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Subtle Forms of Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Updated on October 07, 2014
NateB11 profile image

I have been working in the Human Services field since 1996, primarily working with people with developmental disabilities.

"The abuser tries to get under your skin, using various sneaky psychological tactics."

There are many types of violence and abuse, and not just physical. Many times, these take subtle forms, forms difficult to detect and so create even more torture. Sometimes you discover them accidentally. But one thing is certain: You can feel them when they are happening to you whether you are able to pin-point exactly what is happening. The abuser tries to get under your skin, using various sneaky psychological tactics. Here we are going to expose the surreptitious abuser to learn how to better understand her tactics and so defeat her by exposing her.

The Competitor

This person is constantly comparing or setting up a situation in which comparison occurs. They treat others better than you, listen more attentively to others; the idea is to show how you have less value and others have more value. They create separation, alienation, ill-will, and degradation.

The Vampire will drain you of your resources and leave when you're used up.
The Vampire will drain you of your resources and leave when you're used up. | Source

The Vampire

They leave you little space to move, dominate your time and energy, are demanding; and they give nothing back in compensation, except more demands. This is otherwise known as exploitation. They are simply making use of you and willing to discard you as soon as you've served your purpose and are completely drained.

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The Magician

The idea here is to make it look like you're doing something you're not. This is a form of Gaslighting. They set up the precedent and also set up your failure to meet it. The idea is to make you and others think there's something wrong with you.

Some abusers are illusionists, making it look like you are or are doing something you're not.
Some abusers are illusionists, making it look like you are or are doing something you're not. | Source

"The idea is to make you feel like you don't matter."

The Criticizer

You are always wrong. They tear you down, make you think you can't say or do anything right, simply by consistently telling you you're wrong or criticizing and questioning what you do or say.

BBC Reporter Confronts Abusive Internet Troll

The Antagonist

Everything you say is up for debate, can be questioned. But this is not a dialogue, it's meant to shut you down and degrade you. The Internet Troll is a classic example of this.

The effects of subtle abuse can have lasting damaging effects.
The effects of subtle abuse can have lasting damaging effects. | Source

The Degrader

What you do or say has no value or hurts them. They want to down-play everything that you've done or that has happened to you, belittle your own experience as if it's not true or has no worth.

The Frightener

They create fear, panic, even blow things out of proportion so that they have control and you lose control.

The Snob

You walk by them and say Hi and they ignore you and don't say a word. The idea is to make you feel non-existent, worthless. The idea is to make you feel like you don't matter.

The Gossiper

They try to control image, isolate you, spread lies about you, make people think you are something you're not or that you do things you really do not do. Simply another way to control.

The Mob Boss

It's group coercion. Follow along with the mob or be alienated, ostracized, or worse. You must fall in line with all the underlying assumptions and rules and policies of the group and maybe its leaders.

Group coercion is a common form of subtle psychological abuse, found in gangs, cults, and the workplace and schools.
Group coercion is a common form of subtle psychological abuse, found in gangs, cults, and the workplace and schools. | Source

As with all forms of abuse, the more aware you are of the abuse, the better off you are. If you can identify a problem, you can deal with it. Half the battle with subtle forms of abuse is in identifying the abuse; it is insidious and hidden. Once you are able to see it, you can tackle it; remove yourself from the abuser, call him out, counter her games with truth.

The purpose of this article is to broaden awareness of these kinds of abuse to better equip the victim in eradicating the abuse once and for all.

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    • NateB11 profile image
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      Nathan Bernardo 2 years ago from California, United States of America

      Thank you, Niko. Yes, these types are all over the place. I've met quite a few myself.

    • NateB11 profile image
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      Nathan Bernardo 2 years ago from California, United States of America

      Thanks, Alladream74. Much appreciated.

    • Niko Linni profile image

      Niko Linni 2 years ago from Long Beach, California

      I've met a few of these types...heck I think I *know* a couple of these types. Very interesting and informative article....thanks!

    • Alladream74 profile image

      Victor Mavedzenge 2 years ago from Oakland, California

      A really well written article.

    • NateB11 profile image
      Author

      Nathan Bernardo 2 years ago from California, United States of America

      Exactly, Hendrika.

    • Hendrika profile image

      Hendrika 2 years ago from Pretoria, South Africa

      Sometimes emotional abuse can even be more subtle and you cannot spot it before you have been broken down completely. I lives with someone like that once.

    • masteryoffear profile image

      Mark May 2 years ago from Australia

      I think I've met almost all of these types, haha. Nice post.

    • loveaches profile image

      Traci Dillard 2 years ago from Texas, US

      Common tactics of the narcissist indeed.

    • NateB11 profile image
      Author

      Nathan Bernardo 2 years ago from California, United States of America

      You're very right about that, misterhollywood; the damage done by emotional abuse is often hard to detect and even harder to dissolve. Glad you liked it, glad you stopped by.

    • misterhollywood profile image

      John Hollywood 2 years ago from Hollywood, CA

      Very informative! Emotional abuse can be worse than physical. Voted up!

    • NateB11 profile image
      Author

      Nathan Bernardo 3 years ago from California, United States of America

      I believe it, Rachael. Thanks for stopping by, reading, and giving feedback. Much appreciated.

    • RachaelLefler profile image

      Rachael Lefler 3 years ago from Illinois

      Interesting hub. My mom is in a bad marriage right now, with a man who exemplifies many of the bad types you mentioned.

    • NateB11 profile image
      Author

      Nathan Bernardo 3 years ago from California, United States of America

      Thank you, jan. Yes, absolutely, to be aware is to get over the first hurdle. Definitely helps victims to get out of abusive situations.

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      This could be helpful to the victims of subtle abuse who cannot see what's happening to them. The descriptions give them a framework to recognize abuse. Voted up and useful.

    • NateB11 profile image
      Author

      Nathan Bernardo 3 years ago from California, United States of America

      Thank you, billy. I appreciate that very much. Yes, it's important for people to be aware of things like this so they don't fall victim and maybe the problem will eventually disappear.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Great job of taking a common subject and making it interesting with some unique descriptions. This is an age old problem that is becoming an epidemic. Thank you for raising awareness.

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