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Tiger Blood

Updated on August 22, 2014
TheGutterMonkey profile image

Nerd, cinephile, TV-junky, research-loving, left-leaning, science-fiending, atheist from the gutter. Follow me on Twitter @TheGutterMonkey.

What Is Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA?

Adonis is a Greek hero in mythology. His exceptional beauty and skill eventually led those jealous and pitiful trolls around him to set free the wild boar which would kill him.

While Adonis lay dieing, Aphrodite -- the goddess of love, beauty, and sexuality -- sprinkled his blood with nectar, giving him Tiger Blood and causing his DNA to mutate. This unique Adonis DNA was carried down in time through each of Adonis's decedents, spreading more and more with each new generation.

Today, Adonis DNA and the properties of Tiger Blood still exist within many people. At first glance a carrier of this Adonis DNA will outwardly appear just the same as those with normal human DNA. But upon closer inspection it becomes evident that the A-DNA carriers exhibit many superhuman factors not present in the average persons chromosomes. Some of these factors include:

1.) Excessive Winning - The ability to win at life, finance, lust, and succeed dutifully in six other of your favorite deadly sins.

2.) Exceptional Abilities In Debauchery - From boozing, to gambling, to promiscuity, to frivolity, an A-DNA carrier is willing to indulge in it all without ever reaching his or her limit.

3.) Sophisticated Troll Detection Capabilities - The capability of sniffing out the trolls from the winners by a special genetic filter which allows the A-DNA carrier to detect even the most minute amount of impurities secreted from a trolls pheromones.

The list goes on, of course, but if you are an Adonis DNA carrier you already knew that, didn't you? WINNINNNNNG!!!

Tiger Blood In Action - Our Tiger Blood spokesman, Charlie Sheen, explains all... sorta

Tiger Blood Energy Potion

+The world's first synthetic blood beverage

+The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes.

+Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste!

+The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires

Show off your new Adonis DNA! - The next step in human evolution is here...

Don't Have Tiger's Blood? Get Some! - Okay, so maybe it's really just Tiger Blood Snow Cone and Shaved Ice Syrup... but hey, ya gotta start somewhere!

Sign The Guestbook! - Trolls need not apply

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    • goldenrulecomics profile image

      goldenrulecomics 

      4 years ago from New Jersey

      Never heard of this. Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      flashkid 

      5 years ago

      What about the boar that killed him? Did it pass on some DNA too? :-)

    • angelsigh profile image

      angelsigh 

      6 years ago

      I love it, very amusing! I love your humor....

    • TheGutterMonkey profile imageAUTHOR

      The Gutter Monkey 

      7 years ago

      @BestRatedStuff: Never question the gods.

      Abuse them, sure. But never question â no, no, no.

    • BestRatedStuff profile image

      BestRatedStuff 

      7 years ago

      This is a big joke. Is it for real?

    • I-sparkle profile image

      I-sparkle 

      7 years ago

      I thought this lens was great. The Charlie Sheen video was a slam dunk!

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