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Things I've learnt about the USA from TV
Nature lovers of Georgia
The Walking Dead
The walking Dead has taught me so much about the USA and zombie apocalypses, indeed it's difficult for me to pick out the most important lessons I've learnt from the series.
1) The forests of Georgia are full of people
I'm assuming that being a zombie doesn't give you an instant love for nature, the forests filled with walkers must therefore have been filled with people before the outbreak. I picture Georgia as being something close to a big national park with people walking through the forests randomly.
2) American prisons are so hidden and remote that they can only be reached by dirt tracks
The prison seems so well hidden that I'm guessing the prisoners didn't get visitors and that the staff just lived there rather than going home.
3) The average American bathroom cabinet contains more meds than the local pharmacy
I don't how Americans manage it but they created bathroom cabinets which defy the laws of the universe, small on the outside but with the capacity to out-stock an average sized pharmacy on the inside.
The overworked Tara
Sons of Anarchy
Sons of Anarchy has been my introduction to the west coast of the US, I feel as though I know rural California intimately thanks to SOA. Here are the key facts....
1) There are so many bodies hidden in unmarked graves that it's hard to dig a hole without finding one
I started a SOA bodycount and gave up at 50, many of them were dumped in shallow graves here, there and everywhere. I'm guessing that people on the west coast have difficulty even digging their gardens without finding a local gang member feeding the worms.
2) There is an endless line of beautiful young women waiting to sleep with fat, old, hairy bikers
Before watching SOA I didn't realise just how many young women in the US were just waiting around for their chance to get off with a sweaty old biker, it's mind-boggling and someone really needs to investigate how leathers and a bike can turn a bad Elvis impersonator into the object of every woman's desires.
3) American doctors are badly overworked
I think this something that the government needs to take action on in the US. It appears that you can go into a 300 bed hospital night or day and no matter whether you are giving birth, recovering from a head knock or getting a bullet pulled out of your butt the same doctor will be treating you. When do they get the chance to rest?
4) It's quite common for 20 men to get into a gunfight, full unloading machine guns but with no-one getting hit
Gang gunfights appears to be one of the safest hobbies a guy could have in the US, ranking well above dangerous sports such as fishing and ten pin bowling.
Silent and Deadly
Breaking bad introduced me to the world of crystal meth and Albuquerque, it has taught me some interesting facts.
1) It's easy to catch a criminal in Albuquerque
I can't understand why the Albuquerque police haven't got their heads round this yet, they have the easiest job in the world and could catch all the criminals in their area quite easily. All they have to do is sit outside the local Walmart, the criminals are the guys coming out of the store with trolleys full of hundreds of cell phones.
2) In America your evilness is directly proportional to how much you talk
The guy who talks too much is never dangerous but if a guy with shades who never utters a word turns up at your door then you are screwed. In fact I think your best defence against being murdered in the US would be to get your attacker talking which will immediately make them less evil.
3) American junkies are super strong
I fear the super strength of American drug addicts, when a man and woman can carry an entire ATM back to their house, including negotiating several steps, I'm guessing that they develop hulk-like abilities when they are high.
Storage Wars is reality TV, I know that everything I see on there is the real deal. Here's what I've picked up about the US from watching those storage hunters.
1) Every storage unit in America contains a high value item of interest which needs to be taken to a specialist to explain it's story
I'm reckoning that it must be a rule written on the wall in the office at each storage unit letting office. Rule 1 - Your storage unit must contain at least one high value item with an interesting history and some porn.
2) Unexpected bidders at auctions are easy to spot
If you go to a storage unit auction you can expect always someone there to bid aggressively and that person will be easy to identify in advance because they'll have a camera pointed at them, even if they're not part of the Storage Wars team they'll still have a camera on them right before that unexpected bid.
Gold Divers & Gold Rush
I've learnt one key fact from these two great series. The nearer you get to Nome the more insane the people become, by the Yukon they're fairly insane but by Nome they've gone completely Steve Reidel. I don't know if its the cold, the pursuit of gold or if there is something in the water up there but those guys are crazy.
Don't get me started on the movies
Well these are the things I've learnt about the USA from watching TV, a great country but a bit different.......... Don't get me started on on what I've learnt about the US from the movies, that's a whole different story that begins with the question "Is it illegal to use a kitchen light switch after dark when a psychopath is on the loose?"