searching to learn the reason/s but if we are sincere and persistent we will. Sometimes, our guides and muse like to test us to see if we are 'truly' dedicated to our dreams, like Job was tested in the classic Old Testament moving story in the Holy Bible. My worst fear was that I would have to do cash advances on my credit cards to live on, or have to put my car insurance payment on them as well. And nobody (except the credit card companies) in their right mind wants to do that due to such high interest rates. Well, one thing that is for certain for dreamers is that we do have to be willing to make sacrifices for our hopes and dreams. That comes along with the territory.
During this challenging time, I did make sacrifices. My phone just stopped ringing. This was so strange and never happens as I have so many regular clients from years back, and I'm constantly getting new clients. Nonetheless, for over two months business was so slow that I had to use my credit cards for basics such as gas for my car and food. I moaned and groaned and had a few cries. I played the 'pity poor me' party for a couple of days. I tried to listen to music. I had thought to put in my Simon and Garfunkle cassette but I accidentally put in a Christmas tape instead. Expecting to hear my favorite song "Bridge Over Troubled Water", instead Dolly Parton was singing the lines from the musical Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. "I'll be fine and Dandy, Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas. I'm barely getting through tomorrow, but still I won't let sorrow bring me way down."
I smiled and tried to muster up a ray or two of hope. Still, my phone did not ring. For a single week I did not get a single Psychic Reading, Party or Singing Telegram booked. Enough was enough I concluded. I went into prayer and meditation and asked my guides for insight and clarity. I had been down poverty lane too many times in the past for way too many years. Why was I having to go back down that road again, when my business has been solvent for nearly ten years since I gave up public school teaching to pursue my psychic work and writing dream full time?
In my mind I saw an image of the old TV ad "this is a test from the emergency broadcast system." So, this is yet another test," I replied out loud. I suddenly realized that my new book, Morning Coffee With God, was being released at the end of March. I was aware of how much work I would have to put into promoting it as I don't, as of yet, have an agent. I had been wondering how I would have time to promote the book along with continuing my writing and promoting my psychic reading and Singing Telegram business to keep enough money coming in to stay afloat.
Naturally, my inner child kind of 'freaked out.' I imagined myself as a poor starving artist and thought of the past life reading I had had which said in my previous life in Paris, France as an Impressionist painter, I had nearly frozen and starved to death. Old buttons were being pushed to say the least. At least, I had never starved or frozen in this lifetime, I assured my inner child. I then realized that there are no guarantees. I had no proof that I would ever earn enough money from my books to make a living. Yet, I had the dream and desire and in my heart of hearts I have a deep and strong love for and need to write. I did a lot of soul searching as I have done many times in the past. Yes, I could get a 'normal' job of some kind since I have background with so many different things. I could become a part or full time teacher or tutor of French or Spanish again, or even become a substitute teacher. The prospect of going back to teaching did not appeal to me at all.
The prospect of going back to sales or the corporate world did not appeal to me either. A couple of days later, I said a prayer, "Dear, Guides and Angels. You know how grateful I am for the writing gifts I have. You know that my heart's desire is to share my gifts with the world and to inspire and help others. It is only when I am helping and performing service to others and writing do I feel any satisfaction. I want my Psychic Reading business to pick up again. What do I need to do?"
The next day I called my Cincinnati Yellow Pages Rep to discuss the ad I was buying for my singing telegram business that I was reopening. At one point he said, "Michael, be sure and have clients post reviews on the google search engine for you. That will bring you traffic and business, I guarantee you. And besides it's free advertising." A neon light went off in my head. I went to www.google.com and in the search box typed in Cincinnati Ohio Psychics'. My listing showed up at the top of the list and to the right was a link that said reviews. When I clicked it I was led to the review page and on the write was a link that said 'write a review.' "Why hadn't I noticed that before?" I asked myself. I had requested reviews on amazon.com for my listed book, Morning Coffee With God and gotten several posted. Oh well, all things in due time, I reminded myself. I got right on it. I asked some of my regular clients to please post a review. Several did. My phone slowly began ringing again. New clients showed up and when I'd ask them where they found me, several said they did a google search and read some testimonials about me. I was in joyous tears. Within a few weeks I had nineteen reviews and they were all very positive.
I read those reviews frequently and they confirmed to me that my clients do feel I have something beneficial to offer them. Many send me referrals and some book private parties. I have found that when I tend to my art that my business follows suit and my phone has a way of ringing. The test in March was just to see if I trusted and had faith that my guides would stick by me; that I would have enough time to promote my new book as well as keep up with my writing and run my psychic business.
I suppose I passed my test because ever since my bills have been paid on time and I have not had to take any cash advances of my credit cards. Just here today August 10th I was feeling a little blase and down over my writing. I had completed the final editing of a new book, God's Many Mansions, which is being published in 2011. I didn't know what to work on. Many times I have heard that a writer must constantly keep writing while his or her books are in the midst of the publication process which can range from several months to even a year or longer. To be honest, I wasn't in the mood to write. I was restless but I felt too guilty to take a day off, and I do like the feeling of accomplishing something every day.
So in spite of the blase feeling, (sometimes we just have to do something no matter how despondent, lazy or bummed out we may be feeling) I went to my computer. I opened up my documents and scrolled down my files. My book Wisdom From Beyond jumped out at me. This is a book I am writing of various departed well-known earth personalities, ascended masters and angels I have publicly channeled or received information from via automatic writing at my computer. I read through the contents. Yes, I needed to transcribe the rest of the tapes and finish that book. But not today. I returned to the file list and scrolled down again. This time my old book, Halfway To Heaven, seemed to jump out at me.
"You can work on that," I heard. "Yeah, I could do that," I said. My publisher has agreed to look at it, and since I have my rights back from the original publisher, it is mine to do with what I want. I scrolled down and read and edited the first ten pages. To my surprise, the introduction is where I talked about a friend and fellow psychic who told me as far back as 2002 that I was depressed because I kept stopping and starting my writing. He said that if I started writing again, that the doldrums would leave. I read a few more pages, and was grateful for the synchronicity of how the introduction was perfectly pertinent and relevant to me at this very moment. I reread the introduction and began to feel lighter and better.
I can always feel my energy shift from the blues to joy and I always welcome the shift because I'm the type of person that when I'm down I'm really down, and when I'm up I am really up. I think I am a bit bi-polar.
I made some lunch then looked in the mirror and said to myself. "Michael, ole boy, you got off your duff and did some reading even though you were feeling blase. It has paid off because you are feeling better now.
"Yeah," I replied. "I am feeling a little better, and that always means goodies coming, doesn't it?"
"You bet it does."
I snickered at my talk and answering myself which I frequently do. To celebrate my feeling better I decided to write this article for the hubpages writers's forum of which I am a member. I shared my recent story and in less than an hour later my phone rang three times and three appointments were booked. One was from a regular client and the other two were from people who had read some of my reviews on google.com for my psychic work. I also called the owner of a metaphysical new age center in Columbus, OH where I am interested in doing some psychic work and a possible signing. The owner picked up the phone and said she had been meaning to call me. I called another new age center in Indianapolis, IN to confirm a weekend of work in November, and the owner picked up the phone and we had a nice talk and made final arrangements for the event.
I highly recommend the book Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn. I frequently read it as its mark ups and comments reveal. It became a New York Times best seller and it is one of the very best positive thinking books out there today. Lynn Grabhorn is a woman who had it so rough and was so down and out that at one point she had to eat dog food. Then she somehow came across a booklet on the Universal Law of Attraction. She read it, instantly grasped the concepts, and the rest is history. Although I not always in the flow, and I have my share of time in the pit of sorrow, fear and depression, like Dolly Parton sings, "Me, I'll bounce right back." With enough faith, effort, some brawn, daring and risking any and everything is possible. And yes, even for we artists and dreamers who do not settle for a 'normal mundane ordinary' life.
My heart goes out to all dreamers and to all artists, writers, musicians and other creative souls who have yet to come into the fullness of the expression of their craft and the recognition and rewards they deserve for their hearty efforts and talents. For those too afraid to dream the impossible dream, too hesitant or fearful to go out on a limb, and make their art a priority, I wish them continued courage and success in the amounts they are able to receive.
For those who abandon their artistic dreams in exchange for financial stability and security, I wish them well as well, all the while knowing a true artist will never be happy settling. My years of torture attest to that. I totally believe that dreams can come true. Mine are finally coming true ,albeit it in my mid fifties. But better late than never as the saying goes. I wish only success and artistic and spiritual fulfillment for all the artists and the spiritual seekers out there. I have learned that unfulfilled desires and unmanifested dreams bring us back in one or more future lifetimes to complete the lessons not finished in this lifetime. Our guides and or own soul can help manifest our dreams, and yes, we must do our part. Part of that is to dare to dream because dreams come true. And to quote the ending of the famous poem, 'Don't Quit', "So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit. It's when things seem worse that you must not quit."