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The School Bus Chronicles: "I GOTTA PEE!!!"

Updated on December 4, 2010

This is the real Miss Frizzle!

I'm so not Miss Frizzle!

I have to admit it. I'm a school bus driver. That's right. I'm the one behind the wheel of the 40 foot rig you put your beloved children aboard.

I watch you parents of these kids sniff and wipe your eyes as they board the first day of school. These precious little bundles of hope and delight! These little ones that hold our future in the palms of their chubby little hands. I know. I was a sniffer, too. Not anymore I'm not! No sirree!

I've seen too much!

These are my stories. These are your children! Hook your thumbs inside your lapels and proudly proclaim:

"They get it from their other parent's side of the family!"

(PS.. the names have been changed to protect the not-necessarily-innocent)

And so it begins:

I'm filling in on an AM elementary run. I'd rather take them to school, than take them home. Kids in the mornings are generally sleepy and quiet.

Today, however...

"Miss Candie I gotta PEEEEE!"

Joe is six. So are Jacob, Steven and Peter. Loud and squirmy with springs loaded on their backsides.

"Miss Candie I gotta PEE REALLY BAD!"

"Hang on Joe.. we only have four more stops 'till we're at school!"

It's really more like ten more stops.

He's hangin' on. Literally. He's gonna pinch the tip off if he ain't careful!

"I'm six!" says Steven.

"So am I!" says I.

"No you're not!" says Peter.

"Yes I am!!!!" says I

"No your not!" says Peter

"How old do you think I am?" says I

"51" says Peter.

(Brat.)

"No she's either 28 or 38" says Joe.

(Bless him!)

"No she's 51" says Peter, and he stands up, "I can spell 'it'!"

"Peter!! Sit down!"

"That's cinchy" says Joe "I-T 'IT' !"

"Joe get your body out of the aisle!"

"So." says Peter, who now has a grumpy face but at least he's sitting.

"MISS CANDIE I GOTTA PEE!!! BAD!!" (pinch, stand, squirm, pinch, sit)

"Hang on Joe!" says I

Joe is hanging on, and suddenly he springs up out of his seat, twirls around and says:

"Who can spell 'Independence'?"

(independance independince independ.. crap.)

"OH! Looky Joe!! The school!!!!"


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    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 4 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Thank you Rosemay! There are a few of them in here! I have more, but haven't logged them in yet!

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      This was a cute read, you should tell some more of your stories, I bet you saw/heard some crazy and cute things.

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 4 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Maria - were you one of the ones on the bus with your feet up on the back of the seat in front of you? I drive 'em around town.. they drive me crazy! LOL!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Such a smile maker...oh that all School Bus Drivers could be like Miss Candie! Voted UP & FAB. Hugs, Maria

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 5 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Ah Maggs! I didn't do it.. Maybe one of these days.. We always walked too, but this is a rural area so many live a long ways out.

      I'm glad you got to see pictures of the kids, makes them seem less far away!

      Thank you.. As always!!

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 5 years ago from Sunny Spain

      This was even better for a second reading Candie and a fun way to start the day. In your response to RedElf's comment you said

      " I could do a hub on our memories of our bus memories! Great idea! Thank you! xx"

      Did you ever follow through on this as it would be nice to have some insight into a school bus run from a child's point of view especially the way you write.

      Those yellow school buses are so typically American my daughter sent me photographs on the day each of her boys took the school bus for the first time.

      They looked so young going on a bus all by themselves for the first time.

      In my day most children lived within walking distance of their first school and within a bike ride of their senior school.

      Because I had so much fun on my revisit I am going to punch your buttons again and vote you up.

      Like a good wine you and your hubs getter better with age :D

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 5 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      LOL! Thank you Lisa! Darling little tykes huh!?

    • Rusticliving profile image

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      Hahahahaha.. That was priceless! Bless their pea-picking hearts!

      Great job Candie! :) Lisa

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 5 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      He made it!!

    • profile image

      Richard 5 years ago

      Did he make it? Do you know?

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      ejones and MKW! You are both amazing and I'm thrilled to have your support! I keep thinking and writing in my head.. time to get it all down! Thank you both.. and MKW - I think they'd relate to finding it in a Happy Meal box better, eh?

    • profile image

      My Kat Walkin' 6 years ago

      Come on Girl, you can do it. You just have to call and I'll come get you. Come on everyone, "More Stories, more stories, more stories! Like...You missed my stop! or the good old stand by of "Where did you get your driver's license? Blow them away and say "in a cracker jack's box!" Do kids even know that come back?

    • profile image

      ejones 6 years ago

      This was a great bus adventure too candi such funny stories I can't wait to read more.

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      mukherjeeapu! Welcome! I'm so happy you liked it and laughing you could relate! I think it's a kid's job to do this - and there are kids that don't 'hold it'!! Glad Joe did! Thanks for the visit and the great comment!

    • mukherjeeapu profile image

      mukherjeeapu 6 years ago

      Awesome, Candie!

      Just loved it, and I can relate to it big time coz each time I hopped into a bus as a kid, I would either feel peeish or crappy! And my poor parents would have a tough time. I dunno what I would have done with a kid like myself!

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Hey Twilight you made it here! Thank you! A keen eye and ear and at least one hand on the wheel (while biting the nails off the other hand!) Having them for 75 minutes is so diff from a full day with the darlings.. my hat's off to you! It is fun - most of the time! Hahaha! Thank you again for the visit and comment!

    • Twilight Lawns profile image

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Candie, I've taught Primary Children (8 to 11 year olds) and on occasion, had to fill in with much younger children Horrors! Your observations take me back. Looking forward to more of this kind of stuff. You have a keen eye and ear. Thanks.

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Earn! Thrilled to see you over in my neck '0 the woods! Hope traffic on the information highway wasn't too congested! Ha!

      I'd be glad to let you ride my bus (but I'm thinking the beard might give you away as being older than 6) Ah well.. tis a pity you can't just hitch a ride for the day! We do have a fair bit 'o fun, and yes, they are more entertaining!! (makes for great writing if I can remember it all!) Thank you!

    • earnestshub profile image

      earnestshub 6 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      Your job is fun Candie, I wish I was on your bus too.

      Kids are funnier and more entertaining than adults, that's just how it is.

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      I do have fun GMa! Hahaha! You make me laugh! Don't tell all my secrets! Hahaha! Hugs your way as well!

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 6 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      you have more fun then anyone knows...and drive'n a great bus now..there is no place I have laughed so much as when you were jealous of another bus drivers rig..."what I wouldn't give to drive one of these" says Candie...who woulda known a school bus in demand...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      I'll gladly keep doing this if you keep doing what you do! If you've read any of my hubs on my failed nursing career, you'll understand! Thank you RNMSN for reading and leaving me a great comment! Oh.. and there's approx 15 on every run.. Not bad if you think of the total as about 50-60 K-5! Hahaha!

    • RNMSN profile image

      Barbara Bethard 6 years ago from Tucson, Az

      great story Candie!! you have all my admiration/I couldn't do it/who knows how many unleashed and unmuzzled six year olds on a bus? please!!!! lol

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      You're so funny! Thank you!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Hope it leads more people back to reading this hub! :-)

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      I saw that one.. need to get in there and read it! Thanks Peggy!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

      OK...you inspired my own skunk story! Wish it was as simple as crossing legs and waiting for a bathroom! Haha!

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Patience? Ha! No.. really, most days, most of the kids do great.. it's usually a small few that make it challenging. No.. no speeding tickets! Most of the time I'm way under the limit! Clogging traffic don't ya know! Thanks WW!

    • Wrath Warbone profile image

      Terry Chestnutt 6 years ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      Cute story. Sounds true. Where do you get the patience? Did you get a speeding ticket? lol

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Thank you Sa'ge! As am I with yours.. so much good stuff so little time! :D hugs to you as well!

    • Sa`ge profile image

      Sa`ge 6 years ago from Barefoot Island

      I really kiked this one. looking for more like it and still catching uo on all those other ones of yours.

      :D hugs :D

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Flash! My goodness! I have missed you terribly! I remember life with a 6 year old and I gotta say you're a good mom and you'll get thru it will flying colors.. and find your mind again (I promise) Tho when they start driving your car.. you may loose it again.. So keep a spare handy! Love ya lots, too! thank you!

    • profile image

      Flash 6 years ago

      Hola amiga! Love the hub! I lose my mind with one almost six year old some days, I can only imagine what it would be like with several LOL I just stopped by to say hello-hope life's going great for you :) Love ya! ~J

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Hi RedElf! Great to see you! I, too, was a tormentor-clobbering-with a lunch box - only mine was red/green/yellow/blue plaid! My new glasses were inside and snapped them in half.. oooooh did I get it!! Glad to hear I'm not that 'unique'! I could do a hub on our memories of our bus memories! Great idea! Thank you! xx

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

      What a fun hub, Candie! Like so many others, I do hope you have more bus driving exploits to share with us! I, of course, was a well-behaved little angel :D Well, except for the time a clobbered a tormentor with my new yellow lunch pail...but I was provoked, honest :D:D:D

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Ow!! I promise! Ha! I can't top skunks!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Just back to push a few more buttons and am really looking forward to reading your next school bus story. You must be getting tired of having your arm twisted! Just don't add skunk to the mixture! Ewwwwww!!!

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Ewwwww! That's terrible! My grandmother did the same.. extremely rural route and kept the bus at their farm. We spent hours playing on the thing! Thank you for sharing Fiddleman! Still trying to figure out who you are!

    • Fiddleman profile image

      Robert Elias Ballard 6 years ago from Zirconia, North Carolina

      Great hub. My father in law drove a county school bus almost 40 years and he had lots of stories too. In those days drivers could take their bus home if it was near the beginning of the daily route. They lived in a rural area of the county and one day after sweeping is bus, he forgot to close the door. During the night a skunk came aboard and it took several days with windows open to rid the bus of the odor the skunk had deposited.

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Tam! More than a few! Ok, I'll put in a couple more.. you've all twisted my arm long enuf!

    • TamCor profile image

      Tammy Cornett 6 years ago from Ohio

      Candie! How did I miss this hub--yikes! Gotta pay more attention to Hubtivity! :)

      Oh, I can just picture you, when that little boy shouted out your "true" age, lol...don't ya just love them little ones? haha

      Can't wait to read your other adventures--I have a feeling you've had a few VERY interesting bus rides, hahaha.

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Maggs you do make me laugh! It's a 3-ring circus to be sure! Thank you - you made my buttons very happy!

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 6 years ago from Sunny Spain

      I loved this Hub and I do hope we are going to hear lots more of your adventures on the bus. Way back when (which is a long time ago) I looked after about thirty odd under fives at Play School (Kindergarten).

      I had my hands and eyes free and it still it took a lot of doing. I cannot begin to think how difficult it must be to drive a bus and keep the children in order. I would find it difficult handling a bus with my full attention even with someone's help; you have my deepest admiration Candie. I am going to rate you up and push your buttons.

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Hmmmm... me too, sigh!!

    • Shalini Kagal profile image

      Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

      Hmmmm - yes, I should do it more often :D

    • Candie V profile image
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      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Hey Shalini! Yep.. got a couple more! Should have them done in a few days. Glad to see you off the farm for a visit! Nice!

    • Shalini Kagal profile image

      Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

      Haha Candie! Any more school bus adventures coming up?

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Hi Christopher! Ah yes... the things we do...!! Good man! So you know all about it! If I told you what I found today.. a very.. um.. graphic drawing of a male body part. Monday I get to find out who the artiste is! It's always something!

    • Christopher Price profile image

      Christopher Price 7 years ago from Vermont, USA

      I know you have more bus driving stories at the ready.

      This was a good one.

      I drove a big yellow school bus right after college so I'd have enough time every day to tutor my girl friend through her last semester. The things you'll do for love!

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Thank you OM! Yep.. the 'pee pee dance' is something little boys do too. But to do and spell is something you don't see everyday! Wish I had a recorder with me to put on here - you'd see some things that parents refuse to believe their children do!

      Glad you're smiling! Thank you for stopping in!

    • oliversmum profile image

      oliversmum 7 years ago from australia

      Candie V. Hi. What a fabulous account on what little tykes can get up to on a School Bus.

      What you see is what you get. Warts and all.

      I guess little Boys have something to pinch, where as little Girls have to cross their legs and dance a little, but when you gotta go you really gotta go.

      Having a sense of humor and patience would have to be a top priority in driving these beautiful Children to School I should imagine, and trying to be two jumps ahead of them most of the time.

      It was great to read and put a big smile on my face. :) :)

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      @Micky! Awesome! Thank you!!

      @eovery! So very sorry! I shall keep on! Thank you!

    • eovery profile image

      eovery 7 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

      Thanks, and now I gotta pee.

      Keep on hubbing.

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 7 years ago

      I had to hit all those buttons! Keep us going Candie V!

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Thank you Peggy! As I told Hawkes.. not terribly untrue! I do have a few more ready to go!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Hahaha! Bet you can milk this kind of story for extra hubs...think Bill Cosby! I also thought that it was going to be about your need for the rest stop! Good one, Candie!

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Hi Hawkes! Hahaha! That's not entirely untrue! I, however, have to sit there and grit my teeth! The adsense recommended tags included 'candie gotta pee'.. which I won't add.. or maybe I should?

    • Hawkesdream profile image

      Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

      haha Candie, When I read the title I was expecting you to need a pee !!!

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Christoph! It was such a dead-on guess! Poor Joe! The kid was in pain! I'll save the best seat for you! Do I have to keep both hands on the wheel???

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      I think Peter definitely has ESP...but then so does Joe (extra sensitive penis.) LOL. Funny. Can I ride your bus?

    • Candie V profile image
      Author

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      I have NOOO idea! My ID doesn't give any info but my name! I nearly fell out of the chair!

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 7 years ago

      LOL...how did he know about the 51? :D