ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Middle Aged Child/Man

Updated on January 1, 2010


“You can have one,” my brother’s eight-year son old told me when it was time to go home. I smiled, my face turning red in embarrassment. At my age I felt silly, but the glee in Ryan’s eyes and his innocent tone of voice awakened something in me. I went through the box and found myself drawn to a white teddy bear. I picked it up and held it, examining it.

“I think it’s the one for you, Uncle Michael,” said Ryan.

I rubbed its fur, leaning its head on my shoulder. A strange unfamiliar delight came over me.

“What do you think his name is?” Ryan asked.

The name Zoby popped in my head. “His name is Zoby,” I said, surprised how the name came to me so fast.

Ryan laughed and looked at me. Kids have a way of seeing right to your very soul. “Yeah, he’s Zoby, and he’ll be glad to have a new home. He’s been in that box too long. Don’t you agree, Zoby?” he said, tapping Zoby on the head.

That night I took out my journal and wrote:

I grew up because I had no choice. I experienced cruelty first-hand by an unstable father. The years obey certain laws of gravity. Limbs enlarge. Chests fill out. Little boy fat is slowly transformed to toned muscles. Hormones awaken a budding libido. More and more ideas take shape and

residence in the mind. The intellect blossoms. The heart opens up to the joys and sorrows that Love and Life have to offer.

The years passed. I earned a living and played some along the way.

My heart throbbed in joyous anticipation of dreams waiting to come true. I trembled with excitement, soaring the heavens of unlimited thought, and took comfort in the company of yesterday’s heroes, who made peace with doubt and fear and fulfilled amazing destines.

My hopes dimmed and faded. Mediocrity set in. I survived as the

resourceful creative ones do who can always find a way to numb pain. I took to drink. In time, the fruits of Bacchus emptied me. I saw the roses of life but grabbed the thorns instead.

I was not whole, because I was an unhealed child, only half-complete, and needed to search for the wound. It lived deep inside, where I cowered, not knowing which way to go, frozen in time.

I, a middle-aged man, needed the teddy bear.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Mike Dennis profile imageAUTHOR

      Mike Dennis 

      8 years ago

      Yes indeed, I love the roses and I will always be a big

      kid at heart and love children, just as beloved Jesus and all the great masters and souls of grand heart do. Thanks for stopping by.

    • Mary Soliel profile image

      Mary Soliel 

      8 years ago from Colorado

      Here's to grabbing on to the roses.

    • LaughingRain profile image

      Alysia McAlister 

      8 years ago from Arizona

      children are such great leaders...


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)