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Shakespearean Insults

Updated on January 13, 2014
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I love everything weird and colorful in this world and I try to live a life that will make the world a little better once I'm gone.

PWND By Shakespeare

"It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice." That was just one of the eloquent ways Shakespeare managed to insult someone.

That William sure had a way with words!

He could describe something as grand or beautiful, but if he believed otherwise then he would certainly describe how foul it was.

"It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice." --Shakespeare

Some of Shakespeare's Finest Insults

Shakespeare Knew How To Say It!

  • Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death
  • Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat
  • No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out contries in her
  • Thou lump of foul deformity
  • Thou unfit for any place but hell
  • He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not, the ape is dead
  • You kiss by the book
  • Why he's a man of wax
  • You should be women and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so
  • Whose horrible image doth unfix my hair and make my seated heart knock at my ribs
  • You egg, you fry of treachery
  • Fit to govern, No, not to live
  • I had rather be a toad, and live upon the vapour of a dungeon, than keep a corner in the thing I love for others uses
  • Damn her, lewd minx
  • You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness
  • I do not like your look, I promise thee
  • You Banbury cheese
  • King Urinal
  • She's a great lubbery boy
  • Thou disease of a friend

Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit

Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit
Shakespeare's Insults: Educating Your Wit
The sharpest stings ever to snap from the tip of an English-speaking tongue are here at hand, ready to be directed at the knaves, villains, and coxcombs of the reader's choice. Culled from 38 plays, here are the best 5,000 examples of Shakespeare's glorious invective, arranged by play, in order of appearance, with helpful act and line numbers for easy reference, along with an index of topical scorn appropriate to particular characters and occasions.
 

curated content from Flickr

More of Shakespeare's Insults

  • It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice
  • Your means are very slender, and your waste is great
  • You are as a candle, the better part burnt out
  • I think he be transformed into a beast; for I can nowhere find him like a man
  • Away!, Thou art poison to my blood
  • As I told you always, her beauty and her brain go not together
  • I'll pray a thousand prayers for your death
  • Come, you are a tedious fool
  • He is deformed, crooked, old and sere, ill faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere, vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind, stigmatical in making, worse in mind
  • Were I like thee, I would throw away myself
  • Would thou were clean enough to spit on
  • I'll beat thee, but I should infect my hands
  • Thou art like the harpy, which, to betray, dost with thine angels face, seize with thine eagle's talons
  • Your peevish chastity is not worth a breakfast in the cheapest country
  • He is open to incontinency
  • A knot you are of damned blood suckers
  • Thy mothers name is ominous to children
  • Pray you, stand farther from me

    You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things

  • There's many a man hath more hair than wit
  • If thou art changed to aught, tis to an ass

Shakespearean Insult Gum - A fantastic conversation starter!

Shakespearean Insult Gum by Accoutrements
Shakespearean Insult Gum by Accoutrements
Each set includes seven 1" tall boxes that look like miniature Shakespeare volumes. Inside each box you'll find two fruit flavored gum balls and an eloquent Shakespearean insult printed on the inside. Sure to offend the intellectuals and confuse the dimwitted! Refresh your breath with style.
 

Shakespeare Insult Novelty Items

Create Your Own Shakespearan Insult

Choose one from each column

Thou...

artless

bawdy

beslubbering

bootless

churlish

cockered

clouted

craven

currish

dankish

dissembling

droning

errant

fawning

fobbing

foul smelling

froward

frothy

gleeking

goatish

gorbellied

impertinent

jarring

loggerheaded

lumpish

mammering

mangled

mewling

paunchy

poisonous

pribbling

puking

puny

qualling

rank

reeky

roguish

ruttish

saucy

spleeny

spongy

surly

tottering

unmuzzled

vain

venomed

villainous

warped

wayward

weedy

yeasty

base-court

bat-fowling

beef-witted

beetle-headed

boil-brained

clapper-clawed

clay-brained

common-kissing

crook-pated

dismal-dreaming

dizzy-eyed

doghearted

dread-bolted

earth-vexing

elf-skinned

fat-kidneyed

fen-sucked

flap-mouthed

fly-bitten

folly-fallen

fool-born

full-gorged

guts-griping

half-faced

hasty-witted

hedge-born

hell-hated

idle-headed

ill-breeding

ill-nurtured

infectious

knotty-pated

milk-livered

motley-minded

onion-eyed

plume-plucked

pottle-deep

pox-marked

reeling-ripe

rough-hewn

rude-growing

rump-fed

shard-borne

sheep-biting

spur-galled

swag-bellied

tardy-gaited

tickle-brained

toad-spotted

unchin-snouted

weather-bitten

apple-john

baggage

barnacle

bladder

boar-pig

bugbear

bum-bailey

canker-blossom

clack-dish

clotpole

coxcomb

codpiece

death-token

dewberry

flap-dragon

flax-wench

flirt-gill

foot-licker

fustilarian

giglet

gudgeon

haggard

harpy

hedge-pig

horn-beast

hugger-mugger

joithead

knave

lewdster

lout

maggot-pie

malt-worm

mammet

measle

minnow

miscreant

moldwarp

mumble-news

nut-hook

pigeon-egg

pignut

puttock

pumpion

ratsbane

scut

skainsmate

strumpet

varlot

vassal

whey-face

wagtail

Shakespearean Insult Books

Create Your Shakespearen Insult

Was your Shakespearean insult appropriate?

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