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These Events Made Me Who I Am

Updated on March 26, 2012
4 Generations - Great Grandmother, Grandmother, Mother & Daughter
4 Generations - Great Grandmother, Grandmother, Mother & Daughter | Source

My friends were having a conversation one day and this topic actually came up. We were talking about the various issues, trials and tribulations we've all experienced in our lives. We all took turns relating our experiences both good and bad. When my turn came I began and it seemed to take me forever because my family and myself have been put through the wringer. I believe these past 3 years have been the calmest I've ever had and I am hoping that continues.

Let me share the events that have molded my life and turned me into the person I am today. For starters I was raised Roman Catholic, there for I heard more often than not the fire and brimstone sermons when I attended church and while I attended a Catholic grammar school grades 1 through 8. Corporal punishment was allowed and used freely, being called dumb or stupid happened on a daily basis. This caused me years of anxiety. Though I always maintain my faith and belief in God when I was able to I turned away from the Catholic Church. I didn't have a choice however until I graduated from high school which was a Catholic school also. I was lucky however because by then corporal punishment was no longer allowed and my learning and social experiences were wonderful, I truly loved high school. I guess anything beat the hell whole the grammar school years.

During ages 8/9 my mom was pregnant and unfortunately lost the baby. I was whisked away to a friends how and was devastated. I would have had another baby sister. The boys were winning the battle of the sexes, including my dad, there were 8 boys and with mom there were 4 girls. I sure didn't turn out to be a dainty girl, snakes and bugs didn't scare me, nor did rough housing with my brothers. During the stay at our friends house, she had to go out one night and left me there with her husband and their three boys. My last memory before I blanked out was him coming into the bedroom I was staying in to comfort me. This plagued me for many years and to some degree still does. I began to lash out at others, swearing, dressing a sloppy as I could, not wanting to take baths and would start physical fights for no reason. My parents weren't aware and I never told a soul. That is until 2 years ago when I finally faced my mental disorders, part of which was caused by this unspoken issue.

Then our family was hit with my sister Terri Anne being rushed to Children's Hospital in Boston because they found out she had leukemia. I wrote a hub on this recently. She struggled and fought a good fight, she gave those leukemia cells a run for their money, out lasting anyone who was diagnosed at the time she was. She survived 18 years. She gave us all lessons on faith, courage, hope, love and dignity. Besides Terri Anne we lost our brother Ricky to a horrific car prior to Terri Anne's passing.

I graduated high school at 18 years old, was married when I was 20 years old and moved away for 6 years because I became a military wife. Within those 6 years I gave birth to two beautiful baby girls. My babies are now 29 & 31. We moved back home, my marriage faltered and within two years of returning we separated. We were separated for three years when he began to come over for dinner and spend time with the girls and I suggesting to me that we should try and work things out. That would have been okay with me but having a pregnant wasn't. I filed for divorce.

I was divorced 3 years and met my youngest daughter's dad, we dated for a year and he asked if I would consider having a baby with him. I responded yes. I wasn't aware at the time of his severe drinking problem because he pretty much held it at bay. Then tragedy stuck, his mom's mom passed away. He had already lost both his parents within a 3 years span and this death pushed him over the edge. We were together, bickered all the time because I wasn't being treated yet for my mental disorders in fact it would be years before that happened. There were quite a few times that I considered moving out and at one point I did however he just moved in with me and the problems continued. Then in 1998 the girls and I moved back to his house and lived there for another 1 1/2 years. However the drinking had gotten a lot worse and eventually lead to his death. He drowned in our daughter's pool. It was a combination of his asthma, his alcohol intake and the fact that it was 101 proof.

Next comes my living nightmare that lasted almost 2 years. Following his funeral I found out my daughter was pregnant, the engine in my car blew up, fortunately we had gotten out just before the fire started. I wasn't fond on my daughter's boyfriend and with good reason. He was stealing money before the accident and it continued after. He was told he was no longer allowed in the house by me and my brother in law who was also the landlord. He began breaking into the house and stealing items and also being let in by my oldest two girls who weren't completely aware of what had transpired. I began finding drugs and drug paraphernalia which was given to the police. The boyfriend, drained my daughters ATM account and tired to forge one of my checks. When trying to forge my checks he was caught on camera and dropped his ID. An warrant was issues based off my complaint, my daughter said he must have needed the money and refused to press charges. She was 18 and supposedly an adult so my hands were tied. Then came death treats. That left me no recourse but to request a restraining order which was granted for 1 month then I had to go back to court to have it extended for a year. That request was granted.

I then had to endure countless police raids searching for him, break ins, drug dealers showing up at my house with guns looking for him and my brother in law so tired of the drama that he decided to sell the house. Thus making us homeless. Arrangements were made and we were all scattered but all had a place to stay. He got himself in trouble again and there was no doubt he was headed to prison. I sighed, that was a relief because while he was away I didn't have to worry and didn't jump every time I head a noise. And best of all, I was issued a lifetime restraining order and my address has been impounded.

So, as you can see, I've been through the wringer though, all this has made me appreciate what I have, my faith, my family and my friends. Without those three I would never have survived or at least not come out in one piece.

All that we endure in our lives, help to shape us into who we are. I myself believe that everything happens for a reason. There are times we find out why and there are times we don't. Yet we know that when God is ready to reveal the answers he will. I wouldn't change anything. Both my long term relationships however rocky gifted me with three amazing and beautiful daughters. Two of those daughters have gifted me with three wonderful grandchildren who always bring a smile to my face. I have a wonderful son in law and a wonderful future son in law. What more can a girl ask for!


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    • Catzgendron profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from North Chelmsford

      Thank You Michael, that's very nice of you and you are right, writing is the best therapy.

    • cleaner3 profile image


      6 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      i am glad that you have come through all that to be a stronger perso. someone who did not surrender to life but grabbed it by the throat and took control. Bravo...

      if you ever need to talk, I will listen,it is good therapy to write, don't hesitate to do so.your hub friend


    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 

      6 years ago

      I believe we have to learn from what life teaches us.We can face challanges and find a way to make our dreams come true.I admire your courage and strength through all your trying times.Thank you for sharing such a personal hub.


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