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Ask Alli Rose- To Chuck- How to Stop Bullying

Updated on November 16, 2014

Stop Bullying Today, Say Something!

This hub is for Chuck, who has had to pull his beloved daughter out of public school because of the severe case of bullying she has received from her peers, something we all have experienced, some more than others. This epidemic has caused hundreds of suicides. Every one of these cases is preventable deaths. Humans only live on this Earth for about 100-years, why is it so hard just to get along? Helpfully reading these tips can help you and yours.

Hi Chuck,

Sadly, having bouts of minor depression and mood swings is a routine part of being adolescent girl. Moderate to more severe bouts of depression, isolation, and anxiety are not deemed healthy. I do wonder how old she is, from a hormonal level. The bullying role should not be ignored by anyone and thank-you for being concerned about that with your child. Being bullied can destroy one's self-esteem.


There are a few ways to handle bullies. If your daughter has some close friends about her age, without your daughter present, talk one-on-them with them and tell them about how bullies normally stop their abusive behavior within 15 seconds when someone stands up for them. It is not cool to be the only one ragging on someone; it makes them look like the jerk they truly are. Just like everyone else, bullies want self-acceptant, and respect, and if no one is giving them that, they have a tendency to pipe down.

Typically, bullies are victims themselves a while back; which absolutely does not excuse their behavior. They should know better. They spew hate because someone has done the same to them. Your daughter, or any victim, does not have to coddle their bully's hand and sing them a soft melody, but tell your child that they should be respectful to these individuals, they are humans too. When a bully gets mad, tell your daughter to not get angry in return, that is what they are expecting and want. However, don't tell her to laugh at him, because that will make him feel emasculated and want to attack her even further, or possibly even worse if it is a male.

Surprise the bully, be respectful and show them it doesn't bother you. They will want to know what is so special about your lovely daughter that his hurtful words don't victimize her. If things get physical, tell your kid to go straight to school or police authorities. They are becoming more well-trained on how to deal with a situation like these. Never hand physical bullies alone, even in groups.

Also, encourage her to ask forgiveness from people who. She has bullied over the years. We have all intimidated people at some point in our lives. This shows us how easy it is to bully people, even people we especially don't hate, care about, or even know the other person. This also sets a good example for our bullies, and our children. We should take responsibility for the way that we treat others. Is it really so hard to treat people nice? Maybe you shouldn't answer that, just kidding.


As for cyber bullying, it can be harder to prevent from cybering bullying. If going Amish is not the best case for your family, then the second best thing to do is get the best software that NSA would be jealous of. At first, you may think this is an invasion of privacy, and it is. Your job as a father is to make sure your kid is am a well-adjusted adult when they turn 18.


On a personal note, I was bullied growing up. It was non-stop, and I thought of suicide often. I too was homeschooled from the bullies; I am naturally a ginger, but I dye my hair. I took sleeping pills all-day an all-night long. I just wanted to be asleep. I wanted to be at peace, but it wasn't peace, it was avoidance.

When I was 16-years old, I wanted to join the Marine Corps. I wanted to be tougher than my bullies who physically harmed me. I joined at 17-years old, and it was the best decision of my life. I have 100,000 of sisters and brothers who will lay down their life for me on a dime, without me even asking. In the same fashion, I owe all my brother and sister Marine my fidelity and my life, no questions asked. I know if I ever tried to hurt myself, I would have to go through a gantlet of butt-kicking.


I'm not saying that your daughter should join the Marines, but maybe a tight-knit organization for teens that promote healthy ideals and values could be the best bet. Perhaps karate, soccer, track, JROTC, Civil Air Patrol, etc. When she is old enough, if she ever did want to join the Marines, I would gladly welcome her as a sister.

My overall recommendation would be for her to speak to someone professionally. That doesn't mean that she is crazy, or even necessarily suicidal. For individuals to get our master's degree, we all had to go to a year of therapy, and it helped us with issues I didn't even know I had.

If the provider tries to push medicine, I will be a little be concerned. Her condition may very well need medication, but some providers push medication more than others. The brain does not fully stop forming until the early 20s, and it is best not to mess with brain chemistry; however, sometimes it is needed.

I know you said your daughter saw a therapist, great, just keep all the other things I said in mind. Please let me know if her progress improves either way. I am truly interested in your family, an I will keep you and your daughter on my prayer list by name; I truly mean it.

Thanks,
Alli Rose, BA/ Social Psychology, MA/Behavioral Medicine/Health Psychology

What You Must Do Everyday!

1. Hug or pat your child. Give them a full bear-hug if they will let you.

2. Tell them you love them for being them.

3. Tell them you are so thankful they are in your life everyday.

4. Tell them, if something bad were to ever happen to you, you don't think you could continue living.

5. Each day, tell them one specific thing that you love about them,

6. Let them know that you are there for them to talk, and you promise you will not be judgmental, and you need to keep your promise.

Did You Find This Information Helpful?

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Were You Bullied As a Kid?

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Did the Bullying Get Better?

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Next!

If you think you might need some kindly advice, let me know! I don't have a magical crystal ball, but if I do not know the answer, I can point you to someone who does.....have the answer, not the crystal ball.

Comments

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    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 

      4 years ago from Hawaii

      Bullying remains a serious problem today, whether it's a lot of victims, or just one person. I believe that any and all cases of bullying should be taken seriously, and by the people whose job it is to put a stop to it before things escalate. Thank you for sharing this with us, Alli.

    • Bent Mickey profile image

      Bent Mickey 

      4 years ago

      You are awesome and hot!

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 

      4 years ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      Alli Rose - I'm REAL GLAD joining the Marines worked for you! I was bullied as a child, and was not allowed to fight back. As a result, I was terrified to join the military, fearing I would be ganged up on like that Gomer Pyle guy in the movie "Full Metal Jacket".

      I remember a story in Richard Wright's autobiography "Black Boy". He was 6 years old when his mother sent him grocery shopping. A gang of boys beat him up and stole his money. When he ran home crying, his mother gave him more money and a stick, telling him to fight those boys if they attacked again, and threatening to whip him if he came back without the groceries. He was terrified, but had no choice. The boys attacked again, and he fought them off with the stick. When their mothers yelled at him, he threatened them. He returned home with the groceries without incident. He ends the story saying, "That night I won my right to walk the streets of Memphis".

      You do have to fight back, or they won't respect you, and you carry that personality into adulthood. That's why you're hearing about all these workplace shootings today; the "Gomer Pyles" eventually explode.

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