The Mind Lives On
The Mind Lives On
By Tony DeLorger © 2011
The pain of my life’s course has been no more than the joys, and I have always taken responsibility for my decisions and my path. As age surely swallows me and my limbs, no longer agile, begin to fold up and ache, I realise how fleeting is this journey. My mind as curious and vital as it has ever been, finds inequity in my physical failings. Having just begun to understand the mysteries I have for so long studied, it seems inappropriate that my physical body fail me approaching what I consider to be my peak in life.
It is an irony I have mused and made light of; being a head on a pillow, the rest of me fallen by the way. I claimed in my jest, as long as I have one finger left to type away my thoughts, I would be content. But know that this inevitability is imminent; I have deep regret in thinking it. As they say, be careful what you wish for. Perhaps not a wish, but a thought proving to be a reality in consequence, now depicts a broken man.
My mind is so filled with understanding I cannot possibly have time enough to impart it. My writing is a vain attempt and the volume of it an example of what I’m talking about. I am an existentialist and that philosophy has taken much of my time in exploration and discipline. Understanding the self is a long and arduous path that demands much strength and tenacity. My conclusions, which I might add are in a constant state of flux, have transformed my life, in understanding what I need rather than what I desire. I am slowly and surely making peace with me and the strength of it a motivation to further work in the area of thought.
Perhaps my body falls to pieces as an indication of my lesser need for earthly life. I of course don’t wish it, but would not be surprised if my journey ended sooner than later. My only regret in this would be missing those I love and not being able to continue writing my thoughts. It sustains me so and without it I cannot see a life. This of course could change as does many of our plans and circumstances. The strange thing is I am completely at peace with whatever happens, good or bad (not my view). In a way I’ve become a fatalist, accepting that we are pawns, but to our own decisions and thinking.
The physical journey can be difficult and often the difficulty is a reflection of the opportunity for understanding and internal peace. At least that is how I have found it. The deepest most traumatic emotional experiences have transformed my perspective and therefore my life in positive ways. I give thanks for this pain that gives me life unencumbered by my understanding. Justice, balance, blame and retribution are ideas misconceived on the whole and the sooner we lay these to rest the better.
I have been blessed with an inquiring mind, some intellect and a heart open enough to learn. Whether my body fails me or not, who I am is neither incumbent of body or mind but soul, my essence the core of my existence. This I believe is not bound by the life we know and therefore the rest is of little consequence apart for expression.
What I will miss also is that expression, the flow of creativity my vital connection to physical life. For now I’ll wait and use my time wisely; for time is limited in this our gnarled shell in life, and we should take advantage.