First Date which is better - being positive or being honest?
Its nearly Valentine's Day and I recently saw a motivational email imploring recipients to be positive in their thinking and to keep negative thoughts out of their heads. Ok, at face value this seems to be fair enough but I wanted to play around with the idea JUST FOR FUN!
warning: This hub is the product of an IDEA taken TOO FAR - PLEASE do not continue without a sense of humor!
There is such a lot of this POSITIVE thinking around but is it doing any of us a real service? Please tell me there is still a place for straight-talking, even vomiting on your first date. No?
Saying it how you see it with FEELING can get you into a lot of trouble (unless you're a little kid) but what are we teaching when we always implore others to be positive?
Is this another form of stupidity we are entering into - a kind of banal dumbing down or repression of our observations our analytical skills and even our feelings of something making us feel quite sick in the stomach?
Yes, the Emperor doesn't have any clothes on (remember that story?).
Do we come across as derogatory if we don't stay positive?
How positive should we be and are we always going to be taken as spoiling the party if we say it as we see it and spew forth in front of all the bewildered guests?
"I don't like the dress you are wearing," for example might get you into trouble but saying you do when you don't will get you into more I would have thought?
"Your perfume is making me feel ill" - that's getting pretty bad.
Can't win in this situation I suppose but I think erring on the side of HONESTY is better than simply adopting a blind policy of being POSITIVE and then vomiting over your new date.
But what principles do we need to sort out this quandary? Keep some anti-nausea pills handy?
NO! If you've got nothing NICE to say; say NOTHING at all but what are we suggestinghere?
By all means you are allowed to THINK not NICE thoughts!
But, heh why not let em know what you are THINKING! That's more honest. Otherwise everyone will always be wondering why the strange avoidance behaviour is going on?
You know what I mean? You get the feeling something is not quite right but aren't any the wiser because no-one is telling the TRUTH!
There are many subtleties to be considered. You would think that when you first meet someone it's best to be positive and as you get to know them HONESTY is more appreciated.
Drip feed them your horribleness over time rather than all at once!
...but I don't think this is actually very good advice, necessarily. There aren't any hard and fast rules so why not show YOUR WORST on your first date rather than PRETEND to be so NICE and then turn out different?
Being true to yourself. Being REAL and being HONEST, aren't these the best policy as then at least the person you might be rubbing up the wrong way has a chance to really despise you instead of (naively?) liking you and getting a terrible shock when they find out about what a horrible misfit you really are?
Actually, I believe everyone is perfectly nice and horrible - creatures of light and dark so it's best not to DENY yourself.
FEEL your horribleness and DO IT anyway! LOL
...and loving it! Don't live in DENIAL even from the outset.
On the other hand - oopsy,daisy - they say FIRST IMPRESSIONS last the longest so you might have a hard time getting the other person to see you're NOT so bad after all is said and done. In other words, yes you do have a side to love despite how much of a mess you've made of everything and the devastating first impression you've left your date with.
Imagine that - on your first meeting with no heroic history to speak of yet, your horrified date looks across at you thinking the absolute worst - a scoundrel, makes no effort, no service to humanity - just full of vitriolic acid and bile, a ne'er do well. She's mental. He's mental.
Imagine this too (just for fun!) - volcanic red lava coming out of your eyes and nostrils as you entertain your new date across the candlelit dinner table. How sweet you truly are when the lava starts flowing from your discordant orifices setting everything, including your new date's illusions on fire.
Good one, eh? There is this old saying that we should burn all our illusions anyway.LOL!