Definitely ALL THAT, Yes I AM!
Legend in HIS/HER Own Mind, The Greatness That is HIM/HER
YOU are NOT All That-NO WAY!
Such A TOXIC Aura-Others DON'T Want To Be Around Such People
How GREAT I Am
I. What IS Conceit?
This hub is in response to the request DO YOU THINK A CONCEITED BEHAVIOR IS A SIGN OF INSECURITY by hubber Jcroichy. The word "conceited" is quite a loaded source of contention for many people. Some people believe that a person with a high form of self-esteem is conceited which such is not the case at all. Other people assert the view that a person who talks incessantly about his/her accomplishments and/or varying talents/gifts and attributes is conceited.
However, the definition according to THE AMERICAN HERITAGE COLLEGE DICTIONARY, conceited is holding or characterized by an unduly high opinion of oneself-vain. In other words, a conceited person, in context, is a person who claims to be what he/she is not. A conceited person believes that he/she is a legend and/or a star in his/her own mind. He/she is not hesitant to remind others of this. The average conceited person also possess an underlying sense of inferiority and security behind his/her bravado.
II. Conceit as the GREAT PRETENSE-They AREN'T What THEY Say They Are
Case in point, there was a girl whom I knew as a teenager. She maintained that she was the smartest student in her high school class, adding that her IQ was at genius level. She further related that she was highly advanced while others were mere cretins. She asserted on numerous occasions that no one knew as much as she did. She even mentioned telling a teacher in class how stupid the latter was and laughed at a student for getting an answer wrong. To say that she was not endearing to both teachers and students alike would be the understatement of the century.
Upon revelation from her "close friend" at the school, it was discovered that she was the 12th smartest student in her class with a 120 IQ. Nevertheless, she kept up the false bravado and wrote in her high school year book how superior she was to the common masses. She subsequently got expelled from a couple of colleges because of her low grades. Her career life was not that much better, she was continuously fired from jobs because of her abrasiveness with superiors and coworkers alike.
At my last job as an investigator, there was a woman who possessed two advanced degrees. She felt that she was above the job of investigator which we all were. She daily informed everyone how intelligent she was while we, who were lesser educated, were not. However, her poor work performance combined with her negative attitude caused her to be eventually transferred to another office and subsequently terminated.
There was another investigator who asserted that at her last position before this job, she was the HIGHEST producer and THE BEST employee. Weeks after she was hired as an investigator, the director of the unit immediately transferred her because she was the LOWEST producing investigator in the unit. Her work performance never improved in the decade she was an investigator.
However, she was never terminated because she complained to the union and she always was returned to her job. There were several transfers to many units. To put it succinctly, the supervisors and directors did not want her in their respective units.
Notwithstanding, her work performance actually got worse and the last director documented every aspect of her work performance. This investigator received disciplinary memos and was suspended numerous times; however, she was returned to work because of union intercession. Well, because of the numerous memos and suspensions, the arbitrator at the last hearing made the decision to finally terminate her for her substandard work performance. To this day, this investigator staunchly maintained that her work performance was highly effective and it was supervisors and superiors that were lacking.
III. Truly Intelligent/Gifted People DON'T Brag About Their Attributes, Such are Manifested in One Way or Another
People who are talented and/or otherwise possess giftedness and/or other prodigious talents are often humble and modest. They are content to be who they are without much fanfare as they have no need to exhibit a false sense of braggadocio which is often present in conceited people. Case in point, there was a young woman in my college who was a straight-A student throughout 4 years. Her cumulative GPA was 4.0; however, she never broadcasted how smart she was. Only her professors and a few students actually knew that she was the smartest student at college.
A second case in point is a student that I knew who was the 2nd smartest student in the same high school class that the first girl I mentioned was in. She never broadcast to anyone how smart she was. She was extremely personable and had friends who were not honor students. In fact, two of her friends were straight-C students throughout their respective high school careers. It was later revealed that this student had a cumulative high school average of 98 and a 147 IQ. Many exceedingly smart students at the high school had cumulative averages ranging from 96 to 99. All these girls were humble and modest regarding their accomplishments.
There was a woman at my last job who possess prodigious engineering and technical skills; however, she never broadcast such skills. She worked as a clerical supervisor. In addition to her engineering and technical skills, she had an advanced degree. She taught computer classes and was the go to person. Because of her personableness and approachability, she was quite well-liked in the work place.
She was subsequently promoted to be an investigator and won numerous work awards. The higher superiors noticed her and pulled strings to get her a very high level administrative job at another agency. At this point in life, this woman can literally call her own shots careerwise.
A third investigator at my last job, a male, had an advanced degree but he never revealed it to anyone. He was an excellent employee and was subsequently promoted to an extremely high decision making post within the agency. He was also modest and humble, especially to his coworkers and clientele. Even one high level director remarked that because of his modest nature, personableness, and excellent work ability, this investigator would have NO PROBLEM getting promoted.
IV. The Uhderlying Causes of Conceit
Conceited people are of the school that no one knows and/or is anything but them. They contend that they have talents and attributes that the hoi polloi do not have and/or will never possess. They maintain that no one else is as special as they are. In essence, they adamantly believe that they are one in a million.
What causes people to become conceited? The causes are varied as there are people. There are some children who were never praised by their parents. Their parents either ignored them or were critical of them. They figured that if their parents believed that they were in fact "lesser", they were to disprove this particular theory to their parents. So they achieved and some overachieved. This overachievement oftentimes was noticed by other adult figures such as teachers and mentors.
As a result of the abovementioned, such children realized that they no longer needed parental or any other type of adult approval. They knew that from their achievements that they were worthy. This self-confidence and self-worth often developed into a false bravado to mask their feelings of inferiority because of their critical and/or uninvolved parents. They begin to feel that they might as well broadcast their talents and be their own cheerleaders as the most important people in their lives(their parents) never praised them.
Many conceited people are attention seekers as a result of receiving little or no attention from their parents and/or other adult figures. Each little thing that they do, they purposely tell others to draw attention to themselves. By broadcasting themselves, they are filling a missing void in their lives. Such people are oftentimes self-congratulatory because subconsciously they are seeking the attention that they did not receive from their parents and/or other important figures in their earlier formative years. Many conceited people are attention seekers, they tell others of their exploit and how great they are because they want others to notice how good THEY are.
Conversely, many conceited people had parents who constantly praised them and either never set reasonable limits for them nor corrected them when the made mistakes. There are many parents who believe in the motto, my children right or wrong. These parents maintain that their children never do any wrong.
According to such parents, if their children get into or are in trouble, it is usually the other person's fault, not their children. If another person tells these parents that their children have erred or did something wrong, the former would receive a harsh rebuttal from such parents. These parents maintain that their children possess the most talent, are the smartest, and have other superlatives bar none to describe their children.
Children raised by such parents have an unadulterated belief in their own invincibility and mastery so to speak. Because of the parental inculcation they received, they believe that they can do NO WRONG. They also feel entitled because of the constant parental praise that they receive. Many of these children not only receive constant parental praise. They also receive constant adulation from other adult authority figures. These children have the halo effect. They actually believe that they are always in the right and can do no wrong.
Children who receive constant adult adulation and not corrected for their faults often have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. They believe that by virtue of their talents and abilities that they are better than those they come into contact with. They contend that they are stars while others are mere mortals. Many of them possess the entitlement mentality.
Many of them possess the entitlement mentality. They believe that events and life should go their way. They further contend that if things do not go their way, it is the fault of the "other" whether it is the teacher, professors, the boss, and/or other influences, but never their fault. In essence, they refuse to acknowledge their own shortcomings.
V. What Eventually Happens to Conceited People
What is the outcome for conceited people? Many conceited people often learn too little, too late that life does not necessarily revolve around them. When others learn of their true nature, the former will be as cordially distant with them as possible. Conceited people oftentimes self-sabotage their career chances. Many companies and corporations usually retain and promote people with an excellent combination of technical and people skills.
People who oftentimes abrasive are considered to have poor people skills and are seldom promoted to leadership positions. Leadership positions required a high level of both technical and people skills. An underlying work factor is likeability and being personable. People who are likeable and personable are more likely to obtain promotions than those who are deemed to be unlikeable even though the latter may possess a high technical skill level.
Companies and corporations are extremely loathe to promote people with poor people skills into management and other executive positions because of the fear that there will be a high employee turnover. Also, employees are not likely to obey and follow those with poor people skills because of their poor personality. One of the main components of being a leadership is to be able to influence and persuade people to get the job done. If a person is believes that he/she is better than you and constantly inform you of this, you will be turned off by this person, refusing to listen to him/her.
If an employee is conceited, oftentimes or not, he/she believes that he/she knows it all and refusing to listen to any correction given by a superior. He/she is also not a team player at work, believing that he/she is the be and end all. In other words, such an employee will cause friction at work which results in a decrease in work morale. Such an employee, if he/she elects not to improve his/her work performance, will eventually be terminated for insubordination and not be cooperative.
In personal relationships, conceited people eventually lose friends as people will become tired of their constant self-aggrandizement. In more romantic and committal relationships, the other person discontinue the relationships. In other words, the conceited person oftentimes end up quite alone. However, he/she wonders why he/she is alone, believing that the other person had the issues, not him/her. He/she is alone in the little black hole of his/her own creation.
A conceited person is a person who has an exaggerate sense of self-importance. This exaggerated sense of self-importance goes hand and hand with a sense of inferiority and insecurity. Many conceited people feel inferior so they mask this inferiority with a false bravado.
There are myriad reasons why people are conceited. They may have had critical parents who never praise them so they became their own cheerleader. They could also have uninvolved parents who never paid attention to them so they brag to others to regale the latter's attention towards them. They may have parents who inculcated them with the premise that they could do no wrong.
People who are truly talented and/or gifted are not conceited. In fact, they are quite the opposite. They are oftentimes modest and humble. They are assured of their talents and have no need to broadcast them to others.
Oftentimes, conceited people realize too late that the world does not revolve around them. They lose friends, spouses, and significant others because of their personality. Many of them eventually get fired because they create havoc in the workplace by their attitude. Their attitude is often offputting to others. What they need is a severe attitude adjustment; however, they refuse to admit this until they get quite an awakening if you know what I mean!
What is your opinion of conceited people?
© 2013 Grace Marguerite Williams