ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

That's Me- considering

Updated on June 27, 2013
Introspection #2 from imageation
Introspection #2 from imageation
Introspection from Dave Watkins
Introspection from Dave Watkins
Introspection from Catalin B
Introspection from Catalin B
Introspection from Cristina Brandner
Introspection from Cristina Brandner

That’s Me

By Tony DeLorger © 2011

Predisposed to thoughts of introspection, my life is abducted by the sedentary thoughts of the mundane, the physical necessities of responsibility. They sweep me away without the expression that so drives me, disrupting my deepening assessments and seeking heart.

I love my children and their care and guidance within my hands alone, but sometimes I wish I could escape the gloomy mist that weights me and keeps me from my shell, my exploration. Life rushes by; each minute gone, evidence that I have been but not accomplished. I drive myself to knowledge, to the understandings that I must know before death beckons my will.

From youth I have always felt disconnected, not a part of the paradigms that govern a normal life. I always felt in the middle ground, not one way or the other. This indeterminate state has given me cause to doubt my place, my participation. Yet in older age I realise that these are simply my perceptions, not reality that can be labelled, clean and definable.

Always the creative mind has guided my seeking, opened new worlds for consideration and that has become my essence, my role. To that end I devote myself, but do not relinquish my sacred responsibilities, those that carry my blood forward. I often wonder if I shall end within the walls of an institution, the subject of inquiry of greater minds than I. Perhaps this would be preferable, my mind left to wonder where it wills, exploring the depths and edges of my potential being.

For now I wait, half within my shell, half without, a silken chord connection to the ‘normal’ functional human world. I impart my wisdom to those who’ll listen, I hope my children, and I try to give their souls the keys to a successful, but more importantly, a happy life. For me alone, my reclusive inclinations beg my surrender, the pure act of the creative mind my purpose on earth. My only connection to humanity will be the results of my art, understanding my expression.

I have come a long way to reveal what this soul sees and knows and it may or may not be recognised of worth. But the journey is all I seek, for it is this journey that defines us and nothing else. Life is cruel, relentless and at time excruciating, but within its path the power of love is always open to acceptance. I do not reject this; rather stand on the edge of it, barely holding back. I rest in the knowledge that this compassion and love lives within me. I suck hard the marrow of life to know it, taste it and lay to waste what needs disregarding. I wish to understand, even the hate and selfishness, for without it I would live in denial of my humanity.

I stand between the light and darkness; it is who I am, who we are. As good as I can be, is as bad as I can be. Humanity is simply a potential. Which way we choose to go is the result of our God-given free will, our salvation and our downfall. I am like all others except for one fact- I choose to see and accept this duality. I am evil incarnate, the source of all odious and destructive thought, and yet I am an angel, the source of all that is love.

What life can mean to anyone is given flight, the freedom to explore and learn. What then one takes of it is purely up to the individual, a choice. We can see what we want to see, and some of us to our own detriment, can see what we don’t, as well. It is both curse and blessing. Both fear and love work in mysterious ways.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)