ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

My life in my 40's

Updated on June 17, 2010

What I’ve learned from being in my 40’s is that it’s been a pretty amazing journey. I never would have thought that -prior to this stage in my life- but it’s taken me over forty years to truly be comfortable with myself (body, mind and spirit…well, mind and spirit at least!) and the biggest life lesson I’ve learned is that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I’ve learned that I am my mother and in my case, that’s not such a bad thing after all.

My mom wasn’t the typical mom and was very much a free spirit. We always had a volatile relationship but it was filled with love. My mom died 10 years ago while I was in my 30’s and although we were close (as close as two battling, opinionated females can be) we had so many differences in opinions which kept us constantly bickering about the most mundane issues. She drove me crazy and I did my best to return the favor and I remember many times when I swore to myself that I would never be like her. She was extravagant and lived her life like an old Hollywood starlet. I was basically a wall flower and kept to myself a lot. She wore way too much makeup (she would wear two false eyelashes per eye!) while I favored the natural look w/little to no make up which drove her mad. She would often times tell me to put some lipstick on because I was "no natural beauty." She had long, manicured nails (she would say, so she didn’t have to do housework) and I would bite my nails. She wore diamond rings and gold necklaces while I only wore and cherished my wedding band.

There were so many times I was embarrassed by her gaudiness and outspoken nature. Eating out with her was always a challenge and I’m sure the wait staff made certain that she (and anyone at her table) often ate more than what was ordered (anyone seen the movie, “Waiting”?) If she needed a refill of coffee, instead of waiting (no pun intended) for the waitstaff to come to our table, she would pick up her glass or cup and bang it loudly with a fork or spoon which could be heard all over the restaurant! Oh the horror, as everyone in the restaurant would stop what they were doing and stare towards our direction! Often times during situations like that, I would tell her how rude she was and she would say she wasn’t being rude, she was simply being honest and people don’t like honesty. She told me I would understand one day.

Now that she’s no longer here, I long for her honesty, her gaudiness, just seeing her and wondering what she’s going to say or do next. I understand now that she was just being herself - a strong, outspoken, beautiful woman- which many people (including myself at the time) found intimidating. As I have gotten older, I hear myself making comments that sound eerily like my mom. I’m a mother of a teenage daughter who constantly bickers with me and tells me that I’m too opinionated and judgemental and my response is (with a chuckle) that I’m just being honest and she’ll understand one day. I’ll get the usual eyes rolling which reminds me of me at her age. It’s so wild to think that I have become my mom, minus the flash and rudeness. It gives me a sense of calmness and I feel that part of her soul is always within me.

I’ve also learned that getting older is not a punishment, but a reward. The reward is learning who you really are. I’m no longer afraid to “rock the boat” and speak up for myself as I was when I was younger. I don’t go to the extreme of banging a glass or cup with a utensil for attention, but if I feel I’m being ignored, I’ve learned to speak up and not settle for less. I do have opinions and speak freely of them and don’t care what others think of me anymore which has freed me from so many self made insecurities. As each year goes by, I feel more confident in myself and know that I'm a great person, mother, wife and friend. The jury may still be out with my husband, but I know he has a great wife! My 40’s have been life changing and I feel that I have evolved and continue to evolve into the woman I was meant to be and for that I am thankful to my momma who helped me understand. I hope I do the same for my daughters one day.

Happy Mothers Day, momma! I miss you desperately.

 

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      jon 

      6 years ago

      you are a very passionate woman, and that was an incredilbly touching piece you wrote about your mom.

    • 4tsom10 profile imageAUTHOR

      4tsom10 

      8 years ago from Texas

      Thanks so much for the kind words and encouragement.

    • Jai Warren profile image

      Jai Warren 

      8 years ago from Dallas, Deep Ellum, Texas

      Very nice tribute to your mother. Well written and your honesty about yourself is refreshing. Great hub! Ciao.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)