The Strangled Self
The Strangled Self
By Tony DeLorger © 2011
Feeing indistinguishable from others of our kind can make you feel lost in a pool of humanity, an individual cloaked in anonymity. Being a more reserved self and driven by thoughts of worthlessness, certain behaviours can impede and indeed strangle a life of success, or even function. People that have these dark feelings become reclusive, unengaged and self-effacing. Connection with the world can become limited to necessity and beyond that life is within the self, a secret world where reality is often manufactured rather than experienced firsthand.
These people fall from society like flies, and end up being found dead, alone and often weeks after their passing. Within their homes and from an outsider’s viewpoint, they can appear normal, their lives ordered and functional. But the reality of their mental state is very different.
Isolation is often chosen because the daily stress of having to deal with other people is just too much and at least by themselves they feel in control, not be looked down on or judged. They can choose what they do or don’t do. The less connection outwardly, the easier life is and the more settled the person, and the levels of anxiety and self-loathing diminish.
So how does a person get to this point? What drives a human being to become isolated out of choice? Often created as a child, this defective personality has been deprived of basic nurturing by their parents. Without love and support, being held, cuddled and given positive role models, children can grow up dependant and unable to act effectively themselves. Without being taught how to establish and maintain relationships and having not experienced the basic needs as a child, this person becomes an adult without the emotional understanding necessary to function daily.
Often rejection or even co-dependence can create a damaged personality, a personality that has no defining experience other than loneliness or catering for the needs of the parent of co-dependence. This leaves the person ill-equipped to deal with the world emotionally. The lack of confidence and the shame of feeling worthless can create a world much harsher than we could ever imagine. Their response then is to consolidate with all they know, being by themselves and away from that harsh world.
This damaged ‘Child Within’ as it is commonly called in psychology, is a fragile and deeply scared child, begging for nurture and release from their self-imposed prison. However, it is not easy to treat these people as they often display many phobias and even psychosis at the hands of their mental imbalance, year after year.
Isolation can create hallucinations, false beliefs and imaginary friends, hearing voices and can develop into symptoms of paranoia and even schizophrenia. Human beings need touch, to be heard and understood and above all to be loved. Without it we are prone to all manner of mental disorders and afflictions.
Children have needs that must be met. Children should never be fitted into one’s life; they should be the priority of it. For without our constant input, advice, example, love and nurturing they are liable to grew up unable to adjust to the world we have brought them into. The damage that can be caused by our carelessness can be devastating and we have a duty of care to our children. We have to see our actions and words as a major influence on their young lives and adjust our thinking to consider them foremost.