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How to Love Unconditionally

Updated on March 20, 2010

To begin to touch heaven, we must first relate to the earth.

No Master has ever denied the existence of the phenomenal world. To do so would be foolish. The earth is where we human beings are. It is here where we interact with each other, each interaction caused by our karmic connections from past lives.

We have to admit that this phenomenal world is fascinating. So many colors, so many textures, sights, sound, shapes, oh so much to explore, including the rise and flow of feelings for another person, which is the most vivid and most fascinating of it all:romantic love. So much so that history abounds with it and we love to read those stories of romantic love.

We get distracted and yet when we are able to relate to the earth as it is, we would have learned what Jesus Christ meant when he said "Be in the world but not of it." You are so much more than this phenomenal world and even the bible tells us "Don't you know that you are gods?"

There are no coincidences here; even meeting the person at the coffee shop where you get your coffee from in the morning is not a chance meeting. Each meeting is a sacred contract.

There are rules that all religions tell us. Do not cheat, lie, steal, covet. Do not harm another. These rules are not arbitrary. The very simple reason, the truth, is that every transgression against another is a karmic debt and each debt that we incur is repaid in full, if not in one lifetime then in the next. To some it may take many lifetimes. The energetic cost to our soul in terms of evolution is much too much. It is really inner wisdom that propels us to do what is true to ourselves. We are all pure, perfect, unblemished.

The purpose of each interaction is to resolve these karmic issues. When we do not recognize this, we remain bound by ignorance and the consequence of ignorance is suffering. As humans we all have to turn the karmic wheel.

There is a way out of the karmic wheel. This is what the masters in every religion learn when they begin the path of meditation/contemplation/self inquiry. After many years of discipline they can come back and begin to teach, but because they are free their actions are no longer karmically bound. When they go, it will be as if a bird has flown and only the wind carries the memory of the bird having been there. No traces left.

As human beings we feel love. We categorize this love according to our relationship with the other person but the feelings that we have are only a manifestation of the pure unconditional love that we have welling inside of us. Love is our gateway to freedom and as the Bible says, "For God so loved us all that He gave his only begotten son for our sins."

The sacrifice of the Son of God is only a symbol, no more. It is to say that God loves us all equally, including Jesus Christ, but Jesus Christ has already known that this is his role. And although the Bible tells us that He did show signs of human feelings as He was undergoing the persecution and crucifixion, He knew it beforehand and therefore played His role. Few people can understand Him as God so we have to relate to Him as Son of God. A man.

When we feel romantic love towards another we know that that kind of love is sustainable only at the conscious level. A romantic relationship is sustained because the two people that are involved choose to stay. Because it is at the conscious level, we are in fact honoring our contracts, that which is required for us to repay our karmic debts, whether we like it or not.

We know that this is so because no matter how much we love your husband/wife/partner, there are times that we do not feel very loving towards them. They did or did not do something and that action or inaction hurt the human side of us or they have habits that we would rather they do not have. We expected something, and in our minds, they disappointed us.

Real love is unconditional. As it means, without conditions attached to it. It is only our limited minds, a part of our ego, that want us to own/be with/be part of/control another person.

The love that Jesus Christ represents, what the Masters call Cosmic/Universal love, is like the sun shining on everyone. It does not distinguish between sinner or saint, pauper or prince, someone who is as innocent as a child, or a hardened criminal. The sun shines on both the sinner and saint. It has no expectation of return and therefore only benefits the giver. It is all encompassing and unassuming, like a well which when opened becomes an oasis. Eventually, this oasis becomes an ocean.

When we are able to relate to this and see that there is only ebb and flow of feelings brought by our minds, then we can relate to the statement "To be in the world but not of it." To be in the world, enjoy it, see it as it is, and know that it is all a fascinating play. It is here where we not only participate because we chose to,but also that which we require as a classroom to learn our lesssons.

Then we go back and see that the suffering associated with that limited romantic love was necessary for our growth. It was a part of our path, a gateway, which when entered into shows us how really narrow our former perspective was. There are no distinctions when we love. We love, that is all.

And we see the humor as we remember our seven year old son asking us which one we love more, him or the dog?

© 2009 by Melinda M. Sorensson

Have you ever loved and lost and learned the spiritual lesson from that broken heart?

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    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Thank you, Katie. Children ohhh..they will push us and pull us and stretch our patience to the limits and then when we are ready to scream and tear our hairs, we realize that this is a game and we let go, we see the humour in all of it...

      Be cool. Stay cool. Put yourself in their shoes. Become a child again, and see how wonderful it is to live in your children's eyes. It is magic.

      Love, M

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 7 years ago from I'm outta here

      Well I needed to revisit this as it seems lately my kids are not listening and following instructions or more to the point doing the task they know their responsible for. I don't want to loose my cool as I'm needing to remind them of their chores... Peace :)

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Thank you, arisel :-)

    • arisel profile image

      arisel 7 years ago from Honolulu Hawai

      i love ur hub thanks great job

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Thank you Tony for dropping by. Yes indeed, love and peace.

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 7 years ago from South Africa

      Thanks for a powerful Hub which is also a timely reminder of how love can be.

      Love and peace


    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      This is possible only momentarily in the case of romantic love.

      With parents and children, there is a bond and this goes on on the level where there is perfect and reciprocal exchange as long as there is no abuse.

      Unconditional love is actually one gateway to freedom, if we only let it be.

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 7 years ago from I'm outta here

      Unconditional love is such a easy thing to do if we just let go and let love guide us! I enjoyed this very much and will imagine many many people coming to this awareness. Peace :)

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      blbhhdcn, you must honor that love for writing. It is passion that is the most important in any endeavor. Thanks for stopping by :-)

      Magkababayan pala tayo. No wonder I thought, wow, who is this gorgeous woman?


    • blbhhdcn profile image

      blbhhdcn 7 years ago

      Thank you for your continued support.

      I really appreciate your kind comments. I love to write, it feels good to be able to share.

      God bless you kababayan

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      You are too kind. Thank you Nell!!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 7 years ago from England

      Hi, Melinda, this is so lovely and true, I totally understand what you are saying, and you say it so beautifully, nice one, cheers nell

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Oh, thank you Sky.

    • Sky321 profile image

      Sky321 7 years ago from Canada

      I really love the point you made,-love doesn't distinguish. Wonderful hub and well written. Thank you for sharing.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      I am honored that we met, Billy. You have great instinct, and are aware of your own innate integrity and decency. Thanks for your friendship.

    • billyaustindillon profile image

      billyaustindillon 7 years ago

      Melinda thank you for through explanation this is very deep and insightful - I do believe there is no such thing as a coincidence which fits in with your analogy and the past lives. There is much to ponder with the thought part of the other person maybe ourselves. You have such a vast knowledge. Thank you for some of those books you have shared with me also.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Whom we fall in love with is dictated by our karma. In essence we cannot really choose romantic love or whom to fall in love with. We think we can "choose" whom to be with, marry, or have family with, but that as well is dictated by our karma. It means sometime in our many lifetimes, we have agreed to meet that person in this lifetime because we have to work something out.

      This is true of most relationships, unless one is awakened.

      To love unconditionally is what all religions teach us, in many languages.

      The reason for that it is it is a true crux of awakening to who we are and we are not disconnected to anyone or anything. It is only a perception.

      Where our awareness is we identify with, Billy.

      We cannot be harsh on the people who are "bad" because we do not know what we have done in the past.

      We can know them, but as one minister wrote in one of the books, it is better that we do not know them otherwise we might dislike ourselves too much.

      Forgive me, I have over 500 books on religion alone I cannot tell you which one I quoted it from.

      We love one another, unconditionally, because part of the other person is us as well.

      Thank you for reading and leaving a comment, Billy.

    • billyaustindillon profile image

      billyaustindillon 7 years ago

      Melinda a very powerful and insightful writing - unconditional love is something I know one attributes to ones children and parents generally and this is true and in other relationships such as marriage there is not the crux of your own blood line hence you must listen, learn and find that true empathy and love that is unconditional - our egos that a furnished by societies wishes are a huge roadblock and in time you "love and learn". To have that feeling and ability to give unconditional love I think you need a massive wake up call - be it an event or something similar. Then it is a quest of learning that you want strive for - at least I believe that and what I strive for. I enjoyed your hub and thank you for sharing what you learnt.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      Hi, Dallas, Thanks!

      What I meant by unconditional love is very simply wanting the other person to be happy, without wanting them chained to you.

      Only our egos demand that chain. When we are able to do this, let go, we realize that we love everyone equally.

      I agree, there is such a thing as blind loyalty, lol..ask me about it, ha ha ha..Sooner or later, we realize that it is not healthy for either us or the other person, so we self correct.

    • dallas93444 profile image

      Dallas W Thompson 8 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

      In the beginning…when I was inexperienced and naïve, I believed I could love unconditionally. Now, I am agnostically groping for examples of unconditional love. I can put my arms around God’s agape love, but apparently, our unconditional positive regard at times has boundaries… An example: given our strengths are our weaknesses (loyal: an attribute) ..We can be loyal to our detriment. Nevertheless, we also can be loyal to out betterment. Perhaps the wisdom is “knowing” when and where the dynamic balance position is…. Interesting, thought provoking site….


    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      I do not know the answer to your question of whether a lot more people are experiencing a deepening awareness of consciousness, Ashmi.

      We are at an information age..

      There are those who have sought and found and they are not heralded. We can look at India, Tibet, China...a few other Asian countries.

      The reason we think this is that developed countries are now open to it, Americans and Europeans are now fascinated by this phenomenon.

      For as long as man is alive he will have these questions of "Who Am I, What am I here for?" because the will always have to be jolted by The First Noble Truth...the truth of suffering.

      Thank you for the lovely comment, Ashmi.

    • Ashmi profile image

      Ashmi 8 years ago from Somewhere out there

      I tell people that we are all seekers. Only some of us are conscious of this and others are yet to find out. Whether we call it God or Consciousness or the Absolute we are all drawn towards home. Towards the One. The centre is like the law of attraction or the law of gravitation. Forever urging us to dive deep within our being and become one with the Lord of love.

      Nature is always striving for harmony and union. A Taoist (introduced to me by a catholic nun - a life long friend) kept drumming into me to watch closely the way nature teaches its lessons. To not interfere with it but to keep quiet and observe. What a blessing this teaching was! What miracles I witnessed. How extraordinary the mundane events of life became with this "new vision". Even the humblest of creatures such as a dung beetle I hold in reverence. How I wish others to see as I do! Too few know what it is to simply see without seeing.

      People are talking about a "conscious awakening" going on. In other words; a lot of people experiencing a deepening awareness or expansion of consciousness. Do you think this is true? Do you think there are more who are questioning their own existence and want sincerely to change their ways?I am aware of a lot of talk but not so many who are serious in these matters. Curiosity and entertainment seem to be their prime concern. What do you think?

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      What a lovely comment, thank you. That is precisely what I want to communicate, Ashmi.

      You are so right, that people confuse affectionate detachment with aloofness.

      All paths lead to God, no matter how long it takes us. We can come back lifetime after lifetime and yet the only lesson we have to learn is unconditional love, for in so doing we unite with our Creator and we realize that we are in fact part of one whole and the illusion of separation is only because we have forgotten who we are.

    • Ashmi profile image

      Ashmi 8 years ago from Somewhere out there

      I love this hub!... Love is a word that is grossly misunderstood. It is precisely as you say, it does not judge one over another. It does not depend on anything being a certain way etc. To accept the flow of life and not resist its natural course is love. Love includes and embraces all, even the perceived ugliness or imperfections of this world.

      My teacher taught that to really help another was to put him/her beyond all need of further help. Similar to the story about the mistake of giving a hungry man a fish so he may eat for the day. If we teach him how to fish he will eat for life with no further need of help. To be real to others is the greatest gift we can offer them, or ourselves.

      To teach another about who they are in reality as opposed to who they THINK they are is the noblest work anybody can do. The world is a beautiful thing, and to take it for granted and not marvel at it's sheer awesome beauty is a grave error. I applaud your message and the way you express it.

      All too often people confuse the attitude of affectionate detachment with being cold and aloof. "To be in the world yet not of the world" is precisely to adopt this attitude. To never lose or forget who we are. To remain anchored at the source while going about our daily business..... It does not mean as most people think that we cannot enjoy and admire things of this world; it means we do not get overly attached to them or emotionally involved. People often think I am trying to take the fun out of life until I explain to them that it is precisely the opposite. By being non-attached, we can enjoy everything as we have no self-interest in the outcome. Whatever happens is accepted, making everything a joyful experience. Pain is a result of resistance. If we do not resist what is, all is blissful.

      I want to thank you for the fan mail you sent and yes: you are correct. Mine is the path of knowledge. My temperament chose it, as the path of devotion did not align itself well with my character. Every path eventually leads to the union of love.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      Thank you Teri



    • Ladybird33 profile image

      Ladybird33 8 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Wonderful and beautiful, Thank yhou for sharing,


    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 8 years ago

      I am educated in the books, yes, but I can not claim to have worldly knowledge. Please forgive my ignorance in these things. I do not watch the news. I have not turned on my 36 year old RCA television for at least four months and the news that I get is from people who tell me these things as they ask me questions.

      I believe what you said about the IMF and this kind of control will happen until it is no longer necessary.

    • someonewhoknows profile image

      someonewhoknows 8 years ago from south and west of canada,north of ohio


      I see you are well educated,more so than I am I think.Well maybe in some ways.I was never really good in math and chemistry.Although I'm facinated by chemistry,as well as math.I'm interested in free energy,from hydroxy gas for fuel.which is seen as impractical.There is a man in the philipines by the name of Danial Dingle who claims to have invented just such a system,and tried to get the government to produce engines that ran on water,but the monetary fund had made a deal with the government that in exchange for a loan their government would not compete with the oil interests in the fuel indusrty.Nothing is being allowed to compete with oil.

      Sometimes we have to make do with what we have and sometimes we are forced to.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 9 years ago

      I can relate perfectly. Hence the reason I am not part of any movement. I only give help when I am completely detached from the outcome and lots of people can not understand this, but to be true to others I must first be true to myself.

      I do not normally donate to charities, I donate anonymously to those who can not give back not because I feel sorry for them but because I believe in the work that they do beyond what is apparent. They do not owe me and I do not owe them.

      Patanjali advises against accepting and giving of gifts. The reason for this is that people are usually attached to their gifts. Hence I only gift someone who takes the gift as I do. If you like it you can keep it, if not, you can give it away to someone whom you think will make better use of it.

      Thank you for your comment. It was very timely.



    • someonewhoknows profile image

      someonewhoknows 9 years ago from south and west of canada,north of ohio

      There is something called service to self (S.T.S.)

      and another called service to others (S.T.O.)

      The simple comparison between opposite points of view is said to be the reason for all strife in life.

      Some of us think that simply giving something to someone,is a service to other attitude.

      For example;

      If Giving something to another gives you pleasure,and you get something out of it,it is a selfish act,if by that act you are making someone dependent on you,even though it makes you,feel good to do so.if,the person getting the help is service to self,they may not feel satisfied with what ever help they are getting,and though it gives you pleasure giving to them ,that is also a service to self attitude.In the long run ,it doesn't by itself help them in the long run.They will still be in need if they were truely in need in the first place.In which case if you were truely a service to other person,you would try to help them in whatever way you could,even going out of your way to do so.

      Making someone dependent on your generosity is a selfish act.

      Giving someone the opportunity to help themselves,at some expense to you,such as teaching them how to support themselves at some cost to you in time and attention is unselfish,though if may take a sacrafice on your part,in the short term ,in the long run,you will have enabled them to care for themselves,rather than asking for handouts.

      In the first circumstance you may "feel good" about giving to someone in need But are, you being unselfish by doing so?

      It,is easy to just feed someone for a day in the short term.In the long run you may realize that ,you are really being selfish by keeping them dependent,It makes you feel good for having done so in the short term.but.In the long run you will realize that you were really being selfish and trying to pursuade yourself that you are doing the best thing by just doling out money to someone in need without them being able to give something in return.

      Like it says in the bible ,"it is better to give than to recieve".If you have the ability and resources to give.

      If you are able to give,give of yourself until it hurts,not just money,by helping others who are willing to give of themselves,by learning a skill that's in demand where they can care for themselves,not relying on others for their sustainability.It costs more in the long run for everyone involved when those who can help themselves are not allowed to do just that.

      I'm sure you've heard the saying it's a"win-win"situation. Employers and employees both win when one helps the other,even if it hurts in the short term to do so.Meaning sometimes both sides have to give up something of value so that one can continue to help the other.That is the service to other attitude.Shared pain,to help each other be self sustaining a (win - win

      If,in the short term everyone has to sacrifice,in order for everyone to win in the long term works in a reasonable period of time then it's legitimate.If not ,then something is wrong.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 9 years ago

      Thank you Rui, Alex

    • AlexK2009 profile image

      AlexK2009 9 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

      Great Hub. Thanks

    • profile image

      Rui Soares 9 years ago

      Thank you so much, Melinda!



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