Psychology of Attraction And The Power Of The Mind
The Unknown - our senses
Have you ever felt the need to go to a place you have never been? Like Paris! You have seen it on television or read about it and you are dying to experience it. You save every last penny to take a vacation there, not knowing anything about the place or what they offer, or even if you can really afford it.
As a girl I, read quite a few romance novels by some of the best in the business. There were times I felt very much in love with the hero and sometimes a little jealous of the heroine. The intimacy of the characters would set me on fire as I savored every last detail.
There is a romanticism attached to the unknown. We yearn to know what a place looks like, or yearn for a potential lover's kiss or touch. We yearn to taste a new treat that we got a whiff of or have seen in the bakery window.
Our senses awaken the yearning for the unknown from deep within us. Sight and touch is generally attached to the yearning that equals intimacy. Smell is attached to taste but all these vary depending on what we see touch and smell. Even sounds can have us romanticizing.
The attraction to an idea - our perception
Since I joined HubPages I have been drawn to many writers both male and female, but I realized there was a kind of "special" attraction I felt towards a few that I believe to be of the opposite sex. I am engaged to be married and love my finance` very much, but I find myself fascinated and even intrigued with these writers. Why?
I don't know what they really look like so it can't be because they are handsome or gorgeous. I don't really know them for real so I can't say their personalities have attracted me. I don't know how romantic or sensitive they are. Are they loving and tender? I don't know. Then what is this attraction about.
In the case of HubPages; when I read my friends hubs - the more interesting the hubs and the more personal the responses or the interactions in the forums, will actually give a feeling of belonging and closeness. Before I know it, I feel pulled toward a that hubber.
The idea of an intelligent, interesting and caring individual will trigger such feelings as in my case. As an experienced adult I know that it wont last and it's not a basis to form intimacy. The fact is we are attracted to the perception of what we think the person is really like.
Take for instance, the same person(s) I feel attraction towards, sends me a hate mail or abuses me in the forums. Maybe they stop following me and not read my hubs and comment anymore. It is very likely that I may not feel so drawn to that/those person(s) anymore as my perception of them changes.
The deep need to go to Paris is our perception of what Paris will really be like based on what we have heard, read or seen on TV. Before you ever had tiramisu, you have heard that it's an Italian dessert made of a layers of cake, cream, chocolate and liquor. Sounds mouthwatering as our perception of this desert awakens our need to taste it.
5 Attributes of attraction
According to psychologists there are five basic attribute to being attracted to someone. These attributes are not the biological responses but merely the mental/psychological responses associated with being drawn to someone.
- Proximity - Living close to someone, working closely together can have a positive effect on the way people behave. Two things tend to happen. We either get to like someone really well or we get annoyed with them very easily and can't stand to be around them. Close proximity build attraction between not only humans but animals and even plants. Yes plants, as they too tend to start intertwining and depend on each other for support.
- Association - This can be either frequent or seldom. Hubpages is a prime example of association without the proximity. People can build relationships through distant associations.
- Similarity - Most of HP writers have something in common - writing! This is a similarity most of us share and getting to know each other will reveal other similarities that draw us together.
- Reciprocation - If I know John likes me I am more inclined to be drawn to John. I will like him back. His responses to my questions or comments on my hub will give me an idea how he sees me, yet they are only my perception of how he sees me or feels. According to this law we tend to like those who like us.
- Physical attractiveness - In real life we are attracted to people who are better looking. Even here on HP, you will find a guy sending an email telling you how much they like you because they like your avatar (this has happened to me several times).
Should we or shouln't we
What to do about our attraction towards each other even though we are miles away? That very special friend who gives me advice when I need it, do I ignore the attraction because we may never meet? Do I ignore because my attraction is based on my perception of them because I don't really know them?
I say no. We have already formed a bond and that bond must mean something. Distance does not matter and positive perceptions are good as they keep these kinds of relationships harmonious. I love the perceptions I have of all my fellow hubbers because I try to keep positive mental images of them.
Being attracted to someone in close proximity does not guarantee a lasting intimate relationship. One should be careful not to confuse attraction with desire. There are different ways in which we can find someone attractive such as:
- Intellectual attraction
Whatever the attraction it is always good to form bonds so I say give your friendship a try when you feel attracted to someone for any reason at all.