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Unsolved Mysteries of the Universe Now Solved.| Meaning of Life, What Are Aliens, UFOs, and Tunguska Explosion Solved.

Updated on June 19, 2013
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Do aliens exist?

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Do aliens really travel across the galaxy and visit the earth to probe people?

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There are many mysteries in this world and it is time to get some real answers. Therefore, I conducted some exhaustive research on the internet and in the library and came up with zero answers to life's mysteries. So, I redoubled my efforts and did more research on the web and went to different libraries…and still nothing. The next step was to take some mind-expanding drugs and hallucinogens, but I have never taken an Illegal drug in my life (though many psychologist and psychiatrist have), so I interviewed people who had indulged in those type of the things in the past or currently use. I got some interesting stories but nothing useful.

I then tried channeling spirits (I now channel ,Lord Zog, a fifteenth century sorcerer and dung merchant),buying crystals, and reading New Age books, but I came no closer to finding out the truth. I thought of asking some of the wisest people I know, who happen to write for Hubpages, about life’s greatest mysteries, but they were either too busy teaching class and writing or smoking cigarettes and writing to help me.

I even tried an Ouija board seeking answers and still got nothing (though people who visit me now hear a voice telling them to get out, and they swear that someone slapped him or her).Then one day, I fell down the stairs and my spirit left my body. When my spirit traveled through The Nine Spheres of Bunkum, I bumped into George, you will find out who George is in a minute, and he answered three of my questions on the mysteries of the universe.

One of the biggest mysteries is what is the meaning of life. I suggest that you sit down before reading the answer to this one. The meaning of life is to serve an invisible, sentient head of lettuce named George. Go ahead and reread that last sentence and pour yourself a drink if you need it. Some of you might wonder how can I prove that George exists?

Well, the research is extremely complicated, George helped me with the research, and it would take you years to make heads or tails out of it. So, it just would just be easier for you to prove that he does not exist (good luck with that). George also informed me that he wants churches, in his name, to be opened all over this great planet. In George’s churches, you do not confess your own sins, but you confess the sins of other people. George believes this will be very popular with the selfright, um, holy people in his church. In addition, George does not want services held during football games (especially when the Broncos are playing).

George accepts people of all religions to his church. George only has two new commandments. The first one is that your check must clear the bank (all checks can be written to me, his loyal prophet). His second commandment is that he wants his prophet, me again, to live in ultimate, indulgent luxury. He demands that I live in luxury, so indulgent that it strips me of all humanity, to prove that I am the prophet of the one true, invisible, sentient head of lettuce. Some of you may ask, “Does George claim to be God?” George says, “It is up to every individual to find God, but that God gave George authority over this galaxy.” George also says that you should not question George, or he will bring down a thousand curses on your head (he also mentioned giving you a terrible rash).

Furthermore, George only does miracles in the presence of myself or other ordained persons that George has deemed worthy- through me. In addition, I alone speak for George. In case you are curious, George does healings, only in my presence, for a huge fee. The fee is only needed to demonstrate your faith in George. George can heal all kinds of things, but George does not choose to cause the re-growth of lost limbs. George also does not choose to heal any problems dealing with the brain, spine, or any condition that is visible outside of your body. Finally, if your miracle no longer works after leaving George’s presence and mine, your faith was not strong enough for a permanent miracle. After George told me about himself, he answered two more questions about the universe’s mysteries.

Man has always wondered if there is other intelligent life in the universe, and has that intelligent life been visiting us on earth? The answers to the two questions are yes and yes. According to George, the earth is a teaching hospital for alien doctors. Apparently, all alien proctologists are required to intern on earth, which explains all that nasty probing. This explanation really does make complete sense, once you think about it.

The last mystery to be solved is the Tunguska Explosion. The Tunguska Explosion was an detonation that happened near the Podkamennaya Tunguska River on June 30, 1908.The explosion reportedly flattened some 500,000 acres or so of Siberian forest. Some scientists calculated that this powerful blastcould have been as strong as 10 megatons to 20 megatons of TNT or 1,000 times more powerful than the atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima.Contrary to popular opinion and theories, The Tunguska Explosion was not caused by a stony asteroid or an ice comet that blew up high above the Siberian forest, or by a Tesla death ray, or a flying saucer that somehow exploded in the air. The massive explosion was caused by Goku when he became a Super Sayan 3 for the first time (see video). Goku’s power blew through the protective veil of a parallel earth and causedthe explosion in our reality.

In closing, I hope that you enjoy your new found knowledge and open your check book to show your appreciation. Remember, that if you have to skip a few meals, forget your kid’s birthday, or not take your medication in order to send a payment-that is perfectly acceptable.

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    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 5 years ago from Golden, CO

      Georgie, I think you just have a thing for green faces.

    • Georgie Lowery profile image

      Georgianna Lowery 5 years ago from Lubbock, TX

      I am slightly concerned about the cabbage face guy. Does he not know he looks tasty? ;)

    • Insane Mundane profile image

      Insane Mundane 5 years ago from Earth

      Answer number 3 is gonna piss off Dr. Emmett L. Brown from the movie Back to the Future, as we all know those pesky little aliens stole the hover craft technology from the second movie, not the flux capacitor from the first! LOL!

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 5 years ago from Golden, CO

      1. Goku has called me his favorite Sensei.

      2. We are both right about Goku’s whereabouts on that day because of Gravitational Time Dilation. The extreme gravity pull caused by Kim Kardashian’s Gluteus Maximus altered time making it possible to be both places at once.

      3.I do not mean to be gauche, but flying saucers do not have crankshafts (they have Flux Capacitors)!

      4.Lord Zog says that L. Ron Hubbard was a false profit, err, prophet.

      5.George says that bouncing a check is a mortal sin that cannot be forgiven. Nevertheless, do not worry my child, the 500-bounce fee that you will be charged will be put to good use.

    • Ron Hawkster profile image

      Ron Hawkster 5 years ago from United States of America

      Why do you hate Goku so much? Goku had nothing to do with Tunguska. I distinctly remember that day like it was yesterday. He was with us that day, playing Texas Holdem. Who knew only 40 years later he'd lose his life when UFO busted a crankshaft? Zog bless his soul... Just for casting aspersions on him the check that I'll be sending you will bounce. May L. Ron Hubbard forgive your soul in the 4th dimension. I have done all I can.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 5 years ago from Golden, CO

      Insane Mundane, what would a dung merchant be in today's society? Politician? Cult leader? Investment advisor? In closing, since you did not mail a check...you will receive any blessings.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 5 years ago from Golden, CO

      You will be very blessed (as long as the check clears!).

    • Davesworld profile image

      Davesworld 5 years ago from Cottage Grove, MN 55016

      My check is in the mail.

    • Insane Mundane profile image

      Insane Mundane 5 years ago from Earth

      Lord Zog was a Dung Merchant? Dang, and to think that particular job still thrives in the market today... Ha-ha!