- Education and Science
The 1st Steps to Turning Your Life Around When it Seems Hopeless
Life is a rolla-coaster where we experience all the joys and happiness of what it has to offer… Then all of a sudden something happens to make it a hell on earth. One minute our world can be filled with fun and excitement, we can be at the top of our game, relationships are growing, and there is nothing that could possibly knock us off course. Then something comes along to screw it all up! It could be arriving at work one day to find that all of a sudden you’ve been given notice…what are you going to do now? Or, it could be just getting by, paying the bills week to week with no promise of a better tomorrow. It might be a relationship that’s going nowhere…but you keep hanging in there hoping it will get better. We find out someone we have trusted with our heart has been unfaithful. Or the slow, or sudden lose of a loved one that has completely turned our life upside down, filling it with shock, grief, guilt and a collage of unanswered questions.
Hopeless … Why? Why? Why? Bombards your thinking, and you feel you just can’t go on anymore!
To some degree we have all experienced the feeling of hopelessness in our lives. Equally though, most of us pick ourselves up and move on. But at the time, doing so isn’t so easy especially when we are lost in the emotions of our dilemma.
But what can one do when there seems to be no hope left inside you? Why even bother to try anymore? How can you break free from the shackles that are holding you back? When your shoulders are sunk forward, your sad eyes view the world with despair and your heart is empty and lonely… how can anyone understand what you are going through?
The truth is no-one does or can understand what you are going through. As cold as that may seem that’s the truth. The reason this is so, is because this is your life, your personal life experience. The totality of these experiences make you the person you are today. Whatever it is you are experiencing is happening to help you grow more and more into the unique and special person that you are.
No matter what has happened to cause the feelings of what can be defined as hopeless, you have the power within you, to change your world back into one of hope and courage once again.
What is the Definition of Hopeless?
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/hopeless defines hopeless this way:
Destitute of hope; having no expectation of good; despairing; Giving no ground of hope; promising nothing desirable; desperate.
In other words, the feeling of hopeless is the despair you feel when you have abandoned the hope of basic comforts, or, the desire to aspire toward success in one way or another. It’s a point in life where nothing feels worthwhile anymore. It’s a feeling of hopeless grief!
OK!... So you have read this far!! ... So what do you do?
Stop What you’re Doing!
Stop what you are doing right now, and chill! Give yourself time out.
You’re not going to break out of this if you don’t give yourself some space to deal with what you are going through.
So right now, Stop! Take a deep breath in, and let it out slowly, and relax…
Take another deep breath, let it out slowly and relax one more time…
Now take one more deep breath in, and as you do so, feel a feeling of relaxation flow from the top of your head, down throughout your body to the bottom of your feet,
…breathe out slowly, and feel a sense of calmness within you as you do this.
Just relax. Now did you do that? … Well, go back and do it!
A quick sidestep: I’d like to point out that we often hear people say, “just be positive, look on the bright side of things, it will work out”. Well, just being positive is not going to get you through this. However, clear thinking with a positive focus, and expectation ‘will’ help you open up your heart to live a deep and meaningful life once again.
Acknowledge what’s Happening, or, What Has Happened
Now that you have taken the time to relax, it time to acknowledge where you are at. What happened? What is it that has caused you to feel the way you feel?
Whatever you do ‘Never’ ask yourself ‘Why’... Because the answers you get will not satisfy your soul.
Just take the time to ponder and learn from what has happened, what was said, what was done or not done. By doing this you are building a mental image in your mind… a foundation to work from. By taking the time to ask yourself questions like this you will find answers to questiones that you haven’t had answers to previously. As you reflect intellectually, things will begin to make more sense.
Once you have all this clear in your mind, this will be your starting point for making the changes you want. Make time to do this.
Doing this may cause you to feel upset, or angry, but hang in there because once you have all this in perspective, it will be so much easier to Accept what goings on, or what has happened in the past, so you can move forward.
You cannot move on until you can face the issue, or, issues that you have.
So acknowledge these feelings your going through, accept these evils and affirm to yourself the following:
“I accept this experience, and I’m now in control of my life”.
“I have grown, I am stronger, I am dynamic and I am powerful”
It is vital that you: Acknowledge The Cause of The Situation.
Face It Fair and square
Begin To Take Control Once Again
This process may take may take some patience, focus and persistence to do it, but give yourself the time to chill and work through it. You will begin to see the changes you desire.
So by now, you should have reached a point where you have acknowledged the causes of your disheartment, faced it fare and square, admitted to yourself that you can accept it.
Now its time to start moving forward and taking control.
But how do you do that? You start thinking about the way you want to live again. If you could wave a magic wand, how would your life be? What would you be doing right now? What kind of job or business would you be in? What would your ideal mate be like? What kind of personality would they have? May be you’re your single and have always wanted to travel, or been through a break up, or, loss of someone dear to you… Understand that it is Ok to move on now. Whatever it is, look within yourself for the things that make you go Yeah! Things that make you realize that no matter what has happened in the past, its now time to start living again.
Your imagination is your bridge from where you are now, emotionally, and where you want to be emotionally. Your thoughts create your feelings - Your feelings trigger your emotions - Your emotions ignite your behavior, and your behavior produces the results you have in your life.
Take a moment to imagine your car… Imagine your lounge room… Imagine the last time you went out and had a great time…or imagine how lousy it was… Imagine how your partner makes you feel when you think of them. By doing this you trigger your imagination, and as a result your feelings and emotions are activated.
Now, Imagine something that would make you happy right now! I mean, stop right now for a moment, and imagine in your minds eye something, or someone that would make you happy... feel the feelings...get so emotionally involved… so much so, that it feels real!
Did you do it? How did it make you feel? Well, if you did what I said to do, you would have felt nothing but, happiness! Your goal is to hold imagines in your mind that make you happy, which will motivate you to a different level.
By thinking about the new way you want to live, and the things you would like, you spark your up your imagination, your feelings change from old to new, and your emotions make you act differently. If you have trouble grasping on to new ideas grab some magazines. Check out fashion, music, sports, computer, boats, whatever interests you have and use them to stimulate your imagination. Think back to specific times in your life when it was bliss, remember how it felt, the things you did, and hold on to those feelings. This is the kind of mind thinking that will stimulate you to create a new life of hope.
There is no big hoody guru secret to making the changes we want. It’s simple. Society conditioning has made life so bloody complicated but, the truth is, It’s not…
Learn to relax more; don’t get involved with all the negative issues society tries to lay on you. Simply, keep things simple.
I’m not saying, you won’t be challenged, because you will at times.
What I’m saying is, don’t hold on to the crap that people or situations throw at you, and don’t take on board other peoples troubles because all this will do, is feed negative seeds in your imagination. Understand this; what you allow into that marvelous mind of yours can be a blessing or a curse. Guard it.
Don’t Waste Precious Moments
Every one of us living on this planet gets exactly the same amount of time to do the things we want to do in life. We can use it to build mole hills in the ground, or castles in the sky. Each moment that passes us by is gone forever! What good is it to waste our time holding on to feelings of hopelessness, when we can use those valuable living moments to be joyous, and become inspired to live life passionately.
Don’t waste another second, don’t let another minute pass you by, and don’t let your precious moments go to waste.
See the Beauty in Life and Move Forward In Your Journey
Life is a journey, there is so much to enjoy from the scent of a flower to the moon illuminating from the night sky. I love the beach, I remember times when I’ve been low and the soft sound of waves gently splashing against the rocks have calmed my feelings, and how those very same waves, have woken me up to the wonders of my life with their mighty wore.
Whenever I am at a beach I smile, and say, ‘Hello Mum, I Love you and Miss you’ and as I do, I always remember how special it was to have my Mum at home when I was just kid. Life was full of hope, and hope is what gives us the desire to truly live.
We cannot change the past, the future is yet to come… The only time we have is Now.
We have a strength within us to decide how we live, and a power that flows through us to fulfill our dreams. Don’t let the past bring you down, don’t let present challenges hold you back, but let hope take you that next step to a brighter future, blessed happiness, and fulfillment.
Finally, I had this poem read at my Fathers funeral, in May 1990.
The first three paragraphs of this poem reminded me of his life, the challenges he went through, and the courage he had back in his day…
The forth paragraph, I imagined as his reply to me, as I remain here on earth to continue on without him.
And now I pass this poem on to you...live in hope, and your desires will be forthcoming!.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley