Reading Body Language Tips & Secrets
NLP Eye Movement Diagram
Reading Body Language
How to tell if someone is telling you the truth....
The diagram shows the NLP's findings with eye movement. You can clearly see that by looking up and to the right, a person would be using constructed visual images, and by looking up and to the left a person would be using a remembered visual image. It is a good idea to learn the diagram as it will help you to distinguish truth and reality from lies and deception.
Most people do not consider the eyes when they think of reading someones body language. Infact the eyes play a major role when it comes to making a decision on whether or not someone might be telling you the truth about something or not. Take a second and think about your views on the following statement - "The majority of people will avoid eye contact when they are lieing to you". Do you agree or disagree with this? I am guessing that in fact most of you probably did agree. If you were one of those that did agree then you should really read on. If you didn't then you know it all already. Just kidding, please continue reading.
If you did agree then do not be worried as this is in fact the most common belief upon people, and at first thought it sounds like it makes sense. When someone is lieing to you they cannot keep the eye contact because they know they are lieing. Right? No - 90% of the time - Wrong. The reason for this is because people, just like you, are aware that if you lose eye contact when lieing then people will think you are lieing. Following? So therefore if you was to tell a lie, you would subconsciously be thinking - I must keep eye contact with this person because i do not want to give away my lie. Therefore this leads to abnormal behaviour. You need to learn to spot abnormal behaviour. It is usually a fair comment to say that you can tell when someone close to you is lieing to you, whereas it can perhaps be more difficult when it is someone you do not know so well; but this generally depends on how open minded you are and how gullable you can be in different scenario's. When you have a conversation with someone, take a good look at them as they are speaking, and pay attention. You will notice that their eyes will tend to flicker all over the place, and most people will not keep direct eye contact for you for very long lengths of time. This is therefore one sign that can help you to come to a decision about whether someone is lieing or not. You can even test this out on people - ask them to tell you a truth and then ask them to tell you a lie, and tell them not to give you any clues and try to guess which was the lie. Eventually you will find that you can spot the truth from lie time after time. Take this learning and apply it whenever you need to.
Facial Expressions When Lieing
Suprisingly the majority of us all believe that the next best way to catch someone out for lieing is actually given away within their facial expressions. Again it at first thought sounds correct and makes sense. When you think about it a little more, you will then begin to realise that in fact we actually pull many different facial expressions every day - many of which are "acted" and do not necessarily reflect the way that we feel about something. For example - If your boss delegates you a task when you are already seriously busy and under pressure. Underneath the mask (face), we might be thinking "Oh my god not more, I need to get home on time to get the washing in". However instead we end up giving a controlled smile and we say "No problem boss, I will get straight on to it. This happens every day for the majority of people, and this therefore means that we get lots of practise when it comes to holding our facial expressions! Therefore best not to assume that lie's are given away in the face. Instead they are given away through the eyes and the body.
Reading hand movements
Imagine someone is talking about a problem at work, and he says I don't know what the source of the problem is, and as he says this, his hands point inwards towards himself or outwards towards someone else. This can be a subconcious telling that he thinks he himself is the problem or perhaps someone else is - depending on who his hands are pointing towards. There are lots of different ways that we show our thoughts and how we are thinking through our hands. Here are some more examples; Imagine you are in a meeting in work; there is 6 of you and the manager is speaking. If you have your hands covering your mouth when the manager is speaking then it is very likely that you really want to say something but you cover your mouth to stop yourself from doing so. This is usually done subconsciously and we wouldn't even consider it at the time. Another scenario would be that in this meeting your hands are half covering your mouth and half not. This implies that you are thinking "should I or shouldn't I speak up" - you are debating whether to share your views. Men noticeably seem to stroke the chin or beard. This is very usually a positive thing as it is clearly time for thought process....never be discouraged by this.
Folded arms sometimes indicates that someone is uncomfortable in a situation or dislikes a topic that is present. However this is not always the case. It is possible to be comfortable sitting with folded arms and does not always show negative body language to be doing so. The person could also be cold and therefore doing it just to keep warm. Do not take this as negative or positive as it could lead to incorrect readings of body language.
As you can see from the above if you learn body language well enough you will almost be able to read someones thoughts - maybe more than you want to at times!
Feet and Legs
Understandably most people tend to pay less attention to lower half of their bodylanguage when they are in social contact with others. Therefore this can make them more vulnerable to give away signs through their feet and legs. It is worth looking out for foot tapping and crossing of the legs, which can show discomfort. By someone having their toes and hands slightly pointed towards you this would indicate that this person is probably quite open to you and comfortable in your company. On the other hand if someone crosses their legs, arms, taps their feet away from you, covers their body with their arms is it then likely that this person is not at comfort with you. It is also understood that if someone always sits in a room with their feet and legs facing the door then they are the type of person that needs to be able to see their exit / getaway all the time. If someone sits facing away from the door then they are generally more comfortable in this room.
It sounds pretty basic but you should look out for different tones and pitches and pictures in peoples voices when you are talking to them. By changing the pitch higher or lower the person could be doing so to disguise a lie. You will find that when someone is telling a lie they will slow down and there eyes might begin moving up and towards the right. The voice first slows down because the brain is having to use more thought process, which is not coming naturally to it. The reason for the eyes moving up and to the right is because according to the NLP, this is where someones eyes move when they are constructing a visual image. If the person is telling the truth the then eyes should be facing up and to the left which shows remembered visual images. This can also be seen in blinking. As more information is processed in the brain, the more you should find yourself blinking. if you can start to pick up these small indications.
By Mastering Body Language you can really improve on your communication skills and you will gain a better understanding of the impact of flirting using body language. There are many books and studies to increase your learnings further.