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Funny and Silly New Year's Resolutions

Updated on January 1, 2017

Funny and Unusual New Year's Quotes and Resolutions

Every year we start a new year with resolve. What happens to that resolve between New Years and Christmas is another matter. The only thing we can do is poke fun at ourselves and resolve to improve our resolve. Making New Year's resolutions is our way of recognizing our short comings and our goals and making a decision, however short lived, to do something about them!

Have a look at what other have to say about New Year's Resolutions what others say they are going to do! I must admit, some of it is very funny and shines and polishes our human nature!

"I will always "check for paper" when leaving the restroom."

It's either this or the shoe. I remember a radio contest they had on one of the local radio stations. They had a gorgeous chick walk through the local Skytrain station with toilet paper stuck to her shoe. If someone came up to her and told her she had TP stuck to her shoe, they would get $100. It was hilarious how people came up quietly behind her and stepped on the paper to try and dislodge it from her shoe. They tried all kinds of antics to get rid of the TP without letting her know. It took about 45 minutes before a man approached her and told her.

Yes, I resolve always to check....

"I will always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump."

This is pretty hard to do but there are definitely people out there who shouldn't be driving. I resolve never to be one of them....

"I will try to drive closer to the speed limit."

Good Plan...we'll all live longer!

"I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".

Mom's right! No one wants to see your skid marks and leakage stains.

"I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars."

You're right I don't need to have one of life's horrific memorable moments!

"I will no longer park the BMW next to fire hydrants."

It's a good thing someone doesn't have to pay the parking meter or leave for an appointment.

"I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly...."

Who doesn't have a chocolate addiction? Most of us just eat it though...

My All Time Favorite Quotes

Since I am health conscious and look after my health, I love this one!

"People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas." ~Unknown

Here's a really good one from Jay Leno...

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means, you have met your New Year's resolution." ~Jay Leno

"I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it."

Everyone knows with guys that reading the manual is a last resort!

"I will not piss off my neighbours any more"

Even if they are cranky and bothersome.

"I will no longer go and get groceries on my bicycle"

Even though I am going greener....

"I will always wear party clothes to parties"


"I will always hang up my clothes after I get undressed"


"I resolve to get rid of the storage tank for my sex machine"


"I resolve to take all my showers in the house from now on"


"I resolve to stop swallowing beach balls"


"I will remember where I left my head"


"I will quit smoking"


"I will date a more animated woman"


"I will donate to the 'Save the Whale' Campaign"


"I promise to get a real drivers license"


"I will not let my neighbors pets swim in my pool"


"I will not spill coffee on myself any more"


"I will not practice my awesome karate kicks while wearing my air conditioned pants"


"I will not cruise in my convertible down Main Street"


What Are Your New Year's Resolutions?

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