- Education and Science
The Blame Game
It's your fault!
It's his fault!
It's her fault!
You are upset or angry or bitter and it is typically someone else's fault, right? You wouldn't do this to yourself! It has to be someone else who is messing up your day and screwing up your life. If only everyone else would just behave correctly then you wouldn't have any problems!
When you are driving and you become enraged it is because someone else was discourteous or even just downright stupid with regard to their driving and it negatively affected you.
When you come home to a house that you share with another and it is a mess, it is frustrating because someone else should have cleaned things up!
Your mother should have shown you more love.
Your father should have been a steady worker who took time to show you he cared.
The world should be set up so that you don't have to be negatively impacted by anything.
Why doesn't everyone else just do what is right so that you can live a happy life?
Why did your mate have to say those rude things? Why didn't they do what they were supposed to? Why don't your children just behave? Why does your boss have to be so hard on you?
Life becomes especially difficult when we get wrapped up in the blame game and the concerns for who might be at fault.
More often than not, who is at fault has no relevance to how to fix whatever the problem may be. Analyzing if there even is a problem is a really important first step though.
If the only problem is how you feel, then maybe the only problem is that you need to figure out why you cannot stop dwelling on what is negative and focus on what is positive.
Stop yourself and write a gratitude list. What are you grateful for in your life? What are you grateful for in this very moment? After you have written this gratitude list, then sit back and think about how what is bothering you comes into play with regard to this and how important it is in comparison to all that you are grateful for.
If you are having trouble coming up with anything to be grateful for, think about any and every mistake you have ever made and think about what the worst consequences could have been for those behaviors. If you did not suffer those consequences, then write that down.
Do this every day if you have to until you start to feel better about whatever problem is perhaps occuring in your life.