ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Education and Science»
  • Elementary, Middle School & High School

On Track

Updated on February 11, 2015

Every year for me is new.

We’re already nearly through a month and a half now (how's that gym membership going?) and, with every year, I look down at my hands and find something different. Something exciting and new. Always unknown. I find myself with a different role, like an actor that follows the director's lead as he grows up inside of a CBS sitcom. As an 18 year old about to finally reach the end of a long 11 year journey throughout school, some were sprung on me: like maturing into a man and accepting the responsibilities as a boyfriend and a dependable co worker.

Some I could see falling, and like the great Jerry Rice, triangled my fingers to absorb the catch: dynamic athlete, developing writer and friend. These were things that, even if I tried to ignore them, were waiting for me as I developed them throughout my life, my childhood. I'm not in my childhood anymore, and these are my characters now. Like every other senior who has ever been enough of an extrovert to not board themselves up in their house, I'm asked every day "What are you gonna do when you get out of high school? Which colleges have you applied to? Have you completed your SAT yet? When will you start looking into degrees?" Every. Waking. Day.

At first, I shoved off the questions "I don't know, it'll all work out later". Now with an escaping four months to go, I've panicked out and looked up every website and college board review, asked nearly every teacher and friend while keeping an overly packed journal on careers that I'd love to have. This is a decision I can't make though. And I’m sort of glad I can’t.

Click thumbnail to view full-size
Kazam!
Kazam!
Kazam!

I remember as a kid hardly being able to wait to be 10 so I could have an age with double digits. Then 13 so I could watch Spider-Man. Then 16 to drive, and 18 to drive even later. But every kid at the age that I wanted to be at next would sigh, "Stay where you are kid, it's the best." And I didn't really believe them: it can't be that grueling to hold down a job right? Or to drive home every night after work in time to pay the bills, leaving you a few hours of uninterrupted rest. Or "making" enough time in your schedule to maintain the oxygen flowing in to keep yourself from being suffocated by plans and events. And coming up to my 18th birthday, those pressures stopped being something I mocked or wondered about: I was on the soccer team, with a job after school and then practice; during the week I was only home long enough to sleep. In that time, a poem that I wrote long ago (envisioning a future different than that of the present manifestation) haunted me, and drove me to write this article.

On Track

Lord, tell me where you are now

if I'm disappointing you,

These clothes feel too loose

yet I feel on track.


I don't look much older

After days and days begin

I take it on the chin,

and I want to stay on track.


Now you made me

I know that full well,

Sometimes I'm scared of hell

cause I'm shadowing on its track.


I took some time off to do the math

I got at most 90 more years,

sometimes I feel like jumping off the pier

When my bike stays on its track.


If I listen to the wind

Is it strong enough to knock me down?

I feel sweat on my brow

trying to stay on track.


swallow the pill, let it swim down

It doesn't hurt,

My chest it flirts

with falling off track.


My Lord, you're an explosion

That's something I could never be,

you sprinkle powder on my feet

My feet will always stay on track.

I found out something that I seemed to understand long before all the rush that becoming an adult brought. I understood then that the size of my hands, as positioned as they were, weren't made large enough to absorb that catch. Because, I was never made to catch it. I was never made to hold my plans for my future. In fact, I was never even made to plan. I was made, to stay on track.

© 2015 Sammy Proia

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)