Questions From the Child I Once was
This request threw me for a mental loop. I love conundrums, and this is a huge one, especially the first question in the request. The reason I decided to answer this, though, is because it moved me in a way I can't explain. Thinking back to my child self and considering if she'd be thrilled to know me today causes all sorts of feelings inside me. Hence, here's a simple, short hub to answer this deeper than they look, thought provoking questions.
Would the child you once were be impressed by the person you are now?
Quite simply, I think she would, because I am still that child, and I am rather impressed with the person that I am. Wow. That sounds pretentious, immodest, and so out of the ballpark that I wonder how I have the gall to post it, just like that. Well, again, quite simply, because I believe it to be the truth, my truth.
See, the only thing that necessarily changes with age is knowledge and, if one plays the cards right, also wisdom. The rest, dreams, attitude, courage, spit, energy, you name it, may perfectly stay the same, or improve. Yes, it can get better because as a child one doesn't have the tools to engage the world around, but as one grows up one learns to engage and work with whatever cards life throws at you.
As a child I was a very restless, little spitfire of a kid. Today, I'm a spitfire of an adult, I just learned to curb my restlessness, which brings me inner peace.
As a child, I had a wandering, inquiring mind. Today, my mind still inquires, but wanders less, just because I learned to search for answers or live without them.
As a child, I sought approval from my loved ones. Today, I still seek it but I'm not pained if I don't get it.
I could go on, but I think I already made my point. The child I was would grab my hand and ask me to play with her, and I would, gladly.
What questions would the child I was ask me?
Realistically, I don't know what I would ask myself. I'm not much for second guessing my choices, because those choices together with my spirit made me the person I am today, and I rather like me, as I said. What I know is what little Elena, or Elenita, my nick back then, would like to know, with hindsight! Elenita, in the shape of today's Elena, would ask:
- What will I feel on my first kiss?
- Will it be worth it giving up tennis to pursue a more traditional way to make a living?
Do you think I should do as you did and run away from home only to be returned by some nice policemen a few hours later? Was it a good adventure for you? Did you learn anything with it?
What shall I do so as not to have regrets over the years?
Will I always have this tendency to go against the flow and will it hurt?
Can you tell me what mistakes you made that I should avoid?
Will I ever cease to be afraid to die?
Will it hurt when dad dies?
Will I be happy as I grow up?
With Elenita's inquiring mind, we'd probably be in for hours of much the same impossible to answer questions. My answer to all of the above would be: Live your life, honey, that's the answer to all those questions.
© 2009 Elena.