Prank Questions That Make Teachers Go Crazy
Students of America: Listen up!
Students! Tired of your teachers trying to educate you? Tired of all that “real-world” and “future” talk? That’s too much pressure for such an intelligent teenager of your capabilities. Teachers have no clue what you are going to do with your life, thank you very much. All that homework and pressure can not be good for you. Get back at them with some well placed questions that are guaranteed to have them stammering and showing off that pulsing vein on their foreheads.
School is so boring and ridiculous, which is why they force you to attend in the first place. So make it a fun game. See if you can use their scam against them. All teachers want is to help you; they can’t stop themselves from giving assistance. Every mass murdering hitchhiker will tell you about that one time a teacher pulled over to pick them up on a dark, storm-ravaged night. Regardless of who you are, if you ask a question or show some interest, those teachers are going to call on you. Remember that really stupid kid that Mrs. Johnson repeatedly called on and even after the rabid hedgehog incident still called on him? See, they can’t help themselves! Use that to your advantage. I’ll let you in on a little secret: if you have your hand raised, teachers have to call on you. It’s in their nature. Even if you have a really smart teacher who refuses to call on you, they’ll eventually explode if you keep your hand raised long enough!
However, be sure to ask your question at exactly the right moment. Timing is everything if you want to see your teachers clutch their chests and fall to the floor. You absolutely have to wait until they are completely engrossed in their teaching. Asking an ill-timed question will only result in a tirade of “wait until you get out into the real world” lectures that will quickly turn all your classmates against you. On the other hand, if you create a competition with your friends you just might get some revenge against these so-called “educators.” Use the following guide to assist in your righteous endeavor:
True Stories About High School.
The earnest question.
01. Do not attempt any questions during bell work or partner work. Wait ... be patient. There, see how your teacher is into the fifth slide of her powerpoint? She’s been rattling on for about three minutes on whatever the heck she’s teaching. Now! Raise your hand with complete commitment. Keep your energy up. Don’t hesitate and put it back down. Don’t listen to any moans or remarks from your classmates. Keep it raised, elbow locked and fingers slightly spread. If your hand starts to shake a little from the tension, you’re doing it right. Full of energy and focus, now. As your teacher turns toward you, stop teaching and asks, “yes?” be strong, determined and look her right in the eye. With a concerned voice, emphasizing each word, ask, “What. Are. We. Learning?”
-If your teacher sighs loudly, give yourself one point.
-If her subsequent meltdown brings in other teachers from down the hall, give yourself five points.
-If she smiles and answers your question, she’s a new, young teacher and we all know that you are a wimp for abusing an obviously easy target. You just have a crush on her and are not taking this seriously. Subtract ten points!
-If she walks over to her desk and pulls out a bottle of vodka, you’ve earned twenty points!
Remember, thirty points in one day is the record. Now ask yourself, “can you beat that?” Perhaps some more examples will facilitate your noble quest.
The serious question.
02. Mr. Smith has walked into the room and visibly upset. He sits in front of his computer and yells out an assignment in your workbook. Everybody gets out their books, opens to the correct page and begins work. Mr. Smith mumbles incoherently while staring at his computer and checking his email. About ten minutes later he gets up and is about to start going over the assignment. This is your chance. Jump at it! No, don’t raise your hand, blurt it out. Calmly, gently, in a nice compassionate voice, “Mr. Smith? Is everything okay?”
Regardless of his response, whether he goes into a ten minute tirade against education or an oration on the ridiculousness of the state taking away his pension, remain focused and concerned. Nod your head and agree. I don’t care that he has dragon breath and spittle just flew out of his mouth and landed on your work, stay focused! Now, as he recognizes that you are off topic and the class really needs to refocus on the workbook page, continue to be serious and ask good solid questions about the work. Ask one or two; don’t give away your intentions by overplaying your hand and asking seventeen questions, that will just set him off again. Just wait until he’s back into teacher mode and the written assignment is almost over. The bell is about to ring and he got in about fifteen solid minutes of teaching. You’ve been paying attention (it’s okay, it’s just an act), and Mr. Smith now asks for you to turn in the assignment. Now! This is the time. Don’t raise your hand for this one, just blurt it out. “Wait, we were supposed to write this crap down?
-If Mr. Smith turns red, three points.
-If Mr. Smith shakes, clenches his teeth and walks back to his computer, mumbling incoherently, give yourself five points.
-If Mr. Smith simply gives you that blank stare, subtract two points. That was too easy.
-If Mr. Smith walks out of the room and you have a substitute the next day, that’s ten points!
The surprised question.
03. The next example only works on very long projects. You know that one project your teacher gets really enthusiastic about, they light up and get all emotional? That’s the one we’re targeting! This is the big one. You have to be very patient and not ruin your chance at this golden opportunity by asking any of the other questions.
Be sure to fake some interest in this assignment. Do all the minor assignments leading up to and serve the end goal of the project. Attend class and take notes. Research in the library and print out your rough drafts. Continue to complete all assignments in class and do your homework as well. Turn everything in and be sure everyone else does as well.
Be sure to have all your classmates on your side. Bribe them if you have to, but be positive that nobody actually completes the final project. Simply stare at your teacher when they ask, “Okay, who wants to present their project first?”
Simply look around at all the other completely empty desks and ask, “That was for a grade?”
-If your teacher has tremors that last more than two class periods, give yourself five points.
-If your teacher leaves the classroom but comes back before the bell rings smelling of any kind of smoke, you’ve earned ten points.
-If your teacher fails the entire class, subtract sixty points and never mess with this badass teacher ever again.
-If your teacher requires medical assistance, give yourself thirty points!
Want more funny stories about school?
The needy question.
04. Here’s the one where you ought to be a natural. Act up and act out. Be a pain. Be the most obnoxious student ever, but within limits. You can’t get yourself kicked out of school or even the class or it won’t work, (obviously)! Don’t bring a pencil, paper, your books, or anything that might assist you in learning. Be sure to be tardy, but not too late. Four minutes ought to do it. Don’t overplay your hand. Do, however, bring a couple of really stinky breakfast tacos and start to eat them. First period works well for this one, especially if your teacher emphasizes with your economic plight and lets you eat in his room. Take your time and spill some salsa on the floor and desk. Don’t ask, but just get up and go to the bathroom to get some paper towels to clean up your mess. Mash up a bunch of towels and get them soaking wet, but make sure that you have about twenty feet of dry towels dragging behind you. When you return to the room, march in as proud royalty, clean up your mess, smearing water and salsa everywhere but eventually actually cleaning up the mess. Don’t make it too messy because they janitor will get called in to mop it up and no one wants that. When everything is all cleaned up, take the towels and stuff them noisily into the trash can, tipping it over and making another mess. It won’t be full, it’s only first period, but the sound will distract everybody. Get back to your seat and wait for it. Sit up and wait for him to start teaching, but before he can finish the first sentence on his lesson, ask, “can I go get a drink of water, that salsa was HOT!” At this time your teacher’s head should explode into a torrent of sputtering uncomprehensible language.
But you are not done. Now, nail him with that one question that only the most gifted teacher can answer. Talk in a depressed voice, full of anxiety and if possible, whip up some watery eyes and whine, “Why don’t you like me?”
-If he grinds his teeth so much he needs dental work, that’s four points!
-If he screams and yells and gets a nosebleed, you’ve earned fifteen points!
-If he simply allows you to go and when you return he’s lock you out of the classroom, you have been officially eliminated from the game. You lose!
-If he answers, “Cause you’re an idiot,” pull out your phone and call your parents. Have them set up a meeting to have the teacher apologize for his outburst and for being very unprofessional. If he apologizes, you win ten points, but if he gets fired, you’ve won fifty points and the entire game!
Now you can create minor tremors at your school by asking a simple, “Why are we learning this?” or “If you’re so educated, why did you become a teacher?” Getting a teacher to twitch over a simple, “What page are we on?” or “You think this is important” can give you a nice warm feeling, but those are for amateurs. No “can I borrow a pencil” questions for you! You are about to embrace a new madness. Anyone can interrupt to ask to go to the bathroom, but you want to ask questions to interrupt the entire educational system. You’re going for points. You want to see medical personnel and ambulances. And even if you can’t get the record, just remember, you may have lost this round, but you can always come back and play again.