Why Do BPD Women Lie?
If you are with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), then you are most likely in a very tumultuous relationship. People with BPD are typically troubled inwardly and have poor impulse control, which creates a lot of conflict and problematic behavior.
You might have experienced the person with BPD lying quite a bit; lying about you, lying about themselves or lying about the situation. It might have even gotten you in trouble. They simultaneously try to keep the relationship intact but make it fall apart because their thinking and behavior is so destructive.
Here we explore why the BPD person lies.
Bad Impulse Control
One of the characteristics of BPD is poor impulse control. The person who suffers from this disorder just isn't thinking of the consequences of their actions; they're not thinking that far ahead at all. They are thinking about what they want and can only see the world through their own unclear and delusional mental framework. Therefore, if it means getting what they want, they will lie.
Well, whether they believe their lies or not, they are rooted in a distorted view or an attempt to create a distorted view. They approach relationships in a black and white way; you are idealized or devalued, depending on the situation. Anything to control. The truth is distorted so they can get what they want. They will draw you into their drama and attack you angrily because of their fear of abandonment. At the root of this confused behavior is fear. Fear of being left alone.
Along these lines, their perceptions are so distorted and lies so rampant that they no longer know what is true. Everything has been swept away by their turmoil and emotions and deception, including their own perception.
Deflection from Themselves
Feeling deep-seated shame, BPD people will try to deflect attention from their own defects by lying about you or themselves. It is simply smoke and mirrors, a self-protective mechanism to hide their own shame.
The truth, for them, is too painful and they essentially avoid it by lying.
Their Black and White World
BPD people are hyper-sensitive to rejection, in fact this sensitivity is what leads them into conflicts and lying; to hold on and not let go and fight you for abandoning them. So, they don't ever want to look bad, because they figure any flaw is cause for complete rejection. Consequently, they lie to cover themselves.
They attempt to avoid judgment of their mischief and also want others to think more highly of them than they think of themselves. This combination and fear, along with simmering anger and bitterness, can cause a good deal of fabrications and drama.
Drama and Attention
Simply put, they want attention. Part of their self-absorption is wanting attention on themselves. Creating drama is a good way to make this happen. They are the creators and perpetrators of drama and can draw attention to themselves through it.
Making Sense of Their World
Essentially, people with BPD create very confused and chaotic situations and might actually use lies to make sense of the disorder they create and perpetuate. This, of course, fuels the fires of their delusions and makes them worse.
Simply put, they live in a different world from people who don't have BPD. Their world is a world of fantasy and lies and they use lies to further "make sense" of it. Mostly, their reality is based on their feelings; their feelings inform their perceptions. It is not based in fact or truth, just their network of shame and fear.
How People with BDP View the World
Are you in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?
Simmering beneath the surface, and often boiling over into full-fledged rage, is anger. They hold onto past wrongs, they feel deep-seated shame and feel entirely inadequate. These are ingredients for mischief and bad behavior and can make the BPD person lie as a form of aggression. They attack you with lies.
The person with Borderline Personality Disorder lives in a Black and White world in which they are constantly afraid of abandonment, while they also feel deep shame, inadequacy and anger and resentment. This is all cause for various manipulations to maintain or gain control, even to the point of telling lies that cross way past the line of normalcy or what is ethical.
Excellent book for the person who does not have Borderline Personality Disorder but who nonetheless is in some kind of relationship with someone with BPD and needs to know how to deal with it.