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How To Fake Being Sick To Get Off School

Updated on October 21, 2015

First of all, it should be noted that faking being sick to get off school should not be done regularly. If you miss too much school you can get behind, which leads to a lot of extra stress, late homework and probably some failed tests.

Right... Now that I've got your mum off my back time for some real talk. School is hard and sometimes we just need a break. Growing up is pretty exhausting stuff. We all have those days where we feel like our head is about to explode with all the pent up emotion and stress, and we just need to relax. The method you're about to hear can be used for those such days. Alternatively, you could take the day you have a big test off and study, so you can do better on the test at a later date or skip school the day you have that really huge assignment that you haven't exactly finished due, to avoid failing the class. Taking an occasional day off is not a bad thing. Unfortunately, not all parents would agree with me on that one, which is why faking being sick is the best option you have.

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Step one: Pick your day.
Honestly, this is mostly just common sense. Don't be an idiot and pick a day on of your parents is going to be at home on to pull a sickie. It means you have to keep pretending all day, which can be more tiring than school is in the first place! Also, try not to pick a Friday. The temptation of a three day weekend can be overwhelming, but afterwards your parents will be a little sceptical of the fact that you got better instantly once Saturday rolled around. If you're desperate for a three day weekend, try a Monday. That way you can avoid handing in any weekend homework you didn't want to do and on the Tuesday you can act all 'I'm still not feeling well, but I'm going to school anyway because my education is important to me' and earn yourself some brownie points.

Step two: Setting things up.

The night before the big day start complaining of a headache or stomachache. Don't overdo it, because otherwise your parents will be suspicious, but make sure they're aware you're 'not feeling your best.' Also, pretend to go to bed early (you can always just roll over, grab your phone and stay up till 2am anyway). If you're one of the kids who demands a later bed time this will shock your parents and make them believe there really is something wrong with you. Pretending to have a cough works pretty well too. Go to 'bed' and stuff around on your phone, making sure to cough at regular intervals. After about an hour go out into the living room or wherever your parents are and moan about how you can't sleep because you're coughing too much. Taking these measures will mean that you won't be claiming that you're sick out of the blue the next morning, diverting any suspicions your parents might have.

Step three: Moaning in the morning.
Wake up a little earlier than usual in the morning so you have time to collect yourself and put on your 'I'm so sick' facade. Check your reflection in the mirror and see if there's anything you can do to make yourself look ill. Mess up your hair a little and pinch your cheeks to make them appear flushed. If you're going for the feverish look you can also try rubbing moisturiser on your face then wetting it, so it looks like beads of sweat. If you're really hardcore hit the makeup (guys, try to steal some of your mum's). Put a dab of dark eye shadow under your eyes and blend it really well to make it look like bags. If you're going for the pale look get a foundation that's a little lighter than your skin tone and apply it thinly. Remember, you don't want to overdo anything because if you get busted you'll be in loads of trouble

After perfecting your look amble out of your room with your hands wrapped around your stomach or laid across your forehead. Mumble when you greet your parents and try to look really sad overall. With a lot of parents just the thought of you being really miserable will be enough to let you stay home. Declining breakfast is a good move, especially if you always have it. Also, try to do at least one thing that is really uncharacteristic of you. For example, for me it's a heap of excessive hugging. If you act like you're not yourself your parents should become worried. If they haven't mentioned anything about you seeming unwell by this point, gently introduce the idea. Plop down on the couch and moan that you feel really sick. Don't overdo this- too much moaning isn't credible, but make sure they know you feel terrible. Get dressed into your school uniform, but make a bit of a fuss about it and mess it up somehow, like not tying your shoes properly or missing a button on your shirt.

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Step four: What if they don't say anything?

If you've done everything correctly up to this point and your parents haven't mentioned you staying home yet, don't sweat it. Bring up the idea yourself, in a very gentle way. Restate that you really don't feel well, and you don't know if you're up to going to school. To add credit claim that there's a bug going around your year level and a heap of people haven't been going lately. This is usually the make or break point of the whole act, so make sure you keep your sick facade up. Don't seem happy or excited at all about the day off, just keep acting really miserable. At this point I can say with every certainly that 85% of parent will sigh, act all annoyed, tell you to go back to bed and say that they'll call your school and tell them you're not coming in. If you are one of the unlucky children that belong to the other 15%, don't give up yet!! Tell your parents there's nothing really on that you'll miss today, and if it feels right then maybe mention something that you'll be sorry to miss, like art class or sport practice. If they still say you have to go, amp it up even more. Try to make your eyes water a little (this works excellently, especially if you're not much of a crier) and whimper that you really don't feel well and you just don't think you could handle school today. Keep it up all the way to the time that you leave for school. Even if it doesn't work, you always have a second chance with your school nurse once you arrive!!

Step five: Not screwing it up.
If your parents tell you that you can stay home, do not screw it up!! Nod and try to appear grateful, but still miserable. If you seem too enthusiastic they'll catch you out on it, and then you'll have to go to school and they'll never trust you again. Go back to bed and don't move until you hear them leaving. Don't even go on your phone, because usually they'll come in and check on you before they leave. If you try and actually go to sleep it can work really well, plus who would object to a few hours extra sleep in the morning!? If everything goes according to plan and they leave then congrats, you've just earned yourself a day off!!

WARNING:

  • Do not overdo it and try to pretend like you have a really bad fever or some deadly disease. If you do one of three things will happen. They'll call you out on it and send you to school, they'll decide you can have the day off but stay home with you to make sure you don't die or they'll whisk you off to the doctor (dun dun dunnnnn). A doctor is pretty much impossible to fool and will likely catch on to what you're trying to do, plus they're expensive as hell and you'll end up wasting a lot of your parent's money.
  • In the aftermath of your sick day, don't suddenly become fine!! Your parents will realise you were faking and you'll never be able to get away with it again. When they get home tell them that the day of rest did you good, but you still don't feel great. If you were pretending to cough, keep up the coughing. If you were pretending to have migraine act like your head still hurts and so on. Don't act for too long because they might send you off to the doctors, but make sure to give yourself a realistic 'recovery' period.
  • Don't get in the habit of doing this. Days off are a lot of fun, especially if your parents are super gullible, but faking sick can easily become a habit snd suddenly you'll find yourself never turning up to school. Try to limit yourself to one sick day every month or so at the most. Once you've got the art of "Muuummm, I'm siiick" perfected you can easily go too far and abuse your new found powers.


Have a great day and happy faking!!

Have you ever used this method, or a similar one, before?

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