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Dragon Training & Taming
Welcome to the World of Dragon Training & Taming
Dragons come in all shapes and sizes, not to mention tantalizing temperments.
Frankly, dragons have a bad reputation, probably because some have eyes bigger than their heads while others have enormous appetites for damsels in distress and pesky princesses with way too much time on their hands.
This light-hearted lens is devoted to do-it-yourself dragon taming and training, (which thankfully involves no slaying, slewing or smoting of any beasts). The only equipment required for would-be dragon tamers: a magic wand, a hobby horse, and a wonderful imagination.
Image Credit: Ron Leishman - clipartof.com/1046182
Daring Dudes and Devilish Dragons Know When It's Time for a Tea Party! - A Toast to 2012 - Year of the Dragon!
St. George decided taking a time out for a spot of tea was a good deal easier than trying to tame or train a dragon with a rubber sword.
Image Credit: spraygraphic.com/600_9c64c051243ac5016abe0421c68f7738
Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon and I don't believe in dragons with bad breath. - Besides, will someone please tell me why I can't slay the chaos critte
On the other hand, whether 'tis better to trounce a dragon rather than tame or train it, may be the ultimate question.
No, Virginia "D" is not for "Dork - Try again!
Image Credit: entroid at flickr.com
BIG BEAST BOOKSHELF
This is an ideal gift for those who adore hairy hooligans and are keen on learning how to be a hero the hard way.
For those who want to get their feet wet, learn a funny foreign language and find out why toothless dragons lives in such weird places as Barbaric Archipelago, Woden's Bathtub, and the Isle of Berk.
Battling big beasties can be a pretty exhausting business, so it's best to find out which dragons are dastardly and which ones are delightful.
For those who can't get enough of "Dungeons and Dragons", this little gems will definitely do the trick!
For those who haven't a clue about how to care for a dragon or ride one (no you don't need a saddle or spurs silly).
DARING DRAGON QUESTION
Are dragons real?
DRAGON TAMER/TRAINER WANTED
First of all, few folks have a fondness for dragons or for that matter monsters under the bed. This is why there is so little competition for a job in this field unless one has Viking blood in ones genes, (which gives one a distinct advantage over wimps, wussies and wet noodles who are not adept at brandishing swords and shields let alone bopping bloodthirsty beasts over the head with a big bone or two.
According to the International Federation of Dragon Slayers, there are at least 1,472 different species of dragons that inhabit a planet named "Bob". Here on Earth, thankfully there are only three categories of dragons, (bad, mean, and ugly), most of whom live in place called Hoot n' Holler, Texas).
Prerequisites for being a dapper, daring, dazzling dragon tamer.
1. Have no fear of mice, spiders or things that go bump in the night.
2. Be willing to brandish a rubber sword and shield at a moment's notice.
3. Enjoy running for your life when the situation calls for it.
If all else fails, bring along a brightly wrapped gift for the grungy beast and hope that he likes your taste in after-shave lotion, scintillating breath mints, or a six-pack of beer and pizza. Of course, if he's a delightful yet docile dragon, he'll probably present you with his favorite token of affection, an air-freshener to disguise your fetid fragrances and wayward winds.
Image Credit: Edward Gorey, author and illustrator
AND NOW A WORD FROM A DRAGON DUDE
ST. GEORGE'S DAY - APRIL 23RD! - England's National Day!
It's a whopping big bash in jolly old England. That's the day when the Patron Saint of Dragon Slayers, St. George was supposed to have snuffed out a famous fire-breathing dragon (though no one can recall his name).
Since slaying dragons has been banned by the British parliament on account of the fact that there are precious few left to smote, there isn't a plethora of pretty princesses left who are willing to be snatched by them, and alarming budget cuts have reduced the possibility of a ripsnorting ritual to uplift morale, today ordinary folk simply "slay it with flowers" (which can either be dead or alive whichever is cheaper).
DRAGON DRIBS & DRABS
At least the fire-breathing ones also have a funnybone or two.
So, if you're planning to hunt for heffalumps or lasso a lizard today, just remember:
-- "If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon!"
-- "May the dragon of life only roast your hot dogs and never burn your buns!"
-- "Behind every damsel is a fire-breathing dragon."
-- "Meddle not in the affairs of the dragon; for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup!"
Image Credit: dragon illustration - www.paulabecker.com
If kidnapping a princess is unbecoming to a dragon, what else could he do to earn brownie points?
Have you ever heard of a dragon who cries his way to success?
Image Credit: Nikita Cortez at flickr.com
Why Don't Dragons Do Push-Ups? - Because they prefer dragon their heels instead!
Image Credit: joe leasure at flickr.com
PLAY IT AGAIN PUFF!
There's only one way to silence a strange beasts and that's to sing a delightful dragon ditty.
DELIVING INTO DRAGONS?
"It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him." -- J.R.R. Tolkien
Image Credit: Chad Frye illustrator, www.chadfrye.com
THE TALE OF THE CUSTARD DRAGON
Belinda lived in a little white house,
With a little black kitten and a little gray mouse,
And a little yellow dog and a little red wagon,
And a realio, trulio, little pet dragon.
Now the name of the little black kitten was Ink,
And the little gray mouse, she called her Blink,
And the little yellow dog was sharp as Mustard,
But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard.
Custard the dragon had big sharp teeth,
And spikes on top of him and scales underneath,
Mouth like a fireplace, chimney for a nose,
And realio, trulio daggers on his toes.
Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs,
Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
Belinda tickled him, she tickled him unmerciful,
Ink, Blink and Mustard, they rudely called him Percival,
They all sat laughing in the little red wagon
At the realio, trulio, cowardly dragon.
Belinda giggled till she shook the house,
And Blink and Weeck! which is giggling for a mouse,
Ink and Mustard rudely asked his age,
When Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
Suddenly, suddenly they heard a nasty sound,
And Mustard growled, and they all looked around.
Meowch! cried Ink, and Ooh! cried Belinda,
For there wa a pirate, climbining in the winda.
Pistol in his left hand, pistol in his right,
And he held in his teeth a cutlass bright,
His beard was black, one leg was wood;
It was clear that the pirate meant no gooddddddd
Belinda paled, and she cried Help! Help!
But Mustard fled with a terrified yelp,
Ink trickled down to the bottom of the household,
And little mouse Blink strategically mouseholed.
But up jumped Custard, snorting like an engine,
Clashed his tail like irons in a dungeon,
With a clatter and a clank and a jangling squirm
He went at the pirate like a robin at a worm.
The pirate gaped at Belinda's dragon,
And gulped some grog from his pocket flagon,
He fired two bullets, but they didn't hit,
And Custard gobbled him, every bit.
Belinda embraced him, Mustard licked him,
No one mourned for his pirate victim.
Ink and Blink in glee did gyrate
Around the dragon that ate the pyrate.
Belinda still lives in her little white house,
With her little black kitten and her little gray mouse,
And her little yellow dog and her little red wagon,
And her realio, trulio, little pet dragon.
Belinda is a brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chase lions down the stairs,
Mustard is as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard keeps crying for a nice safe cage.
Credit: The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash, Ogden Nash, Cardinal Pocket Books Inc., New York, 1954, p. 116.
DO-IT-YOURSELF DRAGON'S DEN
What better way to amaze your family, friends and foes with your terrific taming, training, or trouncing talents if you don't have a dazzling dragon to show off.
This marvellous morsel of meat is perfect for the do-it-yourself dragon tamer who needs something to mount on a wall or desk.
The best gift for dragon tamers who can't convince their winged wunderkins to quite blowing smoke in everyone's eyes.
For dragon tamers who haven't a clue how to tickle or pet a dragon.
For those who don't know what to wear to a party in a dragon's den.
AND YOU THOUGHT DRAGON TRAINING WAS EASY!
Little Link List for Lizard-Lovers
- HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON REVIEWS
This movie has grossed over $215 million since it's release in March 2010...so what do those who've seen it say?
- DRAGON-TRAINING IS A HIT!
Well, according to this review..."How to Traing Your Dragon" deserves a thumbs up...or more to the point 4 stars!
- SOMEONE THINKS DRAGONS CAN'T BE TRAINED
This movie review isn't impressed with dragon dens or dragon trainers ...so only gives it three stars.
Warning to Wanna-Be Dragon Slayers: - DRAGONS MAY DRIVE YOU TO DRINK!
"If you see the dragon fly,
Best you drink the flagon dry."
Quote: Greg Hamerton, from "Second Sight, Second tale of the Lifesong"
What do dragons do for fun in summer?
Well for starters, they put on a pair of sporty-looking sunglasses, apply SPF 100 sunscreen to protect their scintillating scales, and slip on a pair of flip flops so the sand won't burn their sensitive soles silly!
Then they surround themselves with hot babes and cool ice-cream cones. Of course, when they need more things to keep amuse themselves, they've also been known to grab a beach ball, a sand pail, or a pair of water wings just for fun!
Image Credit: Summer dragon- wanderingeducators.com
What would a tree be without a dragon decoration?
Dragons have a sweet tooth which is why they learn how to cook!
What is the Land of Ice & Snow without a dragon or two to keep things warm and toasty at Christmas?
NEWS FLASH FROM THE NORTH POLE - Santa and Reindeers Snuffed Out By A Rogue Rapscallion
The good news is that fewer folks will find themselves in debt from purchasing far too many happy holiday gifts this year; the bad news is that the dinosaur dragon doesn't do chimneys and won't be delivering any goodies for the foreseeable future.
Image Credit: Ron Leishman illustration - clipartof.com/1046412-.jpg
Who says you can't train a dragon how to flip food? - Want some mashed mistletoe, pigs in a blanket, and eggnog for breakfast?
Image Credit: Mistletoe Breakfast Dragon - email@example.com
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
For those who couldn't get enough of Peter Pan and Captain Hook and need a sizzling sequel!
The real scoop on how to cheat a dragon's curse.
For those who haven't had their funny fill of deadly dragons!
Don't get your knickers in a knot - this book will help you figure out how to twist a dragon's tale and live to tell us about it.
Yes Virginia, even dragons have hearts!