Can a selfish person love themselves?

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   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   Hey Gang,
   
   Please feel free to weigh in. I'm just curious to hear what people think about the title.
   
   Thank you in advance.

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      Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I...think that's all they DO love.....

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         Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Is love or is falsified?

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            Brenda Durhamposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I dunno.
            
            Wonder if selfishness is defined the same as narcissism?  And if narcissism is considered a disease/handicap or is by choice?

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               Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               Okay.
               I'm not sure, never bothered to look up the definitions.
               It's not a handicap that I know of, so that leaves choice.

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      Shahid Bukhariposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      "Self-ish" are those ... who cannot exercise the capacity ... ironically, for no good reason ... to love others ... so they hate everything ...
      
      The selfish are, thus, ones, who, not only cannot love anyone ...but also, hate themselves.

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      earnestshubposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      No they do not. Selfish people don't love themselves at all, so no hope of loving others.

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         Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Agreed Earnest.

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      zob2zobposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Surely they are the only person that they are able to love, anything more would be a conflict of interest and involve sharing which would almost immediately spark off the green eyed monster.....

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      couturepopcafeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Often, a selfish person is the product of a family with siblings.  Someone who has learned to protect what is theirs, to not share.  Even without siblings, parents can inflict the notion that a child should 'share' everything with other children, even those the child may instinctively see as rude.  Another child grabs and mommy says, "share your toys/candy/clothes/money/time" whatever.  Give of yourself before you even know what it means to be giving, a very adult concept.  So the child grows up knowing that he needs to hold close to the vest all that he holds dear.  It can create psychological holes that only a lifetime of loving can repair.
      
      The selfish person is often conflicted.  They love - parents, siblings, children, spouse - but do not want to give of themselves.  They are in a way, shut down.  They can learn to love themselves eventually, but this will also seem selfish to them.  It will be a conscious decision and will take years to accomplish in truth.

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         Max_Powerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Great answer!

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            Surfrazposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            yes i agree with you. they have to be selfish, so only they protect their family with lots of love and care.

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      Surfrazposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      They love themselves very much that's why they are SELFISH..

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      gmwilliamsposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Selfish people DO love themselves.  They love themselves enough to KNOW that they are worthy & should have the best that life has to offer.  They live life on THEIR OWN terms.  They are unapologetic as to whom they are.   They respect themselves & establish boundaries.  They REFUSE to be put upon by others.  They are respected by people because THEY TREAT THEMSELVES with respect.  People see this & act accordingly.  More people should be SELFISH.  Being selfish is a GOOD, if not GREAT thing.

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         Castlepalomaposted 3 years agoin reply to this

         The word selfish sounds like too much like greed. I prefer, Self-serving first.
         
         I know people generally would worry more about their pinky being cut off than a 100,000 people killed in a volcano. They wouldn't be able to sleep all night, knowing their pinky would be cut off in the morning. Selfish, yet with some reason
         Although i would risk my life for my daughter, if she were in great danger, being ultimately selfless.

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            gmwilliamsposted 3 years agoin reply to this

            Risking your life for your child isn't selfless.  That is what parents DO.   Children are a part of us- yes, people would risk EVERYTHING for their children.  That is what it is supposed to be.

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               Castlepalomaposted 3 years agoin reply to this

               My daughter is a famous comic and film maker. She actually has had death threats from nothing she has done wrong. They are plenty of parents would not take a bullet for their kids, that's selfish. Me taking a bullet would be literally selfless, one died Daddy minus one self.

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   Rafiniposted 13 years ago

   About the title or about the thought?
   
   As a title, great!  As a thought...well, no.  A selfish person only knows how to take, and love requires the ability to give and receive.

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hey Rafini, considering I'm always trying to get people to think, I would have to say the thought. As for it being a great title? Oh, okay.

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         Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

           well, I think you know what I mean, lol, no issues with it! 

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            Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Nice to see you and hope things are well? 

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               Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               yep.  just enjoying the political unrest surrounding me every day.  
               
               you?

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                  Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Not too much, but doing well.

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   shoganposted 13 years ago

   It's falsified.  Selfish people praise themselves for understanding love, when really, it's self-adoration.  Love requires a depth of feeling that selfishness prohibits.

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Nicely said.

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   Stevennix2001posted 13 years ago

   I think the problem is that selfish people are incapable of loving anyone else but themselves, and they only hear whatever the hell they want to hear.  In fact, I used to be best friends with a guy that was so self obsessed with his own life that he would literally tell you his life story every single damn day.  If you even tried to correct him or tell him that you already know the story, then he'd upset and say that your not a good friend. 
   
   The problem with people that are selfish is that they only care about their own needs and thinks of love as a form of it always being about them, and nothing more.  Therefore, I think your real question SHOULD be if a selfish person is capable of loving anyone else but themselves.

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting post.

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         Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks.  Interesting how though?  In a good way? Or a bad way? Sorry, I'm just curious.

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            Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Comparing your post to Shogan's post. The difference between the two is what I found interesting. It was a "eureka" moment thing in something I just learned.

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               Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

               Oh okay. I gotcha.  Yeah, I can definitely see the difference there between me and Shogan's post.  Although another theory could be in how the child is raised since birth.

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                  Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  I agree. Selfish people will raise selfish children.

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                     DoorMattnomoreposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                     not always.

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               shoganposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               If I played any part at all in your learning something, I sincerely apologize! 
               
               In other news, we're getting close to the first game of Spring Training for the Sox, Cags.

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                  Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Hey Shogan, I learn from everyone. But, thank you though. And, you're right- baseball season is approaching.

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                     shoganposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                     I'll stop after this (no hijacking intended), but I'm just so pumped for the season!

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   Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

   Did you really want discussion, or were you just running the title by us to see if would make a good hub title or what?  Either way is fine; just curious.  I'm picturing you giggling at us as the thread takes on a life of its own and meanders into a zillion pages....haha

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      
      
      I'm curious about what people think about it. That's all. I had no plan for a hub, come to think of it. However, I'm sure it would make for interesting reading, depending on how it was done.
      
      Discussion is good either way. If the thread get too many pages, I'm sure people will be off topic.

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   Brenda Durhamposted 13 years ago

   Okay. I have a little twist to add to it.
   
   Is being "self-involved" the same as being selfish?
   
   ..I know sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own problems or situations that they just don't seem to be able to see what's happening to anyone else around them.....and maybe they would help others if they could, but they can only focus on themselves.
   
   And that self-involvement may not be love; it could even stem from disliking one's self..

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Okay.
      Interesting post. However, I have only one issue- "maybe they would help other if they could, but they can only focus on themselves"- I'm understanding that the word "focus" is with regards to financial distress. Because, anyone who doesn't help others for any other reason is selfish.
      
      One must look out for themselves first and foremost. One's survival is a must. However, should a person do nothing to help anyone all of their life, means that they lived a selfish life.
      
      A person who lives a Self-interest type of life, lives to better themselves, so they are always in self improvement mode.

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   AnythingArtzyposted 13 years ago

   I think the selfishness comes from a lack of knowing how to love themselves.

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I would agree.

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   evvy_09posted 13 years ago

   Selfish is defined by being devoted to or caring only for oneself. Only concerned for one's own needs, interests and welfare regardless of others.  So that seems to answer is a selfish person can love themselves.  As someone stated love requires give and take.  It's possible a person can give and take of themselves. 
   But the real question might be: can a selfish person love another person?  The term love itself is very difficult to define, since it means different things to each person. But humour me, and look up the definition of love.  Go down a little into the definitions and two of them are:  to have an intense desire or emotional attachment.  To need or require, benefit greatly from.
   
   So just some different thoughts thrown in to stir up the pot

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting Evvy.

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         evvy_09posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         The subject is interesting to me too.

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      The only word in your description would be "devoted" - that would insinuate love, but since love is pure honesty, a selfish person could never love themselves, because they never realize that they are selfish. They don't see themselves as selfish. But, their actions speaks volumes. Even, if the action is to do nothing.
      In a truly selfish extreme, it would be impossible, but to those who are selfish(not to the extreme, but in many actions) possibly could give and take, so long as it was rationalized out as some later benefit due or expected.
      It goes to show how skewed definitions are.

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   cheaptrickposted 13 years ago

   Not to but in here but did anyone mention Narcissus the Greek mini god who fell in love with himself when he saw his reflection in a pool?Narcissism,we all have some....some less...some more...^^^^

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      No, it was not mentioned, but Narcissism was brought up. But, the individual you speak of wasn't. Thank you

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    know oneposted 13 years ago

    I think a selfish person thinks all others are not worthy. Deep down a selfish person must know that their own selfish behaviour makes them unworthy. This would be an unacceptable truth to them. The superficial love they have for themselves (their ego) must be conditional upon an absence of true self awareness... for they cannot truly love and give to someone who is unworthy. But to maintain this unhealthy state the selfish person must also maintain unworthiness. They actually can't win. Unless of course they become selfless... in which case they would know deep and true love for themselves.... and probably a deeper form of love from others.
    
    

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       Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Nicely said.

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          Jewelsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          I do think though, that in today's busy world where every sense of awareness is turned toward outside influences, first you need to become selfish to then become selfless.
          
          It has been touted that for one to do a spiritual transformation (not talking religion here), is actually self indulgent.  It's a necessary phase to deconstruct the influences that have conditioned your existence - ie parents, school, piers, church, government etc.   Once you find the 'true self' underneath that conditioning, you then become selfless.  Only this selfless giving is full of a depth of love, not only for the receiver, but in turn for the giver.

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             Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             Nice post.

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             earnestshubposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             I agree Jewels. True love is a doing and giving thing, one can't give something one does not already have.

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    ken138888posted 13 years ago

    NO,i do not think so.

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       Castlepalomaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Interesting topic
       
       I send most of my waking hours in life, loving my job.  My mother told me I was being selfish. I said to her, times have changed, I am being self serve in order to serve others better, if you do not like your job you will not master life.
       
       Being self serve first, is not being selfish as long as you always consider others in the process with adjusting mistakes.

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          Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Hey Castle, it's actually called self interest. I wrote a hub on it.

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    Chrisjoyposted 13 years ago

    There is nothing selfish in loving yourself as until you can love yourself you cannot love another as you would not understand what love is.

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       Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       First off, I didn't suggest loving oneself was selfish. But, I agree with the rest of your post.

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    optimus grimlockposted 13 years ago

    I love me long time lol

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    earnestshubposted 13 years ago

    I believe that self love is evident in a genuine ability to give. Not something that selfishness is associated with usually.

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    logic,commonsenseposted 13 years ago

    After a bout of self love, you don't have to cuddle or say nice things.  You can turn off the computer and go to bed!

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    albertmgposted 13 years ago

    Selfishness is way away from love.  Love begets love, so one who can love himself will definitely have love growing for others.

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    NathanielZhuposted 13 years ago

    It's because they love themselves too much that they are selfish

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    Donna Suthardposted 13 years ago

    I believe that when you are only absorbed with self, in love only with self, thats its called narcissism!
    Since everyone is a part of our self, by truly loving them, we are loving our self.
    Babies and small children live in a me world, until they are taught to love others...unfortunately, most of the world are still infants in infancy..They only care about their own ego needs....the relationships of the world have been selfish, but eventually they usually learn through pain, and thus begin a process of learning to love others....

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    LeeWallsposted 13 years ago

    I would say that a selfish person is so self-absorbed, they're narcissists. They don't think about anyone but themselves and no one matters but them.

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       gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Selfish people DO love themselves.  They also want THE BEST for themselves.  They believe that there is nothing wrong with putting themselves first.  They are the healthiest people around.  They let others know when they stand.  They aren't afraid to establish boundaries with others as to what they will & won't tolerate.  They refuse to buy into the notion of being self-sacrificing, giving, & putting others' needs before their own.  They see believe that the concept of selflessness is a form of self-hatred which is emotionally, mentally, psychologically, & even psychically unhealthy.
       
       
       It is quite healthy & normal to be selfish.  Selfish isn't a bad word however our society & culture make it out to be.   People should live their best lives & have the best.  Giving to others causes others to expect handouts & make them never want to do things for themselves but wait for others to do for them.  Also giving to others causes people to take advantage.  Selfish people will never have the problem of others taking advantage of them.  They respect themselves FAR TOO MUCH!

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       gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       You're saying that like it is a BAD thing which it ......ISN'T!
       

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