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Updated on December 31, 2019

Southern Colloquial Arsenal

I was born in the South and I was fortunate enough to return in my youth. I live in the South. I rear my children in the South. I married a good ol’ Southern Boy. I love the South. Let us put aside the tawdry physiognomy the collective media places upon “the South”. Let us negate the fallacious falsehoods of Southern life. Let us, for a moment, savor the collection of what I like to call Southern Colloquial Arsenal!

The SCA is a collection of Southern phrases, allegories and the like, collected by myself and a dear friend of mine (who happens to be a Georgia Peach!) Now, I have not included some of the more commonplace phrases we now hear in movies and on television, but excerpts of conversations I have witnessed while out in public. Some of these phrases get regular usage right here at home. Some were created at the improvisational whim of women in line at the Piggly Wiggly. Regardless of their origin, may you enjoy them as much as we have!

- Colder than a frog's ass on a frozen pond.

- His cornbread wasn't done in the middle.

- Her ladder didn't go all the way up.

- Caddywampus

- New fangled

- High falutin'

- He howled like a coon dog passin a peach pit.

- He was drunker n' Cooter Brown.

- Ugly as the backside of a south bound mule

- Yonderways

- It's blowin (blowed) up a storm

- She's home but the lights ain't on

- Thingamajigger

- Ain't never did no how

- Ya'llses

- He was shaking like a wet dog.

- After the accident, we could tell she was starting to slide off her plate.

- That dress made her look like a whole ham in a WalMart bag.

- Those pants made her rear look like 2 hams in a WalMart bag.

- That patch job was so poor, it looked like a bull’s a** sewed up with a grapevine.

- He was meaner than a crippled snake.

- She’s done slopped her dripper.

- He was as crazy as a sprayed roach.

- Sorry, I didn’t hear you….I was on the farm.

- She shivered like a rabbit ran over her grave.

- She was as graceful as a one-legged ballerina.

- I ate so many collard greens, I was knittin’ barbed wire!

- She didn’t have all her fruits in one basket.

- She’s so conceited, if God made one better He forgot to tell her.

- Oh, that’ll make your eye teeth hurt.

- It was so bad, it made my hair hurt.

- That book wasn’t worth a hoot.

- Honey, she hung on him like a tick on a bulldog.

- I’m as full as a tick.

- He was as limber as a dish rag.

- You’d better sweep off your own porch before your mouth overloads your teacan.

- We all know there ain’t no fleas on her.

- He looked like he was rode hard and put up wet.

- Ever since he got that raise, they’re sh***ing in high cotton!

- Whew! I was sweatin like a whore in church!

- They were so rowdy, we had to have a come-to-Jesus meetin.

- Then I added a spit’s worth of glitter.

- I only chew my cabbage once, so pay attention.

- I was as sober as a judge.

- I’m finer than a frog’s hair split four ways.

- It’s so far away, you can’t get there from here.

- She’s so dumb, she couldn’t pour water out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel.

- He looked like something drug out from under the porch.

- Only two things smell like fish, and one’s fish.

- I don’t trust her any farther than I can throw her.

- I’m so thirsty I’m spittin cotton.

- I’m hotter than a $2 pistol.

- I’m so stove up, I’ve got a hitch in my getalong.

- It was slicker than owl sh**.

- You lie like a rug.

- If I was any happier, I’d be twins.

- She could make a preacher cuss.

- He could give the Devil suicidal thoughts.

- It scared me and I got the heeby-jeebies.

- Obviously, she missed the bus on that one.

- That poor baby was ugly as homemade sin.

- He got hit in the face with an ugly stick.

- I haven’t seen you in a month of Sunday’s.

- It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

- That cake was so good it’d bring a tear to a glass eye.

- I declare, he’ll burn hotter than the rest.

- Cute as a bug’s butt.

- Those who know, know. Those who don’t know don’t need to know.

- He could read me bedtime story anytime!

- She could eat crackers in bed.

- I made it from scratch – scratched in all the right places.

- She looked like death warmed over.

- He’d talk the hair off a dog.

- His family tree is a trunk with no branches.

- Honey, it’s time to put on your iron panties.

- She looked like mutton dressed as lamb.

- He was as useless as a teat on a boar hog.

- She looked like the south end of a north-bound mule.

-He couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it.

-His ladder didn't go all the way up.

-The bee sting upset her so badly, they had to put her up for a while.

-That's so narrow-minded I'd say a cat has a tail, therefore everything with a tail is a cat.

-Don't put all them eggs in one basket.

-She got one of them new fangled cell phones.

-She is high-falutin' in her new get-up (outfit)."

-That would fly over like a fart in church.

-He went straight to it, like a martin to its gourd.

- He was luckier than an outhouse rat.


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    • profile image

      jon pressley 

      4 years ago

      I am in love with southern colloquial speech.

      "Fartin' dogs don't bite."

      (people that talk the most shit are least. likely to do anything about it.) and;

      "Don't cum on my back and tell me it's lotion."

      (Dont bs me.)

      Both of which greatfully overheard in the Abbey on Decatur street in New Orleans.

      God bless Dixie!

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      you as sweet as a masters, cane field

      meaning you are not as sweet as you think your are.

    • profile image

      Larry Gibson 

      8 years ago

      This one was from Glen Campbell. "He was grinnin' like dog passin' a peach pit."

    • profile image

      Larry Gibson 

      8 years ago

      Black as a crow in a coal mine.


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