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Why Do We Hate Lies and Yet live with the Lies?

Updated on August 8, 2017
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Imran is an anthropologist who coaches people in self improvement. He excels in communication.

Lies! I Can't Bear It

'I hate Liars.' Do we not bark this statement to all? He who lies breaks trust and complicates a matter. If you expect honesty, you are neither wrong nor unrealistic.

What is wrong is telling lies!


Do you know the brain of the person lying to you numbs to the feeling of shame?

This article will explain to you how and what part of the brain does this damage and why we hate lies yet live with it.

Here we go..

Created by me for better understanding.
Created by me for better understanding. | Source

The person who lies cheats you off and indignantly misuses the faith placed in him. His deceiving makes you furious. Is expecting truth too much to ask? Your trust is not a toy to play with; You very well can handle lies.No one should do this to you, especially when you are approachable, friendly, and helpful.
And why should you bear such wrongdoing at all? You are right that you can't tolerate lies.

While reading this article so far, couldn't you relate to how you feel when anybody you know lies to you?

Even the questions above would be somewhat similar to what you would ask!

Your anger is not wrong, Trust me.

Let's look at what happens next!

You are smart; You caught the liar, and now you are to decide whether to forgive or punish! (That's your call. You decide. What I know is - There is no doubt that you are bugged!)

But, what made you hate the lies?

A) Is it the told lie? Or

B) The person who lied, Or

C) The outrageous feeling that you experienced because of being deceived?

Please note your answer in mind as I inform you of the survey I did on the same.

I asked a group of people to answer the same question: 'What makes them intolerant to lies?'

The reactions surprised me.

This was the final result: (Both Men and Women included)

The table explains what I learnt about these people - That's the most surprising fact.

A + B + c
The told Lie group
The Person Who Lied group
The outrageous feeling caused by deception group
All the three reason group
Believed: Lie is a lie whatsoever
Most of them are emotional people
They are practical people mostly
Lie by itself is unbearable
Their face went grim thinking or imagining of the person or people telling lies to them. It's the emotion, affection they hold that governs them.
The feeling of rage that they have been cheated makes them intolerant
Their tone was loud and angry. They were extreme. These are the people who get the most angry when they hear lies. What I could figure out was that they either lie the most or never lie at all.

That makes 98% of the group. The remaining 2% were confused souls who needed more options and obviously couldn't be trusted.

Let's not discuss the 2% group - They need much logic in life. They brought other reasons like self discipline, fear etc into the picture.

What I am curious to know is your answer?

Few might say ( A )

Some might say ( B )

Most might agree with ( C ) or

You must agree with all the options A, B, and C.

The actual reason is entirely different!

DO, You know what I agree with?

I agree with none.


Those options are how you and I feel, but that's not the reason behind our intolerance to lies.

What's the real reason then?

It might be hard to accept, but It has a point!

'We hate lies because we lie too.'

We have an in-depth knowledge of how it feels to lie, and we very well know how it feels when someone lies to us.
In our mind, we are aware of the right and wrong. We understand the empathy and apathy both. Someone has done to us, we have done to someone too. And it continues that way.

Now, you must want to know

When you and I understand lies and we both lie too (maybe on different occasions and in different capacities,) - that makes us 'Partners Of Crime.'

Why get angry and intolerant then?

It's true that people who have common interests like each other.

But when lying or in any other wrongdoing, each knows that it's wrong, unethical, and distrustful to do so.

What is wrong is wrong always and is therefore detested and condemned indefinitely.

Created by me for better understanding.
Created by me for better understanding. | Source

As we completely understand how incorrect it is, we are intolerant too.

That was the real purpose of my survey.

All had to blame somebody.

When I asked them 'What about lies from you?' and 'How others feel when you lie?'

1) They all were blank.

2) Then they became flustered.

3) They looked here and there.

4) They were uncomfortable and edgy as if about to lose patience.

5) They even smiled being caught in guilt.

People are intolerant because their minds understand deception well.

You have used lies before to deceive, you can't let you suffer the same fate. The guilt and fear hiding inside your mind alarms you when you are cheated. That's why you lose your patience.

The Irony is, in The Lying Game, for the lies built by us, we own no responsibility for the fact that our tricky actions are capable of bugging others; but when others do it us, we appear bugged.

It's hypocrisy. But would you deny it?

I am Still Cool With Lies!

Why do we live with lies?

Usually, when you lie, you must fear.
Guilt must worry you consequently.
And that is what happens in the beginning when you are new or occasional liars.

If you want to understand scientifically:
Amygdala is a part of the brain that organizes and regulates our sensitive reactions and stores emotional memories.
When It detects lies, It warns you of dishonesty and demands to rectify your inappropriate behavior.
If you ignore to take corrective actions, it stores that too in your memory.


Our brain has four lobes: Frontal, Parietal, Temporal, and Occipital.

Amygdala is a part of the temporal lobe of the brain.

It helps form emotional thoughts & responses and acts as a storage of memories related to emotional experiences especially fear.

When lying increases, and because you show considerably less or no signs of honesty, the Amygdaloid Nucleus (Amygdala) numbs the fear of shame, guilt, and disgust that must stop you.
Amygdala starts to believe that to lie is your normal behavior - quite apparent in light of your recent encounters.
You are no longer much ashamed and guilty of fibbing.
The more you lie, the more inconsiderate you become.
You start to live with it as if it's your characteristic.
In a more informal tone, you become 'Cool' about it.

There is another explanation; please refer below for more.

A real time example:

Recently, a friend of mine fell in love which sadly was one sided. As a result, he suffered a heartbreak.

P.S: You can consider any of your friend, relative, known people including you an example too.

One sided love is a very typical example known by all.
We must know someone who is a victim.
It can be anyone, a friend, relative, even you or me.

That's why I am using heartbreak as an example; it will help us relate with lies to understand well.

One sided love fails to converge to a happy ending.
Only the one who loves can feel the real intensity of pain, displeasure, and rejection.

Lies, on the other hand, has the quality of realization susceptible to all.

In love, when a single lover says: 'You don't understand!'
It still justifies, as the other person can only imagine and acknowledge the one who has the feeling, but can never understand fully due to the formidable reason of 'Disinterest.'

But we all have an interest in lies.
Yes, we do!

  • Intentionally
  • Unintentionally
  • Selfishly
  • Dishonestly
  • In a spur of the moment
  • Under Pressure
  • Strategically
  • Professionally
  • and for whatever other reasons.

Our interest elicits a lying behavior.

So whether we lie:

  • Little or more
  • Once or twice
  • Big lies or small lies

The shame, disgust, and guilt of telling a lie are more or less the same to all. There aren't any variations there.
Because of this feature, we manage and live with lies all the time, even when we dislike it.
We know we do it too at some or the other point in life.
Although the excuse used and the impact of the lie might wary, the lie itself, as a matter of fact, varies from lair to lair, but the capability of the person who didn't lie at that moment is no different from the one who did.
Potential is there. We all are Capable. So we become cool about it, we live with it and sleep on it too.

So when a person you like or love tells lies, you get annoyed mostly because you know how it feels to deceive.

The fear, guilt, and disgust from your unfair practices have desensitized you only for telling lies; when you hear it, you very much feel the rush of violent emotions.

In your mind somewhere you are aware of the system of deception and what are its effects.

I Lie, You Lie, We lie!

The indoctrination on lying is sufficiently clear and reasonably rooted in our mind and heart.
It's a fact that constitutes the whole of our system.

We understand the concept of lies so well because we keep lying all the time.
The fact that we already know much about It makes it more yielding to live with at any time whether we are intolerant or forcibly or habitually cool.

© 2017 Imran Khan


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