- Education and Science
13 Reasons Why Introverts Behave The Way They Do
When I was in high school, during second or third year, I was a total silenced pistol. At one point, my class teacher inquired whether I was in the class. I was so quiet the teacher thought I used to skip classes or was altogether not coming to school.
The story does not end there. I have been termed through years as unpredictable, reserved, quiet, shy which of course they are true qualities I possess. However, these ones of which other introverts find themselves in is not fair the way we are termed: proud, self-serving, selfish, hate company of other people, want to be an island, we feel we are better than the rest and so on.
I do believe in order to be best friends, or good friends for that matter, we have to get to know each other better in order to understand each other better. If a teacher needs to be successful in class he/she needs to know his/her students better in order to teach them well. It will be unfair to be labeled with negative tags associated with us which aren’t true for the simple reason those people who call us such names haven’t taken time to get to know us better.
1) We Like ‘Alone Me’ Time
Introverts like spending most of their time by themselves. They would prefer their own company more than that of their loved ones and friends. This is not to say they prefer to be ‘islands.’ We do know ‘No man is an island.’ We need each other. We depend on each other for our survival. Nonetheless, we need to appreciate ‘No man is a mainland.’ We cannot always be everywhere and anywhere. Spending time alone is not an offense and there are good reasons why introverts spend much of their time alone:
a) Think Clearly
Introverts prefer a quiet place where they can sort their thoughts through, where they can think clearly. Even though they can think in places where there are loud noises, their minds work best when they are alone.
Also, it is worthwhile to remember most of the times introverts are thinking. Consequently, during their quiet times they make best use of their thinking abilities.
b) Read and Write
Nobody can lie to me that the majority of those who read books are not introverts. Instead of chattering about things that we find are of no benefit, otherwise known as small talk, it’s better we keep ourselves busy reading and/or writing. We kind of feel tired mentally and physically when we talk a lot about things that aren’t constructive. Sorry for that because it is the way we are. It’s our nature. Therefore, if we are not reading a book or novel we are writing (for some or many of us). If it’s not one or both, we are watching a movie or documentary or playing video games.
Actually, many of introverts like writing because it’s their way of talking. They are good at writing than talking. This is why many of people who chat through SMS are introverts. We are kind of a chatty people when it comes to pressing the buttons of a keyboard whether that of a phone or computer than when it comes to talking.
Yah, we like talking to ourselves more than talking with other people. At this time we feel comfortable with ourselves so at ease of talking to ourselves. Also, we like self-talking because it helps us know whether we did something that was not good or where we need to change or what next needs to be done and so on.
Self-talk is good if it’s constructive. It helps a person to know what needs changes, for example, a different tactic to approach a lady.
2) We Are Not Lonely
I know. Extroverts feel sorry for us. They have good and bad reasons why they feel sorry for us. Good one is known. Bad reason is because it’s our own making. No! It’s not our own making. It’s our nature, but for the good of us.
Frankly, we are not alone unless you mean that loneliness of not having a partner of opposite sex. The truth is even extroverts are lonely when it comes to not having a companion of opposite sex or when he/she has been dumped. However, if it’s loneliness that doesn’t include this one of needing a companion of opposite sex, then we are not lonely. We are busy enjoying ourselves. We do like reading and/or writing, watching movies, sports and documentaries and yes, listening to songs in our alone time.
3) We Are Reserved
Cambridge Dictionary defines reserved as “the habit of not showing your feelings or thoughts.” As far as it goes it’s the truth.
It’s very hard to express in words what we are thinking or feeling. For instance, we might be in a conversation of maybe five people. Nevertheless, during the conversation we seem reserved. Not for all the wrong reasons. Maybe there was something said we are thinking deeply about. Or, there is something we felt concerning something talked about but we are not yet ready to express it. We like keeping thoughts and feelings underground until the time is ripe.
This means we find it hard to express our feelings or thoughts about something until we feel it’s ready to be told or expressed.
This really explains why,
4) We Hate To Be At The Center of Attention
The current president of North America (2016), Barack Obama is an introvert. He seems good at talking in front of people. Nevertheless, it does not constitute he likes to be at the center of attention. In reality, introverts have the courage (some) to talk in front of people than when they are part of a group especially among strangers.
Most of the introverts when they realize they are noticed or actions (good ones) have come to the limelight, they hide. They will try at their level best to be outside the screen’s light. Shy. Maybe. Not all introverts are shy. If we are at the center of attention is because we are trying to deliver something.
5) No Small Talk
Is not that we despise people or conversations. It’s that we feel fed up or tired mentally and physically participating in small talks. Normally, we want talks that will engage our minds. Don’t be discouraged if an introvert seems to be nodding, is reserved or doesn’t seem to be participating in the conversation.
Introverts love to spend time talking about things that are constructive, which require critical thinking. We get bored so quickly with small talk.
6) Torrents of Thoughts
It’s not all the time we are thinking about things that are serious or things which require constructive or critical thinking. We can be making a Hollywood film in our minds, thinking something funny that was said by somebody, thinking how we can best be prepared for a coming interview or thinking why something was done or as reports seem to indicate there are no causes for something that was done and we wonder why no reason has been found and try to find out and so on.
In short we are good at thinking. I mean we like thinking or entertaining thoughts.
This explains why we like mysterious things (some of us) which best explains why some of us are mysterious and some unpredictable. We think and think until we are sure there is no more that is needed to be thought.
7) We Are A Talkative Lot
Yah, it’s true while introverts are a quiet type they are also talkative. If an introvert is in a company of people she is comfortable with she will talk endlessly until you come up with a decision she is an extrovert, not an introvert.
It will not be an overstatement or an understatement if you would consider it that way, when alone with their pets they will talk so much with their pets. Or if totally alone, they will be busy talking with themselves. In a group of strangers, they are pretty the introverts you have got used to seeing.
Introverts | Make The Most Of Your Introversion
8) Sorry, No Parties
We are not outgoing but it doesn’t mean we don’t like adventures or travelling, only not too much. We like parties but not several of them on a short period of time. In reality, some of us we don’t like parties at all. Also, if we end up giving excuses we cannot stay till the party is over please don’t condemn us. We are not a party lot. Nothing wrong with parties. It’s a time of celebration. But, hey, if we send you a gift but have not attended it don’t feel bad. We seem at times not to be functioning well during party times.
And, oh, we prefer shorter parties than longer ones.
This tells you something that
9) Don’t Force Us To Be Social
If you force us to be social in social circles, in effect we will do the opposite. Not be social. Why?
First, we want to be social with a person we can feel comfortable to talk to. We don’t have that ‘energy’ to socialize with anyone and everyone. We observe and decide.
It’s true for those of us who are shy; we might find it hard to socialize. In such cases we need to learn how to socialize. All in all, introverts observe before they interact. The best a person can do is not to force an introvert to socialize.
I believe people can come up with best ways of ensuring there is an interaction between an introvert and a stranger, but not forcing.
Introverts derive great pleasure from observing people and things. The way people dress, move their lips, walk and so on. It is kind of a hobby. Even in a group of friends if we are not reserved we are busy observing those around us and the environment surrounding us. It’s something we like doing.
Okay, as we near the end of this talk about introverts, I asked a friend of mine who is an extrovert to state qualities she has seen in me as an introvert. This is what she said:
“They have internal anger and keep it for so long. When they make decision concerning that anger they totally mean that.”
“They keep listening and paying attention rather than talking.”
This brings out two other factors about introverts:
11) A Distant Bomb Ready To Explode
It is known introverts bottle up their anger. Usually, they don’t explode with a torrent of words once they are angry. The anger, they keep it without showing the anger has had an effect on them or they might show signs of anger but not respond in a negative way. It will be evident they are angry but they won’t in many occasions respond as is the case with extroverts. You will come to witness the reaction later (days, weeks or months) of which it may turn out pretty not good. They will have thought through and come up with a decision regarding the anger. Avoid you at all cost, do something to you that you will regret, talks less or not at all with you, commit suicide or any number of other ways. At best, introverts will avoid you. The subject of topic depends on an individual introvert. They might be forgiving or not at all.
12) Good Listeners
Several studies have shown introverts are good listeners. It is kind of their hobby. They are good at listening than talking. It is no wonder people find it easy to talk to them since they are willing to listen.
During conversations when they are quiet, it might be they do not have anything to offer so they are left with what they are best at doing, listening. Since they take a lot of time in processing information of which they need to analyze they usually need time before talking. Therefore, if they are not reserved, have nothing to say they are just pretty listening, that’s all.
There are good reasons why people should stop name calling introverts labeling them with degrading tags that are not true. They are sensitive therefore they are easily offended or upset. This is why a high rate of suicides is among the introverts. They get discouraged, depressed and disappointed quickly. When you hurt an introvert he/she might not respond but in their closets (private world) they are busy engaging their thoughts. These thoughts can be destructive. Two of the most common effects of hurting or doing something that might offend or upset them is either commit suicide or avoid you at all cost.
The second part of sensitive is they do care about other people’s feelings. They understand other people’s feelings. They are able to empathize with them. It is like they feel the pain the other person is going through. They are quite emotional. A small act of kindness done by somebody to another person might make them shed a tear, not only females but also males. They do associate with other people’s feelings one of the reasons they work best with one-on-one face interaction situations such as counselors.
NOTE: It’s imperative to note:
a) Not all introverts are shy and not all introverts are totally quiet. There are some introverts who are pretty playful that at times they are confused as extroverts. Their playful attitude makes them interact with extroverts easily but still possess other personalities of an introvert.
b) It doesn’t mean introverts are the best. They are better off than extroverts. Far from it. There are weaknesses they exhibit that they need to work on. A lot of words seem to be thrown at introverts than introverts throwing at extroverts. Why? The largest percentage of the world population consists of extroverts.
c) This article was aimed to show the characteristics introverts possess. Some possess all while there are others who possess some. When you come to understand introverts better you will be in a good position to interact with them and help them in a kind way to solve things they find hard to do.