Welcome to the Archive of Amusing Aphorisms
This light-hearted lens is devoted to another fine and sometimes funny figure of speech known as the "amusing aphorism".
An aphorism is a short saying that embodies a general truth or astute observation that is attributed to someone (usually a very important personality or historical figure).
So, without further ado...let's get on with the shoe, because...as one amusing aphorist knows... "Clothes make the man. Naked People have little or no influence on society." (Mark Twain)
And now a few wise words of wisdom - From a boisterous beast.
"Beware, ye of the dragon's lair,
for ye are juicy medium rare."
Image Credit: illustration posted in mystoryboy.wordpress.com/dragon_icon-no-words
FOOD FOR THOUGHT - How do aphorisms get into fortune cookies?
Word has it that the Fickle Finger of Fate probably had her hand in the dough.
However, only amusing aphorisms make the final cookie cut!
So, if truth be told, these funny figures of speech must meet the following five criteria:
1. Be brief.
2. Be definitive.
3. Be personal.
4. Be philosophical.
5. Have a twist.
Source: James Geary's "Five Laws of Aphorisms"
Image Credit: email@example.com
Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
Witty Women Contribute to the Anthology of Amusing Aphorisms
If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. -- Linda Furney, politician
No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor. - Betty Friedan, feminist writer
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried begfore. -- Mae West
Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies. -- Adrienne Gusoff, humorist
Image Credit: firstname.lastname@example.org
Deep Thoughts... - And, here's one from Jack Handey...
To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. - Abraham Maslow
"Sucking your thumb without a blanket is like eating a cone without ice cream!"
-- Charles M. Schulz, creator of the comic strip "Peanuts"
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice Doggie' until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
Image Credit: Coghill Cartooning
"Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion."
-- Robertson Davies --
Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. - John Lithgow
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - W.C. Fields
Dance like it hurst.
Love like you need money.
Work when people are watching.
-- Dilbert cartoon caption created by Scott Adams --
"Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it." -- Woody Allen
A Silly Stamp of Approval! - "Consider the postage stamp, it's usefulness consists in the ability to stick to something 'til it gets there." - Josh Billings
The Devil's Dictionary - A Dastardly Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce
Coward, n. One who in a perilous emergency thnks with his legs.
Prevaricator, n. A liar in the caterpillar state.
Self, n. The most important person in the universe. See Us.
How To Survive The Ho Ho Ho Holidays
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
Quote Credit: Garrison Keillor, American author from 'Exiles' in Leaving Home (1987).
Image Credit: Illustrator Liz Lomax
'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY! - Witty Words of Wisdom from A Whiskered Wunderkin!
Image Credit: - etsy.com/196258154.jpg
If quitters never win and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Amusing Aphorism Book Boutique
A bodacious bedtime book if ever there was one!
For those who need a daily fix of aphorisms -- this will fit the bill!
For those who want their aphorism with a dash of salt or a spoonful of sugar...this little gem will do the trick!
The author, an expatriot Aussie living in New York, has put together a collection of thoughtful, whimsical if not sometimes biting musings on urban life -- by reviving an old literary form, the aphorism.
Well, if you like a bit of mystery with your mirth and morning meal of aphorisms...this little black book is just what you need!