My Choice to Remain Pure until Marriage - My True Story
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure." --- Hebrews 13:4
"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;" ---1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
Message for all Young Men and Women
I made the choice in my mind at a very young age to wait for marriage before having sex. I was totally committed to this and I was determined that I would stay pure. It was just in my belief system, I guess.
Honestly, though, I believe I was too scared to even think about such an act, as I saw my girlfriends going through such ordeals at a very early age; that I knew in my young mind, I did not want any part of such things.
Here, I am just telling my true life experiences, and I do not judge anyone else’s life choices.
Having said all of that, however, if I had not gotten married at the young age of 19, then it could very well have been possible that I may not be writing this hub. Also, if it were not for my very mean U.S. Army Veteran dad, who stood well over 6 feet tall, chasing off would-be suitors who came a knocking on my door, then I may not be writing this hub on this day as well! I remember being so infuriated at my dad for “being so mean” and remember thinking that I was going to have to go and live at a convent and become a nun! LOL Sadly, that is what I thought, as he did not allow any young men to even come around our house, and once the word was out about what a big mean old guy my dad was, they really did not come back around.
If my dad were alive this day, I would tell him, “Thank You Dad!!!” For if it were not for him running off “those” particular young men, who knows where I would be today. I realize now, he was just being a dad and doing what he was supposed to do, but I could not see that at my very young age. Oh, how I would cry and cry, about no boyfriends, even though I was not thinking about the sex part at all, as I truly did not want any part of that at that age! I remember one new cool guy moving to the neighborhood, kind of a James Dean type, with his sleeves rolled up and his pack of cigarettes inside the sleeves. I will be the first to admit that my mind went gaga over him, and then one day he came a knocking, as prior to the knocking, he had asked me to hold on to his cigarettes (which I have never smoked a day in my life), while all the guys were playing football. I remembered when it was time for me to go inside for the night, that I had placed the cigarette pack on the outside of my bedroom window seal.
Well, here comes James Dean a knocking on my door, looking for me. Needless to say, that was the last time he came a knocking. I heard my dad answer the door, and then saying a few choice words that I cannot repeat here. I was mortified and cried and cried, thinking of that convent again!
Then came time for the Junior/Senior Prom night, which I was actually allowed to attend, and with a guy! Of course, this particular guy was a sweet guy, about a foot shorter than me, and thick frames like coke bottles, and smart as a whip. So, I am assuming my dad thought he was harmless enough. We were just friends anyway, and I believe my dad knew that too. My future husband to be was good friends with my prom date, but I did not know my future husband to be at the time. Well, my prom date had been tutoring my future husband to be in Algebra one day. My prom date happened to mention that he needed to take a break and come over to my house to pick up the prom photos, and so my future husband to be, came along for the ride.
So they came a knocking, and my dad actually did not run them off, as he knew I needed to give my prom date some of the photos. There stood my future husband to be, kind of gawking at me and unable to speak even one word. My prom date wound up asking me out for my future husband to be, as he was so shy, as was I! Now, my future husband to be must have been pretty smart, in that, he knew to ask my dad’s permission if it was okay for me to go with him on a church outing to the Little Grand Canyon in Georgia, or Providence Canyon, I believe that is what is it called. Being that I would be with a whole group of youths from a church, along with a chaperon, it was just fine with my dad. Hallelujah!!!
From then on out, my future husband to be, asked me out ahead of time for the next upcoming weekends from then on out, movie and dinner. What I did not know was that there were many other guys from school interested in me too, but I had no clue, as I thought that no one was interested in me. My very smart future husband to be (at least when it comes to such matters), never told me of the other guys until long after we were married.
When I think about it, if my future husband to be had actually been smart in Algebra, then we may have never met. Or, if my future husband to be just happened to not be friends with my prom date, we may have never met, but we did.
Of Meager Means
A funny thought would cross my mind back then and that was, “Well, I guess I am going to have to marry this guy, as my dad had not run him off yet.” LOL And so I did . . . marry him!
I was 17 at the time I met my future husband to be, and he was 16. We were married when I was 19, and he was 18. Don’t get me wrong, poor guy, now it was not as if he did not give it his best shot before marriage, but I never gave in to temptation, and I am thankful now on this day I did not do so. And I believe he is thankful too, as he knows he married someone who was only true to him in my whole entire lifetime, and there were never any others in the past before him. That fact, believe it or not, actually makes a big difference in a marriage in the long run.
So, in my mind, after he asked me to marry him, I began to plan the wedding. My parents were not wealthy and were on a very tight budget to say the least, with just my dad's VA retirement at the time.
I worked part-time at the A & P Grocery Store to earn some money to save up for my little sweet wedding, while my future husband to be was away in Basic Training with the Air Force in Texas. I was a cashier, and back in the day, there were no "beep-beeps" to ring up the products. I had to take a math test and score 100, which I did. We had to figure tax in our heads and make change in our heads too! Oh my! You're kidding! What a thought :) Plus, we had to manually key punch each item in, i.e., produce, $1.29, etc. I know, I know, I am from the ancient times!
I sent my future husband to be, a love letter each and every day, covered in lipstick kisses, and he told me later, that his buddies all were coveting, as I also sent photos too. However, they all tried to talk him out of getting married. Once, my future husband to be, called me at the A & P, as he was homesick and started telling my boss, of all people, how much he loved me and that he could not wait to marry me. My boss called me up to his station and told me about the call that came in while I was away. I was mortified with embarrassment! But I got my future husband to be back, as I told him that a date had been set for the wedding, and he had better make sure he passed those tests in Tech school in the Air Force out in Texas, as there was no changing the date!!! Well, that made the poor guy so nervous, he failed the first and easiest test! Bless his heart. They allowed him to take It over again, and he was at the wedding on the day and time he should be there! LOL
Anyway, I saved up $600.00 whole dollars for my entire wedding, believe it or not. I went to a bridal shop and the first dress I saw, was the one I chose. I told myself that I was not going to look at the prices, but just chose the one that fit my personality at the time. Keep in mind, the styles were a lot different than they are nowadays. After having tried on several dresses, I came back to the very first dress I picked, and guess what, it was a great price on sale!
Then I went to the florist and chose the flowers, and again, all so beautiful, and for my bouquet, something very sweet, simple and did not cost much, daisies, which are known for their simple purity and representative of innocent ways.
The church did not cost anything that I can remember, and if it did, it was a small amount.
I did pay for a photographer, who was very reasonable at the time.
Then, a simple reception followed with just close friends and family present, and we were set. Oh, plus the wedding ring bands too. I had it all covered from the invitations to the cakes, which our cake leaned a bit, but who cared. :)
Then we drove away in our Chevy Vega with no air conditioning all the way to Tampa, Florida, where my husband was stationed in the Air Force for four years.
Back to the Question ~ Did I Miss out on Anything?
The honest answer here is, YES, I sure I did. The following is a list of what I missed out on:
I missed out on unwanted pregnancies.
I missed out on sexually transmitted diseases.
I missed out on having my heart broken over and over, after the act was over and done!
I missed out on emotional instability.
I missed out on living in poverty with hungry, fatherless children to feed.
I missed out on having no self respect.
I missed out on having many lovers in lieu of just having the One, He planned for me.
I missed out on low self-esteem.
And so, YES, I missed out on a lot, and I am so thankful I did!
To be honest, I never once really thought about . . . oh, what have I missed out on, as the “missed out on” list is always not a pleasant thought, as one can read above what that entails, at least in my mind. In other words, this was all just fine with me.
Again, I am not here to judge anyone who may have made other choices in this life, as that is not my place to judge, but to love, and that is what this message is about ... love and love of self.
The awesome news is that if you have made choices you regret, our Lord has made a way with the very blood He shed on that cross long ago, when He paid that high price for all. If you know Him, then you know you are pure in the sight of God, as the old has passed away, and you are now a new beautiful creature in Christ.
"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" ---2 Corinthians 5:17 (New Living Translation)
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." ---Hebrews 11:11
Ask yourself this question:
In what ways is sexual behavior in a dating relationship a matter of faith?