Mae West Speaks Via Channel Michael Dennis
I have always felt a close connection with Mae West. She was an icon in her own right. She was known as the endlessly quoted lady of the killer one liners. The queen of double-entendres, bawdiness and one of the supreme sex symbols of all times. My only regret is that she had her heyday in another time and era and I was never able to meet her. Fortunately, via the internet, movies, etc. her name will live on forever, probably forever and a day.
What images conjure up in your mind when you think of Mae West?
Well, as for me I think of men with goo goo eyes smiling, gawking, and drooling over the beautiful sex symbol where she appeared on Broadway and vaudeville and burlesque stages across the country in the early part of the twentieth century. I think of that charm, twinkling glee in her eyes, and her seductive smile, her famous walk, and how she had a way of batting her eyelids, while her sensual body swaying moves caught the attention of every male in the house. I think of her famous one-liners that focused on sexual innuendo that she is still remembered for. Even today some twenty-eight years after her death most everyone has a Mae West line or two; the most famous probably which is “Why don’t you come up and see me sometime” and “When I’m good I’m very good, but when I’m bad I’m better.”
I think of her gliding across stage dressed in elegant gowns featuring the hour glass waist (thanks partially to corsets, I might add) wearing boas, furs and big feather hats and revealing décolletage, frills and flounces. I smiled reminding myself that the “one and never lonely” Miss Mae West is a Leo fire sign so of course she came into this particular lifetime to be one of the top “drama queens” of the stage. Other Leo performers were Lucille Ball, and Madonna. Need I say more? And without further ado, I give you the one and never lonely, Miss Mae West!”
“Hello everyone and how do you do? This is Mae West, born Mary Jane West. Now isn’t that such a plain and ordinary name? Just goes to show you that nothing is as it appears. I certainly was not destined to live an ordinary life by any means and I see now that in some ways I outdid even myself. I became famous for my bawdy provocative double-entendres. I made a name for myself in vaudeville and on the stage in New York. Then I moved to Hollywood where I was a comedian, actress and writer in the motion picture industry and I was a sex symbol. I always knew my destiny was to be a star and if you are going to be a star you might as well shine as brightly as you can and be one of the most controversial stars of your time. Why not? Free spirits reincarnate on the earth to shake up the status quo and I sure did that as all my problems with censorship and such shows. The show must go on as the saying goes.
“Now am I getting ahead of myself or am I digressing? I no longer inhabit a physical body on the earth but I am very much alive and well. You can rest assured of that. The astral spirit plane on which I dwell is but a wink away. And by the way, why don’t you come up and see me sometime? Well, actually you’ll have to trek quite a few steps to get to me but I will make your journey up the “stairway to heaven” worthwhile. Of course, if you insist I will meet you halfway baby, as the song goes. Gentlemen, I invite you to meet me in dream time on a soft fluffy cloud where our spirits can partake of joyous festive companionship. And I also invite you ladies to come up and see me for some exchange of stories and gossip and discussing of one of my very topics and subjects-men.
“The subject of men, sexuality, relationships and spirituality are all related and intertwined so at times you may feel like you are in a labyrinth or maze and I say how a-maze-ing it all is. Before we get into these heavy and complicated complex aspects of sexuality and relationships, let me invite and remind you to please keep your sense of humor. For goodness sakes, (in spite of my famous quote, “goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie”) keep your sense of humor. Yes, I realize that there is a much heaviness and sorrow on the earth as people work out their karmic responsibilities. Nonetheless, this is all chosen by each soul for our learning and evolvement and we have the whole world as our stage to play on.
“No wonder I liked to write plays, I knew on a soul level that we are here “to play” and what a better way than to create that “Mae West” persona I am still very famous for. One can achieve a lot of artistic freedom and make a lot of statements through writing and performing plays.
“I and my persona were one and the same in many ways. I certainly needed to shake up the statue quo when it came to male and female relationships. Women were letting men control them and dictate their roles entirely too much. The saying “it is a man’s world” was very popular and thanks to my devoted wonderful mother, I decided at a young age that such was going to be the case with me. Besides, I always believed men respect strong women more than the meek, docile easy to control ones.
“Aren’t men such interesting creatures? You know what they say. When it comes to men we can’t live with them and we can’t live without them. They also say “a good man is hard to find.” And, those of you who are familiar with my quotes and funny sayings know how I had such fun in reversing that little ditty. Actually it is true that a good man is hard to find, but equally true in this dysfunctional day and age, is the often hard to swallow the truth that most women are not balanced enough to be able to hold onto a good man. And most men are not balanced either to deserve the title “a good man”. Maybe I should assign them the title “a good fix” to insert some humor. Oh, most men are good at heart; that I do not deny. What most are not good at is allowing themselves to experience the depth and intimacy that is one of the purposes for relationships. Many men like to be in control. They like to be ruled by their brains not their hearts where women tend to be the opposite though there are many exceptions in this day and age.
“What I have come to realize though is that just because a woman is mostly ruled by her heart does not automatically qualify her as a worthy candidate for the gifts and gems that intimacy and a genuine relationship without hidden agendas offers. Actually to be ruled by the heart is not a good thing for a woman just as being ruled by the brain is not a good thing for men. To be ruled by anything is not good. Why do you think there have been so many revolutions? People get tired of tyranny and someone trying to boss them around and tell them what to do and how they should live.
“The unexamined or uninvestigated life is not worth living was said by a famous philosopher. How can one be ready for a mature relationship if they have not examined and investigated themselves? Most people have unsatisfactory relationships because they don’t have a good sense of self -identity. Compromise has its place but not at the sacrifice of self or soul loss. One way to get off to a fine start is to evaluate one’s childhood and the effect it has had upon influencing and developing the personality and character. Men and women need good role models as children. If their own parents do not encourage them and give them plenty of love, and support how will they be in a position to make and find their way in the world?
“So yes, I admit that I used my sexuality to build alliances with or to dominate the men I came in contact with. I became as callous and ruthless as many of the men, playing and beating them at their own games. It is true that game playing is a valid means to learn and grow, although perhaps not the most enlightened one. Fortunately some people begin to tire of the game playing over time and begin to seek out more authentic ways to relate to people. I am not sure if I prefer being overly confident and bold to being demure, and weak like the women who allow men to exploit, control and dominate them. But what I do know is that it not healthy for a woman to need a man too much nor for a man to need a woman too much. When this happens it is easy to fall into the trap of expecting the other person to fill the emptiness in their life that they need to fill themselves. Because of all the oppression I saw around me, I no doubt went to the extreme when it came to having to take charge and be in control. Nonetheless, if I had not been tough I would not have gotten as far as I did. I also realize that I was too independent and went too far with my “I am invulnerable” attitude and way of relating to men. In that regard I did not achieve balance and I am not done with my learning on the earth.
“Unlike some women who come to hate men or even become a lesbian, neither of these alternatives appealed to me. I had a genuine interest and desire for men, but I wanted things to be on my terms. And I am proud to admit they usually turned out that way. I went on a rip roaring tirade once about how men were just a convenience for me; the message being that I could either take or leave them. Needless to say I usually took them.
“Like I said “men are easy to get but hard to keep.” Or “it’s easy to get married but hard to stay that way.” Most people marry for the wrong reasons and that is why most marriages do not last. One could write books on this topic but I will cover the topic to the best of my ability in hopes of giving men and women a better sense and understanding of who they are and equally important the great potential that dwells inside them waiting to be actualized.
“It is time for women to heal their hearts and learn that men were not created to make them feel whole and secure nor were women created to make men feel whole and secure. Women and men must find self-love and self-worth from within before they can attract the right man or woman. Then they must decide what they want from them. Marriage is not for everyone. I always knew being a wife was not for me. I learned that men had their own agenda and expectations of women, which usually entailed the woman curtailing her own dreams and passion and to sacrifice their own needs and happiness trying to please their husbands. I would create my own act and the character and persona who I wanted to portray on stage as well as who I wanted to be in life off and on the stage.
“Speaking of men, in many ways they can be just like children. Games are very popular with children. They provide an educational outlet for learning. Many people never outgrow their attraction to games and more than enough like to play “dirty” as the saying goes. The heart and emotions become the arena for power hungry men filled with a competitive spirit and desire to conquer. Possessing power and money are considered signs of a successful person and many men use money and power as a means to entice, attract and lure women into their traps. Some women do the same thing and some will make tremendous efforts in presenting the beautiful image of what society dictates a woman should look like. They often do this out of a need for male approval and attention. I am no stranger to the desire and need for male attention. I very frequently had men around me. However, I knew that I was not dependent upon men the way many women are. I did not need them to make me feel complete happy or complete. When a woman does not have a strong sense of who she is and a strong inner core and sense of self worth she is setting herself up for problems with men. The resulting intrigues (otherwise known as big messes) she can get herself into strips her of her true femininity and humanity and alienates her from herself and from the man she would have to love honor and cherish her.
“That being said I understand and realize that learning occurs in many ways. If men wish to play games, then one way for women to teach men is to outwit and “win the game” and put men in their proper place. Hopefully when they have learned to do this, they will realize the futility of continuing such games and will be in a position to invite men into more meaningful encounters where genuine relating and intimacy can replace superficiality.
“Many men have made sex and love a game thus giving women the option of learning to play and hopefully then teaching men to respect and meet them on equal footing. There is a way of handling men and playing the games and winning as part of the healing without breaking the law, although a little bending here and there never hurt. As I said, “it ain’t no sin if you bend a few laws now and then, just so long as you don’t break any.”
“Lord knows a few need bending here and there because many laws were created to intimidate and enslave people. Now that certainly is not a good thing. We were all born free and we want to stay free. It is a basic urge of the soul to seek freedom of expression, freedom to express our sexuality with whoever we wish as long as they are consenting adults. Freedom to enjoy whatever we choose in the proper context, of course, whatever that means. What I mean is that if you enjoy watching x-rated movies you should be allowed to do so as long as you are not opening a drive in theatre where minors can drive by and see all the adult action.
“Even I had my scruples, though it may have appeared I did not. I may have been a big vamp and flirt but even I conducted my affairs in the privacy of wherever we happened to be. Oh, there is far more to this “affair” business than we are aware of. I think of the joke where the lady said to her friend,
““I read in the newspaper that 80% of the men have affairs in America? Now what do you think of that? What is the world coming to? Is the institution of marriage going down the drain?””
““Yeah, it’s going down the drain. 80 % of the men have affairs in America, eh? Well I can tell you this, the rest have them in Europe.””
“That is a joke but it does make you wonder. Maybe there is even something deep in the primordial soul instinctual memory that makes it hard to sustain monogamy. Perhaps monogamy is not even native or natural to the soul. Could that be one reason why so many take place? Or maybe the answer is within the word “affair” itself. Maybe it is “a fair” thing to play around and we should stop being so uptight about this subject. Maybe the man truly does love his wife but just needs some variety every now and then and the same for the woman. Every society makes and creates its own rules. What works for one may not work for another one. What has worked within some cultures has been subjected to change and reevaluation and new mores and rules were established. Some people find it easy to be monogamous while others do not. Women tend to be more monogamous than men although there are, of course, exceptions and that is changing more and more.
“Men tend to be players more and although they will march down the aisle and pledge fidelity until death do us part, many simply do not keep their promise. There were certainly several reasons why marriage did not appeal to me, but I can honestly see why some women are afraid to tie the knot. All they need do is watch news, read the papers to be kept up to date on the ever climbing divorce rate and men and women who admit they have cheated on their spouse. That is not to include those who deceive themselves and their spouses and would never admit it.
“You would be surprised at some people’s ability to convince themselves of the most obvious blatant lies. The increasing sex scandals prove that more and more men are out there playing the field and/or whoring around. I sometimes wondered and still do if it’s just in their genetic codes to seek out more than one female for mating, and what have you. It is obvious that many men will look at women and flirt when they are away from their wives on business etc. Some are audacious enough to do so while in the very presence of their spouse. So maybe women should not be so harsh on men? Maybe they just can’t help themselves? Too many men let themselves be ruled by their libido or so it seems. Men have been known to go to war over a woman. Look at Helen of Troy and other similar scenarios. What is disturbing and irks me is how many men play the double standard game. They expect their wife to be devoted, faithful and/or submissive while they are out there having surreptitious clandestine affairs.
“The number of extramarital affairs and sex scandals prove that sexuality is a top priority for many men. They just can’t seem to keep their pants on as one lady said. The ones who are out there usually doing the most “fornicating” and whoring around tend to be those who are so vehemently against that very thing. When those moralists get on their high horses and start preaching, I instantly tell myself that it is “to themselves” they are really preaching to. Many of them project their own lust onto others and accuse and judge them for what they themselves are usually doing, or at least doing battle with within themselves. Life is a mirror. We usually see in others what we don’t like about ourselves.
“These poor pathetic men just refuse to acknowledge their demons and shadows; which by the way would cease to be demons and shadows if they accepted, acknowledged, and integrated them in their lives. Otherwise, the sexual scandals, broken homes and marriages will just keep rising all because these hypocrite, double-standard, two-faced liars won’t deal with and come to grip with their own sexuality. We have been seeing over and over that some of the most upright right-winged moralists who are determined to clean up morality, are many of the very ones to get caught in the sex scandals. So who can believe anybody anymore? Even the protestant and catholic churches are not immune from sex scandals. Am I advocating total sexual freedom? Well that will depend on what is meant by total freedom. That will mean different things to different people. I am not advocating that everyone just fornicate with whoever like the animals do. Personal tastes and ethics come into place as well as respect for others. What I am advocating is “some major overhauling” and clearing out bags of worthless beliefs that have entrapped women for centuries. I am on a roll. As they say, “what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I am a free spirit, moreso now than ever. Men have been allowed to play around for far too long and get by with it. They call it sowing their wild oats while women who play around are called sluts.
“Men amused me. As I said so often I enjoyed having them around. My mother taught me that even though it appeared that it was a man’s world, that I could make my own rules. That is something that I constantly tell women up here who are contemplating and planning their next incarnation on the earth to deal with men for yet “another round.”
“I understand that the laws of attraction and karma are ever at play. It is a fact that some women are destined to enter various kinds of karmic labyrinths with men where love is distorted. However, I also know that souls are evolving at a much more rapid pace than ever before. Now there is a great outpouring of knowledge and information from the ascended beings and from souls who have learned the lessons that human love has to teach. They have awakened the higher “chakras” or energy centers allowing love to saturate, heal and liberate them. These souls are in a position to share their knowledge and wisdom.
“I earlier spoke about sexual game playing as an educational tool for soul evolvement and learning. Let’s look into that in some more depth now. In some ways I always knew that to be on the earth period involves playing “one big game.” We are all characters who write our own scripts and create our characters, stage props and the setting and environment where we want to act out our play. So my philosophy is if you are going to play games do it with gusto and grandiosity while you are at it. Make it one heck of a dramatic fanfare with all the props you can create. And equally important enjoy the process as you embark upon the journey of self-discovery. You are free to ad-lib as you go along. Nothing is set in granite or stone. If you don’t like the play you have written, you can rewrite it. There are no mistakes. You simply learn from whatever experiences you attract and create, I might add.
“One thing that I learned is that most men actually like it when a woman takes charge. Men usually think they have to take charge and find it their obligation but when it comes to after hours and they don’t have to answer to their boss or colleagues then they like to get laid back and have a good time shall we say.
“Behind the sex games, manipulation, strategies and some genuine moments of true intimacy, there exists a very basic need and urge inherent to animal and human life, and possibly other forms as well. That need and urge are for union and fusion. Union can take place in many ways. There is emotional union, spiritual union, mental and intellectual union and last but not least physical union.
“Sexuality is one glorious means to experience physical fusion. Actually the true purpose of sexuality is to experience many types of union but people have been conditioned and karmically caught up in the traps and limitations of restricting unions to occur mostly at the physical levels. This can be fun and have its place. Lord knows I didn’t need emotional, spiritual and mental union that much. Well, let me rephrase that. I thought I did not. Now I see things differently. I lived during a time, and you still do, where people were not highly evolved in their understanding of love, intimacy and true sexuality.
“There are many more highly evolved worlds than the earth where people experience what could be called “mind blowing sex and fusion” in ways unimaginable by humans. This is because they have learned how to activate all of their “chakras” or energy centers and are capable of moving that energy in ways earth people cannot. In olden times the initiates, priests, and priestesses in the mystery schools possessed these secrets and a few still do.
“Although most of the higher chakras and energy centers are operating at minimum levels with most people, there still exists this deep need and urge for union and fusion. It can be no other way. It is part of the very structure of our being and body. I want to point out that there is far more going on beneath the surface of sexuality. We have but touched the tip of the iceberg of our creative sexual potential for fusion and union. People will never be totally happy or fulfilled until they unleash and learn to control the latent energies that lie so dormant deep with their being.
“To some degree everyone is different and no two people’s chakra or energy centers are quite the same. There are many factors involved here: genetic inheritance, dna structure, cellular composition, body-types. The way people tend to their physical vehicle as well as their mind, body and spirit affects their energy output and sexual potency. Some people are much more sexual by nature and there are many factors that can account for this. They may have had past lives where they were trained in the arts of sensuality, and sexuality and indulged and developed that area more than the average person.
“We often bring back skills, talents and abilities from past lives and they can account for our varied interests and pursuits. Other people have developed their minds or even spirits to various degrees and not only can they possess a hearty (or even aberrant or obsessive) sex drive, they can possess a strong intelligent mind and quick wit to help enable them to get what they want. Some women, gay, or bisexual men possess powerful abilities to maneuver sex energy. They may or not be consciously aware of this. Just go in a bar or a strip club and you will see all kinds of energy exchanges and sizing up taking place and if your psychic senses happen to be the least bit opened up, the colors of these people’s auras might be bright red enough to light a torch.
“We have all seen people who literally reek of “sexuality” and passion. Yours truly was accused of that and boy did I learn to capitalize on that. As you might know I made quite a career out of it.
“Now that I am no longer encumbered by the physical body or even the personality of “Mae West” (for I now have access to my greater being and soul essence) there is much more that I know and understand. I see now that part of what gave me such stamina, passion, drive and energy could be seen in the astrological chart. I was born in the fiery sign of Leo so passion, endless energy, enthusiasm, determination, and creativity were all natural to me. Leos usually don’t take the back seat. They prefer to be in charge. Of course you have to know the other astrological influences in the chart for a more accurate assessment of the personality and that is not the purpose of this talk.
“Because this need for fusion and union is a deep soul urge in everyone, sexuality is a very popular means to express it, although by no means the only one. Unfortunately sexuality has also been the cause for much repression and censorship. Let us talk more about sex now since that name has come to be associated with my name. I came back to play a big role in shaking up the sexually repressed society of my time. Sex was certainly one of the most prevalent themes in my plays and movies. In my vaudeville days before movies my shows were considered vulgar by the social elite but they became very popular with people looking for bawdy sexually charged comedy.
“Was I a feminist? Well I guess you could say I was a feminist long before the word became popular jargon. I certainly took orders from no one; not in my career or in my personal life. I certainly never believed it was a man’s world, such as was the commonly held belief at the time. I had my own beliefs and creating the persona of a stylish sophisticated woman gave me a popular format to portray my beliefs on stage. In my play Sex I used the vehicle of prostitution to allow me to portray a type of woman who was very sexual and not afraid to express her sexual interest in men. Certainly not all of my affairs involved love. For as I said, sex with love is the greatest thing in life. But sex without love-that’s not so bad either.”
“I like to think that I offered myself as a role model to women a model of womanhood that was confident, bold and sexual. Some consider me a sexual liberator and others a sexual degenerate depending upon their personal beliefs and ideals. I knew that many girls were educated where the idea was promoted that only men could enjoy sex.
“How sad that American sexual culture remained repressed until the 1960’s. Oh those dear little flower children! My little sweets! Make Love Not war. I love it and though drug usage was rampant, along with sexual promiscuity, all was not in vain. It was time that “sex” came out of the closet so to speak.
“Over the decades women were programmed to believe they had to play the pious role and be the pure virgin before her marriage night while the beau was given more freedom to sow his wild oats providing he didn’t make too big a brag over it in public; though in the pubs with his buddies was acceptable and appropriate. Men could take part in drunken and sexual debauchery but women who were sexual and promiscuous were held in low esteem. I challenged that moral position. One of my sayings sums it all up: “I’m a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.” I helped redefine what women could be without worrying about social standing. This idea that women were not supposed to enjoy sex is for the birds.
“I certainly enjoyed myself conveying the opposite sentiment when I sang “I Like a Man Who Takes His Time” in She Done Him Wrong. The idea was that a woman can enjoy sexual relations and know how she wants to be satisfied. Now that is something for men and women to take in. Like I said, “anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. Although there is a place for a quick romp in the hay or a quickie there is also a place for having things go “nice and slow.” This gives men a chance to explore their more gentle, soft, feminine side where soft touches, caresses and massage can set the scene for wonderful passionate lovemaking. I wonder just when was the last time you ladies had your man give you such attentive sensual tlc, tender loving care.
“When was the last time he opened a bottle of champagne, lit some scented candles, turned on some soft music, rubbed some scented oil on you and gave you a fabulous massage from head to toe? When was the last time he shut off the computer and the cell phone and made you his total priority? Continuing the lovemaking after the orgasm/s by holding you, stroking you, kissing your ears, whispering those magical words a lady loves to hear, “I love you.” Are such experiences only reserved for the initial phase of a blossoming relationship where the fireworks are strongest? Of course not. I don’t care how busy you are or how in debt you are or how many children you are raising, people can make time for each other when they want to. It’s long past time for you to bask in the beauty and passion of sacred sensuality and sexuality. Sadly for most of you it’s been a very long time since you’ve had such wonderful sensual and sexual experiences. Some of you have never had such an experience. It’s time to admit the importance for such passionate intimacy. The “sentitive touch” has its gems and treasures to offer.
“No lady true to her heart likes a man who is always rough and tough but now don’t get me wrong. Just because a lady likes the soft sensual tingling touch does not mean she can’t become a wild ravenous beast. Well, not literally, to insert some humor. You’d be surprised how some men think their lovers or wives are like fragile porcelain dolls. I sometimes think men are all “gemini”, the astrology sign known as the twins. It’s like there are two of them. Men are complex dualistic creatures. On the one hand they like the Marilyn Monroe demure vulnerable types with the little girlish voices. They like to call them “baby” and many feel like they have to look after and protect them. Like I said, “every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.”
“A few men put women on a pedestal, almost elevating them to the status of goddess or a on a pedestal. Some men will make excuses to avoid making love to their lives. And then they can bring sex down to the “raunchy levels” by going to whores. That kind of man is probably the exception to the rule. Most men would like to see their spouses and lovers be “the whore” and “the goddess”. Why not? If we are here on earth to play any roles we wish, then we can play more than one. I don’t see why women can’t be soft, sensuous, and passive at times and the wild lioness predator other times.
“Some women are in touch with their raw primal sexuality and not afraid to assert themselves and take charge in bed and elsewhere. I think that men admire and enjoy a confident woman who knows what she wants and is not shy or ashamed to go for it. However, she has to show them a soft side as well and going back and forth can be quite the juggling act; but oh what fun it is to juggle the act! Men can be so hard and yet they also can have a soft side.
“There are certainly women who use their sexuality to get what they want. Prostitution is but one example. Some more liberated women would have said some years ago that a hustler was any woman in American society. A prostitute is the kind of hustler who receives money for favors granted rather than the type of hustler who signs a lifetime contract for her tricks. Another kind of hustler learns what is proper to give to each date depending on how much money he spends on her. Some men pay hookers for many things; not all are sexual favors. Some want companionship. Some want oral sex and feel that to ask their wives or girlfriends for oral sex would disgust them. Many want someone to talk dirty to them. Some pay for sex that they felt is deviant and they want to spend time with someone who will not make them feel perverted, dirty or nasty. Some just want someone to listen with them or be seen with a well dressed pretty young lady. Some want to act out various fantasies.”
“Prostitution has been referred to as the oldest profession. Now isn’t that interesting? If something is the oldest that means it has been around for a very long time and there is a need and a place for it. I have often contemplated just what is so intriguing and fascinating about lying in the arms of a total stranger and sharing moments of sexual intimacy. What I have concluded is that there is far more going on than the mere desire and need for wild sexual abandon or acting out of sexual fantasies. You would think that men would feel comfortable sharing and even acting out their fantasies with their lovers or spouses. But many are not. And you might be surprised at the fantasies that men have from totally controlling submissive women to having women totally take charge and control of them.
“I have looked in and seen that some of your dominatrix’s most devoted clientele are high upscale corporate executives, lawyers, professors, and other rich and influential men holding positions of great power. It is as though those who are in high power positions need to play the submissive passive role once in awhile in their private life to maintain some kind of psychic equilibrium. I say it’s too bad that so many men reserve this baser side of their libido for the ladies of the night who will gladly indulge their wild and darkest fantasies for the price that’s right.
“Far too many men resort to the standard procedures and positions when it comes to their lovers and spouses. Do they think their lovers too naïve, or innocent or pure to be willing to indulge in some mutual fantasy fun and play? Some truly go so far as to want to be totally humiliated. In my observations I have seen corporate executives and lawyers and all manner of professional men crawling on the floor dressed in a woman’s underwear with a leash around their neck. They are at the beck and call of the mistress and the more she berates, belittles and punishes them the more they like it. I have seen these same corporate men that run entire companies bow and beg at the feet of a dominatrix. One was crawling on all fours from one room to another with a hundred dollar bill in his mouth which he handed to the mistress’s assistant in the far room. And he dare not utter a single word until the mistress gives him permission or he will have candle wax poured on his back or be switched or whipped. If he is really good and fully obeys his mistress then she will permit him to kiss the heel of her pump. I don’t even want to see those who take it further where serious physical damage can be inflicted.
“Is a man in this submissive position motivated by an unconscious desire to be punished for having depraved desires and fantasies he considers wicked and licentious? This would appear to be a rather radical means for a man to receive tactile sensual stimulation. I believe that the hunger for power or control over another motivates many of the men who hire the ladies of the night. Some women will allow themselves to be humiliated to degrees I don’t want to even think about, for the right price or they will change the scene and take total charge and exercise power over the man. Many have their little books and the different roles they can play. They simply ask the man what scene is he into or perhaps more frequently for her regulars, what is his scene or mood for the day. There is certainly nothing wrong with some sexual fantasy; it is probably more prevalent among men than women. But there is more going on. Sexuality is a rather complex subject and in spite of the power ploys, games played, abuse and/or torment given or endured, pure raw sexuality (such as takes place with the animals in the lust procreation mode), it is not the only basis for our instinctive need to engage in sexual behavior.
“I do admit that we all have this primitive untamed wild beast inside of us waiting to come out; it is part of our ancestral heritage as I told you earlier. A stud horse mounts a mare out of pure unbridled raw lust. That is the animal’s way of giving expression to their natural instincts of which the sexual urge is a powerful one. I think it is very healthy to indulge in raw passion and unbridled raw sexuality. The animals who give natural expression to their sex drive can teach us a few things. There are far too many moralistic and ridiculous that restrict and inhibit what is one of the most beautiful and passionate drives that we possess. Sometimes the body needs a good workout if you will and sex is great exercise. Lack of sexual expression and outlets can lead to all kinds of complexes and neurosis and can even cause one to become obsessed with sex. It certainly is not healthy to become obsessed with sex. Those powerful raw primitive urges drive many a tortured soul to commit acts of sexual abuse such as rape if they do not learn to control this powerful instinctual urge. Allowing it expression is part of learning how to control it. What constitutes a healthy sexual appetite and when does it become a sexual obsession or perversion? There is no quick and easy answer. Everyone is different. Our needs vary from year to year, month to month, week to week or even day to day. As long as one is not being manipulative, cruel or violent to a consenting adult, and the sexual activity is by mutual consent, then I say it’s up to the consenting adults how often they have sex and how kinky or what kind of fantasies they might choose to explore and act out. This is all part of healthy sexual expression. If a particular lover or spouse’s appetite is low while theirs is very high, they have some work to do. In some cases the women just shut down sexually for different reasons and the men give up on them and seek sexual activity elsewhere.
“A lot of things can be going on. Sometimes there is a lack of emotional connecting and communicating that causes problems and may drive the man or woman into someone else’s arms. It’s great to have a romp now and again just for the physical pleasure and relief it offers. Sex is great for stress reduction. But sometimes a woman or even the man may need some emotional and/or mental intimacy as well as affection. People can get so caught up in their daily lives and responsibilities that they begin spending less quality time with their partner. Women need a certain amount of attention just as men do. If you ask many women when was the last time that she and her husband had a heart to heart talk, many will say it’s been a long time or that it almost never happens anymore. People can become strangers to each other while living in the same house. Some men become less affectionate and cut back on the emotional nurturing they give their partners. This can cause a woman to create distance. When a woman is emotionally frustrated the sex life soon begins to reflect that. In that regard men need to tend more to all of their partner’s needs and not just emphasize the sexual aspect of the relationship. I look in on couples and sometimes am astounded at how they can be so distant to each other.
“I don’t even want to try and figure out when was the last time he took her by the hand, sat next to her, gave her a kind smile and really listened to her. Men are good at talking but a woman needs to be heard too. I don’t mean the honey I’m home, how was your day phrase while he’s pouring his drink and getting ready to read the paper or watch the news. Are you surprised to hear such things from me? Well, I have learned a lot up here and I have a better understand of male and female dynamics than I did there. Since I did not spend much time nurturing relationships, it is something that intrigues and fascinates me now.
“If men want their wives or partners to indulge their wild fantasies, they need to make her feel safe, and special and give her incentive to want to please her man. It is true that there are some women who are not very affectionate by nature just as there are men who are that way. Emotional neglect and touch deprivation is enough to drive anyone to a massage parlor for the feel of warm affectionate hands. You only have to watch the animals to be reminded how important touch is. Kittens will nuzzle and cuddle as will hamsters, bear cubs, lions, foxes, dogs, you name it. They all like to romp, wrestle and play. Why should people need touch any less?
“It is also true that there are some very uptight women who won’t indulge in fantasies or do certain things when it comes to sex. Some have sexual hangups due to unresolved sexual abuse from the past or even past lives. There are some women who don’t even want to talk about sex let alone perform or participate in it.
“This has driven many a man to hire prostitutes to perform acts their wives or lovers may not be interested in or open-minded enough to explore. You’d be surprised at the women who don’t want to know what their husband is up to. She may suspect he is playing around and not even care. While others will throw a fit and threaten to divorce if he does not stop, some women even stay with their husband knowing he’s having affairs or whoring around. Some even feel relief and comment that they are glad it is the other woman or women and not them having sex with their husband. These are women who no longer feel emotionally connected with their husbands. This can cause them to shut down, and I can see how women can become frigid or totally uninterested in sex. There is a lot more involved to keeping a woman happy and turned on than just providing a good living and offering material things.
“There is also more to sexuality then sexual intercourse, masturbation, oral sex, etc. The body is a highly sensitive vehicle with sensory receptors that respond to all types of stimuli. We are naturally sensual creatures and sensual tactile stimulation is very important. We need the non-sexual touching as much as sexual genital stimulation. This is where many people get confused. They confuse genuine affection and sensuality with sexuality. This is because some people take advantage of sensuality and manipulate affection and sensuality for ulterior sexual motives. Just because a woman reaches out for a man’s hand or gives him a smile or hug does not mean she is flirting or coming on and making herself sexually available although that can be the case.
“Discernment and honesty with oneself and others is very important here because the misinterpretation of another human’s intentions can deprive us of the very much “needed touch of affection”. We all know that everyone needs to be touched. Babies need to be coddled, hugged, massaged and kissed constantly as do children and everybody else if you ask my opinion. It feels good to be touched and to touch. I’m sure the list is quite high of all the benefits of being touched, the least of which is stress reduction and feelings of well-being, acceptance, acknowledgment, and even love. A touch on the shoulder or a hug is a wonderful way to express your appreciation or care for someone. One wonderful thing about travel to other cultures is that you can observe people from other cultures who are affectionate with each other. The French kiss that proverbial “French kiss” and you know what I mean by that. The Italians are big huggers and an affectionate group as are some Arabs, Greeks, Russians and other peoples. We have but to observe small children to see this wonderful human connection taking place.
“It is sad that some people who are naturally very affectionate and the “touchy feely types” have been misunderstood and even been accused of leading people on. Many learn to repress their natural inclination to reach out and touch others and build emotional walls to keep them from being hurt. I am very interested in this topic of emotional intimacy and relationships now because I admit that I did not let men into my heart very easily. I feared that men would want to put a leash on me and actually they tried and would have succeeded had I not been strong enough to assert my own independence and do what made me happy instead of what made them happy.
“My own fierce independence and need to control made it hard for me to be emotionally vulnerable to men. I saw what it did to so many women. It took away their freedom and sexual independence and many sacrificed their own hopes and dreams to be what they where taught and believed a woman should do to keep her man happy. What about him keeping his woman happy? Things have improved but far too many men still believe that should it come to a choice that the woman should be the one to sacrifice her career to be with the man.
“There are a lot of reasons that can cause a woman to shut down emotionally. The women who have given up are going to have to do some serious soul searching and be willing to make some changes. Fortunately, not all relationships have gone sour. There exist those relationships where give and take and compromise keep the flames and passion burning. There are also many wives who would be open-minded should their lovers/spouses be more communicative about what they want and need. There is no reason the couple could not engage in some fantasy experiments and role playing.
“It is a topic that has become more and more popular with all the sex scandals in the media with the politicians, priests, ministers and other public figures getting into trouble. This is a sure sign that this deep human need for touching will cause people to go to great extremes to get these deep tactile needs met, even to the point of compromising and risking their careers.”
“Just what is going on here? We are back to this deep and primal need for fusion and union where sexuality and the human touch are ways for that fusion to take place. That deep need for touch is what motivates people to seek out massage therapists, prostitutes, etc. The physical lack of touching sometimes goes back to childhood where either the father and/or the mother were very cold by nature and did not give the child the needed touching and affection they needed. This causes for much of the misplaced needs for touching we see all around us.
“Yes, I truly find this touchy/feely topic so very interesting. We even say keep in touch when we tell our friends, lover, family, etc. goodbye. Much of this need goes back to childhood or infancy when your mother held you close to her. Your needs were hopefully taken care of when you were an infant and child and hopefully many of your most pleasant memories are memories of play time you had with your mother, your father and later your friends at school. How wonderful it would be to have that sense of peace and comfort again. That is what I think many men are looking for. They will reach out for it and even pay total strangers for that “needed touch”, that warm and sensual human touch that makes you feel good inside. Who said that the little boy in men grows up completely?
“Men grow up but that little boy is always there. He is standing nearby and feeding the urges, many which are unconscious, that motivate men to seek out the “the human touch” which so often is no longer offered with kind glowing eyes and warm sensuality than it was when you were in the early throes of your new and fresh relationship with your spouse, lover, etc.
“Or perhaps you mother did not give you much affection and you have had issues with sexuality and intimacy ever since. I am not trying to be a psychoanalyst here, but this subject needs to be dealt with if we are ever to see sex crimes and abuse eradicated. There are a lot of grown up men and women who are emotionally and psychologically still children and this can motivate them to unhealthy and obsessive needs for sexual attention, and affection.
“It does not occur to many people that their obsessive need for attention and touching might be the result of that little boy or girl who never received the touching and affection they needed as a child?
“You may ask what is to become of sexuality and will you ever become emotionally intimate and sensually and sexuality fulfilled? Is marriage on the way out? The high divorce rate and number of single parents increases all the time. Sometimes I think that most men are bisexual when you come down to it. Many seek out body rubs and make their contacts from the adult service ads in the entertainment papers. Many go to men as well as women for these body rubs. These men are no doubt bisexual or at minimum bi-curious though they may not be ready to admit that to themselves. After all, they can tell themselves that it’s just a massage, all the while hoping that the genitals are rubbed as well. Most actually expect that. They don’t have any emotional investment in the person and they can create any fantasy they wish because it is safe.
“Does a man going to a man for a massage constitute infidelity? I’d say no, but if that man wants sexual activity then something more is going on. I’d say most women don’t believe men are disciplined enough to just enjoy a massage without wanting more. And I might have to be inclined to agree with them although I am sure there are exceptions. People should be able to enjoy a massage for the healing touch and sensuality it offers without expecting more.
Sometimes men just want some physical affection and touching without giving anything in return. They don’t want to have to discuss their relationship or get into a debate or heated discussion with their wives as to what is lacking in their marriage. How the husband is working too long? Not paying enough attention to the wife, you name it. Some of these accusations of neglect could constitute a valid reason for a woman to withdraw emotionally, physically and sexually. But some women are just too needy, clingy and demanding due to their own insecurities and issues, and this can get to be too much for a man. So they start to look outside the marriage for needed touching and sensuality.
“There is also the element of fantasy, mystery and intrigue for the unknown that motivates people, notably men, to seek out others. Of course we all like routine and the familiar but we also need and like the element of surprise from time to time. Daily life and behavior patterns can become too predictable and monotonous. We’ve all heard the saying “variety is the spice of life.” There is some truth to that axiom. I say that one of the best ways to keep a relationship going is to toss in a few surprises to spice things up. For a man to get a body rub or to visit a hooker for sex can set his gonads, heart thumping and his imagination reeling. Just what is going to happen? What sensations and wild abandon might take place? Will his erogenous zones be excited in ways they have not been in a long time? Might the experience even be a little kinky? But what is getting stimulated is their imagination through fantasy. I believe the need for fantasy is as strong as the need for sex itself; actually they go hand in hand to some extent. The cops could bust all the whorehouses and drive the girls away. The massage therapists could give up their business and take on other professions. Still the need for human fantasy, interaction, mystery and intrigue are going to keep people on the prowl and ever looking for excitement and adventure. Men are still going to look at women and women are going to look at men. Women are going to wear sexy clothing, and show cleavage and wear exotic sensual perfumes for it is a primordial instinct to seek out the male and to stimulate his senses and to arouse him. Even the old geezers like to pinch the butt of a pretty woman and flirt. The mind and imagination will conjure fantasies whether they are ever acted upon or not. An adventurous, sensual, complex lover can provide much if not most or all of these needs if there is interest, willingness, and enough spontaneity and bawdy bravery as I call it.
“It’s okay to give them an occasional reminder that they are not the only person living in the house. You might be surprised at how willing and receptive they may be as you speak candidly from your heart. You just can’t expect someone to always know what you need and to provide it. Sometimes life does get in the way and needs have to be postponed for a time. Sometimes the postponing has gone on long enough and it’s time for a little “marital or lover’s chat.” Part of the responsibility of partners is to give and take. Anyone can learn it and I certainly could have learned more of it.
“Nobody said human relationships were easy. I don’t think I was very good at them. That is one reason why I’m especially intrigued by the topic. I am bound and determined to learn all I can on these deep seated urges and primal needs that attract people to each other for fusion and union and create some of amazing dynamics.
“One thing I find very interesting is that most of the sex scandals so rampant have one thing in common. They involve men. It is known that men account for the vast majority of pornography consumers and strip joint patrons, peek shops and x-rated movie patrons. Yes, there are a few female school teachers that seduce underage boys but there are more male pedophiles. Men are also more apt to use their positions of power and authority to acquire sexual favors.
“I find it very interesting and very ironic to see more and more that it’s the self-proclaimed insisters of family values who wind up being accused of the sexual misconduct that they formally condemned. Many people lead double lives. They lie to themselves. I wonder how they can live with themselves when they behave in ways they claim to oppose. Being in self denial can lead to self loathing setting in. When this sets in I think a deep psychological need for fairness and honesty comes into play, and then you see this “I need to get caught” situation. This very often will lead to some public scandals. There is a big dichotomy here because their moral values and their sexual values are in conflict. They try to exert so much energy to contain those feelings, passions, urges and desires but the more we resist our instinctual urges the more of an internal tyrant they can become.
“This leads them into more self degradation and they make more self-destructive choices. Then there is the element of secrecy. They usually have no one to confide in and this exacerbates the problem. The mind can become obsessed with uncontrollable thoughts and urges. Some begin to project this outwardly and push for anti-gay, clean up prostitution and end corruption bills and legislation. Then some of them get caught. There has come to be some format to these sex scandals. First we hear news of the arrest of some public figure for lewd conduct in a public park, a bathroom, a hotel, you name it. Then you hear the tortured confessions, often with a terrified wife at his side. Then we usually see them resigning from office after falling from public grace and they take leave of their public life.
“Well like I was talking about earlier there exists in everyone a need for fusion and union. Heaven only knows that all kinds of fusion, and unions, and mating, and relating are going on down there. But why should I be surprised? Such has been going on since time immemorial and no doubt will continue as long as people frequent the earth. I just wish I could show people more how sexuality and spirituality are so intertwined and connected. It is something I have learned much about up here and continually study and research. There is both a deep need and a deep fear of experiencing “oneness” that causes people to distort sexuality. Without the spiritual awareness and knowledge sex can never be completely fulfilling and wholesome. The physical act has become a substitute for a deep seated yearning for fusion of mind, spirit, and body. Some teachings go so far as to say that in some point of our evolution we were actually androgynous beings, possessing both male and female genitalia, although they were not supposed to be nearly as pronounced as they are now.
“If the soul did split into male and female after being whole at some point this could partially account for this psychic split that leads most people to seek out their other half. Many are on a desperate search to find their other half. Maybe this is not a separate being or person but rather the other half of one’s own being that has been seeking its other half over many lifetimes. Perhaps such a split might explain what leads people to this incessant search for wholeness through another person.
“Certainly the need for wholeness dominates the sexual pursuits of most people. Whether that other “half” be a separate being or a part of themselves, perhaps we can never know for certain. But one thing that is for certain is that people do not seem to be happy being alone. There seems to be some constant struggle between the higher and the lower self, the libido and the spirit. The moral values vs. the sexual desires all being at odds with each other. There must be some happy meeting ground where sensuality, sexuality and spirituality can embrace into oneness. And yet we are hardly able make final conclusions since the entire subject of morality is subjected to various personal beliefs and interpretations If we tune and look into the bigger picture we can see there exist many shades of gray when it comes to morality, sexuality, and human relationships. To some degree what motivates people to perform certain actions depends on how you look at it. The sex scandals show that many people tend to believe and make rules that deem “certain sexual behaviors” as perverted and not acceptable. What does this say about morality?
“To me it says that there is much more going on than appears. Whether sexual activity is considered degradation or sacred depends on the cultural mores and societal rules and regulations on what is considered proper conduct. People who will sit back and judge those who fell “into sin” as I like to refer to it, are among the first in line to read the headlines to get all the sordid and juicy details involving the sex scandals. What need is this satisfying? Perhaps more than just a natural curiosity for the gossip of what is happening around them.
“I believe that human nature is immune to morality to some extent and this is why the conflicts between socially dictated mores and inner sexual desires and urges will continue to be at odds with each other and lead to more sex scandals, broken homes, divorces etc. Unless sexuality is embraced and come to terms with the “little beastie” will come out when you least expect it. The night clubs, the strip joints and bars and the wild parties all attest to that.
“After all is said and done I am not convinced that monogamy is natural. If so then why aren’t there more people happily together as “one” couple? There are cultures and societies that have practiced bigamy or even polygamy. Who says there is only one way to relate?”
“I hope I have provided some useful and provocative information here. Remember that sexuality, sensuality, intimacy, and human relationships are not easily defined. You can’t put them in a neat little box and label them as this or that. To some degree everyone defines what this means to them. We each have our particular tastes and ideas and personal preferences. Allow yourself to be yourself. Try not to delude yourself or pressure yourself into repressing or expressing your sexuality. You will go through periods where you need a lot of sexual activity and find that in other times you want to be celibate and focus your energy and attention on other endeavors and activities. It is all good.
“Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that wild untamed beast that dwells within all of us. Seek out someone who is on the same wavelength and capable of exploring your sexual desires and fantasies. Don’t be afraid to give raw lust and primal mating its reign and don’t be afraid to let yourself dream of your knight in shining armor coming to sweep you off your feet. Allow the sweetness of coquetry to fill your platter and let the embers of passion and gentle romance burn away any fears that would cause you to keep your heart guarded and to create a wall, letting no one in.
“Open yourself to your own inner depths and let life fill you with mystery, magic, and wonder. Know that the secrets of the universe are available to those who seek them. Some people are natural thinkers and on a quest for knowledge and information. I was one such person in spite of the fact that I devoted so much time to being the sex symbol, bawdy comedienne, actress, and what have you. Exploring spirituality was as important to me as exploring sexuality. Open yourself to sharing your mental depth with like-minded people who resonate with you. Mental connecting has its own rewards as does emotional connecting and spiritual connecting. Sex can be wonderfully shared in a context of deep emotional, mental and spiritual fusion and union. It has its place just as sex can also be shared in a context of superficiality with someone you do not know well or even with a total stranger. Fusion and union occur on levels that people are mostly unaware of so there is no good or bad.
“There is just energy, and perceptions and perspectives. We all have so much energy to expend. How we expend it is up to us. It will be partially determined by our perceptions, beliefs, and desires. If we have self-respect, and love for ourselves we will have it for others. We will attract such others into our lives according to the Universal Law of Attraction. For it can be no other way.
“If we choose to use our energy to manipulate and seduce vulnerable fragile souls, that karmic infraction sets up a pattern and an entanglement with that soul. You will have to pay “the debt” so to speak for we are never allowed to hurt and use others and to get by with it. Some people who have been used and hurt conclude that all men or women are out to use and hurt you, so they decide to do unto others before they can do unto them. This is very unfortunate and retards the growth of such souls.
“Some would say well I feel the urge to use this person. She or he is so obsessed with me and there is so much I could get from them. I don’t feel any love for them, but I could pretend to, etc. Maybe they used me in the other life and it’s my lifetime to use and hurt them in this life.
“That is certainly possible and does happen, but one must be very careful about assuming that such logic is not the delusion of a distorted mind and ego that just seeks to use people. One must learn to discern and much soul searching and even reaching out for guidance is called for in such situations. Using others is not necessarily the way to balance karmic scales and debts although some of that can come into play. Our goal is to get off the karmic wheel not to create more karma and have to come back and deal with those people who we have harmed.
“We do and have played many roles on the grand stages of life. In some lifetimes we have been dominated by our libidos, leading us into all kinds of sexual situations while we have spent other lifetimes where sex was not the top priority if indeed a priority at all. And yes, I do confess that even the one and never lonely Miss Mae West had some lifetimes where she did without and had none, my nun/none lives as I call them. Some creative people are very good at sublimating their sexual energies and using it in creative outlets such as playing piano, writing, art, what have you. It is all good. Sex. The lack thereof and all shades of gray in between. The soul needs many experiences to grow and to evolve.
“Sensuality wears many faces. Let a friend or co-worker or your spouse embrace you in a full body hug, and don’t stiffen up and limit it to a few seconds. Lose yourself in the warm human touch and nestle in the comfort of their caring embrace. Most people like to give you those little pecks on the cheek or those stiff ten second hugs. Go for the full body bear hug and so what if you feel a few tingles here and there. Enjoy it and let the energy move to your higher energy centers. Take it all in and know that sometimes it’s okay to become a little turned on and aroused and just go with it. At other times, just let your passions sweep you right off your feet and onto the bed or the floor.
“Don’t be afraid to probe the depths of your own soul and psyche to find out who you are and how you tick. Be bold and daring enough to discover what you need and what you don’t need. What you like and don’t like. Part of the learning comes from trial and error and constant practice. Sometimes you try something only to discover it is not for you. You may be completely heterosexual and find yourself having dreams or fantasies of cross dressing. Don’t judge or condemn yourself. This is your psyche wanting to explore its depths and dimensions. To engage in some transvestite activity does not mean you are destined to become a transsexual. For example you may have been heterosexual all of your life, and at the age of forty find yourself having homosexual fantasies. Do not belittle yourself. Explore this part of yourself. You may decide that you are bi-sexual or you may just needed to explore homosexuality and then decided that it is not a course you need or wish to pursue further. I believe we are far more bi-sexual than most dare or care to admit. At least the soul and psyche are more bi-sexual, possessing masculine and feminine qualities.
“Sexuality and sensuality are beautiful gifts bestowed unto us by our beloved creator. Let us make the most of our gifts. Do not let some old disappointments or hurts close your heart. Give love another chance and another chance until your days are done. Be forgiving of the human foibles in yourself and in others. On some level we are all doing the best we can with what we have. Do our guides and beloved creator ask anything more of us?
“I think not. Try not to judge those who fall into the arms of temptation or desperation one too many times and get caught up in a ring of political or public scandals. Many of these dearly beloved souls are unripe spirits who are still learning and growing. Every experience is a learning experience. Even the so-called bad ones.
“Well, it’s time to wind down now. I have covered quite a bit of territory which I hope you find educational and informative. I hope you have enjoyed my company. Mae West has enjoyed speaking with you very much. And please remember, don’t be shy. Come up and see me sometime!”