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What Boys Do Not Learn In Sex Ed

Updated on May 18, 2013

Some teen girls are willing to go to extremes to have a child. This is something not commonly discussed in sex education classes, along with the difficulties faced by boys who learn the girl they have been having sex with is, or may be, pregnant . According to a survey of 10,000 girls by the Tyra Banks Show, 20% of girls over age 12, WANT TO BE TEEN MOMS. Below are some answers to questions posed on Internet Q&A Sites.

Want To Be Teen Moms

From The Dads House National Moderator:
Due to recent "unannounced" changes to Squidoo page designs, the Dads House Manual has been moved to http://www.DadsHouseEdCtr.org.

This material is provided by the Dads House Educational Center & Groups, with over

two decades of educating Divorced and Single Fathers on their Rights and Responsibilities as Parents. ©

If I get a girl pregnant, will I be responsible for child support, though I'm too young to work?
Yes, regardless of your age, you are still responsible. If you cannot work, the court will set a presumed amount and set the obligation on your parents, attaching their wages. If for any reason their wages cannot be attached, then arrears will accumulate, plus up to 18% yearly penalties, until which time you get a job.

For a minimum $50 per month child support payment, the accumulated amount yearly, plus interest, would be $708. Once you get a job, aside from the fact the payment will be increased to match your earnings, 50% of your "gross income" would be attached to pay the arrears.

What would be my rights to the child?
Your rights are very limited. In no US State, as well as most countries, do males who have fathered a child with a female he is not married to have any "presumed rights" to the child. Only Germany has such a law, which their legislature was ordered to pass by the German Supreme Court in September of 2010.

Any rights must be granted by the courts, at a cost of upwards of $3000 in attorney fees. This is regardless of whether you are listed on the birth certificate, or even have been living with the mother for some period of time. Further, in most states, being ordered to pay child support does not automatically grant you any rights to see the child.

A girl I had sex with got pregnant; however she has also slept with other boys. She has not named the father, can I still be held responsible for Child Support?
Yes in all states, if you are the father. However, though rare, there are circumstances, under which you could be ordered to pay, if you are the only male she can clearly identify as a potential father. In 20 states, once a child support order is put into place, it cannot be overturned, regardless of paternity.

Can I demand a Paternity test to be done if I think I'm the father of a child?
Yes, this can be done by court order, and should be if there is ANY CHANCE you may be the father. Depending on the state where she is living at the time she files, she can wait up to 23 years to name the father of her child, and file for up to 18 years of retroactive child support. At the maximum, for a minimum wage earner, this would come to at least $52,000. Added to that would also be interest penalties (3% to 18% per year), which at the minimum, could double the amount.

My girlfriend is much older, and she is pregnant. Since I'm underage, and she is an adult, do I have to pay child support since she committed a crime?
Yes, there are no allowed defenses against being ordered to pay child support. Though an adult female can be jailed for having sex with a minor, the child will go to her relatives, or into state foster care, either of whom can seek child support from you, and/or your parents. Due to being underage, neither you nor your parents have standing in the courts to file for custody.

I used protection, yet the girl I was having sex with still got pregnant.
It should be noted that studies show that 20% of sexually active girls, age 12-18, are TRYING TO GET PREGNANT. For one desiring to do so, there are always ways to circumvent any form of protection, the most common of which is to offer to place the condom on for the boy, while punching it with a fingernail for that it appears to have ripped. It should also be noted that according to the United Nations World Health Organization, the Spermicidal Cream in condoms have a limited shelf life of effectiveness.

I only had oral sex with a girl, yet she is now claiming that she is pregnant by me. How can this be possible?
In 2005, Dr. Richard O. Phillips of Illinois, was ordered to pay child support after only having oral sex with a woman, who became pregnant. She had made use of a Self Insemination Kit, available online, to impregnate herself. Note that as it is with women having sex with a minor, the cause of the pregnancy is not considered a defense against paying child support. Some teen girls are willing to go to extremes to have a child.

If my girlfriend gets pregnant, but does not want the child, can I stop her from getting an abortion?
No. Regardless of your personal, political, or religious views, the law of the land grant females of all ages this right. This is something one must consider before making a choice of character, as in having sex outside marriage.

My pregnant girlfriend says she plans to put my child up for adoption. Can she do this without my permission?
This is a controversial area that has been in the news in the last 12 months. In Ohio, for six years, a couple has fought against the father of their adopted child, who from right after the time of the birth, has tried to gain custody of his child that the mother place up for adoption. He finally won custody in December, but the case is not being appealed to the US Supreme Court.

The laws on your right to stop an adoption vary from state to state. In Kansas, you must be paying for 50% of the financial cost of the pregnancy, starting within eight weeks of conception. This can be difficult is you did not know she was pregnant, or claimed you were not the father.

In some states, you must register with the state any time you have sex with a female, to whom you are not married, in order to challenge any possible adoption.


Most states have Putative Father registries, whereas you must register within 24-hours or up to two months, following the birth. However, they do not advertise this fact.

Many fathers have found, as a result of not registering, that they cannot stop the adoption, even after they have begun paying child support. Further, in states with Safe Haven Laws, the mother has up to one year to abandon the child, "NO QUESTIONS ASKED", which can happen after the father has been ordered to pay child support.

The Pregnancy Pact

The Pregnancy Pact is a 2010 television film directed by Rosemary Rodriguez and stars Thora Birch, Madisen Beaty, and Camryn Manheim. The film is based on a 2007 media circus surrounding teenagers in Gloucester, Massachusetts who allegedly had a pregnancy pact. Click here for the Wikipedia article.

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A Final Thought

At age 55, it has been many years since I was a teenager, but a day does not go by that I do not look back and wonder about the choices I made, and the path those choices have set in my life. We all make choices that lead to unexpected, and often, disastrous results. With this material, I am not trying to tell you what to do with your lives, only to be fully informed about the possible problems that sexual activity can lead to.

You are not alone in learning the hard way drawbacks of these choices. Adult males face the exact same problems, and lack of basic civil rights when they have relations with, and/or cohabit with a female to whom they are not married. They are facing these problems because like you, they were not taught about them while in middle and high school.

I only ask that you take to heart what you have been presented with here, and to post this to your Social Networks, as well as text this link to all your male friends. Answer the Poll below and post your own comments about this subject. Ask your schools why this info is not being given out. It is your life, and your future, that is being affect by this lack of knowledge.

If you are already a father, check out the Fathers' Rights Educational Manual on how to address your rights, and how to deal with issues like child support and access rights.

Sincerely,
George R. McCasland, Moderator
Dads House Educational Center

Poll: What Do You Think?

POLL: Should boys in Middle & High Schools be taught more about how they lose many basic civil rights if they become a single father?

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Click on image for PDF file. Consider printing it on business cardstock, found at Walmart, Target, or anywhere that carries business supplies, then give it out to teenage boys.

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    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Let's face it. It's difficult to generalize. Most boys will say or promise anything in the heat of the moment. In that moment there is little or no self control.

      The trick is to avoid being in that moment. The smart ones will succeed, some others will succeed only in becoming young parents -which they may or may not succeed at.

      Sex ed. or no sex ed. It's been no different for untold thousands of years. It will not change now. No disrespect meant to the professionals like Mr. McC. They might save a few but many more get by.

      Fertile Myrtile

      When does morning sickness start?

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 5 years ago

      @anonymous: No, just know teenage boys and how intelligence can go out the window when the other head gets excited. In females, sex and reproduction are two separate functions, while in males, they are combined. That is a whole different set of hormonal messages when generated by the male brain than that of a female. A mother that does not recognize that ignores what is best for her sons. or has little regard for them and their future.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @George McCasland: Apparently I, as a female, thinks more of male intelligence than you, as a male. SAD! If you are willing to be a fool, then there is always someone who is willing to fool you. Your argument is kind of weak there, George.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Apparently you did not read it all. He has oral sex, and she can get pregnant. She gets him all hot and bothered, than offers to put the condom on him while his head is reeling. He says yes, not knowing she is poking a hole with a fingernail. Male intelligence goes pretty low when the other head is up high. I have 23 years of seeing these cases.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I have sons and daughters. Both need to be taught responsibility for their sexual actions. If my sons come home claiming they got "tricked" by some girl, then frankly they deserve what they get. If they try to stick me with the child support, you best better believe that my son will be working somewhere to pay me back. Saying that men are being tricked really insults male intelligence. Grow up people!

    • TeacherSerenia profile image

      TeacherSerenia 5 years ago

      @George McCasland: It is not the kind of thing they will allow to be taught in schools.

      and that's where the lack of equality comes in. The girls get all the support - the boys get NONE. I will make very sure that my son is never the target of any girl who wants sex - until my son is at least 20 years old and working, and willing to get married. I refuse to pay child support for a some dumb girl who opened her legs and looked for the money.

      THANK YOU for this lens!!!!

    • TeacherSerenia profile image

      TeacherSerenia 5 years ago

      @NorelaG: I also hope its statutory rape for an adult women to have sex with a naïve 17 years old - how many female schools teachers are being jailed after having sex with their students?) If those women (teachers) should become pregnant - then I expect them to have NO RIGHT to claim child support but should be jailed for the statutory rape, and their babies either given to the father and his family or adopted out if the young father agrees.

    • spellbindingsis profile image

      spellbindingsis 5 years ago

      Impressive Lens! I love it!

      www.spellbindingsisters.com

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Really useful and informative lens. A difficult subject area to discuss, but this lens really helpful to cross that narrow line..Very well explained ..Great lens..Thanks a lot for sharing..:)

      Visit:http://www.fullthrottleondemand.com/index.php

    • satto76 profile image

      satto76 5 years ago

      Very informative lens. Surely, a lot of effort has gone into it. Thank you for your hard work in bringing this lens to life.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Dear friends, i had a problem with my girl friend 2year ago, which lead to our broke up. when she broke up with me, i was not my self again, i fill so empty inside me. until a friend of my Walt pen told me about a spell caster who helped him in the same problem too. i email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. before i knew what was happening my girl friend gave me a call and told me that she was coming back to me and was so joyous to have her back to me. we have two kids together and we are happy with our selves. thanks to oracletemplesolution@live.com for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work the great spell caster.

    • profile image
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      George McCasland 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Yes, but oral sex can also lead to pregnancy, but I doubt the young men think about that before they do it.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @jimmyworldstar: Foul play. What a joke.

      It doesn't take a person makings A's in Biology to know that anytime you put a penis in a vagina there is a chance that the female can get pregnant. I don't care if the couple is using condoms, birth control or something else. Unless the female is past menopause or does not have a uterus, there is always the chance she can get pregnant. You have to protect yourself. It is both the male and female's responsibility to prevent a pregnancy. If the male refuses to do that, then frankly, he pretty much deserves whatever he gets.

      And I still don't think there are that many girls who actually want to get pregnant. Most of these guys are not worth trapping with a pregnancy. Sorry

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 5 years ago

      @jimmyworldstar: Only one country has that law, Germany, and it was passed just a year ago.

    • profile image

      jimmyworldstar 5 years ago

      Wow I didn't realize that guys had so little say in their situation. Granted if they're having sex and get someone pregnant, they're still responsible assuming there was no foul play. The males should have as much rights as the females. How can you deny them the right to see their own child?

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Plus, I think the numbers that say that 20 percent of 12-18 year olds want to have a baby is probably grossly overestimated. I would be leary of these studies (as I am usually leary of all studies). How many girls did they question; how were the questions and studies conducted; what did they do to make sure that they were getting an exact representation of the MILLIONS of teen girls in this society. Who knows? I could conduct a similar survey at the school I did substitute teaching at today and get something far less than 20% or far more. Plus, some of those girls may want a baby but have the good sense not to act on it. Did the survey take that into account?

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I'm sorry, but I still think that females have it harder when it comes to babies. Apparently you have never seen a woman give birth, have 6 months of "morning" sickness, be on hospitalized bedrest for months and weeks on end (in that case you usually can't get up for toileting or showers; you spend all that time getting bed baths), or have gestational diabetes where they have to prick their fingers to test their blood sugar THEN inject themselves with insulin. In my case, recovering from pregnancy/labor/delivery was worse than the pregnancy.

      I don't feel sorry for the guys in these situations, I feel sorry for the grandparents (mostly grandmothers) who end up with the babies that both the teen mom and teen dad won't lift a finger to do anything for. Often parents become grandparents before they can get their own children out the house. Then a lot of the baby care gets dumped off on the 12,13,14-year-old "aunts and uncles." I was one of those 13-year-old aunts. Don't get me started. The dad of the baby in this situation never paid a DIME of child support, but as a teen, I was expected to help with the baby financially, emotionally, and physically.

      I think this is good information you are providing on this site (I have boys, so I want them to know this) but I am still going to tell my girls that the drawbacks to having pre-martial sex is going to be mostly on their laps.

    • profile image

      iwrite4cash 5 years ago

      It's sickening that fathers don't have any presumed rights & how the courts just create "auto-pay" options for girls who obviously did something wrong, tricked the male, etc. Something def. needs to change in this corrupt so-called government that only creates laws for their benefit, as guys in certain groups get singled out and lives destroyed.

      Thanks for a very great idea & well portrayed lens!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Good lens.Vital information provided.Great videos as well.Thanks a lot for sharing this :)

      visit:http://fullthrottleondemand.com/blog/2011/10/20/ma...

    • profile image

      NorelaG 5 years ago

      This is very good information. I did not know that there were so many girls looking to get pregnant. Also, I believe that it is "Statutory Rape" to have sex with a girl under 18. That means the state will prosecute even if both parties were consentual.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 6 years ago

      @franstan lm: The problem is getting this across to the boys. It is not the kind of thing they will allow to be taught in schools.

    • franstan lm profile image

      franstan lm 6 years ago

      Great perspective.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Great perspective. For the past 10 years I've been teaching comprehensive sexuality education in NH. I include a lot of the info that you have discussed here to help teens make informed choices, although I don't do it in the context of girls trapping boys and boys being irresponsible. I definitely agree that boys need to be taught this information.

      The reality is sexuality is a strong drive ... teens brains are not fully developed and able to evaluate long term consequences in the heat of the moment ... and alcohol plays a huge role in impairing good sexual decision making.

      The other reality is that up until now, the US does a horrendous job of providing kids with the comprehensive education they need to protect themselves from unintended pregnancy. My program has one of the lowest rates in the country and we just sustained a 47% cut in funding, thus eliminating what I consider to be an essentail program.

      Finally, parents need to get more comfortable providing their kids with comprehensive sexuality and not leaving it to the schools!!! Kids want them to and funding cuts are only going to make already high rates rise. I have a program called The Sex Talk Series for Parents that may be helpful to help close the gap and help us raise well informed and more responsible kids of both genders and addresses the issues you highlighted http://www.talkingwithtrish.com

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @kerbev: While I think it's important to teach girls the ramifications of becoming a teen mother, I don't think it should be accompanied with teaching them that boys are just out to fuck them. That's going to create mistrust and sexism throughout their lives.

      Wouldn't that hold true as well?

    • kerbev profile image

      kab 6 years ago from Upstate, NY

      While I think it important to teach boys the ramifications of becoming a teen father, I don't think it should be accompanied with teaching them that girls are just out to trap them. That's going to create mistrust and sexism throughout their lives.

    • profile image
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      George McCasland 6 years ago

      @myraggededge: That is the intent of the page, to show there is no safe sex as it relates to teens.

    • myraggededge profile image

      myraggededge 6 years ago

      I'd say - if a boy/man doesn't want to pay child support then he shouldn't have sex with relative strangers. Teach your kids that sex should be *part* of a trusting relationship where both parties agree whether children are wanted or not. Sex Ed starts BEFORE sex, not *AFTER* conception.