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First Date which is better - being positive or being honest?

Updated on January 26, 2013

Its nearly Valentine's Day and I recently saw a motivational email imploring recipients to be positive in their thinking and to keep negative thoughts out of their heads. Ok, at face value this seems to be fair enough but I wanted to play around with the idea JUST FOR FUN!

warning: This hub is the product of an IDEA taken TOO FAR - PLEASE do not continue without a sense of humor!

There is such a lot of this POSITIVE thinking around but is it doing any of us a real service? Please tell me there is still a place for straight-talking, even vomiting on your first date. No?

Saying it how you see it with FEELING can get you into a lot of trouble (unless you're a little kid) but what are we teaching when we always implore others to be positive?

Is this another form of stupidity we are entering into - a kind of banal dumbing down or repression of our observations our analytical skills and even our feelings of something making us feel quite sick in the stomach?

Yes, the Emperor doesn't have any clothes on (remember that story?).

Do we come across as derogatory if we don't stay positive?

How positive should we be and are we always going to be taken as spoiling the party if we say it as we see it and spew forth in front of all the bewildered guests?

"I don't like the dress you are wearing," for example might get you into trouble but saying you do when you don't will get you into more I would have thought?

"Your perfume is making me feel ill" - that's getting pretty bad.

Can't win in this situation I suppose but I think erring on the side of HONESTY is better than simply adopting a blind policy of being POSITIVE and then vomiting over your new date.

But what principles do we need to sort out this quandary? Keep some anti-nausea pills handy?

NO! If you've got nothing NICE to say; say NOTHING at all but what are we suggestinghere?

By all means you are allowed to THINK not NICE thoughts!

But, heh why not let em know what you are THINKING! That's more honest. Otherwise everyone will always be wondering why the strange avoidance behaviour is going on?

You know what I mean? You get the feeling something is not quite right but aren't any the wiser because no-one is telling the TRUTH!

There are many subtleties to be considered. You would think that when you first meet someone it's best to be positive and as you get to know them HONESTY is more appreciated.

Drip feed them your horribleness over time rather than all at once!

...but I don't think this is actually very good advice, necessarily. There aren't any hard and fast rules so why not show YOUR WORST on your first date rather than PRETEND to be so NICE and then turn out different?

Being true to yourself. Being REAL and being HONEST, aren't these the best policy as then at least the person you might be rubbing up the wrong way has a chance to really despise you instead of (naively?) liking you and getting a terrible shock when they find out about what a horrible misfit you really are?

Actually, I believe everyone is perfectly nice and horrible - creatures of light and dark so it's best not to DENY yourself.

FEEL your horribleness and DO IT anyway! LOL

...and loving it! Don't live in DENIAL even from the outset.

On the other hand - oopsy,daisy - they say FIRST IMPRESSIONS last the longest so you might have a hard time getting the other person to see you're NOT so bad after all is said and done. In other words, yes you do have a side to love despite how much of a mess you've made of everything and the devastating first impression you've left your date with.

Imagine that - on your first meeting with no heroic history to speak of yet, your horrified date looks across at you thinking the absolute worst - a scoundrel, makes no effort, no service to humanity - just full of vitriolic acid and bile, a ne'er do well. She's mental. He's mental.

Imagine this too (just for fun!) - volcanic red lava coming out of your eyes and nostrils as you entertain your new date across the candlelit dinner table. How sweet you truly are when the lava starts flowing from your discordant orifices setting everything, including your new date's illusions on fire.

Good one, eh? There is this old saying that we should burn all our illusions anyway.LOL!


Is it better to be honest or positive?

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    • profile imageAUTHOR 

      5 years ago

      Drbj - always a pleasure to see you. In some cultures a big a$$ is v. attractive and can drive the man wild but others like small so one positive or not depending on your preferences - my experience is you get in trouble all the time anyway - only thing that changes is the DEPTH you in the stew! Lots of love to you in Florida!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      5 years ago from south Florida

      pd - If your wife were to ask, "Dear, does this blue dress make my a$$ look as big as our barn?" and you responded, "Of course not," that might be positive but not honest.

      How much more honest to respond, "Of course not" and add: "Our barn is red."

      Just suggestin'.

    • profile imageAUTHOR 

      5 years ago

      Jpcmc - you know though - when people say things as they see it - it is OK and REAL without causing me grief - we can learn to be responsible for how we take stuff dished out to us. We can be positive or just neutral observers about that too or appreciate it as we would a child telling the Emperor he is wearing no clothes. It is funny, because it is OK for children but not for Adults. I find that interesting.

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 

      5 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines


      I've been in the receiving end of both good and bad ways of being honest. I guess I don't want to endure another bad way of hanesty.

    • profile imageAUTHOR 

      5 years ago

      This hub was just a bit of fun but thank goodness someone came here with a bit of sense! I've been waiting and you were that person Jpcmc and I thank-you for your very wise comment! WHAT one says is one thing HOW is even more so.

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 

      5 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      I'm all for being honest, but there is always a good way and a bad way of doing it.


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