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How and Why Donuts Ended Communist Domination

Updated on January 2, 2014

What is Happiness?

Happiness is often a fleeting notion that is pursued more than it is enjoyed. But once you find it, which nearly everyone will because you learn to love what you have, you'll understand why the pursuit was so important. I have found happiness, and I am grateful for the pursuit. Partly because all that pursuing probably burned a few calories. Probably, I don't know. I don't need a reason to eat donuts.

What is your favorite type of donut?

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Oh and they are DONUTS, not doughnuts. Donuts are purely American, no other nation can claim spelling rights. And what's more American than a company (who also tried to mess with the word "dunking") dictating conventions like proper spelling?!

They are the American dream of unnecessary spending and general gluttony. They come in every type and flavor imaginable: deep fried, covered in icing, filled with cream or all of the above. They are customizable to the point that anyone will find something they love about donuts if they look long enough.

And they saved the capitalist world from impending communism.

Quick History of Communism

I'm going to take a small break from being happy about donuts and focus on the opposite of awesome American gluttony: Communism. Communism first became a powerful idea after Karl Marx published his Communist Manifesto along with Das Kapital. I have nothing against Marx, he had a vision for a Utopian society in which people could work together as equals in a way that avoided poverty completely. This Utopian idea is known as Socialism. In an insultingly quick summary of an entire dense philosophical career, I will turn Socialism into two sentences. There is a natural conflict in capitalism, between the factory workers and the capitalists who own those factories. Instead, all people should be workers because they are the only ones who give anything beneficial to society.

But much like my attempts at playing any sport in existence, a nice idea was turned sour when put into practice.

Josef Stalin

Josef Stalin took the idea of Socialism and put it into practice in Soviet Russia. The problem is that the class struggle between workers and capitalists was not cured, but simply replaced by a class struggle between workers and a cruel dictator. But Socialism also fails even when the leader isn't pure evil. Well that's up for debate but I won't tackle that issue.

Mao Zedong

Mao Zedong took over China after a long, confusing war against the inaptly named People's Republic of China that ruled for only a few decades. Mao Zedong promised the people what they've always wanted, and what Socialism could probably never give them. He promised them freedoms such as the freedom of speech, religion, and the freedom to hold demonstrations. Of course, this was quickly proven false, but Socialism was proven a faulty system later in his career.

The main issue with managing such a large country of Socialist workers was getting them all fed. Under his version of Socialism, Mao assigned the workers to certain roles regardless of that individual's skills and interests. This seems slightly problematic, but let me give you a few examples that prove just how completely ridiculous this plan was.

Many workers who have had no experience farming were sent to Central China so they could farm. The land was pretty infertile and the workers were not very educated, so the process was pretty unsuccessful. What do I mean by unsuccessful? I mean they didn't make nearly as much as they thought, but under Socialism they weren't allowed to eat the small amount they made. So there was a huge shortage of food in general and most of those farmers starved. They were surrounded by food they weren't allowed to eat!

Now let's move back to Russia. The age of Stalin fell by the 1950's, but this new Soviet system wasn't much better. When the communist domino fell all over Asia and Eastern Europe during the Cold War, The Marshall Plan was enacted to contain the threat. In this plan, destroyed European countries borrowed tons of money to rebuild entire cities. This money was also spent on American goods, to encourage capitalism as much as possible. You better believe I'm talking about those gluttonous, deep fried goods that funnel happiness into my soul.

The Realization of the American Dream

Western European nations bought all of our fun consumer goods and capitalism prospered. It wasn't the solution to the Cold War, since the true battle became the nuclear arms race that will occur very soon after the Marshall Plan. But this enabled capitalism in a more direct way than ever before. The least you could say is this mass consumption of American goods is what made the 1950's so amazing for American business. It's what led to the creation of suburbs, the middle class, and the realization of the American Dream.

How Donuts Fit into it All

Socialism ultimately failed because they didn't think like true donut-lovers do. People were assigned to necessary stuff like farming and steel production. But the farming was insufficient and the steel was just... really bad steel! Like how do you expect a man uneducated in steelmaking to make anything other than really bad steel?

Capitalism solves that because people make whatever they want to make. They respond to the needs of the country and there are never situations like Chinese farming/steelmaking incident. The hungry are fed and the necessities in life are satisfied. And because the people who make those things are so passionate, there is room for unnecessary stuff. Cue the third picture of donuts! Because even when it comes to pictures of the stuff, we love overabundance.


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    • CWanamaker profile image

      CWanamaker 4 years ago from Arizona

      Wow this was a really well written piece. I mean tying donuts to socialism/communism? Genius.