Why Do People Get Upset If People Dislike Them- Why Being Liked Is The Be And End All
YOU Don't Like ME-WHY?
The ART of FITTNG IN-Please, LET ME Fit In, That is ALL I Ask
The IMPORTANCE of Being Liked & The REWARDS of POPULARITY in This Culture
The Big Fear-Having People Dislike You and Being Unpopular
The Issue of Likeability
This hub is in response to the question , "Why Do People Get Upset if People Dislike Them". Let us get real here ! A person can be the nicest and most spiritual person in the world and then there are still people who will dislike you. That is just in the nature of people! Get over this inane issue! Furthermore, it is of little or no concern if people are disliked by other people.
The issue is as long as a person loves himself/herself and does not harm other people, it is fine with the world. The issue of wanting to be liked is the problematic crux of the world. People want everyone or the majority of people to like them. Well, concentrating and being overly concern with this issue is so banal, superficial, and an utter waste of precious time that could be more devoted to more important concerns such as cultivation of character and intellect.
It is the goal of so many people in American society to have the approval and admiration of at at least 50% of other people. People are inoculated from birth that it is of paramount importance for other people to like you. They are further inundated that if other people do not like them, something is actually wrong with them. Well, do not waste your time. Popularity is banal and so superficial. It is the goal of so many people to have the approval of least 50% of other people.
People are taught from birth that it is very important for other people to like you. They are also inundated with the premise that if other people do not like them, something is actually wrong with them. There are countless of books and magazine articles detailing how important it is to be liked and adored by the majority of people.
As you are well aware of- American/Western culture has an extroverted ideology and its creed is to be liked by as many people as possible. The underlying message in this culture is the more people you know, the better off you. Remember the saying it is WHO you know, not WHAT you know. This is the message conveyed to us at every waking opportunity. An example of this paradigm is the timeless bestseller by Dale Carnegie entitled, " HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE.
Let us not digress. Well, the average parents' main goal for their children is not so much intellectual acumen and prowess but to cultivate the art of socialization and having as many friends as possible. These are the same parents who express extreme concern if their children are disliked by a group of their peers and/or if they are excluded from a group. They usually fault their children instead of realizing maybe it is a clash of personalities and interests between their children and the respective group. Even at this early stage of a child's life, the NAME OF THE GAME is to be LIKED by all means.
These parents wonder what is wrong if God forbid their children are unpopular or do not have many friends. They are particularly concerned if they were popular and well liked by their peers as children. They began to view their children as 'oddballs", "social misfits" or worse pejorative names which eventually damage their children's self-esteem.
Some parents actually enroll their children in a multitude of activities with the hope of having many friends and being popular. Many parents do not realize that children have different personalities. Some children are highly extroverted and love being around people while other children are introverted, prefer being alone and/or with a select group of people, and pursuing solitary hobbies.
Many parents actually dislike and are unsupportive when their children vary from the norm. Introverted, quiet, sensitive, and more intellectual children are not valued and respected in this society. The underlying message in this Western, extroverted society is that children should have a myriad of activities and friends. The motto is the more the merrier. Even though intelligence is stressed, if a person is deemed too intelligent, he/she is scorned and called pejorative names such as "nerd" and "egghead."
Oh, yes, the issue of being liked with its opposite fear of being dislike is more acute in the preadolescent and adolescent period. It is the dream of most tweens and teens to be liked and popular. Notice the concept of cliques within this period. Many tweens and teens want to be associated with a particular group in order to be "in" and "cool". They will almost go to ridiculous lengths to be liked. It is the art of people pleasing and being liked. One must curry favor with the leader of the group to get in. It is good to be part of the pack.
The greatest fear in this period of development is not to incur the wrath of the group and/or the leader. Tweens and teens will submerge their true personality, adopting personas that will conform to group think. If a tween or teen is audacious enough to disagree with the group, he/she is at first , ridiculed, derided, and told to get with the program. However, if the tween or teen continues to disagree with the group, he/she is then ostracized and ultimately excluded from the group. Oh, horrors of horrors-he/she is then reduced to a persona non grata without any social contacts at all! To many tweens and teens, this exclusion from the group is equivalent to being cast into the ninth circle of Hell.
Since many tweens and teens see exclusion from the group as a hellish experience, they will do ALMOST ANYTHING to belong. I mean ALMOST ANYTHING! How many tweens and teens do drugs and other deleterious and immoral acts in order to be liked and to be popular? Yes, more than you can imagine.
The concept of being liked and the abject fear of being disliked is an obsession in this society. What people fail to realize, that people who are obsessed with being liked, people tend to not respect them eventually because they are people pleasers and not their authentic selves. What is the most revolting is that people who try so hard to be liked by a majority of people end up to be the most talked about and derided. These people are called by pejorative and unmentionable names. Furthermore, they are the most miserable of all people . I have noticed that with so-called popular people and people pleasers, if ONE person dares to dislike them, their world comes crashing down. This act is such an felonious affront to these people's world and universe.
Now who are actually liked and respected? You guessed it! People who do not really give an iota for what other people think. They are being their individual selves and pursuing their goals in life. Have you noticed that even when people dislike certain people because of their personalities, beliefs, and characteristics, subconsciously they admire and respect these souls because they refused to bow down to societal pressure.
Many of our great thinkers, inventors, and other innovators are admired and liked later on because they were concerned about following their dreams and being their own persons. These people did not care whether other people liked them or not. These people only believed in following their karmic destiny. Being popular, being liked, and being unliked is truly unimportant but what is important is whether you have fulfilled your human destiny and that you were a kind, spiritual, and loving person.
In conclusion, people in this culture are very obsessed with the issue of being liked. Societal values stress how important it is for people to be liked by a myriad of people and how damaging it is to be unliked. People have received this message from their birth. This results in people going through ridiculous and often deleterious lengths to be liked and admired. Furthermore, there are positive images attached to being liked while conversely, there are extremely negative images to be unliked. However, people who slavishly attempt to seek approval are actually derided because they are perceived to have lacked self-respect while people who really do not care about being liked and seeking approval, are actually respected for being their authentic selves. .
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© 2011 Grace Marguerite Williams