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To Get Married Or Not In Our Society Today

Updated on April 12, 2010

To Get Married Or Not In Our Society Today

To Get Married Or Not In Our Society Today

Deciding whether you should get married today in this society is a very sensitive subject.

If you know that you love the person that you are in a relationship with now, chances are, if you have not discussed this topic, you better think collectively and examine your decision very closely.

*The U.S. Divorce rate is at an all time high

*The U.S. is experiencing economical woes, not the best time to be thinking about getting married

This is the 21st century, and a lot has changed in our society. I do not believe society as a whole, values the union between a man and a woman. There are just too many factors that can cause a marriage to go south.

I'm a firm believer, that if a man and a woman, love one another, nothing in the world will separate them, but their are things in the world, that they will have to contend with, that our father, and their fathers, did not have to contend with during their time.

So, before you go, and start throwing rice, and stomping the wine glasses, think about this:

*Marriage is a very serious decision, think it through, you both must collectively agree, one person, can't decide for the other one.

*If you have been married two or more times, give it a rest.

*I do not sense that corporations embrace or encourage a person to be married, back in the earlier times, being married, showed a corporation, or it showed your employer that you were committed, and loyal to something in your life. That is not just the case today.

*Decide whether there are any monetary incentives pertaining to the two of you getting married. Will that put you in a higher tax bracket, etc, meaning, will it be more expensive for the two of you to get married, you'll have to decide.

*You both MUST have stable employment - One of the biggest reasons for divorce today, is due to financial reasons( MONEY), and if you are marrying a person, just because he or she has money, you are already getting married or considering getting married for ALL the WRONG reasons. Money should not be the incentive for getting married. However, getting married, due to a person having money, will ultimately come back to haunt you, just based on the fact that the person you are marrying for money, could one day become flat broke.

*You get married, because you love that person, and you are willing to endure the good and the bad with that person. SO, never marry a person, based on how rich he or she maybe, or marry due to physical attributes of that person. Granted, something must attract you to that person, but let it be something that you see in their heart, and their soul....

*Also getting pregnant, so that you can trap your man into marrying you, that is an automatic red flag, for why you don't get married. If you are going to have children, talk about it together, but if you both love each other, and he is aware of you trying to get pregnant, then that should not be a problem.

***NOTE*** Some Men will attempt to trap their mate, by getting their mate pregnant, so this tactic is not solely exclusive to just some women only.

*Bringing children in the world is a HUGE responsibility, from a personal and financial perspective. So, have a plan on how you are going to provide for that child or children, and remember that those children will need your love too.

*Always put yourself in your prospective child shoes, think about what the state of the world will be when your child grows up. Would you want to subject your prospective child to the horrors of this society?

*Just having a child to carry on your bloodline is important, but not at the expense of the child being subjective to the brutality or the unknowns of what the state of our world or this society will be in the next 10 to 20 years.

Do not be selfish, and think that just because you can have children, without understanding or knowing how you are going to raise them, and how and what kind of support resources will you be able to provide for that child or your children in the future. If you can't answer those questions, then you should not be contemplating having children or remotely even thinking about rearing children into this world.

*Look at your life long term and short term. Examine your life from a short term perspective as if, you were not married, and then examine your life, being married long term.

How do you see you and your spouse, let's say in five years? The first 2-5 years are the toughest. If you are together after 5 years, you might have a life long partner, and do not confuse that stat.

*Marriages can fail, when a couple has been married for twenty years, so don't think that you are home free after five years, or even twenty. A Marriage is something that both of you have to work on, each and everyday. If you are not committed to doing that, then do not get married!

*Ask yourself this question, even ask the person that you are contemplating marrying. Will you still love him or her, the exact same way, that you love him or her now? In other words, whatever the two of you are doing, to make each other happy now, NEVER stop doing it.

Once one of you, or the both of you, start changing your routines, pertaining to how you treated each other when you first met, it will have lasting repercussions on your marriage pr even your relationship.

Whether you are in a relationship now, or contemplating marriage now remember the two of you MUST grow together, and not grow apart. I have seen it happen, where a couple just grows apart, for whatever reason. So, GROW TOGETHER!

*Especially, if the two of you start treating each other like boxers or punching bags.

First of all, I would never lay a hand on any woman, if a man is hitting his woman, common sense should tell the woman, that marriage is out. If he tells you, that, " he will not hit you, once you get married." If the woman believes that, Then I got some seashore property in the Nevada desert for sale.

It goes without saying, that a woman, should not be hitting her man too.

The instance respect or trust is lost, the marriage could be on the rocks. If you believe your marriage is worth saving;

Before your contemplate getting married. Remember, if you can't trust that person now, what would make you think you can trust him or her later?

*Talk to other family members, get their input

* Discuss it with your Mate, if he or she would be receptive to counseling

*If you attend a Church, and if you feel comfortable, discuss it with your Church Leaders

*Just remember, that you are listening, you and your mate must decide what the best course of action will be, whether it be for your relationship or marriage.

*Also, do not rush into marriage, and then decide that you are not happy with your mate. I for one do not believe in being unhappy in my life. Life is too short, and you only have one life to live, so enjoy your life, and do not subject the other person to the pain, of just being married, for being married, is not the answer!

Getting married for the sake of it being convenient is not practical at all, keep that in mind too.

Matter of fact, you should consult with your family and church leaders before you ever decide to get married, the decision to get married, lies in both of your hands.

Listen to what your church leaders have to say, but you two, will be the ones living together, family members and church leaders won't be living with the two of you. So, keep that in mind.

Last but not least, IF you love that person today, show that love everyday. Do not disrespect each other, treat each other with kindness, be there for your mate, during the good times, and the bad times.

*NEVER - Walk out on your mate, when he or she needs you the most, that could lead to disaster as well.

Even talking on the phone, with one another, while in a heated discussion, be mature don't hang up the phone in your mate's face. Ask he or she to meet you somewhere private, so that the two of you can hash out your differences, without violence or harsh words.

Be mature, it is childish to just hang up the phone or storm out on your mate, when you both are talking. Effective communication is always the key to resolving issues in a relationship or marriage.

A marriage is almost, if not similar to a relationship,which means that whether you are in a relationship or marriage, you both should be committed to one another. It's a partnership.

***NOTE****Whether a man is in a relationship or a marriage, the man should take responsibility for ensuring, that he is taking care of his mate, and yes, I know the women of the 21st century, will say , that they can take care of themselves, but if you in a relationship or marriage, you can't do everything alone, and that's one out of a zillion reasons, why a woman, has a man as a mate, and a man has a woman for a mate too.

A man has a hard road to travel in life. Since I'm a man, i know for a fact that the road traversed can be very bumpy at best.. Granted, women are subjected to a lot themselves too, always try to put yourself or project yourself into your mate's shoes...

The test of any relationship or marriage is whether that person will stand side by side, hand in hand with you, during those great times, and those times of adversity, and you will experience those times of adversity...The question is: Will you experience those times together, and weather any storm?

So, do you still think that you want to get married?


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    • CorpGiant profile image

      CorpGiant 6 years ago from Dallas Texas

      You know Pollyannalana, you made a very interesting statement. There are some, who believe that there life is not complete, until they have that certificate of marriage.

      I for one, do not believe you have to have a piece of paper, that validates the love or commitment you have for your mate. I don't believe you have to walk around with rings on your finger to show that you are bound or committed to your lover.

      Needless to say, I am not a traditional person, who believe, that you must get married, I have seen people have normal committed relationships, without the marriage certificate.

      There will always be people, who believe in both a traditional marriage, or a committed relationship, guess it depends on one's personal preference. I do appreciate you commenting on this hub though.

      Best Wishes


    • Pollyannalana profile image

      Pollyannalana 6 years ago from US

      If not for religious reasons I don't see why anyone would.

    • CorpGiant profile image

      CorpGiant 6 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Thank You Dr. Amilia, I do appreciate you taking the time to read this hub, and I appreciate your kind comments..

      Best Wishes,


    • Dr. Amilia profile image

      Dr. Amilia 6 years ago

      A very intellectual and sensible hub.

      Voted up!