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Welcome to Wacky Weather
Here at "Wacky Weather", we've got some nifty news about what some peculiar people talk about when they want to avoid contentious topics like politics, religion, or alternative lifestyles.
So, if you want to know whether it's likely to rain cats and dogs the day you left your bumbershoot at home or if some pesky person might rain on your parade today, you've come to the right spot.
On the other hand, if you want to know whether you've got a snowball's chance of winning the lottery this week, our funny forecasts don't come with any money back guarantees!
Image Credit: Bosler Illustration at www.bosler.com
Believe it or not, the weatherman forecasted two feet of snow somewhere on the planet.
Either that, or Frosty-The-Snowman just suffered a critical core rearrangement involving an uncontained blade liberation.
Image Credit: chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com -2010/10
In wintertime, have you ever wondered why entire clouds don't freeze and fall to the ground?
For those who can't get enough snowflakes and smiling faces at this time of year!
WONDERFUL WEATHER QUIPS & QUOTES
"Thunder is a rich source of loudness." -- Anonymous
"The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it." -- Patrick Young
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on." -- Anonymous
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. -- Anonymous
The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches. -- Anonymous
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. -- Robert Frost
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable? -- Anonymous
Weather, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by rude forefathers of the jungle. -- Ambrose Bierce
Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. -- Roger Miller
If you see a heat wave, should you wave back? -- Anonymous
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. -- Groucho Marx
Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather. Okay fess up...why are you raining on my parade today? -- Anonymous
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. -- Bob Dylan
The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it. -- Anonymous
The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts. -- David Letterman
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder and lightning. -- Anonymous
The moral of film-making in Britain is that you will be f***ed by the weather. -- Hugh Grant
Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled. -- Anonymous
I am told that the Inuit have some sixty words for snow...for different kinds of snow. That doesn't surprise me; they see a lot of it. I live considerably south of the tree line, but even I have seventeen words for snow - none of them usable in public. -- Arthur Black
Wind is like air only pushier. -- Anonymous
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done. -- Anonymous
"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water." -- Carl Reiner
"If heat rises, shouldn't hell be cold?" -- Anonymous
So much for that forecast, I just finished shoveling four inches of "Partly Cloudy" off my sidewalks. -- Anonymous
Illustration Credit: Linda Silvestri at http://sketechedout.wordpress.com/page/4/
PEOPLE, PLACES & PRECIPITATION
On the first day of school in the Land of Lots of Little Drips, there's always some cheeky cherub who during 'Show & Tell' says, "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." And, when the teacher asks little Johnny Jump Up about the weather, more often than not he replies "I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing." By the end of the lesson, everyone knows that clouds are high-flying fogs, water vapour gets together in a cloud, and when it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. That's why rain is saved up in cloud banks and why God gives us rain checks which we use at Walmart to buy gumboots, ponchos, and waterproof matches.
If truth be told, the people living in the Land of Lots of Little Drips have no concept of humidity without precipitation. And as all the inhabitants in the Land of Lots of Little Drips know, humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. In fact, every day they wake up and hear a different forecast:
"Today, it's showers followed by rain."
"Tomorrow, it'll be rain followed by showers."
"The next five days will be constant drizzle changing to intermittent drizzle."
"There are only four seasons here, "Delightfully Damp", "Wet", "Still Wet", and "Fabulous Floods".
And, as every puddle-jumper in the Land of Lots of Little Drips can recall, "Probably the last completely accurate forecast was when God told Noah there was a 100 percent chance of precipitation."
THE HIPPY DIPPY WEATHERMAN
Birds of a feather stick together especially when the barometric pressure goes bonkers!
You know it's the rainy season when you see the Audubon Society members out blow-drying bedraggled birds suffering from the ill-effects of liquid sunshine.
Illustration Credit: Tom Sarmo at www.sk3tchbook.com
WHY DO RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD?
"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent and if it leaks, on your head."
-- Dave Barry --
WAFFLING ABOUT WITH WEATHER
If truth be told, since some these weather weirdos don't own a bumbershoot or a pair of galoshes, and don't know enough to come in out of the rain, it's not surprising that they prefer passing the time by kicking up a storm, pissing in the wind, or at the very least, raining on some poor soul's parade.
Many of these merry-challenged meteorological munchkins attribute their dastardly dispositions to the late onset of the Ice Age. Frankly, their teeth are chattering and they're too chilled to the bone to care about breaking the ice at networking events. Besides being snowed under with work, ill-equipped to skate on thin ice, and lacking in the ability to make hell freeze over on cue, it's not surprising that they've called on Snow White and the Abominable People of Snow for some help.
Precious few of these weather wunderkins are however capable of riding out any storm, particularly tempests in a teapot. All of which means that the only way they're going to be as right as rain is if they can find some way to prevent it raining pitch forks and hammer handles, or failing that to find a drip who doesn't mind to take a rain check or two.
On the other hand, the powerful precipitation-conscious people who comprise the majority of the Cloud Nine Club prefer to make hay while the sun shines, avoid any storm brewing in a teacup if they know what's good for them, and always order their eggs sunny-side up to complement their sunny personalities.
When they're not chasing rainbows and catching rays of sunshine, the latter group is tuned into the "Weather Channel". Why? To find the best spot to be struck by a bolt from the blue, how to ride the wave of life without the benefit of a personal flotation device, and more importantly to figure out when is the best time to steal someone's thunder!
Vimrod cartoon by Ralph Lazar and Lisa Swerling - vimrod.com
DID YOU KNOW?
"In 350 BC Aristotle wrote "Meteorologica", the first book on weather. So if the weather forecaster gets it wrong, he can always blame it on a Greek!
Musings on the Whims of the Weather
The Witch of Wicked Weather wondered if seeding her cloud computers would win the Powerful Precipitation Potion Award this year?
Image Credit: Weather Witch - superstock.com/SuperStock_4029R-144663.jpg
WEATHER GADGET STORE
According to Vimrod one should "Never worry about the weather, because it sure ain't worrying about you, in fact it hasn't even noticed you exist ..", which is probably one reason why you might need one of these great gadgets next time you trek up a mountain or camp out in the backwoods.
All the information you need at your finger tips.
Endorsed by Santa Claus himself!
Simply superb for the wireless weather forecaster.
For weather wunderkins only!
THE WONDERS OF WEIRD WEATHER
It is said that some characters cannot begin a conversation without a reference to the weather. For example, they might greet their colleagues at work with, "Another opportunity to celebrate Chilly Willy Day!". Or, sighting a few fitness freaks flopping about in the white stuff, one might utter a warm salutation such as, "Bundle up boys and girls, it's colder than a witches tit out there!"
Naturally, this strategy only works when the weather actually changes from day to day, which pretty much leaves out folks who live in a rain forest (where mist, dew and light precipitation are indistinguishable), in a desert (where one can expect 3000 degrees, 300 mph wind speeds and no visibility every day), or on an icecap (where fast food is in a perpetual state of freezer burn).
Wild things also pay attention to the weather forecast: "Today we'll enjoy some funny periods with scattered flowers. Possibility of isolated frog patches in the early morning hours." On the other hand, "What could be worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!"
What's the weather like in your neck of the woods?
You'll never be in doubt about what those weather warning signs mean, especially if you dangle a rock at your front door and hang this handy dandy plate on your wall.
NOTE: It will also amuse door-to-door salespeople because refrigerator repairmen, vacuum sales reps, and Avon Ladies don't make housecalls any more.
"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation."
-- K. Hubbard --
Count Dracula had one thing going for him ...
"Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning."
Image Credit: Dracula cartoon - 123rf.com/30678
Quote Credit: George Carlin, (1937-2008), an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor and author.
Halloween is fast approaching... - And the Goddess of Gripe wants to know...
Image Credit: Shoebox Greetings, Hallmark Cards -"Maxine" Illustration by J. Wagner
LITTLE LINK LIST - THE WONDERS OF WEATHER
- LIST OF WEATHER RECORDS
You'll need this if you're planning on visiting such far-flung fun places with ripsnorting records like the longest lightening bolt or the most lightening strikes per year...Dorothy and Toto say it's not in Kansas!
- THE COLDEST DAY EVER RECORDED IN CANADA
This country is home to bugs, bears, and below zero temperatures!
- COLDEST TEMPERATURE ON EARTH
No wonder Santa Claus doesn't live there!
- WETTEST INHABITED PLACES IN THE WORLD
This is a "must-have" list for tourists looking for a deluge of a downpour...be sure to bring along a bumbershoot, galoshes, and a slicker!
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT WEATHER AND WINE!
Does weather have an influence on wine?
Yes, temperature affects the tastebuds of tipplers. So, on a hot day serve white and on a cold day serve red.
Then buy a wacky wine weathervane, because whichever way the wind blows, it's definitely time to pour another great glass of grappa!
PONDERING ABOUT PRECIPITATION:
"When you see the weather report and it says "partly cloudy" and then the next day it says "partly sunny"; what's the difference?
RAINDROPS KEEP FALLIN ON MY HEAD...
AMAZING AND AMUSING WACKY WEATHER MOMENTS
A funny fact book on weird and wonky weather patterns.
What chilly willies and conservative climate folks count on!
What do you mean that weathermen are all weird, and wonky...some of them are just mixed-up mteorlogical men for pity's sake!
Would you like a summer storm with your spaghetti?
Weather forecasting isn't just for grown-ups you know!