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Shakespearean Insults

Updated on January 13, 2014

PWND By Shakespeare

"It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice." That was just one of the eloquent ways Shakespeare managed to insult someone.

That William sure had a way with words!

He could describe something as grand or beautiful, but if he believed otherwise then he would certainly describe how foul it was.

"It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice." --Shakespeare

Some of Shakespeare's Finest Insults

Shakespeare Knew How To Say It!

  • Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death
  • Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat
  • No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out contries in her
  • Thou lump of foul deformity
  • Thou unfit for any place but hell
  • He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not, the ape is dead
  • You kiss by the book
  • Why he's a man of wax
  • You should be women and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so
  • Whose horrible image doth unfix my hair and make my seated heart knock at my ribs
  • You egg, you fry of treachery
  • Fit to govern, No, not to live
  • I had rather be a toad, and live upon the vapour of a dungeon, than keep a corner in the thing I love for others uses
  • Damn her, lewd minx
  • You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness
  • I do not like your look, I promise thee
  • You Banbury cheese
  • King Urinal
  • She's a great lubbery boy
  • Thou disease of a friend

Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit

Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit
Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit

The sharpest stings ever to snap from the tip of an English-speaking tongue are here at hand, ready to be directed at the knaves, villains, and coxcombs of the reader's choice. Culled from 38 plays, here are the best 5,000 examples of Shakespeare's glorious invective, arranged by play, in order of appearance, with helpful act and line numbers for easy reference, along with an index of topical scorn appropriate to particular characters and occasions.

 

curated content from Flickr

More of Shakespeare's Insults

  • It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice
  • Your means are very slender, and your waste is great
  • You are as a candle, the better part burnt out
  • I think he be transformed into a beast; for I can nowhere find him like a man
  • Away!, Thou art poison to my blood
  • As I told you always, her beauty and her brain go not together
  • I'll pray a thousand prayers for your death
  • Come, you are a tedious fool
  • He is deformed, crooked, old and sere, ill faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere, vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind, stigmatical in making, worse in mind
  • Were I like thee, I would throw away myself
  • Would thou were clean enough to spit on
  • I'll beat thee, but I should infect my hands
  • Thou art like the harpy, which, to betray, dost with thine angels face, seize with thine eagle's talons
  • Your peevish chastity is not worth a breakfast in the cheapest country
  • He is open to incontinency
  • A knot you are of damned blood suckers
  • Thy mothers name is ominous to children
  • Pray you, stand farther from me

    You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things

  • There's many a man hath more hair than wit
  • If thou art changed to aught, tis to an ass

Shakespearean Insult Gum - A fantastic conversation starter!

Shakespearean Insult Gum by Accoutrements
Shakespearean Insult Gum by Accoutrements

Each set includes seven 1" tall boxes that look like miniature Shakespeare volumes. Inside each box you'll find two fruit flavored gum balls and an eloquent Shakespearean insult printed on the inside. Sure to offend the intellectuals and confuse the dimwitted! Refresh your breath with style.

 

Shakespeare Insult Novelty Items

Create Your Own Shakespearan Insult

Choose one from each column

Thou...

artless

bawdy

beslubbering

bootless

churlish

cockered

clouted

craven

currish

dankish

dissembling

droning

errant

fawning

fobbing

foul smelling

froward

frothy

gleeking

goatish

gorbellied

impertinent

jarring

loggerheaded

lumpish

mammering

mangled

mewling

paunchy

poisonous

pribbling

puking

puny

qualling

rank

reeky

roguish

ruttish

saucy

spleeny

spongy

surly

tottering

unmuzzled

vain

venomed

villainous

warped

wayward

weedy

yeasty

base-court

bat-fowling

beef-witted

beetle-headed

boil-brained

clapper-clawed

clay-brained

common-kissing

crook-pated

dismal-dreaming

dizzy-eyed

doghearted

dread-bolted

earth-vexing

elf-skinned

fat-kidneyed

fen-sucked

flap-mouthed

fly-bitten

folly-fallen

fool-born

full-gorged

guts-griping

half-faced

hasty-witted

hedge-born

hell-hated

idle-headed

ill-breeding

ill-nurtured

infectious

knotty-pated

milk-livered

motley-minded

onion-eyed

plume-plucked

pottle-deep

pox-marked

reeling-ripe

rough-hewn

rude-growing

rump-fed

shard-borne

sheep-biting

spur-galled

swag-bellied

tardy-gaited

tickle-brained

toad-spotted

unchin-snouted

weather-bitten

apple-john

baggage

barnacle

bladder

boar-pig

bugbear

bum-bailey

canker-blossom

clack-dish

clotpole

coxcomb

codpiece

death-token

dewberry

flap-dragon

flax-wench

flirt-gill

foot-licker

fustilarian

giglet

gudgeon

haggard

harpy

hedge-pig

horn-beast

hugger-mugger

joithead

knave

lewdster

lout

maggot-pie

malt-worm

mammet

measle

minnow

miscreant

moldwarp

mumble-news

nut-hook

pigeon-egg

pignut

puttock

pumpion

ratsbane

scut

skainsmate

strumpet

varlot

vassal

whey-face

wagtail

Shakespearean Insult Books

Create Your Shakespearen Insult

Was your Shakespearean insult appropriate?

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    • profile image

      Aunt-Mollie 4 years ago

      These are classic, to say the least. This is a wonderful collection and so nice to have them all in one reference.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I can't really say any of the insults are my style. But I had a go at the 3 columns and finally landed on this: "poisonous fool-born moldwarp". I picked it because I don't know what a "moldwarp" is; and it doesn't matter because whoever I would be referring to, I'd never say it to their face! "If you can't say nothing good ... don't say nothing at all!" Borrowed that quote from a Walt Disney cartoon. :) Great lens!

    • profile image

      miaponzo 4 years ago

      These were all new to me :) Love these quotes! I am going to have to start insulting people this way!

    • MrsNagrom profile image

      MrsNagrom 4 years ago

      You have the best lenses! The ones I've visited so far were either humorous, entertaining, or both!

    • verymary profile image

      Mary 5 years ago from Chicago area

      Love the choose from each column feature! So many possible insults, so little time! *blessed*

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 5 years ago from Canada

      I am now thinking that I should have lived in shakespearean times. I love those insults.

    • Ninche profile image

      Ninche 5 years ago

      This is awesome lens, thanks!

    • Kathryn Beach profile image

      Kathryn Wallace 5 years ago from Greenbank, WA, USA

      Aha! Thou didst a most benevolent service to Elizabethan English!

    • SusanDeppner profile image

      Susan Deppner 5 years ago from Arkansas USA

      Love this!

    • TheMummyNextDoor profile image

      TheMummyNextDoor 5 years ago

      THIS IS AMAZING, thanks, really great x

    • Zodiacimmortal profile image

      Kim 5 years ago from Yonkers, NY

      THou mammering Flap mouthed canker blossom (I just hope they mean what I think!!!) supposed to be for someone that doesn't stop nagging!)

      I've added to afew of my lenses (f I have not noted yet) Epic Ballad of POetry, my Favorite lenses lens, & my No Bummer reader lens

    • profile image

      jimmyworldstar 5 years ago

      Damn her lewd minx is the one that makes most sense. King Urinal is hilarious too.

    • profile image

      shakesmajor4sure 6 years ago

      "You should be women and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so"

      OMG. I don't think anyone can understand how much I love this insult!

    • profile image

      moonlitta 6 years ago

      You lump of foul deformity... sounds almost beautiful:)

    • WayneDave LM profile image

      WayneDave LM 6 years ago

      Thou fawning, onion eyed horn beast! This lens is fantastic. Very funny, and a lot of fun. Great work.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      This is so unique and fun! Blessed!

    • Wendy Leanne profile image

      Wendy Leanne 6 years ago from Texas

      Ha! I really enjoyed this lens. I used to teach high school English. My students would have gotten a kick out of this. My best friend still teaches H.S. English. I'll be sharing the link with her. ;)

    • profile image

      MichaelTJones 6 years ago

      haha

      This article makes me laugh. Good job! :P

      "No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out contries in her" hahaha

      Thanks!

    • profile image

      shakespearelovepoems 6 years ago

      Great stuff, like how creative these insults are

    • Rita-K profile image

      Rita-K 6 years ago

      I have had so much fun reading your lens....really makes our everyday insults rather boring! Thanks for bringing some great prose into our lives.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      great article,i found the one about the candle insightful and true.

    • Kathryn002 profile image

      Kathryn002 6 years ago

      Excellent idea and well-done lens. I didn't think "You kiss by the book" was in insult, though, I thought it was implying he kisses very well, as though he had studied it from a book. That's how we use the phrase "by the book" now, in the UK, anyway, though it may have changed over time.

      Interesting concept, anyway. I like it. :)

    • Barb McCoy profile image

      Barb McCoy 6 years ago

      We love Shakespeare! Great lens and we had fun making up our own insults. :)

      Adding to my favorites and blessing.

      ***Blessed by an Angel***

    • profile image

      MobyD 6 years ago

      Forsooth! Thou hast acquired the coveted Purple Star! Felicitations be upon thee!

    • auntjennie profile image

      Jen 6 years ago from Canada

      Very unique lens. I hadn't heard most of these:)

    • profile image

      legangles 6 years ago

      great lens, i might try slipping a few of these into conversation...

    • javr profile image

      javr 6 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This certainly puts the Bard in a different light. Blessed.

    • ClinicallySigni profile image

      ClinicallySigni 6 years ago

      I never knew Shakespeare was a jerk! Why wasn't I informed of this in school? lol!

      I really love the create your own insult module! So much fun!

      Great job on this lens.

    • indigomoth profile image

      indigomoth 7 years ago from New Zealand

      Fun, fun, fun... thanks for the laughs.

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 7 years ago

      Had a good laugh- love Shakespear :) angel blessed.

    • lasertek lm profile image

      lasertek lm 7 years ago

      Nice lens topic! Shakespeare is definitely one of a kind.

    • VarietyWriter2 profile image

      VarietyWriter2 7 years ago

      Creative lens :) Blessed by a SquidAngel :)

    • profile image

      nelabai 7 years ago

      haha this is so funny You Banbury cheese :D Nice lens 5*

    • profile image

      ulla_hennig 8 years ago

      Cool lens! I like "Would thou be clean enough to spit on!"

    • Holley Web profile image

      Holley Web 8 years ago

      Funny, somehow I was inspired by "Thou villainous flap-mouthed codpiece". Wonder where THAT came from? :) Loved it! Thanks for the laugh!

    • Heather426 profile image

      Heather Burns 8 years ago from Wexford, Ireland

      ROFL! I will have to get one of those books....

    • Michey LM profile image

      Michey LM 8 years ago

      Yes very creative, well done, love it!

      The Wings of an Angel Bless this lens.

    • profile image

      revealed 8 years ago

      Creative lens.

      Good to read some of those again, and learn many others.

      The 'guy' is sorely missed...

    • TreasuresBrenda profile image

      Treasures By Brenda 8 years ago from Canada

      Nicely done; blessed by a Squid Angel.

    • casablancajen profile image

      casablancajen 8 years ago

      I love this lens! Can't wait to use 'you Banbury cheese'...

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      i have no ideahh!

    • Spook LM profile image

      Spook LM 8 years ago

      Great lens.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      this is soo cooll!!!! i wish i wrote shakespeare!!!

    • kerbev profile image
      Author

      kab 8 years ago from Upstate, NY

      [in reply to tdonohoe2512] I have no idea!

    • profile image

      tdonohoe2512 8 years ago

      what does unchin snouted mean?

    • religions7 profile image

      religions7 8 years ago

      Fun; Please submit this to the humor and hilarity group. I'll be featuring it. Promise.

    • religions7 profile image

      religions7 8 years ago

      Funny :)

    • Dianne Loomos profile image

      Dianne Loomos 8 years ago

      Great idea for a lens. My son has a T-shirt with Shakespearean insults that he loves to wear.

    • Barrowlass profile image

      Barrowlass 8 years ago

      Thankyou for allowing me to create a Shakespearean insult....but I goofed, could you please correct my 'lumpy' to the correct 'lumpish'? Thankyou, and oh yes could you put a hyphen in between nasty and witted? Thanks again....love your lens, very good, and being originally from England, I'm partial to this kind of thing!

    • profile image

      anonymous 9 years ago

      I love it.... how to insult people without them knowing! Of course, I'll have to learn a little William. I laughed at tickle brained, who am I kidding, I laughed at them all. I'm gonna use these for sure! - Kathy

    • KimGiancaterino profile image

      KimGiancaterino 9 years ago

      Tis a masterpiece. May your path be henceforth clear of pribbling, plume-plucked pumpions!

    • beeobrien lm profile image

      beeobrien lm 9 years ago

      What fun! My kids will enjoy this lens immensely. Thanks.

    • clouda9 lm profile image

      clouda9 lm 9 years ago

      Thou has out done yourself! Thanks for the share!