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What to Do If Police Won't Help You: Harassing Harassment Stalking

Updated on June 18, 2013
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This is Part 3 of this series about Harassment. I encourage you to read my two previous parts in this series if you’re currently dealing with Text Message Harassment (Part 1: How to Report Text Messages to Police and Part 2: What Happens After You Report Text Messages to Police). Don’t worry, you’ll be directed right back to this article at the end of the prior articles. Or, continue on with this article:

In Part 1 of this series we discussed what Text Message Harassment is and HOW to properly report it to police (including the correct way to supply evidence to Detectives), then in Part 2 I explained the process you can expect to occur after you have reported your incident. But what happens when you have your evidence returned to you and “nothing happens”? Well, most likely you are very frustrated and possibly afraid of your harasser. However, you have “hit a brick wall” with local police because the Detective determined there wasn’t a reason to pursue the report. However, giving up might not be an option, especially if the harasser is “destroying” your life. Severe, ongoing harassment can lead to a nervous breakdown in addition to a plethora of medical conditions if not stopped.

Before you can continue on, you need to judge how severe the harassment is. Do you feel that you are on the verge of breaking down? Is the harassment to the point where it is now hurting your work abilities, your family life and your relationships with others? OR is the harassment simply childish and annoying but not destructive to your life and well being? Only you can truly answer this question.

Here’s a lot of things to consider that should help you be able to determine what to do from easy fixes to taking legal action into your own hands and forcing legal action to occur:

METHOD 1: CHANGE YOUR ACTIONS AND THINKING

This is probably the hardest thing to do because it requires nerves of steel, but remember the saying “what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger” – it’s very true. In life, we can never control someone elses actions, but we can always control our own actions, and our own actions are based on emotion. Once you learn to master your emotions you will be able to think with a “clear head”. As humans, we choose the outcome of almost all situations. Think of a terrible situation such as a death; you can choose to morn and be depressed for the rest of your life OR you can choose to grieve then make something positive out of the traumatic experience in honor of the one you loved (and still love) OR you could also choose to send your own life on a downward spiral. The choice is ultimately YOURS and only yours.

Dealing with severe harassment is the same. Daily hurtful, malicious messages that launch attacks on your character, your family, your job… it is depressing and exceptionally painful… if you ALLOW it to be so. But you must remember that your attacker will continue to attack as long as you continue to allow them to attack. One solution is to just ignore the messages. Another solution is to CHOOSE to laugh-off the messages; if you genuinely read them, you will find that the majority of them are so obnoxious that they can be humorous; I’m a fat, ugly, retarded whale that has stupid children and I deserve to die? – ok, if this is how the harasser feels, then why is he/she spending so much time harassing a fat, retarded whale with stupid kids who deserves nothing more than death? - It would appear the harasser has one finger pointing at you and three pointing back at them; a typical case of “bully syndrome”. This occurs when someone else is so miserable with their life that the only time they are “happy” is when they are hurting others. BUT if the subject of their harassment isn't getting mentally hurt, then the game is over and the harasser will find a new victim eventually. It may take them weeks, months or even over a year, but they WILL eventually go away because there’s no pleasure in not getting a reaction.

METHOD 2: SHUT DOWN THE HARASSER

If changing your attitude is out of the question, then consider shutting down all methods by which the harasser can communicate.

Image Compliments of www.meaningfulmama.com
Image Compliments of www.meaningfulmama.com

If the harasser is sending text messages that you feel are destroying your life, change your phone number for Petes Sake. Sure, it’s an inconvenience, but you have already admitted the harassment is so severe that you cannot function and enjoy life. Is a few weeks of giving out your new number really such a bad tradeoff for ending the harassment texts? If the person is calling a home phone or computer; change those numbers too.

If the harassment is online (Facebook, Twitter, etc) and it’s so horrible that you don’t want to live; then walk away. You CAN truly live without a Facebook account. You will also survive without a Twitter account. There is no online profile that is worth having more than your life and sanity.

METHOD 3: MAKE (AND SAVE) REPORTS TO NON-POLICE

If your harassment is on Facebook, Youtube, etc; make reports to all of these entities. Be sure to save the evidence of the reports you have made. You can also go to the FBI division of online crimes and submit all of your information if it involves threats. The FBI for Cybercrime will NOT handle / investigate the claims, but they will review it and determine where the information should be sent (NOTE: It’s possible your information may end right back in the lap of the same detective that turned it down the first time).

METHOD 4: GO TO COUNTY POLICE

If your evidence was returned the first time, BEFORE you visit County police it is very important that you read Part 1 of this article; specifically about How to Compose Your Evidence for Police. Often times, police cannot make “sense” of the evidence you are providing, especially if they are not technology savvy. Therefore it is mandatory that your evidence is easy-to-understand. If you can, compose your evidence then have a family member or friend who is not familiar with the harassment review it. Do not give your friend or family member ANY verbal information. Have him / her explain what he / she makes of your evidence. If your friend / family member can’t understand it or misunderstands it, you need to revise your layout or clarity.

Image Compliments of www.autism-community.com
Image Compliments of www.autism-community.com

When you go to visit County Police, dress nicely and have everything on hand for them to temporally keep.

When you arrive at County, you will need to explain the situation to the officer / person at the front area. You need to be very clear that you have already went to Local Police and they do not understand the situation. You will also need to be very specific “Threats against my life have been made and I am very afraid”. The police may suggest you seek a Restraining Order or PPO.

METHOD 5: GET A RESTRAINING ORDER OR PPO

Check out my article about Restraining Orders versus Personal Protection Orders. You do not need police to work with you to get an order against someone. However, showing you have made police reports can greatly increase your chances of having the order granted.

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METHOD 6: GET A LAWYER FOR A C&D

Having a lawyer send a Cease and Desist Letter to the Harasser is a legal demand that he / she immediately ceases all forms of harassment as well as having other individuals harass on his / her behalf. Having a lawyer send a letter is not expensive in terms of “your live versus spending money to save your life”; and it is exceptional evidence for moving forward in the event that you ultimately need to file a legal case against the individual.

BUT have caution, Cease and Desist letters should not be taken lightly. When you retain a lawyer to create and send a C&D, it is a legal demand; and you cannot be equally a harasser or feeding into the harassment game. If this really is the case and you choose to fool your lawyer by claiming to be an innocent victim of harassment, you could find yourself in a ton of legal trouble and a financial drain to *attempt to* fix it.

METHOD 7: Read My Other Content For More Solutions

Check out my other harassment related articles to find more ways to combat harassment:

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    • profile image

      smittie 

      5 months ago

      Lots of people are having problems with this harassment thing. I am with a neighbor. I believe she killed my cat and teaching her special needs kid and her boyfriend how to do this. It started when she moved in and blew out of control when I had a stalker at work. It sounds insane but they do target people who can't protect or defend themselves. You have to go all badass on them and stand up for yourselves. The police will only help if you go to the state police and get ppos . Install cameras too. Its a real socail problem that one is admitting to right now. Its to make you look crazy so get checked if they say you are and to deal with the stress. Take video and pictures of them then just ignore and then threaten them right back. Most back down then the hangers on will become smaller and you be able to see who is involved and controlling the situation.

    • DS Dollman profile image

      Darla Sue Dollman 

      9 months ago from Greeley, Colorado

      I agree. There does need to be more exposure regarding this problem. It is complicated, though. It's obvious why the instigators target single people who live alone. They are trying to avoid witnesses. In my case I had my granddaughter, my daughter, friends, a few neighbors, but they were relentless in their attempts to try and make it appear as if there was something wrong with me, from ridiculous accusations that I was in their yard taking photos (an interesting accusation, as well, since I was told by one of the neighbors that another neighbor was accused of the same thing a few days after I moved in) to mental illness or suicide threats. So, in order to fight these accusations the target--me, and you--stands alone against the instigator, the instigator's family and friends, and from the perspective of the police, or I should say, as one officer shouted at me when I called because my driveway was blocked by my neighbor's teenage son and his friends, "Do you have any idea what's going on in this city right now? I should be out chasing down drug dealers and instead I'm responding to your calls." Yes, I was very much aware of what was going on in the city. It was happening to me. The point is, when someone is stalking you, you are not safe. It's not a matter of not "thinking" or "feeling" safe, you're not safe. You really do not know how far the person will go, and the police don't know, either. But, as a single person who lives alone you're also limited in your witnesses and evidence. With the photography, I received calls from three different officers who told me to carry my camera with me at all times and photograph everything that happened, but the officer assigned to the area accused me of being responsible for the tension in the neighborhood because I kept my camera with me! When he responded to one call the neighbors accused me of photographing their son. I tried to show the officer that my camera was broken--my neighbor pretended to chase me when I got out of my truck, I ran, tripped, fell on my camera and it looked like an accordian. Nevertheless, I could still show the officer that there were no photos of anyone or anything in the neighborhood--even though taking photographs is not illegal--and his response was "I'm a photographer. I know how to delete a photo." Not on my camera. When a photo is deleted, it marks the missing photo. He simply refused to look at the evidence, listen to me, listen to witnesses. He believed he was too good to be responding to neighborhood disagreements, and HE was the problem! If the officers refuse to respond to violence and harassment in neighborhoods the situations continue to escalate, pets are killed (my dog and rabbit) children are threatened, people live in fear--telling me to stay in my back rooms with my blinds drawn? Seriously, that was his answer to my request for help, that I should spend the rest of my life hiding from these people? I'm a photographer, journalist, gardener, and the police are telling me I have to sacrifice everything that brings me joy in my life including time with my grandchildren--I bought that particular house because of my grandchildren--because they, the police, don't know how to control the neighbors and feel overwhelmed facing a "mob," so it's easier to accuse the victim. I feel as if these new "styles" of violence--mobbing, stalking (stalking laws were not passed until I was in college!), swatting, cyberstalking, online harassment--if the police do not find a way to change with the times, adjust to these new crimes and find a way to combat them, the police will lose this battle and crime will control our neighborhoods--exactly what the police are complaining that they're trying to prevent. Does this make sense? They need to acknowledge that these are different times requiring a unique approach toward gathering statements and evidence and stop making victims out of the targets of harassment.

    • profile image

      Peggy 

      9 months ago

      You are so CORRECT!!!! about contacting lawmakers about police enforcing "the laws" especially for people who live alone, both women and men, and the disabled!!!....It's too horrible NOT TO TALK ABOUT AND OR NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! My Congressmen and Senators however will NOT take personal calls, so you are forced to talk to these "naive interns" who are clueless, about the violence we are dealing with. These inexperienced interns should not be put in that possession AT ALL!!! It is so frustrating to try and speak to one of these interns, I've ended up hang up on the majority of them, because after a while, you understand they are put there just "for show", because they obviously don't even begin to understand the seriousness of "OUR PHONE CALL" to that office, and where EVERY AVENUE has failed to help and protect US...I really believe that's an area, without a doubt, should have a major overhaul!!! This should not be a learning platform for these interns, maybe they should learn about people from a fast food chain first...This should be a VERY SERIOUS POSITION for the politicians, and should have someone with great experience, instead of someone sounding so snooty and, they are above you, as a human being, and like you are a complete bother for their next nail appointment!!!! It is quite disturbing, to me, after all my financial security has been depleted and a good citizen that follows the laws, should have to waste their time and breathe speaking to an inexperienced intern!!! By the way, someone keeps hacking into my computer, phone, and etc., well, I know who!! It is truly a horrible situation to have to live "on high alert" and yet, ONE, must act, perfectly normal!! One cannot show, for a moment, one is living under such "high stress". When these "jerks" has and still hitting my roof, as I've explained to the few that might listen, "it might as well, be a bomb!!!" that is how upsetting it is to me...Oh, get this, this is rich!! One of these awful neighbors are putting a new roof on their home, as of yesterday!!! They are probably some of the ones responsible for robbing my home, ransacking my home, etc...I will keep on "the good fight", it is to important to keep JUSTICE working for the GOOD.....EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED AND FRUSTRATED AS AN WOMAN AND AN AMERICAN CITIZEN....ALL THE BEST, TO ALL OF YOU, WITH THE BATTLES OF INJUSTICE.... WHAT GOOD ARE LAWS IF THEY ARE NOT ENFORCED?????? THAT'S WHAT NEEDS TO BE EXPOSED!!! as well......don't you think???

    • DS Dollman profile image

      Darla Sue Dollman 

      9 months ago from Greeley, Colorado

      I have completed a lot of research in the past few years about mobbing and was surprised to find how often it occurs. I am disgusted by what happened to you, but not surprised. One thing I did not see mentioned in the articles I read is that instigators tend to focus on people who are single or disabled and have difficulties defending and/or protecting themselves. Someone made a list of the steps people take in a mobbing and posted it online. I believe the people in my former neighborhood used this as a guideline, going down each step in order. I was contacted by an officer from a local police officer who told me that he was mobbed in his former neighborhood, his two dogs were poisoned, and he packed up and moved his family as quickly as possible because he knew they would target his children next. He told me to move as soon as possible. I believe it is helpful to tell our stories and educate others about mobbing, stalking, doxing, cyberbulling, etc., but nothing will change unless these attempts at spreading information are joined with an effort to contact lawmakers and urge them to force law enforcement to investigate these situations and take legal action against the perpetrators. I was told to stay in my bedroom with my blinds closed. For the rest of my life? I put my house on the market and was outside turning on the water to water the lawn when the officer involved in the case drove by. He got out of his car, shouted at me in front of the mobbing neighbors, and wrote a report explaining that he told me to remain inside my house and I did not comply. He was not planning to do anything to help me--that was his solution to the problem. I also contacted a neighborhood violence organization. When the woman who advised me was on the phone and asked to speak to him he refused. He went back to the station, spoke to other officers and found out that the organization was primarily used for domestic violence, then returned to my home and told me I would be arrested if I asked for help from that organization again--and never explained why, but he documented his insane demands in his police report. Without the support of the local police, there is no hope. According the the Sherrif of Larimer County, Colorado, violent crime has increased by 90% in the past two years. If you check the Neighborhood Watch pages and other neighborhood pages from that county he seems to have inspired more neighborhood mobbing as people post photos of neighbors and stories about "strangers taking pictures" and accuse and convict their own neighbors online. This is a police matter and the police should step up and act. If we defend ourselves we are accused of being the perpetrator. There is NO other answer. The police must figure out a way to respond to neighborhood attacks.

    • profile image

      Peggy 

      9 months ago

      well, Darla, wherever you are, I wish you lots of happiness and peace, because I know EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH!!!! Sounds so familiar in my situation. The cowards, the jerks, the demented thugs, poisoned my deaf lil Havanese, about 11 years old, which I had taught sign language, and the other baby, was a large Malamute, sweeeeet heart, with rat poison..These jerks have thrown rocks on my roof, shot at my roof, with a 9 millimeter bullet removed when installing a new roof, much too soon, probably 4-5 years too soon, but my roof was so damaged from the rocks, I had no choice...then they started with my newly installed and damaging my 8'cinder block wall, police did nothing, I live alone, and those pets were my family!! Then they stuck timber ties in my culverts to block the flow of water to drain. Shot bb gun as I drove by coming and going from my home, this is 4 neighbors, the thug fathers, and the thug grown young men now. The started almost when the moved here about 19 years ago, and still going strong. Threw nails in my driveway, even followed me to the store and punctured my tire, and spread nails all around my other tires. they would also hit my bricks of my home, bricks show signs of damage, police would say it was just time that did this, yeah, right!! I've lived in my home going on 42 years, my family members are all gone. One night they used a potato gun on my roof, I was asleep around 10:00pm, and gave such a powerful hit to my roof, it left an indentation pattern, like the size of one the large water balloon used in swimming pools, not once but about 2 other times, but that first one was the most powerful one. Police did nothing. The Chief of Police, told me "keep calling" we might catch 'em". Well, a few weeks after this exhausting ordeal of rocks onto my roof, and no sleep, for almost 6 months, non-stop, the police came and had me picked up by way of a corner's Oder of Protection....Yeah, now they are trying to shut me up and adding salt to the wound that I'm a "nut case"...I could not believe this!!! The mental facilities were not able to keep me, because I proved I was not suicidal or dangerous to others. These neighbors, had not just "1" of the OPC's, but had another one done 6 months later, and that time the other facility was told to take my blood and urine for testing, I'm glad they did that, because it proved NO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL content in my blood. This was all orchestrated by corrupt individuals in all high position areas of this city...I worked for state police out of high school, and that wasn't even a slight consideration that I might be a descent person and on that side of the law!!! They've thrown pieces of glass over my wall and other items, so as I would get hurt while cutting my lawn.....They stole pretty concrete statues from my yard, and recently some decorative stones from my front lawn. Now, comes some of the best part.....I sunk a bundle of my retirement money into surveillance cameras and paid the person to install these cameras, caught one of the guys, hiding behind his house, throwing the projectiles onto my roof, I had a "mike" installed in my roof, for the purpose of catching the sound for added proof, and I finally got it after a grueling task of those many years of patience...Gave it to the Chief, he sat on it for 1 year, and of course, the statue of limitation ran out.....gone!!! I couldn't believe this!!!! This chief has a personal score, I guess, to settle with me, because he said to me, "well, you keep calling everybody", and I said, "yes, I will keep calling everybody until these people are caught and punished for what they are doing to my home, my pets, and me"! Now, he is sitting up next to a Gov.'s and has a position as Administrator of Law enforcement. What kind of a chance do I have??? Just recently, as I thought things could not get any worse, well, it did. They broke into my home and stole over $40,000.00, plus of jewelry and my antiques and stole all my tax documents, other important documents, and ALL MY EVIDENCE I HAD AGAINST THESE PEOPLE..VIDEOS, ETC, THE ROCKS!!! THEY HAVE TAKEN MY SWEET BABIES FROM ME, THINGS THAT MEANT ALOT TO ME, AND NOW THEY HAVE TAKEN MY LIFE FROM ME....I'm sorry to be shouting, but it is like no one is hearing my voice....It's is so unfair...There is more, but I will stop, cause it just makes me so sick to my stomach...I sure, Darla, and the rest of you understand that feeling quite well...There needs to be a place that WE CAN ALL GO TO TO GET JUSTICE, is anybody reading this that can do something for us GOOD CITIZENS and DO SOMETHING FOR US!!! We need proper justice and fast!!! The Best to all of you!!!

    • DS Dollman profile image

      Darla Sue Dollman 

      9 months ago from Greeley, Colorado

      Some of these comments sound like what is called "mobbing," which is more severe than stalking and can involved family members, friends, and entire neighborhoods. The instigator--the person who is angry because you stood up for your rights--presents him or herself as a victim to others, organizes activities such as driving by the house and honking their horns, breaking into your home, connecting to your land line (which is SO easy to do) posting signs in windows, swatting (calling the police and claiming you threatened suicide, generally on a Friday so you're locked up for the weekend because psychiatrists don't work on weekends) or even standing outside your home screaming obscenities or flipping you off. This happened to me because I told my neighbor I would not hire him to mow my lawn, I was given a new lawnmower as a housewarming gift. Apparently, my neighbor mowed the lawn for the former homeowner. He told me this was HIS job and I OWED him. The next day my daughter stopped by to help me set up the lawnmower--I was in the house two days. She mowed the lawn. He saw her and started kicking his garage door. He drank all day in his driveway then woke my up at ten that night banging on my door, accusing me of giving HIS job to someone else. This went on for weeks.I finally had to call the police. That's when the mobbing began. The officer politely asked him to stay off my property. As soon as she drove away the entire family walked out of the house, stood on the front lawn, and started calling people, talking in loud voices, lying, claiming I was saying and doing horrible things to the children in the neighborhood, photographing people--it was so sick. The mobbing was fast and intense. My daughter, friends, a few neighbors all tried to talk to the police. The officer in charge claimed the neighbors were protected by freedom of speech. His supervisor told me this wasn't true, but all I could do was file a complaint against the officer. As a former legal investigator I knew the complaint would change nothing. Another officer called me and told me he heard of my situation, that he was also "mobbed" because his neighbor didn't like police officers and his pets were all killed before he could move. He told me I had to move as soon as possible. I put the house up for sale. Days later my 15 year old chocolate lab died in my arms while my neighbor's son sat in a truck outside my house blocking my driveway barking at me and bragging about how they killed my dog with rat poison. I couldn't get him out of the house in time to get help and the neighbors were blocking my driveway anyway. I collected the police reports--they were marked by the supervisor "Do not respond." I called and asked about this and the supervisor claimed he was told I had "potential psychological problems." I do not and asked for his evidence. He had none, but even if I did, how is that an excuse for mobbing someone? The next day a mysterious fire started in my garage. Then my rabbit was poisoned when someone poured anti-freeze in her cage--I had moved her into the back room in my house the night before. She'd been to the vet for a checkup two days earlier and was perfectly healthy. My grandchildren refused to go home. They were afraid for me. The officer told me I was being filmed. He wouldn't tell me how he knew or what he saw, but he told me to keep my blinds closed and stay in my back bedroom--that's a life? That was his version of police protection?. I finally sold the house and moved--I started looking for a new house the first week I was there because my entire family realized I was in danger. I lived there six months and it almost killed me, I lost my dog, rabbit, my sense of security, and tons of money on house repairs and the police did nothing. Yes, it is worth it to protect yourself and move if you can. When I moved, my family and friends arrived with trucks late at night on Christmas Eve and rushed through the house, packed and moved me out before the neighbors could act (the neighbors did SO much more than I listed here). We couldn't find the lawnmower. It was in the backyard, taking apart, pieces missing. He made his point--all this over a lawnmower. The irony? I lived in Loveland, Colorado--the City of Love. Be proactive and don't count on police protection. Change your phones, move, whatever it takes. Can't afford a lawyer? Check for free legal services in your county, but do not allow these sick people to run your life. Remember, they are the sick ones, not you. This type of behavior is psychopathic.

    • profile image

      Tony 

      11 months ago

      Been about 2 weeks I caught 2 kids I know breaking into my shop i called the parents and neither would come get kids so I called cops do to most of their personal feeling towards me cause I'm no angel they will not help me , the Aunt of one of the kids has gathered family's of 4 houses around me that constantly day and harrass vandalize my home as well as trespass constant threats of violence on me , I'm getting suicidal due to all of this , don't feel I'm going to make it much longer local cops refuse to help and it won't stop I'll be gone soon enough

    • profile image

      Lizzy 

      14 months ago

      Im in danger. I need help. I been attacked twice, one breaking in my home and the other beating me WITH PERMANENT INJURIES . COPS ARE DOING NORHING!

    • profile image

      Alisa Mcardle 

      19 months ago

      I have definitely been stocked by some people for at least. 10 muthes for over 9 stats and I don't know how thay are i have been to the cops several times in Yuma Arizona .Utah and 3 ether stets AND the cops will not do anything to help me they have tried to make my pet's sick and to do harm too me Please? i need help I'm desperate for help im beging if you think that you can help me

    • profile image

      ardnas 

      2 years ago

      My case is very similar only the girl has robbed me and stole over £3000 amongst a lot of other horrible things, she has admitted and laught about it in a text message which I kept all the voice messages text and pictures, called the police and had an officer come and see me today but once again nothing was done not even her name taken. This has been going on for over 8 weeks now and its making me ill. I have no family and she knows this. Im nearly 60 and not eating crying and worried for my health now. She claims im sick got bi pola thats why she and her friend robbed me. There is nothing wrong with my mental health its her who is making me ill. She has and still is ruining my life. Ive been to the doctors and all they want to do is give me sleeping tablets. Im truly lost dont know what to doNot once have I reply to any of her messages in the whole 9 weeks she has been gon. But still no one can help me .

    • profile image

      Anonymous 

      3 years ago

      This is horrible advice. And offensive to constantly treat the victim as if they're the ones in control of the harassment.

    • profile image

      Anonymoustoo 

      3 years ago

      They're probably in on the game and you are just easy or isolated prey to them.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      4 years ago

      I've gone to the police twice. called the police to my apartment once. They accused me of being Scizophrenic when I am not!....Someone is electronically stalking me on a daily basis 24/7. There IS NO REASON FOR THIS!... I suspect a girl at work!... She is a real whacked-out nut-case!...She supposedly has Bi-Polar disorder which I don't know anything about. She needs to be inb a hospital for treatment-but hasn't gone in yet and I've been stalked,de-famed and my e-mail hacked-all in the last few years. I wish law-emnforcement would catch on and arrest this person and get her out of my life for good!!!!!!!...I work with her and the supervisors won't stand up to her for some reason. (maybe they're afraid of her.) Anonymous.

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