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How I Survived the Krakatoa Volcano - A True American Tale of Survival

Updated on July 1, 2011

Life in the Adirondack Mountains

The life of a lumberjack in the Adirondacks was most definitely not a life of leisure!!  I woke up everyday, ate a stack of flapjacks, and contributed to global climate change!! Hard stuff!  One day as I was felling some timber, like a real man, some sissy ass carpet bagger came up to me and handed me a bottle of snake oil.  Now as I turned around to sock him in the face, I instead got quite a spook!  The lil' sissy was gone!!!!11!1  I drank the bottle of snake oil, and LO AND BEHOLD, inside I found a ticket for a boat ride for three to Krakatoa!!!  Now pilgrim, us lumberjacks don't have no friends so I just used the ticket myself and sailed to Krakatoa.  Little did I know...

Arriving at Krakatoa, Indonesia

I arrived on Krakatoa on August 25, 1883. It was my seventh birthday. The air was humid and moist, like a nice flapjack slathered with maple syrup. I promptly unpacked my things... some flannel shirts, skinny jeans, a bottle of José Cuervo, and my volcano survival kit. The lumberjack motto is "be prepared" after all. Just what exactly did I put in my volcano survival kit? Well let me tell you!

Volcano Survival Kit Contents:

  • Dust mask
  • Googles
  • First Aid Kit
  • Medications
  • Copies of my passport, drivers license, and other important documents
  • Battery powered radio
  • Mobile phone with charged battery
  • 500 feet of hemp rope

After I unpacked my things, I headed to Mount Danan to go smoke a doobie.

More Information on the Krakatoa Eruption

Eruption of Krakatoa - How I Survived

On top of Mount Danan I soon passed out, but soon awoke to the ground's violent shaking. Still in a fog, I had no idea what was going on. "OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!" I exclaimed, for it was August 26, 1883. The fateful day that Krakatoa erupted.

Pyroclastic flows of lava were all around me as the mountain unleased it's hellish fury.  Mother Earth was getting back at me for felling all of her trees.  So I tore open my flannel shirt to reveal my chiseled abs and used the 500 feet of rope in my volcano survival kit to swing across the lava.  Cash, I said to myself while puffing on a cigarillo.  I sure showed that volcano who was boss.  Or so I thought!

Children Watching Me Fight the Tsunami and Survive

Volcanoes, Earthquakes, and Tsunamis OH MY!

The ground shook some more, as I waded along the beach and watched as the volcano let loose her wrath upon Indonesia.  That was a mistake.  A brisk wind extinguished my cigarillo, and I turned around to such a horror...  a tsunami.  "These tsunamis must me caused by those pyroclastic flows." I concluded.  But just what is a pyroclastic flow?  They are something all lumberjacks are taught to fear. Pyroclastic flows are streams of hot gas and rock that can reach speeds of up to 450 miles per hour, or so Granny tells me.

Lucky for me, my volcano survival kit also doubled as a tsunami survival kit.  But even luckier for me, the tsunami was small enough for my massive abdominals and sturdy redwood-esque legs to absorb the impact.  Man that was tough.

Destruction of Krakatoa

By now it was the 27th of August and I was quite tired. But there is little rest for the weary when a volcano is erupting! The ground began to shake anew, and I knew it was time to get out of there if I wanted to survive this disaster.

I grappled a falling tree and rode it out to see, just in the knick of time!!! For at that moment, 5:30 am, the island let out a huge groan! It was ripped apart by four massive eruptions, which consequently caused a 40 foot high tsunami!!

If I was going to survive this tsunami I would need to think fast. I lit up another cigarillo and decided to surf it. I surfed that wave all the way back to America.  I think in my next volcano and tsunami survival kit I should include a surfboard!!!!

A Word of Caution from a Krakatoa Survivor

From reading my firsthand account of the Eruption of Krakatoa (1883), one might think that volcanoes are all laughs and good times. This could not be farther from the truth. Not all of us can be lumberjacks, so please stay safe and do what the authorites tell you. If you want to survive volcanoes and tsunamis, the best thing you can do is stay diligent and evacuate ahead of time.

Goodnight sweet prince.

Hub Mob


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    • profile image

      cool dude 6 years ago

      nice story but not very believeable, unless you had built a time machine to get there.

    • RalphGreene profile image

      RalphGreene 6 years ago

      Nice hub! You have unforgettable experience in your life. Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      yo mama 6 years ago

      hey jerks

    • profile image

      B.Botany,esq. 6 years ago

      Your survival kit included: "drivers license, Battery powered radio, and mobile phone with charged battery..."

      ... in August of 1883?

      Somebody's been smoking too many of those doobies that were also in that "survival kit" of yours.

    • profile image

      swagger 6 years ago

      haha i laughed when i read this. "So I tore open my flannel shirt to reveal my chiseled abs and used the 500 feet of rope in my volcano survival kit to swing across the lava." hes a lumber jack i don't think hes gona have abs and what did he attach the rope too?

    • profile image

      faith 7 years ago

      Nice imagination ,despite all the innacuracies it was very amusing (:

    • profile image

      Person Who Finds This As A Joke 7 years ago

      After reading this I know that it is fake, but I am not angry. WHY?!? Because this is a very humorous story, and I take it as a joke. Why is everyone here being a smart ass I ask? Are they idiots in real life and can only seem smart on the internet?

      Go Lumberjack aka Chuck Norris

    • profile image

      alex 7 years ago

      Dude, your an idiot, Krakatoa erupted in 1883, over 36 thousand people were killed by the tsunami and eruption, but most people did die by the tsunami. You would not of been able to survive that very easily sweetheart. Lol, I'm 14 and I know more facts bout this than you do buddy. So next time you wanna create something fake, atleast get your facts right. Mmk Pumpkin?

    • profile image

      amyScale 7 years ago

      yeah first hand experience my ass!

      in the comments it has lumberjack commenting 8months ago,

      this eruption was in 1883,


      don't think ya that old!

    • profile image

      Mike 7 years ago

      this is fake you are a total idiot if you believe this. first of all how could children watch you fight a tsunami? they would be running for their lives and you would die. second of all that wave was not even 5 ft high.

    • profile image

      Fern 8 years ago

      What a jerk.

    • lumberjack profile image

      lumberjack 8 years ago

      ye LOL

    • TBG profile image

      TBG 8 years ago

      I wish I were that manly. Do you think there is hope for me?