- Education and Science
Anarchic Things To Do In An Exam
When I was at school I detested exams. To me they embodied all the things that I hated about school life and I would often sit in an exam hall dreaming of various ways I could disrupt the process. Some of the ideas that I came up with (and wish I'd have had the balls to carry out) are listed below.
Things You Could Try - WARNING: carrying out any one of these suggestions could result in punishment / expulsion / failing exams!
- Snap your pen in half then ask the invigilator for a new one, stating that your pen 'broke'. Then snap that one in half and ask for a new one again. Repeat until you get bored of this / are thrown out of the exam.
- Throw your exam paper across the room and then politely ask the invigilator if they would pick it as you have dropped it. Repeat a few more times for your amusement.
- Turn up for an exam in a subject you have never even studied. Refuse to leave and demand that they let you take the exam.
- Midway through the exam stand up and proclaim, 'I'M SPARTACUS!!'
- Put your hand up in your modern languages exam and request that the paper be translated into English.
- Instead of writing anything simply scribble meaningless markings all over your paper. Then put your hand up and ask the invigilator if they think your handwriting is clear enough.
- Move your chair a metre away from your desk. Then inform the invigilator that you can't reach your exam paper.
- Before the exam starts inform the invigilator that you don't have a copy of the exam paper. When they point out that it is right in front of you insist that it isn't there and say in a concerned voice, 'Are you OK? You seem to be imagining things'.
- Instead of reading each question in your head, sing each one out loud.
- Place your exam paper on your head. Then put up your hand and with a wide-eyed, confused expression explain that your exam paper has disappeared and you simply can't find it anywhere.
- Treat the invigilator like your own personal slave. Make requests such as:
~ 'I'd like a coffee - a vanilla latte would be great thanks.'
~ 'Hhhhmmmm... I'm a tad sleepy - couldn't grab me a cushion could you?'
~ 'My dominant hand's occupied writing at the moment - so I'd be grateful if you could wipe my nose for me.'
- As you walk into the room try to slip the chief invigilator a wad of cash (as an obvious bribe for some extra help). If they refuse to take it put your hand up during the exam and offer some more (that you've sneakily hidden on yourself) to whoever comes over. If they still won't accept throw it at them and scream, 'TTTAAAAAAAKKEE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTT!!!!!!'.
- Midway through the exam put your hand up. Then, in a whisper, explain to the invigilator that you are writing top secret information and ask if they could please provide you with invisible ink.
- Deliberately choose a calculator that resembles a mobile phone. In the middle of the exam, sneakily take the calculator out of your pocket and hold it up to your ear as if you're ringing someone. Then, when an angry invigilator comes over to disqualify you, innocently show them what you are really holding, protesting, 'But I thought calculators were allowed in this one?'. Watch their reactions of disbelief.
- When you go over to your seat, bring with you a load of personal belongings (such as your cuddly toy, hairbrush, bedside lamp etc) and place these on your desk. When asked why you brought them reply, 'I was just trying to make myself feel at home'.
- Make your handwriting really big (so that you can only fit a few words per page) and keep putting your hand up for more paper. Continue this until you have used up all the paper reserves and are surrounded by piles of paper.