decompressing in limbo

Decompressing

Shaking my head I retrace my steps back to where I came from. The trip has not been worth the bother but that's alright, I chose to undertake it, its my clock and there's some sense of comfort in the knowledge that this happened only because I allowed it. What I've given, I can always take back. It doesn't feel wrong or right, I believe I've grown indifferent about it or maybe its my defense mechanism working again, the brain shutdown bit, that point when it gets too vexing I just drop the whole thing mentally. I think I even heard the crash when it happened, I saw images of a broom sweeping the mess into a dust pan then onto the garbage. This whole affair used to be so relevant, I obsessed over it for quite a while, a regular knot in my stomach. Then it turned into a bad taste in my mouth until I had to spit it out. Now its all a blur. I have to focus just to be able to recall it. Maybe my attention span is cranky, I've always suspected it. A lot of things are jockeying for position in my head and I've always had the tendency to drift off. My mind actually acknowledges things that I've thought too much of, like a guest that has overstayed their welcome and my mind goes into autopilot then into a shutdown process. The path of least resistance is my favorite course, happy thoughts, daydreams, slapstick comedy and men's tennis. Maybe I'll never be a candidate for Alzheimer's because my brain has mastered the art of decompressing. Get out, get out of here, enough already.

Limbo (07jul05)

It would tear me up in shreds given half the chance. This insomnia has cracked wide open, a couple of months back I thought it was pretty cool but now its just damned tiring, my body clock is shot. Well its mostly the television but there are nights like this when the thought juices are overflowing urged on by good music. Vagrant thoughts clamor for position, I can almost hear them scrimmaging in my head. When I try to focus though, I go right into my affliction, its this blasted mushy music, let's put on some robert smith, nothing like the cure to cure me. You just gotta love this man and his music. I can't imagine there being two ways about it. You hear the music and you dig it whoever you are, excellent guitars and synthesizers. I am a firm believer in synthesizers, its the reason why British music is infinitely better than American, at least that's what I think. Synths smoothen the edges, unlike the heavy, edgy sound of a straight band, straight in this case being all about guitars and percussions. I think synths add a little more into the set. “Spinning on that dizzy edge...” just try to listen to The Cure's “Just Like Heaven” for reference on synthesizers. If you're in the mood for some higher synthesizer level, I would recommend Depeche Mode.

Hmm that was nice, see how music can take me away from the straying thoughts, especially from the thorn on my side, and just like that I'm back to the pathetic thoughts but what do you know, Its 4am already and I don't need to write about the garbage.